~Omniscient Eight Years Ago~
"Ohh she's so cute," Trina whispers to Shawnee as she cradles the newborn sister they both waited so long to meet.
"I know..." Shawnee whispers back, eyes stuck on Niquey.
They just got out of the hospital, where Trina couldn't visit because she wasn't family. Niquey was premature and stuck in the NICU for a little over a month so Trina had barely seen Shawnee recently. The baby was a little drug reliant so she had to be weaned off her addiction. Trina was surprised they didn't take the newborn away from her mother to be honest but tox screen showed she was clean so she now hopes it would just work out.
Shawnee made sure to stay with the baby everyday after school and sometimes even skipped class to see her sooner. Already, her world revolves around the baby and Trina, now, is feeling her heart being pulled in too.
The three go to Shawnee's room where Trina immediately sits in the bed, arms open, blankets covering herself securely. 'It's so cold in the winter.' She thinks, as a shiver runs through her body.
New years only barely passed but there's something new about them this year, and not just because of Niquey.
"Here," Shawnee reaches over and puts the newborn into Trina's arms.
She struggles to hold her because her first time holding a baby. Especially one this little. Carefully, Shawnee shows her best friend how to support her head- the same way the nurse at the hospital showed her.
"Wow.. so small..." Trina looks at Niquey and sees her straining to rub her tiny face. She's got light eyes right now but her skin is light too. Shawnee was confused until the nurses explained how babies usually worked, melanin coming in later, and left her in awe of the newest addition.
Trina hasn't seen the baby's eyes yet but she's still feels how small and adorable she is while asleep. 'This is going to be my new best friend for real.' She continues to think to herself.
"Small.. I know.." Shawnee smiles. Her pretty face makes Trina's warm up and her heart races for a few seconds before she manages to calm herself down.
"Where are you going?" Trina ask, noticing that Shawnee's putting her shoes back on.
"I have a customer. I should be back in a few hours cause I'm meeting one of Dre's men after." She explains and draws a sigh out of the older one.
Shawnee's been thinking about joining a gang recently, because it would give her a little extra protection and money before she ends up getting jumped again like she was a few weeks ago. She started selling a few months ago since her mothers pregnancy started showing. Trina was worried her mom was going to use too much and lose the baby but Shawnee was taking extra measures to make sure her mothers drugs are hidden. She still got high but it wasn't as bad as it was before the pregnancy.
Trina turns her head and looks out the doorway to see Shawnee's mother who's laid out on the floor, higher than she has ever seen her.
'Thank god for formula.' Shawnee thinks as she sees the same woman she used to pray for, 'At least Niquey won't be alone cause she got me. Forever.'
"You'll be safe?" Trine asks, her heart thumping with nerves. It worries her... Shawnee joining a gang. She doesn't want to lose her and be left alone when she need her more than anything...
Shawnee smiles and walks to Trina, sensing her worry, leaning down to kiss her lips ever so softly. She separates all too quickly for Trina's taste.
'That's only the third time she's ever kissed me... What if something goes wrong? I don't know how to calm a baby... I don't want her to go...' Thoughts continue to run in her head.
"I will. Take care of Nique for me?" Shawnee asks. Niquey coos and wiggles around. "Oh! Babygirl getting rowdy.. I'll be right back, Niquey." She whispers and kisses the baby's forehead until she calms down.
"Okay," Trina mumbles before Shawnee is out the door.
"Just me and you now huh babygirl?" She asks the newborn who starts whining. Before she knows it, she's screaming out, only for Shawnee she assumes.
Niquey needs her too...
~~~~~
Trina's POV
"I know Niquey, I know." I rub her back, up and down, soothing her from her heart wrenching sobs of despair. She only hiccups and cries in response which makes my tears all the more bitter.
"I'm so sorry babygirl." I hug her tighter as she squeezes my neck with her legs around my waist as I'm sitting in bed.
I have been trying to calm her down for hours but she's just not doing well. And it's been like this for days. She won't eat, she won't sleep, she won't relax. My only hope is that she can get some rest without it having to be after hours of crying.
"I want Shawnee!" She keeps screaming and crying, coughing when her voice gets caught in her throat.
"I know honey but you can't see her right now." I wipe my face before I look at her.
"Pwease! Why she left? I'll be good! I pomise!" But I just shake my head, pulling her back to my chest.
I rub her back until she quiets down into little sniffles and hiccups. Her soft snores make me sad because she hasn't eaten yet but I need her to sleep so it's okay for now.
I slow my breathing and lay back in Shawnee's and my bed, wrapping myself and Niquey tightly before my chest hurts again. Her pillows always smell just like her- which funnily enough, just smells like my cucumber soap that I barely use since I use her body wash instead.
Without her to hold us, the night is colder. I softly tear up and wipe my face, my throat sore from holding it in so Niquey doesn't notice how broken I am. She really-
*BuzzBuzz**BuzzBuzz*
I pick up my phone and answer the call, despite how little I want to talk in case it's work.
"Hey baby.." her sore and tired voice hits my ear. I immediately close my eyes and sigh in relief.
"You're up?" I whisper, grateful that she's calling me. She's in and out of it all the time but I haven't heard from her since the first night before she was hospitalized. I was told not to call her so she can rest up but received a lot of updates on her status. I also can't visit since she's under watch considering she was shot and under investigation for having a gun and nearly killing someone despite it being self defense like many witnesses saw. Though, the drug situation is also under investigation.
"For now... why are you still up? It's the middle of the night." She mumbles and yawns.
"Just trying to put Niquey to sleep. She's still crying."
"Oh I'm so sorry.. I hate that I'm not there. Her first week home and I'm in the hospital." I hear some beeping in the background before Shawnee asks to see my face. After switching to FaceTime, I cover my mouth from trying to hold back. She's sitting up in her gown and her locs are in a bun. Piercings are out and a small cut on her lip from them being too chapped.
I can't get those flashes out of my head. It's been a few days but I can't stop seeing her just laying there.
Lifeless.
"You died Shawnee." I whisper. Rocko was holding down on her gunshot wound while I was doing chest compressions until the ambulance came. I may have had moments that felt near death of my own with my mother but seeing Shawnee die had to be the worst thing I have ever witnessed and/or experienced.
My best friend, my girlfriend, my love.... The one person who changed my life and gave it meaning... even if it was only for a few minutes, she was gone from this world. - immediately, my chest clenches tightly at the thoughts.
She nods and lays her head back.
"I know Trina, I'm sorry you saw it... but I'm here okay? I came back. I fought so that I could come back." Her frown clenches my heart once again. "Niquey doing okay?" She asks, "I wanted to call sooner but I fell asleep again."
"She's still struggling." I reply before the girl starts stirring around. "Talk to her so she knows you're good please." I prompt her to wake up, helping her turn around in my arms until her eyes open.
"Tweena?" She mumbles, rubbing her eyes.
"Someone wants to see you." I whisper and Niquey turns her head until her eyes pop open at the sight of Shawnee on the phone.
"Shawnee?! You okay?" She quickly takes the phone and smiles.
"I'm okay babygirl. I wish I was with you and Trina, then I'd be perfect." Shawnee replies, making us both smile.
"W-w-why you in the hospital though? I was bad?" Niquey asks, her speech breaking more with her nerves. She just knows Shawnee got hurt but not how. It's also why she's been extra upset about Shawnee not being here, because she thinks she just doesn't want to see her and that I'm lying. Like as if she were abandoned no matter how much I reassure her. Her abandonment issues make her more attached to the two of us as she still has tiny memories of her mother who gave her up easily. That's not us though.
"I got hurt Nique. I made a mistake and now I have to pay for it. I want to be with you guys, I just need one more day okay?" She says and Niquey nods vigorously.
"Pw-rromise?"
"Promise. I'll always make sure I come back to you guys okay?" She says and I can't hold it in anymore.
"Tweena? Why you cwying? You got hurt?" My precious babygirl asks and I nod, trying to hold in my tears, covering my face.
"Babygirl, Trina's heart hurts a lot cause I'm not there. She's pretending to be happy to help you but she misses me a lot too, just like you. Can you help her feel better before I come home please? We both gotta be strong and take care of each other okay?" Shawnee calmly asks Niquey who nods and puts the phone down to hug me again.
"All b-better. All better." Niquey rubs my head and lays on my chest until I get sleepy, hearing the two of them talk more on my phone.
Each flash and memory from last week, extending all the way until Shawnee and I's first meeting, bounces back and forth in my head. The noisy thoughts cause an ache but Niquey softly giggles with Shawnee as they talk about whatever they can for what feels like hours until I finally rest. Dreamless and nightmare-less for the first time in ages.
...
"Shhhh," tiny giggles and whispers from my right. "She's gonna wake up, shhhhh." The giggles continue.
"I know, but I want to give her kisses." An older voice replies, sitting on my left.
"But I want tisses first." The tiny voice gives in an angry argument.
"Then go first, it's okay."
A soft kiss is placed on my right cheek, nose then lips before I smile and she giggles again.
"Tweena stop giggling. Wake up.." she kisses my cheek again, softly shaking my arm.
I peek an eye open at my pretty babygirl before opening my arms and hugging her to me again. Niquey smiles and hugs me back with the same amount of energy. She's clean and dressed in the new fluffy pajamas that Shawnee bought. She smells like she was fed too, McDonald's at that. I turn to my left and look at the person I've been missing. She smiles and reaches over to brush her hand across my face.
"Hi tree.." she leans closer.
"Shawnee.." I close my eyes and press my lips to hers. For a few seconds she holds our lips together before we separate and her head falls to my shoulder. I thought I would get emotional when I see her again but I'm not. I'm just grateful she's alive right now.
"You guys l-lo-love each other too?" Niquey asks, still on my lap. I nod but Shawnee shakes her head. I scoff and look at her in surprise.
"It's more than love Nique. Even more than big love." She lays back and groans, putting her arms wide open.
"More than big love?" Niquey gasps which makes me laugh.
"Yes babygirl. We love you more than big love too." I join in. She gets shy and squirms before hugging me around my neck again.
"I lllove you mmmore than big love too." She mumbles, extra nervous. I nod and rub her back.
"I know honey, I know."
"Give me loves too," Shawnee frowns so I lay back and settle myself into her arm, leaning on her shoulder and chest but not on top of her since her stomach was where she was shot. It's only been a few days but I'm glad she's well enough.
"Happy thwee forwever?" Niquey raises her head to look at us. In a few weeks the adoption could be finalized and we'd be able to be her full legal guardians but now it's under a pause. She was already approved to stay with us once we moved so it's all about the court dates to put the seal on the paperwork, though it might be pushed back more because of this investigation nonsense.
"Forever..." Shawnee confirms.
After a few seconds I think about the unborn life in my stomach right now. Steadily growing. Something I learned right before Shawnee was shot and after my hospital trip for food poisoning and getting medication for it... I was going to tell her but then everything went down.
While this wasn't planned, I can't help but think of it as a blessing or something that will be our downfall. We never planned for this. I feel like an idiot for letting it happen when we haven't talked about kids past knowing we weren't ready- years ago when I went on birth control.
On one hand it's beautiful. Something to look forward to in this year with our new place, work, and Niquey. But at the same time, I still have fears for how Shawnee will feel about it. I feel like it's all my fault even though Shawnee played a major role in it.
I'm stupid and destined to make the same mistakes my mother did.
"One day everything's gonna change and we might feel safer or have more things to worry about but there's so much I'm not ready for... How would you feel if you got a niece or nephew? Nique. It's like a little sister, or brother." I ask before I realize I was talking. I can feel Shawnee looking at me but she doesn't say anything.
"Wike a baby?" Niquey ask and I nod. "Hmm I don't know but o-o-one day if we not happy thwee what we gonna call it?" Her confused face makes us both laugh.
"Right babygirl, let's think about that in the future," I kiss her forehead and butterfly kiss our noses.
"Far in the future hopefully." Shawnee adds. I nervously nod before she asks for kisses too.
Shawnee leans her head up, waiting for a kiss from both of us, which we give. Niquey ends up shifting over to lay on top of Shawnee, her head on her chest much more comfortably than they have been able to do so in years. I see Niquey's swollen face visibly relax for the first time in days, the moment she can hear Shawnee's heart in her ear.
"I don't know but I'm happy we all together right now, even if I'm sore. I'm alive. You're both alive and with me. I feel blessed." Shawnee mumbles and rubs both of our backs.
Calmness takes over my heart. I spend my morning with my girls, making a second breakfast and watching tv with them until we're feeling better and closer.
Begging the universe to give us what we deserved, my heart cries out for a breath of fresh air: We're finally all together without it being scary. For the sake of my heart, please keep it like this.