Two weeks later and I was completely settled in, and adapted to the whole college thing. I was doing good in all of my classes even though it was two weeks in and most of my professors were cool. One thing I noticed though was the way people acted towards me. The looks and the unnecessary attention. When I finally asked Tony what was up he informed me that everyone knew who my I was dating, therefore every knew me. One thing I never wanted was to become a hot topic so I kept my head down and minded me business. To bad others didn't know how to do the same. I thought most people would have outgrown gossiping but I guess not.
Speaking of high school, kids that haven't spoke two words to me in the last four years were now sniffing around me. Dropping my name and acting like we were old friends. Coming up to me wanting to get in my business, asking questions, asking to hang out. If it was one thing I couldn't stand it was fake people. Remembering what August said I took his advice, kept it moving. I had plenty of friends and I didn't need anymore, especially ones only wanting to associate with me because of who my boyfriend was.
Speaking of m boyfriend, it was like when I was with August I had no worries. I loved spending time with him and being around him. He always knew how to put a smile on my face and I was always happy when he was around. Things have been good with us since his birthday, we haven't gotten in one fight. He still knew how to get on my nerves and get under my skin but I didn't feel like arguing. So I sucked it up and kept my mouth shut when usually I would have told him off or said something to hurt his feelings. I guess I wanted to be happy, keep him happy, in a way I was just trying to be a good girlfriend. Even if that meant being fake and keeping my mouth shut when I wanted to curse him out and tell him off.
I was just trying to make him happy, even if that meant being fake. If there was one thing I knew how to do it was hide how I felt. They told me back then that I should talk to somebody, get help but my mom refused. Instead of getting me the help I probably needed, we moved. She thought it would be good for us, for me to get a fresh start. But moving and not talking about my problems wasn't enough to make me forget what I've seen, what I've been through. My mom was strong, she knew how to deal but she wasn't the one who had to go through what I've been through that day. I couldn't really blame her, I was old enough to ask for help but I didn't want to talk to anybody. I thought I didn't need help, I thought that not thinking about that day would be help enough. That in time I would forget, and things would get better, but they weren't. The past was in the past and that's where it needed to stay buried, for good. August couldn't find out about none of this, my problems or else he would think I was crazy to. I'm not crazy.
He thought I was happy but in the past two weeks he's pissed me off more than once. Such as one day we were out and I didn't miss when he was clearly checking out some half naked hoe in the club on the low. I caught him staring and he tried to play it off, I just kept my mouth shut. When I asked him a simple question and he had the nerve to get smart with me. He was in front of Mike and Mike started laughing at me, along with August, I kept my mouth shut. When we were out having dinner. Our server a guy was talking to me, being a little flirtatious, but I didn't pay him any mind. August came back from the bathroom and caught the last thing the guy said. Even after August sat down the guy didn't even acknowledge him, just talking to me, dropping flirtatious hints. We weren't in our city, so no one knew who August was. August got pissed, asked the guy if he saw him sitting here. Unfortunately the guy had a slick mouth and I don't think that was something August was used to, and then he just snapped. Punches the guy, hard as hell. Kept on punching him, blood everywhere. It was chaos and I was so embarrassed, and we got kicked out. I was trying to calm him down but in the car he was still riled up. Then he flipped and accused me of having a thing for the guy. Some of the stuff he said was disrespectful, and hurt my feelings. It was hard, and I was surprised by my willpower but I kept my mouth shut even then.
I didn't know how much longer I could be 'little miss perfect', my patience was already hanging on by a thread. Focusing back in on the professor I caught the rest of the lecture before class let out. For the past two weeks Crystal has been pestering me about talking to Tony so I decided to just do it today. As me and him walked to the parking lot I decided to be a good friend and do some digging for her.
"So do you have a girlfriend," I tried to sound as casual as possible, I didn't need him getting the wrong idea.
"Nope not at the moment," he smiled at me, "Why?"
"I'm just asking for a friend."
"A friend," he rolled his eyes sarcastically like he didn't believe me.
"You know I have a boyfriend."
"August, everybody knows about you and him."
I frowned, "And what do they say about me and him?"
He looked at me, "You sure you want to know?"
"Yeah," I nodded.
How bad can it be?"
I wanted to see with someone who wasn't associated with us thought about our relationship.
"That he doesn't date, just messes around, does what young boys do and then you came along and somehow got him to change his ways."
"I didn't get him to change anything," I rolled my eyes at that.
"Yeah," he smiled, "I mean I don't listen to gossip or anything like that but I heard that you were a stripper."
"Excuse me?"
"Don't bite my head off, you wanted to know," he held his hands up in defense and I sighed.
Everyone had an idea of how things were between us and they usually got it wrong. It seems like everyone knew the basics on August but when it came to me, they were completely off track.
"Dancer yes, stripper no," I shook my head amused.
"So back to what we were talking about earlier, what's this friends name?"
"I don't want to say, but she is one of my good friends and you do know her."
"Is she as cute as you," he asked me and I damn near blushed.
"No, I'm one of a kind," I joked, "But no seriously you'll just have to wait and see."
"Guess I will," we reached the parking lot, " You about to head home?"
"Unfortunately no, I have dance practice." Since we were in school now are practice days changed also.
"Oh yeah, tomorrow I might stop through and check you out," he smiled at me.
"You should, I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself plus there's going to be a lot of girls there."
"I'll keep that in mind and I wont keep you any longer, I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled at me and leaned in for a hug and I gave him a friendly one and watched him walk away for a second or two and got in a my car.
This week we were dancing to Mila J's My Main.
After practicing for about two hours we went to go get some food and that's when I informed Crystal on my progress with Tony.
"I told him there was a friend who was interested in him," I told her sipping my drink
"And," she pressed on.
"And he said he may come to the battle tomorrow," I smiled at her.
"And why didn't you tell me this earlier, I have to be in tip top shape then," she smiled at me.
"Speaking of it's just four and I am in need of an eyebrow threading," Julianna said looking at herself in her little compact mirror.
"So how are you and D," Danielle asked Julianna and a smile immediately formed on her face.
"Perfect," she sung and put her mirror away in her purse.
"I bet," I smiled knowingly, I knew for a fact from August that D really liked her and I was glad he was treating her right or I would have to hurt him. D was a gentlemen and sometimes I really couldn't picture him ever hurting her. To bad his level headedness didn't rub off on August.
August called me twice during the day and both times instead of answering I let it go to voicemail, We went to the mall and after me and Julianna got our eyebrows done we followed Crystal around the mall as she shopped. For someone who didn't have a job I wondered where the hell she was getting all of this money she was spending on clothes, shoes and whatever else she wanted to buy.
"So where is August," Danielle asked me, "During the summer you two were like Bonnie and Clyde, glued at the hip."
"I'm not sure," I shrugged nonchalantly.
"You better find out. Boys like August are used to attention and girls throwing it at them and since your no where to be found you better hope those other hoes aren't either," Crystal added and strutted off. I sighed, as if I wasn't insecure enough.
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The next night me and the girls won our battle and we definitely were the female team that was going to be competing in the last battle, but we still didn't slack off. One group quit so now it was just three female groups competing but we had the most wins. Afterwards everyone was mingling and August's phone rung and he went outside to make a call, that was five minutes ago. I didn't know who called, I was hoping it was business related but I couldn't help but replay Crystal's words in my head.
I put my negative thoughts to the side and put a smile on my face as Tony approached me.
"You came," I smiled and hugged him quickly and pulled away, "Sorry I'm kind of sweaty."
"Yeah, I'm glad I did. Now I see what all the hype is about. You guys killed it."
"Thanks," I smiled, "So did you say hi to the Crystal and the girls yet?"
"Not yet I wanted to come and say hi to you first. I had to fight off your groupies."
"There not groupies," I waved him off. Most people I talked to after the battles were young kids, kids that just looked up to me and the regulars that came out to watch the show. As of late the battles were more packed and it seems like everyone came up to me, to say hi and what not.
"Fans then," he corrected himself and I just shrugged and smiled at him. Looking away my smiled faded when I seen August approaching. I hope that August didn't see us hug. I stepped back away from Tony to put some distance between us. When he got close I put a smile on my face and closed the short distance between us.
"Hi," I smiled hugging reaching out to hug and kiss him. I did it so I wouldn't hear his mouth about me 'entertaining nigga's'. Tony knew, hell everyone knew about August and no one was stupid enough to piss him or his boys off. He returned the kiss and for that I was glad, but I couldn't read him. He had on a dark pair of shades so I couldn't tell if he was angry or what, but I could sense some tension, especially when me and him pulled apart and Tony was still standing there.
"I'm about-" Tony pointed off in the distance, probably about to make an escape but August cut him off.
"You not gonna introduce me to ya friend," August asked and judging by his tone I knew that he wasn't in the best of moods. I didn't know if it was me talking to Tony or something else that pissed him off. I smiled to keep the peace and hopped he didn't cause a scene.
"August, this if my friend Tony. He goes to school with me and is a business major as well," I spoke up. Tony said hi and held out his hand for August to shake. August gazed down at Tony's outstretch hand and the back up at him. I sighed and Tony got the hint and dropped his hand.
I spotted Crystal and motioned her over and her being her she started fluffing up her hair as she walked over. Standing with August and Tony was a little awkward, especially after August refused to shake his hand, which was rude and uncalled for.
"Crystal," I smiled hoping being around her would ease the tension between us. Tony and her said hi and they hugged. I looked over at August but he didn't look amused in the least so I decided to give Tony and Crystal some privacy and get away.
"Bye Tony, nice seeing you, thanks for coming out," I smiled politely.
"See you Monday," he nodded and after that I walked away, I was about to head to the locker room to change and to get away from August but he stopped me, grabbing my arm.
"Where you goin'?"
I looked down at his hand on my arm, he wasn't hurting me but I didn't want him touching me right now, "To go change," I motioned to the locker room.
He shook his head no, "What was that?"
I played dumb, "What was what?"
"You, lettin' that nigga hug you."
"Actually I hugged him."
He looked at me like I was stupid but I was just being honest and shrugged.
"It was a friendly hug, like a greeting. Nothing more."
"I don't care what the fuck it was."
My patience was wearing thin with him cussing and talking to me like I was crazy. Instead of entertaining him I shook my head and walked away before but he snatched me back.
"Don't walk away, I'm talkin' to you."
I sighed, I was getting real sick of him grabbing me, ordering me around and telling me what to do.
I snatched my arm out of his grasp and folded by arms across my chest.
"Do you trust me?"
"This aint got nothing' to do wi-"
"It has everything to do with trust," I cut him off knowing exactly what he was about to say, "Your acting like I was hugging him for hours. We hugged for like two seconds."
"I don't give a fuck how long it was. He shouldn't have been touching you."
I smiled in annoyance, he was getting on my nerves acting like it was his way or the highway. If I wanted someone to boss me around and tell me what to do I would be at home with my mom right now. Instead of going off again, I tried to say this as politely as possible.
"I'm your girlfriend, not your child August. And now I'm going to go and get changed now."
Leaving it at that I left him to stand there and contemplate what I just said hoping when I came back he had a change in attitude.
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Instead of doing our usual thing, Danielle had a date with a guy from school and Crystal and Tony made other plans. Leaving me, August, Julianna and D to do our own thing. The boys insisted on taking us someplace different. Heading to the rougher part of downtown we pulled up to Benny's. This was the most popular hangout, but I've never been. One because in high school my mom refused to let me come down here with the girls when I asked. It had a bit of a bad reputation. After that she wouldn't let me hang out for nearly three months afraid that I would sneak down there anyway.
Everybody who was somebody would hang out here on weekends. The popular kids and the rough crowds were one in the same in high school. It wasn't all high school kids, older crowds hung out here as well. The girls talked about it being fun, especially Crystal but from what I've heard it wasn't all fun. I've heard about the fights that took place here and even the occasional shooting. I was surprised that it was still up and running.
We pulled up and I was looking out the window watching all of the kids outside of there cars, music blasting. The kids who were outside must of noticed his car because it was like everyone's eyes gravitated towards us. Only reason I didn't look away was because August's windows were so tinted I knew that couldn't see inside. I was so busy looking out that I didn't notice that August even got out of the car before my door was being opened for me. He helped me out and closed the door behind me and immediately wrapped a arm around my waist as we walked. After our little disagreement earlier we haven't said more than five words to each other.
Meeting up with everybody else we walked towards the front and I noticed everyone's eyes on us. Several people greeted both August and D, and we got stopped several times so they could talk to several people. I stayed quiet and let them talk noticing several girls looking our way. It was kind of chilly out but you wouldn't have guessed the way these girls were dressed.
When we finally made it inside and were seated I was just taking it all in. It didn't seem like anything special to me. All of my looking around must have caught D's eye because he was laughing on calling me out on it.
"This is my first time here," I admitted.
He looked kind of shocked, "You've never been here before, everyone has been here before."
"Kash's mom refused to let her come down here. She even grounded her for asking," Julianna spoke up and I rolled my eyes at her for telling my business.
"You want to leave," August asked with a hint of amusement in his voice.
Instead of answering him I snatched the menu out of his hand.
30 minutes later I was full and sitting back as the boys talked to a couple of guys. This was probably the fifth time since we've gotten here that we've been interrupted. I didn't mind that much since I was texting Crystal. She was informing me that Tony was a no go for her. When I asked her why, she informed me that he had a kid. That was something I didn't know myself so I was kind of shocked and curious. She informed me that he had a son and that no, him and the mom weren't together but she couldn't get over the fact that he had a child.
One of her turn offs were guys with children. I honestly think because she didn't want any sort of competition or to have to fight for attention but she claims she didn't want to date a guy with baggage. I understood her on that though, I don't think I could date a guy with a child either, but you never know. If you really cared about someone who'd look past it.
August invaded my personal space when I started to reply back to her message, looking over my shoulder at my phone.
"Excuse you," I asked moving away from him.
"Who you texting," August asked.
"MYOB," I answered. \
"Who?"
"MYOB. Mind your own business," I smiled putting my phone away. I was joking but then again I wasn't, it was none of his business.
Not saying another word to each other we all got up and headed outside. There was a whole other crowd outside then before we walked in. The kids hanging around were now replaced with groups of guys hanging around that looked like they were up to no good. I wasn't judgmental or anything but I wasn't stupid either.
Walking to August's car instead of leaving, a group of boys, probably 16 walked up greeting him.
"Wassup," August asked.
"We were wondering if we could talk to you," the taller one spoke up nervously and then they glanced at me, "Alone."
I looked between him and August and August stood up straighter and looked at me.
"Give us some space."
I was fed up with him by this point so I was glad to. Before either one of us could say a word Julianna linked her arm in mine, "Come on."
We both walked away and we made our way back inside to the bathroom. Inside I didn't have to use the bathroom but Julianna did. Standing near the door, I waited on her and noticed a group of girls walk in, as they walked past me I noticed the way they looked at me. Looking down at my phone wishing Julianna would hurry up I could feel them looking my way and whispering amongst themselves.
I looked up at the same time Julianna left the stall and noticed the girls looking my way. Julianna noticed to and just silently walked over to the sink to wash her hands, they were staring Julianna to and whispering. The difference between me and Julianna is she knew how to keep quiet and walk away, but I didn't and I was already riled up and pissed off and I needed to relieve some stress.
"Do we have a problem," I asked them and they exchanged looks with one another but didn't say anything else. I wish one of them would try me, I wasn't in the mood.
Julianna quickly finished washing her hands and we left the bathroom. She stopped to order a water and when we eventually made our way back outside August was talking to some girl. I slowed down my pace and rolled my eyes. How come he could do anything he wanted but when I simply talked to a guy it was a problem? Julianna didn't even notice I wasn't by her side anymore as she made her way over to D. I was suddenly face to face with a guy, who was a little to close for comfort and obviously on something.
"What's up?"
I rolled my eyes and moved past him, "Not you."
Walking away and not looking back I made my way over to August who was still talking to the girl he was talking to. I was over being here and being around him and in all honesty just wanted to go home and sleep. Wake up tomorrow, eat and sleep some more.
I don't know if August noticed me standing there but he didn't even acknowledge me. I cleared my throat to get there attention and the girl finally stopped talking and they both focused there attention on me.
"I'm ready to go," I told him flat out. It might have been rude but I didn't care. I don't know who this heifer was looking like a bootleg Blac Chyna but he didn't need to be talking to her about nothing.
August looked at me un-amused and instead of complying with my request he turned back to the girl and eventually finished his conversation like I wasn't there. I could feel myself getting hot and I knew that that was the final straw. I had to refrain myself from going off and walked away. Replaying what just happened I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and bumped right into somebody.
Looking up he was one of the guys I noticed when I walked outside earlier standing around by a black SUV, smoking. He looked a tad bit nicer than some of the guys he was hanging with but still.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going," I apologized again but he simply shrugged and smiled.
"It's cool, I'm good, are you okay?"
I was surprised by his calm demeanor and nodded. I was expecting him to cuss me out, or tell me to watch where I was going.
"I'm fine."
"Good. I wouldn't want yo mans gunning for me."
There was no point in asking him how he knew I was August's girlfriend, from now on there was never a point in asking.
"Sorry again," I nodded not knowing what else to say. I definitely didn't know what to say to his earlier statement. I couldn't see it before but last week in that restaurant I think was my glimpse at that other side of him, the one that everybody was fearful of.
"Like I said, it's all good."
I smiled at him and someone called out and he looked in the direction before giving me a another smile and jogging away to the group of boys he was with earlier. I turned around to walk in the other direction and jumped when I bumped chest first into August. He was simply standing there, damn near giving me a heart attack.
"Are you ready to go," I asked him again, hoping this time he would actually say something. I was hoping for a simple 'yes' but what I got made me roll my eyes in anger.
"Nah," he shook his head looking behind me.
I was about to ask for the keys to his car so I could sit in there but he spoke up before I could.
"What's the problem?"
"I don't have a problem."
"You acting like you do."
"Well I don't," I snapped. I didn't mean to raise my voice but oh well.
He looked around before focusing his attention back on me.
"You wanna lower yo voice?"
"Not really," I shook my head no. He grabbed my arm and pulled me off to the side.
"I'm sick of the attitude."
"And I'm sick of you grabbing on me," I yanked my arm out of his grasp.
"Kashmere..."
"August...."
He sighed looking annoyed, "Look you need to chill aight....is this about that nigga I told you I don't want you talking to anymore?"
"No it's not but since you brought it up...."
I heard a few raised voices and realized we weren't the only ones getting into it public. Only difference was we were quiet and they were hella loud. I didn't care, so I didn't pay any attention to it or take my eyes off of August.
"We don't need to talk about shit, I told you what I had to say, that's that."
"So what, you can talk to and stare down any bitch and hoe that you want but if I even talk to a guy, it's a problem with you?"
"I don't give a fuck who you talk to. I'm not out here hugging on bitches am I? No. So you damn sure don't need to be doing that shit. As a matter fact I don't want you talkin' to otha nigga's."
I looked like he was crazy, who the hell did he think he was?
"You cant be serious right now August."
His facial expression told me that he was. He focused in on the commotion behind me but I didn't care about that. I was holding back, holding what I really wanted to say to him for two weeks and I had enough. Fuck being the perfect girlfriend, with a boy like him there was no such thing.
"What am I supposed to do when a guy talks to me. Put my head down or run in the other direction?"
He shrugged nonchalantly, "If that's what you gotta do."
"I cant believe you," I shook my head in disbelief, I was at a loss for words.
"Believe it."
I took a step back away from him for his sake because my hands were shaking and that usually meant someone was about to get slapped and not even I or the other person could would see it coming. Or maybe I should slap him, maybe it would knock some sense into his lanky ass.
"My dad is dead August. Just because I call you daddy on occasion while we fuck doesn't mean I mean that shit literally," he was still looking behind me and I was sick of him not paying attention to me so I grabbed his chin and turned his face so that he was looking at me, "If you want a girlfriend, I can be that. If you want a bitch you can order around I advise you to get a dog becaus-"
Before I could finish going off on him loud pops rang through the air. People were screaming, running around in all different directions and I was being pulled by August through the crowd. Everyone was running and pushing and somehow the hold I had on August hand was no more. After that someone pushed me from behind and I went falling to the ground, hard.
Looking up I didn't see August anywhere but I could hear him yelling my name. Just as I managed to stand up, I gasped when a boy stumbled my way and fell in front of me. Blood soaked his white shirt. His eyes were barely open and he started coughing up blood. I put my hand over my mouth and slowly backtracked away from him. All the noise around me faded away, the screaming, the people yelling and the only thing I could hear was my heavy breathing and my heart pounding. I felt someone grab me and start pulling me away from the boy bleeding on the ground and after that everything was a big blur. I remember getting in August's car and him speeding off and I remember him asking me if I was okay and I just stared ahead and nodded my head and after that everything went black.
"Dad...." my vision was blurred from the tears falling from my eyes and I prayed what I was seeing wasn't real. I prayed that I was dreaming but I could never imagine myself even dreaming about something this horrible.
Walking over to the bed slowly I stopped in my tracks and covered my mouth once I seen all the red stains, the blood that soaked the once beige sheets. I looked up to see my dad's eyes barely open and looking at me.
"Dad," I barely said above a whisper and cried out, "D-dad w-wha..."
"Kashmere...get out, leave, go next door to Ms. Peterson's house and call 911 and stay there."
I cried at how weak his voice was and shook my head, "D-dad...no y-your...I-I have to call-," I cried confused. Why was he telling me to leave, he needed help.
"Now," he raised his voice and started to cough, I gasped when I realized he was coughing up blood.
He needed help. I needed to get out of here. Turning around planning to run it never occured to me that the reason why he was so adamant about me leaving was because the person or persons who did this to him could have still been in the house. Turning around I stopped when I noticed who was leaning against the bedroom door. I couldn't believe anyone could do something like this, I would have never guessed it was the man who was standing in the door way now.
He was someone we trusted. And here he was, blood splattered all over his clothes, and gun in hand.
"I didn't expect you to be home so early," he said it with no emotion and I thought about running past him. He wouldnt hurt me, he couldnt hurt me. I was wrong.
"Kashmere," someone was calling my name and shaking me and I jerked awake and was face to face with August. I blinked a few times trying to control my breathing. August was looking at me like he didn't know what to do, like I was crazy. I'm not crazy.
Looking out the window I sighed in relief when I realized we were parked in front of my house both safe and sound. I could feel his eyes on me so I looked out the window for longer than I really needed to get myself together. When I looked back at him and didn't know what to say, but I knew I had to get out of there, get inside.
"I um...I'm tired so I'm going to go inside now," I grabbed my bag from the floor making sure I had everything I needed. My mind running rampant and my heart still drumming away in my chest. I felt like I was dreaming, like this wasn't happening right now.
"Kash," I ignored him and looked through my bag making sure I had my phone and my keys, "Kashmere."
"What," I looked up at him and he was still staring at me. I didn't like the way he was staring at me. He leaned over putting his hands on my cheek and looking into my eyes. I knew what he was doing, he was studying me. Checking to see if I was okay.
"I'm fine," I moved his hands off my face, "I'm just tired."
He looked like he didn't believe me and that's what I was afraid of. I needed him to believe me.
"You sure?"
I leaned over the seat and kissed him putting my all into to try to prove to him that I was okay.
"Yes," I nodded kissing him once more grabbing the door handle, "Text me when you make it home okay?"
He nodded and this time he leaned over kissing me one last time before I got out of the car. I got out and walked up to my front door, I wanted to run but for his sake I walked. The whole time telling myself that I was okay, I was okay. I couldn't afford not to be okay, not now. Not when I thought that I was finally better. Not when I had so much going on, school, dancing, and August. I had to be okay.
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