(TW!! Mentions of s/a, drug usage, and abuse!!)
Joe is talking about Rick, and I know it.
He's ranting to the group about finding this "son-of-a-bitch" who killed one of their men. I refuse to say "our" because I will never be a part of this goddamn group.
Tony, who got a glimpse of Rick, is Joe's savior right now since he's the "only" one who knows what Rick looks like. They're pissed and for Rick's sake, I'm praying we never find him.
Daryl has "claimed" me a few times just to get me alone so we can talk.
I told him about the house and Michonne and Carl leaving to go find supplies, leaving Rick and me, and how I wouldn't be surprised if Rick heard everything that first time because there was no way he had left yet.
Daryl was pissed at Rick for not helping me but I quickly explained how Rick could have gotten both of us killed and Carl and Michonne.
I took my shirt off to clean the wounds on my back because Billy got pissed at me for fighting back. He grabbed his knife and slashed a few wounds on my back. Not enough to cause too much damage but enough to scar.
Before I managed to put it back on, Billy claimed it because it's a trophy so now I'm walking around in 50-degree weather in a bra.
Daryl has offered me his flannel more than once but Joe continues to say that "I have to earn it" or whatever the hell his reasons are.
My teeth chatter as goosebumps rise on my arms as a big gust of wind passes through. The leaves on the orange and red trees shiver at the quick temperature drop.
The sun is starting to set and Joe has picked up a small trail of dead Walkers leading to a secluded road though we've stayed in the trees to stay out of sight.
Daryl slows down to fall into step beside me as I still refuse to walk next to anyone other than him.
"How's your back?" He whispers.
"Hurts." I respond, flatly.
He nods, "What if we do find Rick?"
The question I didn't want to think about.
"We kill these bitches and join Rick again." I tear my eyes away from the almost fully black trees ahead and look at Daryl. "You didn't actually think I would let these rapists live, right?"
His head shakes, "No," I nod, "Good. Because, my back fucking aches, my legs are still shaking, and I can barely look at you though I know you would never do something like...that." Daryl winces at my words like it's happening to him.
At this point, the sun has fully set and we're walking around almost blinded in the woods.
"Sh!" Joe shushes loudly. Daryl and I quickly quiet down and look forward.
"That's him." Tony whispers.
My heart stops and Daryl and I quickly look at each other.
"Fuck." I whisper, running quietly to stand next to Joe to get a good view.
If I can't save Rick, holy shit if I can't save Rick.
"Hold onto your tits, Adrian." Joe looks at me with an excited smile. "It's about to get rowdy."
My heart picks up its pace way more than it should have. So much that I immediately start sweating and feel hot and my hands tremble ever so slightly.
Without another word, Joe starts towards Rick and Michonne, who are sitting around a fire on the side of the road. Carl is sleeping soundlessly in the broken car next to them.
"Maybe this place isn't even there anymore." Is the only thing I hear from Rick before Joe aims his gun straight at Rick's head, making sure to push it in slightly.
Rick immediately tenses and puts his hands up as Joe says, "Oh dearie, me." Michonne reaches for her katana but Lou aims his gun at her head, kicking the katana away.
"You screwed up, asshole." Joe continues, bending down to be closer to Rick. "You hear me? You screwed up." Joe's voice is full of malice and anger, enough to cause Rick to be ripped limb from limb.
"Today is a day of reckoning, sir." Joe starts, straightening up. "Restitution. A balancing of the whole damn universe. Shit, and I was..."
Joe's voice trails off as I see Orion staring in the window of Carl's door, pushing a knife up to it.
Not Carl.
Carl quickly sits up and scoots back, visibly shaken and scared.
"Ten Mississippi. Nine Mississippi. Eight Mississippi-" "Joe!" Daryl quickly interrupts Joe before he finishes the countdown.
Daryl walks forward and Michonne and Rick's eyes lay on him. I can see them visibly surprised and slightly betrayed at the sight of Daryl with these...things.
"Hold up," Daryl says. "You're stoppin' me on eight, Daryl." There's a hint of annoyance and sass in Joe's words.
"Jus' hol' up." Daryl repeats, this time softer.
"This is the guy that killed Lou so we got nothin' to talk about." Billy hisses, my shirt wrapped around his wrist as he aims his shotgun at Michonne's head.
"The thing about nowadays is we got nothin' but time. Say your piece, Daryl." Joe orders, nodding to Daryl.
I've stood on the right side of Michonne so she and Rick can't see me. Carl probably has but I'm too focused on this to even look.
"These people," Daryl starts, cautiously. "You're gonna let 'em go. These are good people."
"Now, I think Lou would disagree with you on that." Joe responds. "I'll of course have to speak for him an' all because your friend here strangled him in a bathroom."
"You want blood, I get it." Daryl drops his crossbow and holds his arms out. "Take it from me, man."
"No." I say quickly, stepping forward and coming into view of Rick and Michonne.
Their eyes widen and I can practically feel their hearts drop at the sight of my face, my shirtless body, and my back.
Joe doesn't acknowledge me, he just continues looking at Daryl like he's just killed his dog.
"This man killed our friend. You say he's good people. See, now that right there is a lie."
Fuck.
Daryl drops his arms and looks at Joe with a pleading look before Tony's shotgun slams into Daryl's stomach.
"NO!" I yell, running to help him as they drag him away.
Billy's arms wrap around me and he slams me to the ground. Air leaves my body and struggles to enter again, pain shoots throughout every vein as sticks slice the already open cuts on my back. I groan in pain as Billy flips me over to where I'm lying on my stomach, puts my arms behind my back, sits on me, and holds me there.
Orion quickly grabs Carl out of the car and holds a knife to his throat, facing Rick and Michonne.
Daryl continues grunting as blows land on every inch of his body.
"You leave him be!" Rick yells, trying to get up but Joe shoves him back down onto his knees.
Orion whispers in Carl's ear as he sobs, trying to break out of his arms.
"No. NO!" I scream. "NO! Orion you claimed me! You claimed me over an hour ago! Leave him! Take me! Orion! Take! ME!" I plead.
Not Carl.
I struggle under Billy's grasp to get up and save Carl.
Panic rises through my body as Carl gets pinned to the ground and Orion sits above him, trying to strip him.
"No! NO!" I scream through gritted teeth, trying to fight the man off as he tries to strip me. "Stop! Please!" Tears stream down my face as my shaky hands try to shove him off of me.
Two punches land on my cheekbone and eye as he grabs my face with both hands, "CLAIMED!" He screams in my face. I just let out a sob of fear, not even trying to say anything.
"ORION! YOU WANT ME-" I'm cut off as Rick head butts his head back and slams it into Joe's face.
Joe's gun fires and I have to jerk my head to the side to avoid being headshot by the misfire.
Joe stumbles away and coughs as Rick takes a second to compose himself. He quickly stands up and punches Joe in the face again before Joe knees him in the stomach, causing Rick to fall.
"Oh, it's gonna be so much worse now." Joe grunts as he kicks Rick in the stomach again.
Carl whimpers and cries, trying desperately to get Orion off of him.
Billy leans down and whispers in my ear, "Let's show these dicks what that lady over there is gonna enjoy." His whisper is loud enough for everyone to hear and my blood runs cold.
"Get Orion to do it! Leave Carl alone!" I whimper as I hear Orion's belt buckle above Carl and see Carl pinned down on his stomach.
Billy follows by unbuckling his belt buckle and pulling his fly down.
Rick's chest is pushed up against Joe's chest as Joe laughs, "What the hell are you gonna do now, sport?"
Rick responds by leaning and biting a chunk of Joe's neck out.
Joe's pain rings in his scream as he falls to the ground, blood squirting out of his neck like a water gun.
Everybody stops as Rick spits the chunk out.
Michonne takes that chance to grab Tony's gun and shoot him, followed by her shooting another man who is beating Daryl.
I muster up all of the strength I have and scream as I slowly turn my body to the right before jerking it hard to the left, throwing Billy off of my back.
I stand up and stop on his nose, the crunch rumbles through my Converses.
He screams out in pain as his nose shatters, it immediately turns black and blue and begins gushing blood.
I grab him by the shirt and punch him, pain runs through my knuckles as I continue punching him. Over, and over, and over again.
I hear Orion's screams as Rick repeatedly stabs him though I don't even look back, I just continue punching Billy.
One, two, three, many times more before Daryl's arms gently wrap around me and pull me off of him.
"NO!" I yell, trying to get back on my abuse. "NO!"
"He's dead." Daryl's voice is hard but comforting.
"He's not dead until the gashes on my back heal!" I sob, still trying to fight Daryl off of me.
"Adrian, look."
I flail my arms, trying to push Daryl off of me before finally actually looking.
Billy lies on the ground, his face swollen, bloodied, and beaten beyond recognition. His jaw is misplaced, his nose is swollen but flat, both of his open eyes are black and bloody, and his mouth is leaking blood.
I whimper as I finally let go and fall into Daryl's arms.
I don't cry, I don't scream, I just sit on the ground, staring at his dead body.
"You're safe now," Daryl whispers. "Nobody can claim you anymore."
Rick and I are both sitting up against the car in the morning, as we have been, silently, since last night. I'm wearing a shirt we found in the trunk of the car Michonne and Carl are sleeping in.
His face and hands, and everywhere else are bloody and his hands are shaking as he twiddles with his wedding band.
Daryl comes back from searching the men and grabs his red rag from his back pocket.
He pours a bit of water on it and offers it to Rick but he denies, saying, "We should save it to drink."
"You can't see yourself, he can." Daryl rasps, motioning to the car.
I can't imagine what that must've been like. Seeing your dad rip a man's throat out to save you from being raped.
God, I wish Orion would've just taken my offer.
Rick finally agrees and takes the rag, wiping his mouth and beard off.
Daryl sits opposite Rick, the side I'm not sitting on and sits in silence.
"How'd you wind up with 'em?" Rick asks, Daryl.
"I was with Beth," Daryl starts. "We got out together. I was with her for a while." When he doesn't continue, Rick asks the growing question.
"Is she dead?"
"She's just gone." Daryl replies, looking at Rick. His tone is solemn like he's filled with regret.
Rick nods in response, looking at his hands as he wipes them off.
"Adrian..." He starts, his voice trailing off.
"You couldn't have done anything." I urge.
"But I heard everything."
The heartbreak and regret in Rick's voice causes my lip to quiver, though no tears form.
I nod but don't respond. "Did they... do it again?" Rick questions, slowly.
I nod with a sniffle, "Yeah." My words are raspy and deep, the aftereffects of the past few days.
"Whenever they-" My words are cut off with flashbacks and growing tears.
I pause and inhale a shaky breath before continuing. The weight of everything is so much more than I thought it was. Really saying it out loud is making me realize more and more.
"Whenever they...wanted me, they would say 'claimed'." I haven't looked at Rick the whole time I've been talking. I can't.
"I was free game. If I fought back..." I motion to my face and my back. I can tell Rick is eyeballing the bruises on my face, and I'm sure he would do the same if he was looking at my sliced up back right now.
"I knew they were looking for you..." My voice cracks as I speak. "I...knew they were looking for you and I didn't do anything." Tears roll down my cheeks at the image of Carl in my mind.
"But I couldn't do anything...they guarded me like I was their prized possession. I couldn't even act like I knew Daryl. I wanted to get away, oh my god I wanted to get away but..."
"It's not your fault." Rick offers, softly. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head.
"Hey," Rick says again, trying to get me to look at him.
Slowly, I open my eyes and turn to look at him, my teary eyes meet his blue ones.
"It's not your fault." He repeats in a fatherly tone.
Damn.
I let out a slight cry before inhaling and nodding, "Carl wouldn't have had to-"
"You couldn't have done anything." Rick interrupts, trying desperately to get me to stop blaming myself.
If I would have ran over to Orion sooner, sacrificed myself, and stopped being such a pussy, he wouldn't have had to feel the fear I did.
I inhale sharply, grab my backpack, and stand up. "I'm gonna go..." I pick at my cuticles and avoid looking at either of them. "Look for water."
Without another word, I begin walking, quickly.
Is my Dillaudid still in here? I have to have something in here.
I find myself in the woods, kneeling, and frantically searching through my backpack.
My heart pounds and my hands move way faster than I thought they could even move as I search through the depths of my backpack.
"No, no, no, no," I whisper, not feeling the drug or the syringe. "No!" I slam my backpack down and put the butt of my hands in my eyes, crying angrily.
He sets the drug down on our bed and steps closer, going in for a hug.
"Damn it!" I yell again, kicking my backpack. "Fuck!"
I'm not angry at Daryl but it slightly feels like I am.
"There's gotta be something in here," I whisper to myself, sitting back up and rummaging through my backpack.
Front pocket.
My fingers move lightning fast as I abandon the big pocket and move to the small pocket on the front.
I shove my hand inside but don't feel any drugs.
I groan loudly and angrily and stand up, grabbing my back roughly and slinging it over my shoulder.
I wince as it hits the healing and itchy cuts on my back. They've started scabbing and if you feel my back, even through this oversized grey t-shirt, you can feel the marks.
The only pair of clothes that I have in my backpack are my "boy shorts" which don't do me any good.
As I hear the car doors slam shut, I inhale to hide my anger and begin walking towards the car. I continue to pick at my cuticles as I hear Rick greet Carl with a "morning." Carl doesn't respond.
We're walking alongside a railroad littered with brown, not crunchy enough, leaves.
Rick stops at a fallen sign and kicks the leaves off of it, revealing the map to "Terminus".
"We're gettin' close." Daryl notes.
Rick nods, "Yeah." His eyes trail the rails ahead and the rails behind us before finishing, "Now we go through the woods. We don't know who they are."
Without another word, we all take an off-course to the left and begin trucking through the shaded, chilly forest.
Carl keeps looking at me as we're walking, I can see it through my peripheral vision, but he hasn't said anything to me. And I don't think he will.
But he wants to, I can tell.
I wonder if Terminus has an infirmary. They probably have a plethora of medicines I can use.
We've been walking for what feels like twenty minutes, Rick speeds up when he sees an overgrown chain link fence.
Here we go.
All of us follow silently behind Rick, our misty, visible breath circling around us as we run quietly.
Once I make it close enough to the fence, I peer through the links to observe the scene.
There's a big, red brick, warehouse looking building with "T-E-R-M-I-N-U-S" written on each white-boarded up window.
There's a small, square area of dead plants and trash blowing with every small, chilly gust of wind.
It looks dead.
"We all spread out," Rick whispers, looking at all of us.
I can hear the apprehension in his voice and see it in the way he's incredibly tense.
"Watch for a while, see what we see...and get ready. We all stay close."
I nod and go with Daryl quietly, my pistol in hand.
It's quiet other than the occasional rustle of leaves every time a gust of wind blows.
Daryl and I watch through the fence, watching for anything suspisious but nothing in particular.
It's me that speaks first, "I'm leaving tomorrow morning."
Daryl quickly looks at me, "What?"
I look away from Terminus' grounds and make eye contact with Daryl. "I have to find Alyssa. After I find her I'm finding Damien. With god's luck or some shit, they'll be together. I don't know how long I'll be gone for but I won't come back until I have both of them."
"Adrian-"
"Don't give me that 'what if you never find them?' shit. Or the fuckin' 'you've been through so much'. I'm leaving. You need a break from all of this shit but if you have to follow I'll let you."
Daryl's voice is quiet for a moment, his eyes locked onto mine. "I'll come." I nod in response and turn back to Terminus.
"When are you telling them?" I shrug,
"I dunno. I wouldn't be surprised if Carl tries to come, and Michonne. Rick'll probably try to stop me so...whenever I guess."
A few minutes later, a quiet whistle from where Rick was catches our attention, he's waving us over.
"'s go!" He whisper-yells.
I cock my head towards Rick as a motion for Daryl to come with me over to Rick. He nods and we quietly make our way back to our original place, Michonne and Carl are there as well.
Rick had dug a small hole in the dirt and lowers his blue duffel bag into it. When he opens the bag, it's filled with guns and a few boxes of ammo although it's not much.
He grabs his revolver and neatly places it in, I follow by taking my backpack off and shoving it inside the bag, zipping it up shortly after.
He turns to Daryl and me and says, "Just in case."
I get where he's coming from. Almost nobody is safe anymore and it's very possible that this "Terminus" place could kill and eat us or something. It's difficult for me to find trust anymore, especially now.
Rick shovels dirt back onto the bag and stands up, nodding to us. "We hop the fence." "What if they think we're a threat?" Carl asks.
"We'll worry about that if it happens." I reply, nudging him a little bit.
Rick looks from me to Carl before turning to the fence and placing his boot in one of the links. The chain rattles under his weight as he makes his way to the top, jumping over once he's high enough.
All of us follow shortly after, landing on train tracks right next to the Terminus building.
Suspense and a small sense of nervousness rise through my body as Daryl waves us on, leading us as we quietly run up to a cracked open, red, metal door.
Rick's hand bends over the door and he silently mouths, "Three, two, one." The door quickly squeaks open as Daryl aims his crossbow inside, ready to shoot.