Static and radio noises are heard. Camera fades in on a dim view of a planet.
Male Voice: Come in Blue Command, come in.
Camera fades out to black, then in on a panning view to the right over Blood Gulch.
Male Voice: This is Medical Officer DuFresne and Willow Park. I have reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, do you read?
Camera fades out to black, then in on a daylight view of the moon, slowly panning down.
Vic: (distorted) Yes, dude, hello, can you read me? Hello? Check one, check two.
DuFresne: Say again, Blue Command. I do not read.
Vic: (distorted) Check two. Is this thing on? Hello, hello.
Camera continues to pan down, revealing DuFresne in purple armor and Willow in green.
DuFresne: Blue Command, please boost your transmission to match communication protocol, Echo, Bravo-
Vic: (audio distortion ends) Yo, I hear you. Calm down, dude, what's going on? Hello, yo, can you hear me, hello?
DuFresne: Uh, roger that Command.
Vic: Sorry 'bout that, I was in the elevator, this thing doesn't work so well in there. What's going on, dude?
DuFresne: Roger tha... uh... is this Blue Command?
Cut to view of Vic at Command.
Vic: Oh yeah, man, sure, totally! What's goin' on?
DuFresne: You're sure? The Blue Command base?
Vic: Hey, dude. Take it easy. You called me, I didn't call you.
DuFresne: Naw, I know, it's just...
Vic: It's just what, dude?
DuFresne: Never mind. I'm just letting you know that I've reached Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. I'm gonna make contact with the Blue Squad members.
Vic: Blood Gulch, huh? Alright, let me look here, let me see what it says... Blood Gulch, bleu bleaou bee ehl, bluoea here we go, Blood Gulch, okay. Says here, you wanna make contact with Private Tucker plus their leader Lillith.. ask him about their wounded dude.
DuFresne: Roger that. Any other orders?
Vic: Anything else.. yeah okay, yeah, it says here whatever you do, don't- oh. Okay, never mind dude, I'm not supposed to read you that part, okay, just uh... you'll be okay, just, uh, be very careful. That's all.
DuFresne: ...Great.
Vic: Alright then. Well it's our goal here at Blue Base to provide excellent customer service, and I hope that I have done that today. Uh, if you have any further questions about this radio transmission, you can just, um, you know call back, say "Dude, I've got some questions, what's goin' on." Over and out.
DuFresne: Okay... Private Tucker or Lillith...
Willow: What was up with that guy?
DuFresne: I have no idea. But so far your doing good for your first day.
Willow: Thanks!
Cut to Blue Base.
Tucker: Hey, Church, Lillith, we have a problem.
Lillith: (in cobalt armor again) I am not your mother, so don't come tattling to us every time one of you does something that the other one doesn't like.
Tucker: I'm telling you, Caboose and Luz are crazy. They keep threatening me and talking in a scary voice.
Caboose: No, I didn't.
Luz: Yeah Tucker I never threatened you.
Tucker: Oh, so you're saying you didn't threaten to cut off my head and give it to Church as a birthday present? And Luz you didn't say you would sent my body on fire and then throw me at Red base?
Caboose: You know, I think you're taking my words a little out of context.
Luz: This is the first time I've hearing of this.
Tucker: What? What context?
DuFresne and Willow runs up behind Church.
Church: Listen, guys, this competition thing has got to stop, okay? I thought we'd established by now-
DuFresne: (interrupting) Excuse me.
Lillith: Hey, pal? One second, okay?
Church: I'm in the middle of something here. Ah, loo- I thought we'd established by now, I don't like either of you, okay? So competing for my attention is not gonna do ya any good.
DuFresne: Excuse me.
Lillith: (turns around) Okay. Yes. Hello. Who're you?
Caboose: (to Tucker, in his "scary voice") Don't ever be alone.
Luz: (in a new voice) Ah fucking loser can't have someone believe them.
Tucker: Their doing that thing again...
DuFresne: My name's DuFresne... and over their is Willow uh, are you Private Tucker or Lillith?
Church: No, I am not Private Tucker. My name is Church. (turns) This is Private Tucker.
Tucker: Yo!
Lillith: I'm Lillith.
Church: And our friend over there in regulation blue, that's Caboose. Or O'Malley, or whatever the hell he's callin' himself. An then there's Luz who says her nickname name is Boscha. Then their Gus but he's in the base.
Caboose: Why did you introduce me second?
Tucker: Because he hates you.
Luz: (Glaring at Tucker. Speaks in a clam voice) don't be a dick.
Tucker: Yes ma'am!
Cut to DuFresne where two tombstones are seen in the background.
DuFresne: I received your call for a medics.
Caboose: Medic? That was like three months ago.
Tucker: Yeah, what'd you do? Crawl all the way here?
DuFresne: We came as quickly as I could. Where's the patient?
Church: Well, she's about fifty yards behind you and six feet straight down.
DuFresne and Willow turns around and sees the tombstones.
DuFresne: Oh. (turns back to the Blues) I'm sorry about your loss.
Willow: And sorry for not coming faster.
Church: What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, thanks, man, it was tough but, well, what're you gonna do...
Caboose: We didn't like her very much. (whispers loudly) She was mean to other people.
Luz: Hey! I liked her!
DuFresne: Who's in the other grave?
Church: That's uh, that's me. I'm in that grave.
Willow: ... Uh huh... Of course.
Caboose: See, uh, he, got killed by this uh, crazy runaway tank.
Tucker: Or by the idiot driving it.
Luz: Or the target system that let team killing.
Caboose: Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body, uh... oh! And then we had to uh, oyathatsright, spray paint him, ah, to make him blue, and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man... Who... is blue...
Tucker: Right, and it took us six weeks to get his Spanish setting turned off. The only one of us who understood him was Luz.
Church: (click) No esta completamente apagado, pendejo. (Not entirely turned off, moron.)
Tucker: (sighs) I'll go get the Spanish dictionary.
DuFresne: Wait, so, no one here is hurt?
Church: (click) No, we're fine. In fact, I feel better than ever. See now whenever these two idiots really start to bug me, I can always just turn my ears off. Couldn't do that before.
Caboose: You said they were shorting out.
Church: (click) I'm sorry, what was that Caboose? I can't hear you!
Lillith: Church after this 10 laps.
Church: Fuck.
DuFresne: Well then let me just check you two out, and I'll be on my way.
Tucker: Whoooa... check us out? Is this gonna be one of those things where I have to turn my head and cough?
Willow: (holding up a medical scanner) No, I'm just gonna check your vitals.
DuFresne: Remember don't panic when it gets bright.
Willow: Of course.
Caboose: (to Tucker) I bet I have better vitals than you! (to Church) ...What's a vital?
Luz: To tell if someone alive.
Church: On your way? I don't think so, bud. Aren't you two here to join our squad?
DuFresne: No, I'm just here to help out with Tex, and then assist in the canyon as needed.
Willow: Same here but I'm just in training.
Church: First of all, great job on the Tex thing. Mission accomplished. Secondly, the way that we need you to assist, is to help us kill all the Reds.
DuFresne: Well, even if my orders didn't prohibit me from doing that, I still wouldn't. I joined the army as a conscientious objector.
Tucker: A conshe- who?
DuFresne: I'm a pacifist.
Caboose: You're a thing that babies suck on...?
Tucker: No, dude, that's a pedophile.
Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier.
Tucker: Oh yeah, right. Man, I was totally thinking about something else.
Luz: That's fucking disgusting Tucker and because of that you can test my new shock rounds.
Tucker: Wait shock- FUCK! (He was hit with the shock round that hurt a lot causing him to fall down.)
Willow: (finishing his scan) Well, everyone here checks out. We come back and check on you before we leave the canyon. Can you tell us which way to the Red Base?
Lillith: Why? You said you weren't gonna fight 'em.
DuFresne: Were not. Resources are low so I'm on loan to both armies to help whichever side needs me at the time.
Church: Man, that is so freakin' lame.
DuFresne: I'm just gonna go to Red Base and see if they need any help.
Church: Well, if you're gonna go up to Red Base, I'd recommend putting away that little medical thingy of yours. They see you walking up carrying that thing, they're gonna shoot it right out of your hand.
DuFresne's medical scanner gets shot.
Church: Yeah, just like that.
Willow: Oh man! (Runs for a rock)
Another shot goes between DuFresne and Church.
Church: Scatter!
Cut to Sarge and Donut in the middle of the canyon. Donut is using a sniper rifle.
Sarge: Nice shot, cupcake.
Donut: Thanks, Sarge!
Simmons: (firing his machine gun a few times) Oh that's right, suck it, Blue!
Grif: (standing up in front of Simmons) Yeah, sneak attack!
Simmons: Sit down, you dumb ass, I can't see.
Sarge: Hike up yer knickers, fellas. Let's go get 'em.
Amity: Yeah! (Shoots)
Eda: Eat it blues!
Hunter: Let's do this thing!