(TW!! Mentions of past overdosage, suicide, abuse, and self-harm!!)
I'm trying to keep a strong, brave facade but I'm terrified. What if Alyssa is dead? What if Damien is dead? Daryl's not dead, he never dies who am I kidding?
What if I never see any of them again? I love Michonne and all but...I can't live without Alyssa and Damien.
"So..." Michonne starts, looking at me as we walk through the woods.
The air is crisp and cold, the wind is blowing slightly and the sun is shining after it rained last night; which was great for having no roof over our head. We ended up just sitting under trees and waiting for it to pass, I'm pretty sure I smell like a wet dog.
"So?"
"Tell me the story about PBND again."
I sigh, "It was my first overdose-"
"First?"
"Oh shit. You-oh my god. So. Full debrief on what happened at the farm." Michonne nods, though she and I are both not the happiest right now, when we're together and talking, it feels normal again. We're still not at our full...us but it's close enough.
"Basically...I fell in love with Glenn but I refused to believe it because of my past relationship with Nick. I realized it too late and I caught him and Maggie kissing. I went into my tent and took the whole world's worth of drugs. Cut. And passed out. I woke up a few hours later. I'm surprised I woke up so quickly. Seemed a little too quick but whatever."
Michonne looks at me, "Glenn?" I scoff,
"I dunno! He was the first person I opened up to about Nick and I just...that's why him and I never really speak. I mean he tries to speak to me but we just don't clash like we used to. He has no idea about why I overdosed and as of currently, I don't plan on him ever knowing."
"Wait." She puts her arm out in front of me and stops me.
I follow her pointing finger to a trail of cowboy bootprints and tennis shoe prints in the mud in front of us.
She doesn't say anything, she just walks past it and into the woods.
I don't suggest following them because they could be anybody's.
It's silent again like it has been for a few hours before our short little conversation.
"Jesus, talk a little more." Nick groans. We're sitting at a dinner table out at Wendy's. This was his idea of a "nice date" after his friend offered him thirty bucks to take me out (though, he doesn't know I know about the offer).
"What is there to talk about?" I ask, biting into my burger.
"Well, you never seem to be able to shut the fuck up and I'm sick of this music. I'd rather listen to your ramblings than...this." I scoff,
"You hate my 'ramblings' so why would you-" I jump as his fist slams on the table. Everyone looks at us,
"Sorry." He says, "There was a fly." He looks back at me as I slowly set my burger down, "Don't speak to me like that." His arms cross and he leans back in his chair. His blonde hair is messy from the hangover after last night and his brown eyes are narrowed.
"I already told you, I'm sick of this music. So, talk." His voice is firm and his teeth are gritting.
Blood splatters on my face, "Jesus, Adrian. That Walker was right in front of you." Michonne says, lowering her sword.
A decapitated Walker is lying limp on the ground right at my feet. "Sorry," I say, "Lost in thought."
She looks at me confusedly before turning and walking again.
No words are said though we can feel each other's magnetic pull. Just being with each other is enough to make us both feel at home.
"Home is a feeling...not a place." The gang member who gave me my shorts says. His voice is soft but firm. "If you don't feel at home at that apartment, then you shouldn't be there.
I sigh, my mind racing through my options.
I'm sitting on a comfy club chair in one of the lounge areas of our building. I lean my elbows on my knees and cup my hands over my mouth, trying to think.
"I don't...it's..." Another sigh. "You don't get it."
He leans back in his chair. "How don't I?"
"Because...he doesn't love me. He's obsessed with me. Breaking up with him and leaving that shitty apartment...that's not gonna do shit. If anything, it's gonna make it a hell of a lot worse."
My gang member groans, "I can talk to my wife about letting you stay with us?"
I shake my head, "He'll kick down your fuckin' door."
"I can fight 'im off."
"You're a gym teacher. The only thing you fight is guys at bars for shit talkin' your wife and pre-pubescent boys. You've seen Nick fight, not fight."
He nods, "We'll figure somethin' out. We've all got your back. Don't tell anyone but," He leans closer and drops his voice to a whisper. "Nobody likes that dick-weed of a cock-sucker."
"Two different words used for dicks, alright."
He smirks, "It's true. We barely even tolerate him because we like you. Everybody knows he beats you, you don't hide it very well and neither does he. In fact, with a few other people, he brags about it like the little shit-stain he is."
I nod, "Yeah well, he thinks it's something to talk about because that's how it started. Carter." My gang member nods,
"Well, Carter's an ass-eater too so...how did his ex get out of the 'relationship' again?"
I scoff, "Killing herself."
"Well let's not have that be your option...again."
I smirk, "Yeah. I agree. Alyssa still texts me every day saying 'I'm glad you're alive' 'n shit. It's super cute but...I'd rather forget-"
"Let's hole up in this car for tonight," Michonne suggests, pointing to a small Nissan that's parked on the side of the road.
I nod, I don't even remember walking through the woods but the sun's already almost all the way down so I assume we've been walking for hours.
We slowly approach the car and look in the windows for any signs of Walkers.
"You get in, I'll check the trunk for shit." I say, nodding to the back of the car.
Michonne nods and opens the driver's side door as I make my way around the car, stopping at the trunk.
I try to open it but it doesn't budge. "Fuckin' dicks." I mumble.
I walk to the door behind the driver's side, slightly defeated, and climb inside the car.
"It was locked." I groan. Michonne groans lightly and lays down on the three seats in the front of the car.
"We can hunt in the morning, I'm a...shot," I suggest.
Michonne scoffs, "Not a good shot?"
"Well...not a bad shot but..."
I can't see her face but I assume she's smirking. I lay down in the backseat and toss and turn, trying to find a slightly comfortable position.
Almost immediately, I can hear Michonne snoring quietly.
I scoff and look at the car window above my feet. The only thing I can see is dust and a black abyss.
I don't want to fall asleep as I'm nervous someone is gonna sneak up on the car but I can't fight it off as my eyes slowly close. I haven't slept in almost two days, the night before the war I got one hour of sleep because I had a nightmare again.
I grunt as I get slammed against the wall, my shoulder causing a dent in the drywall in Nick and I's room.
As I fall to the ground, a slap stings my right cheek. "I am your boyfriend! I own you! You will do as I say. Understand?!"
I nod a tearful nod, my shoulder aches and my nose bleeds from the punch before the dent in the drywall appeared. "I'm sorry." I sob.
"The fuck is that supposed to do?!" Nick's voice is loud and angry. I hate to admit it but he's terrifying. "If you really are sorry, go clean the damn kitchen!"
I nod vigorously while crying. I push off the ground and stand up, tears blur my vision. I feel Nick's firm hand grab ahold of my jaw tightly and pull my face closer to his, "And stop fucking crying. You're twenty, act like it." He shoves my face away and I immediately go numb.
It's like all of the tears got sucked back into my eyes. "Crying is for the babies, and you're not a damn baby, right?" I nod, avoiding his eye contact,
"Right." Another slap.
"Look at me as I'm speaking to you!" His voice booms. I whimper and look up at him. It's almost like I can see fire in his eyes as he stares at me. His jaw is clenched as well as his fist.
"Now go." He orders through gritted teeth.
I nod and scurry off into the kitchen. As soon as I'm out of sight, I fall to my knees and wipe the blood from my nose. I don't cry though because crying is for the weak. And I'm not weak.
"Adrian?" A familiar voice caws from behind me. I slowly turn and see Jimmy standing behind me, his whole body torn completely apart.
He's covered in blood, I can see his ribcage, his shin, his jaw bone, almost everything. I stand up quickly,
"Jimmy?" I squeak.
"You need to leave this house. Save an already dead man...or save yourself?"
A cry breaks through my lips, "Fuck." I whisper, wiping away a tear. "I'm so sorry. I-" My voice cracks as I speak.
"You left me for dead, Adrian. What if you could have saved me? What if I lived a long, happy life?" This time, instead of a cry, it's a sob.
"You-" I inhale deeply, trying to stop crying. "I couldn't..."
"But what if you could?"
"I-" I turn and see T-dog standing next to me.
His whole body is torn apart. I can only tell it's him by him saying, "You should have yelled louder."
Another whimper, "I tried." I whisper.
"NOT HARD ENOUGH!" He screams as he and Jimmy lunge at me.
I awaken with a shake, my heart pounding in my ears and sweat dripping off of my forehead.
The sun is up and there's light pouring into the car...slightly. The dust-covered windows make it a little difficult though I can actually see what's around me.
The seats are brown and leather, there's a newspaper on the floor that's so wet from I don't even know what, that I can't even read it.
Michonne wakes up with a gasp and quickly sits up. I slowly sit up and look at her, "Basically...we're soulmates." She looks at me confusedly, "We both had nightmares."
She nods slightly, still breathing a little heavy.
We both climb out of the car without another word and set off west, we came from the east.
I don't know what we're walking to or if we're trying to find anything but we've said no words to each other since we both woke up.
For some reason, I can't get Nick out of my head. Every moment of silence, which is every moment, I think of him.
We're in a tall grassy area of the forest, Michonne's got two Walkers on ropes to keep the Walkers around us at bay.
Out of nowhere, she yells "No!" And slices a Walker's head open with her katana.
"Michonne!" I whisper-yell. Walkers immediately begin stumbling towards us, aiming for Michonne as she shoves another Walker back and continues whispering, "No. No."
She quickly unsheathes her katana and begins killing the Walkers surrounding her. I crack my whip to get some of their attention so I can assist her.
With every slash of her sword, she yells, "No!"
I kill all of the Walkers around me as she finishes killing the ones around her. Her breathing is heavy as she kills the Walkers she had on leashes. Her head tilts up and she begins sobbing, her breathing still ragged and quick.
I walk over to her and put a hand on her shoulder, turning her slowly to look at me. Her teary eyes look into mine as we don't say anything, we don't hug, we just silently tell each other how much we love each other.
Her lip quivers with each cry, my heart throbs every time I feel her body shake with a sob.
"How about we go follow those footprints?" I say softly. She nods and inhales deeply, her crying slowing to a stop.
She begins walking from the way we came, and I follow closely behind.
The next morning, we find ourselves in a cute little neighborhood with small cottages.
"Adrian." Michonne finally croaks, her gaze meeting mine.
"Mhm?"
She points to a can of a hundred and twelve ounces of pudding on the ground in front of a small white house.
I nod to her and we quietly and slowly inch up the front porch and peer into the closed window. The sheer curtain blurs our view but we can see enough to make out a twelve-year-old boy and his father sitting on the floor.
I smile, "Two out of like...ten." My voice is a mere whisper as happy tears form in my eyes though I don't let any fall.
Michonne both laughs and cries slightly in happiness as she and I make eye contact. "We'll find them." She assures me, grabbing my hand and patting it before holding it.
I nod, blinking back tears, "We'll find them."
(Summary:) Michonne and Adrian are alone after the prison fell. There isn't much to talk about so Adrian is alone with her thoughts about her abusive ex-boyfriend, Nick. Though, there's always the light at the end of the tunnel, as she and Michonne finally find Carl and Rick.