The room was filled with people I'd never met. Everyone was moving and saying something, I just wanted them to shut up. Andy would have wanted that too. I stare at the large frame of his picture right in front of me. It's the only thing I've looked at all through the ceremony, the picture was like my anchor. My brother.
I was the one who picked the picture. We'd just finished a game at an arcade and Andy said he hadn't felt that good in years. So I snapped him. The picture came out awesome, his hair was damp from sweat but his eyes held a glint of mischief that had been missing for a long time. His grin was just like mine, daring.
He killed himself two days after.
I often found myself wondering if I didn't make him happy enough that day. I didn't do enough. Not enough.
"Adonis," Lee shakes my leg, calling me back to life. I look up at him but he nods to my side. I hadn't even realised someone was sitting next to me. I turn and I regret it immediately.
"A.D, I'm so sorry..." Mabel trails off, tears obstructing her words. Good, I don't really care what she has to say. Mabel triggers everything. Her scent takes me back to that day.
The fan. The rope. My brother. Blood.
Blood everywhere.
And Mabel right there inside.
I stand up.
"Adonis? Adonis wait." I don't know who spoke, Lee or Mabel but I don't stop. I don't stop until I'm outside and at the back, standing next to the pool. My mother sees me and screams like I've never heard her before. I don't hesitate.
I fall into the pool. For a whole 10 seconds I'm alone. I'm free. But I'm not trying to kill myself. All I want is Mabel to go. I want her gone.