Rick, Michonne, and Daryl leave to go find the Governor. I'm still sitting next to the table, my hand squeezing Alyssa's. There's a bucket next to me that I've puked in a few times from the drugs mixing together though it's been emptied out.
Damien sits opposite of me next to her, still holding Alyssa's red Red Socks hat that he gave her.
"Please...please..." I continue to whisper over and over. I've prayed more times than I can count, and I don't even believe in a god.
Damien refuses to look at me, he just continues to stare longingly into Alyssa's face.
I purse my lips into a thin line and nod, tears still rolling down my cheeks.
"You think I'm a terrible sister too." I whisper, looking at my legs. "Everyone does." I squeeze Alyssa's hand harder.
It's not about you. Shut up.
Damien takes a second to respond, "I don't think you're a terrible sister." He pauses, "But you shouldn't have allowed her to fight."
A quiet whimper reverberates in my mouth as my brain realizes more and more that this is all my fault.
I don't respond, I just squeeze Alyssa's hand in the order she would knock on my door when she was trying to get me out of Nicks relationship.
One, one two, one, one two three.
My eyes widen as I feel that same pattern come from her hand to mine.
One, one two, one, one two three.
I quickly stand up; I stumble a bit as I'm still lightheaded. "Alyssa?" I squeak, cupping her face with one hand as the other is still being held by her hand.
Slowly, she pries her eyes open. Her bright blue eyes stare into my chocolate brown ones.
"Pretty b-words never die." She croaks slowly. I laugh through my cries at her words, "Yeah, that's right. Pretty bitches never die." Damien smiles and stands up, leaning over her as well.
"Jesus you're a fuckin' tank." I whisper, petting her hair.
She smiles, "As always." There's a moment of silence as I appreciate her features again. Even after being shot, she still looks like all of the stars plus the sun had a child.
Damien chuckles, "You gave us a scare there, kid." "Boo." She whispers.
I laugh again and kiss her forehead; my lips linger for a moment. "I love you, Alyssa." "I love you, Adrian...and Damien of course."
She ponders her thoughts for a moment, "It was the weirdest thing. I could hear and feel everything, but I couldn't move. Well...I remember being laid down on the table but after that I don't remember anything." She smiles, "I saw dad...he said that I had a choice. Stay with you or go with him and mom." She pauses for a moment and then looks at me, "I didn't want to leave you alone. I could hear the pain in your voice as you were...begging me to wake up." Tears well in her eyes.
"I didn't want you to be mad at me for...leaving." A small squeak makes its way out of my lips. "'Lyss..." My voice is soft and quiet through my tears. "If you were ready to go... I would have let you go. I wasn't angry at you, honey."
"Then who we're you..." Her voice trails off and her eyes close. Her hand becomes limp in both mine and Damiens and we look at each other with total fear.
"Get Hershel, now!" I order Damien, he nods and quickly runs outside to fetch Hershel.
"Alyssa Erin Walsh please don't leave me, I..."
If she wants to go, let her.
I take a deep breath and think for a moment. I don't know how long I'll last without 'Lyss but if she wants to go, she can go.
"'Lyss," I say in a soft, comforting voice. I squeeze her hand tighter and continue to pet her hair. "If you're ready to go..." My lip quivers at the thought of losing my best friend.
"Then go."
I feel a sort of dread rise in my body, my heart pounds faster and faster and my head feels light. Although Alyssa may want to die, I can't lie and say I wouldn't be upset. I know she may think she will never recover, which is why she may die, but still. Maybe it's selfish of me to want her to stay alive so bad, maybe she really does want die.
"If you woke up just to ask for my permission to die...you-" My words are cut off with a sob. I quickly regain my composure- barely and continue. "You do. You don't need anyone's permission."
Hershel and Damien rush inside, Damien helps Hershel down the steps, and they quickly make their way to the table.
Every second that Hershel isn't by Alyssa's side feels like an eternity.
"She-she was awake and now-now she's not!" I cry out.
"I got her. How much blood have you given?" "Two pints." Hershel sighs, weighing his options. "If you give a third you could be at higher risk for overdosing. If you don't..." "Exactly. Now take my blood."
I quickly bend over and throw up in the bucket again. I groan and wipe my mouth. My hand remains intertwined with Alyssa's. Damien's fallen asleep above Alyssa; we moved her to his cell. I've grabbed a box to sit on because I refuse to leave her side.
The people of Woodbury have been staying here. The Governor opened fire on the fighters and Rick took it upon himself to take in the people who were left. Someone died and I couldn't care less.
"Are you okay?" A small voice rasps. "I heard you throw up."
I quickly look up and see Alyssa's faced turned to me and her eyes slightly open.
I smile, "Amazing."
My words make her smile, "This time, mom came to see me." She's turns and looks longingly at the bottom of the bunk above her.
"She was so beautiful..." She turns to look at me. "You guys look identical." I smile a down-turned smile and kiss her forehead. "I'd have to disagree with you on that one. You are her, spot on." Alyssa smiles, "I'm not that pretty."
I scoff, "Oh shut up." I playfully remove my hand from hers and hit her arm lightly. "You have to at least be a little pretty since you survived."
"PBND." She whispers. "PBN- oh. Yeah, pretty bitches never die. You and I will both live by that. Though- let's not come this close to death again, yeah?"
She giggles weakly, "Promise." "Pinky promise?" I hold my pinky to her hand. She slowly lifts her hand off the bed and wraps her pinky around mine.
"Pinky promise."
I kiss my thumb and move our hands so that she can kiss hers to, "Sealed the deal." I narrow my eyes playfully. "No dying or coming this close to death." She nods, "No dying or coming this close to death." Her voice repeats. She mirrors my face by narrowing her eyes and saying, "That goes for you too Ms. 'that's a problem for future me.'"
I scoff, "Dick." I mumble while smiling.
"Hey! Language!"
I put my hands up in surrender, "Sorry. It slipped. You know my favorite words are cusswords." She smiles and rolls her eyes playfully, "Oh believe me, I know."
She looks around confusedly for a moment. "How long have I been asleep?"
I shrug, "I haven't really been keeping track. It's felt like an eternity, but I think it's been almost three days." Her eyes widen and she goes to sit up, but she winces hard in pain and whimpers slightly.
"Woah, woah," I stand up and lightly push her down. "You are definitely not strong enough to stand, maybe even sit right now. What do you need?"
She sighs, "I feel like a vegetable." I chuckle, "Alright then."
Alyssa looks around, "Where's Damien?" I nod to the bunk above her, and she looks up, "How long has he been asleep?"
I shrug, "I dunno, a few hours. Both him and I haven't slept. This is the first time I've seen his eyes closed for more than a blink.
Alyssa groans, "Go to bed." I shake my head, "Hell no. You just woke up. I-" "I will be here when you wake up."
My eyes soften at her words and almost immediately I begin crying.
I inhale a shaky breath to keep my composure.
"I'm so sorry Alyssa. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have let you fight. I should've made you stay in here with Beth, Hershel, and Judith. I should've-"
"Stop." Alyssa says strongly. I make eye contact with her, "You know dang well that if you made me stay back, I would have probably snuck out to help anyway." She narrows her eyes, "Never say shoulda, woulda, coulda. You told me that."
I scoff, "You actually remember everything I say."
"Of course, I do, Adrian. You're my favorite person in the world. If I died, I wouldn't be able to make bracelets with you anymore."
I nod, "No. No, you wouldn't."
Alyssa thinks for a moment, "Who else is mad at you for me getting shot?" I shrug, "Damien and I think Carl. Everybody else seems to only be focused on your well-being." Alyssa rolls her eyes, "Did you shoot me?"
"What? No! No, I-" "Exactly. It's not your fault like... at all." I sigh, "It feels like I could've prevented it."
"Maybe you could have. But you didn't. And at this point, it's already in the past. Also, I'm gonna have such a cool scar and I can say I've been shot!"
I chuckle, "Yeah. Yeah, you can."
A yawn forcefully makes its way out of my body, and I turn my head to hide it from 'Lyss.
A wave of exhaustion finally hits. I've been awake for almost four days and haven't felt tired once.
I gave another pint of blood around twenty-minutes ago, Hershel says I'm still getting sick because the Dilaudid hasn't fully left my system yet. He says he thinks the Dilaudid is what's been keeping me up- other than the fact my little sister has been shot.
"Go. To. Bed." She thinks for a moment, "But get Carl first." Alyssa says quickly. I scoff, "Fine. But only because the boss told me to. I'll go find him now." I go to stand up, but she grabs my wrist, "Why are you in just a bra... again?" I smile, "My shirt makes a really good gauze, what can I say?" With that, I lightly pull my wrist out of her hand with a smile and begin walking out of the cell.
"Stop walking around the prison shirtless!" She calls. "But what fun is that?" I call back, turning the corner and leaving her sight.
I remember something important, so I quickly stop and run back into the cell. I peek my head around the doorway and widen my smile. "Guess who died!" "What?" She slowly but surely, sits up without any of my help.
"Andrea!" "No way!" She laughs but then quickly covers her mouth, "I should not be excited that someone is dead." "Meh." I shrug, "Be excited. We're finally free of that virus."
"Virus?"
I nod, "Virus. Virus 739K92BC: Superficial-twat-virus."
Alyssa laughs a weak but hearty laugh, "That's so mean but so funny." I smirk and pull my head out of the cell again.
I walk quickly with newfound happiness into the lounge area. Most of our original people are sitting in there, minus Michonne, Glenn, and Maggie,
I walk over to Carl who is talking to Beth. "Guess who woke up." I say, smiling broadly.
Without a word, they both immediately run into the cell.
"Alyssa!" I hear Carl exclaim happily.
That catches Rick's attention, and he turns to me with a smile. I nod and he does the same.
I walk over to him and look around, "Where's Daryl?" "His- or yours... the cell." I scoff, "'Kay. Thanks." I catch Rick looking at the cell block through the corner of his eye.
"You can go and see her, I ain't her mama." He smiles and nods, dropping what he was doing, which kind of looks like he was playing with Lincoln Logs and walks into the cell.
I follow him so that I can go find Daryl. When I pass Alyssa's cell, I see Carl and Beth crouched next to her explaining everything that happened. All three of them look so happy it warms my heart astronomically.
I walk up the steps and find myself in Daryl's cell. I expect to see him lying on the bottom bunk but instead, he's lying on a double bed.
"What's this?" I motion to the bed with a smile. He shrugs while lying on the bed with his hands behind his head. "I thought it'd be more comfortable if you slept on a double bed. Twin beds suck." "So I'm sleeping in here now?" He doesn't respond, he just hides a smile.
I scoff and walk over to him. "You're sweet." I lean down and kiss him and climb onto the bed.
"When was the last time you slept?" Daryl asks, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest.
"Almost four days. I didn't sleep the night of the day of the war either." He scoffs, "Goodnight."
I smile into his chest and breathe in his scent. He smells the same as he did when we were in the back of the van to save Merle.
Must, pine trees, and cigarettes.
I don't manage to respond, I feel my eyes flutter closed and my breathing comes to a slow, steady pace.
Before I fully fall asleep, I feel Daryl's rough hand slowly petting my hair. "You're a godsend." Is the last thing I hear before I surrender to the urge to sleep.