"No, somebody always needs to go first.
I know this. I go first."
- Jenny Slate, Little Weirds
. . .
Andros Kozlov
I pulled Dahlia's blue dress up and inspected the bruises. I had really dug my fingers into her skin. I had never hated myself more.
I looked at her face. She blinked up at me. Her face was flushed. We were still in my room. She just told me everything I had done, but not in an accusing tone.
Apparently, my vocabulary has been limited to 'Dahlia', 'no' and 'back'.
"I'm sorry."
"You should have told me you sleepwalk," she said softly, trying to tug her dress down. She was only wearing panties. I didn't let her. I needed to make myself see what I had done to her. Fucking idiot.
"We need to ice these." I needed to ice these before I lost my mind. I needed to take away her pain. I needed her to at least hit me across the face for this.
"You should have told me." She didn't let it go. How do you tell a person you want to be with that there are chances that you'd kill them while you're sleeping?
"It's not something I take pride in, Dahlia," I told her. There were ten small bruises caused by my fingertips on her flawless waist. If I had left them there while fucking her soul out of her, I would have loved them. I would have made her count them.
But, like this? When I had no recollection of what I had done? When I didn't know if I would have stopped if she asked me to? I fucked hated them.
"You didn't hurt me, you know? These bruises are nothing in front of the bruises you left on my ass." She tried to sound joking, but I wasn't having it.
"Doesn't matter," I muttered, bending to kiss her bruises. "Those, you wanted. These...I almost threw you off the fucking ship." I kissed them one by one. One. Two. There. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight-
"You didn't, though."
"Don't make excuses for me." I didn't mean to sound as harsh as I did. Why couldn't she just fucking yell and put me out of my misery?
"I wasn't. I was just pointing out the very obvious. Besides..." She sat up before I could kiss all of them. I frowned but let her. She sat on her knees, pulling her dress down. Her hair was a slight mess and her face was still flushed a shade of pink. Fucking adorable. "You were cute. You were scary when you hurt Hedeon. But then you were cute."
"I was cute," I repeated.
"Yes."
I'd have people explain my sleepwalking to me many times, while nursing wherever I had hit them. I didn't know what kept me from not throwing Dahlia into the fucking sea. But I was grateful she was not as harmed as she could have been. What I didn't understand was how I managed to rip myself out of a room that Hedeon had locked.
And why the fuck did sleepwalking me not hurt her.
I laid down and pulled her beside me. I grabbed her knee and put almost half of her on myself. I needed to feel her. "Did I scare you?"
"At first? Yes. It was terrifying. You looked nothing like you look now." She said to my chest.
I curled an arm around her head, pulling her closer to me. "I'm sorry for scaring you."
"It wasn't your fault. You had no control over what happened, did you?" She questioned, her voice soothing.
"No."
"Not your fault, then."
"So whose fault was it?"
"Sleepwalking Andros," she said. "I will let him know how angry I was the next time I see him."
I laughed. "Okay, baby. Curse him out for me, hm?"
"I will." She smiled up at me.
I watched that smile, speechless.
I just wanted her.
. . .
It didn't matter that Dahlia thought it was cute, even though it did make me feel a bit better. The fact was that I got to her. The fact was that I could have hurt her.
I shouldn't have been able to.
Who knows what mood my sleepwalking self would be in next time? What if I hurt her?
I sat down in my office, examining some blueprints I had drawn for a new exhaust system. Our ship was an old one, at least her body was old. Everything else had been updated many times. I wanted to make it the best, and even though currently we were not mobile, or in the middle of the ocean as we usually were, I needed to make sure when we did go out there, we'd be okay.
It was dangerous to have the ship in one place for so long. We had many people onboard who were hiding. Some chose to have bodyguards on the land, some chose to live on board.
This wasn't safe. Not as safe as I'd like. While anyone trying to get on the ship unauthorized was not allowed, mistakes happen. Too often.
Like the lock not being strong enough yesterday.
I sighed, rubbing my forehead and closing my eyes. It made me want to throw myself into the fucking water whenever I thought of how I acted.
She had been scared.
Anyone would be. I knew the blank look of my eyes. I had made Hedeon record me once.
I set the blueprints away. I knew I would be able to concentrate. I wanted to go back to Dahlia. I wanted to fuck her and make sure she was alright.
We hadn't even touched her much. Just everyday kisses and that was it. Hedeon was with Dahlia and Lucain was working on tracking down the axe lunatic, Alexandre was busy with other things on the ship and ensuring smooth working. Many of our staff themselves had once come with us for protection.
All of us had enemies on the land.
I heard the sound of the helicopter. The helipad was at the very back of the ship, a few feet away from my office. My office was a lot smaller than others. And I preferred it that way.
I turned my head, looking out through the window as Lucain got out of the helicopter, ripping his headset off and throwing it into the helicopter.
Not a good day, then.
. . .
Dahlia
Hedeon's arm around me kept me from falling on my knees and screaming.
Everything was ruined. The whole store was ashes. Firemen rushed around, throwing jets of water onto my heart. But nothing could ease the burn.
I turned, digging my face into Hedeon's chest. He picked me up and set me back into the car. "This can be a distraction, Dahlia. We need to get away."
I didn't say anything. I covered my face with my trembling hands, still somehow feeling the heat coming off of my store.
Why?
It used to be Uncle's. The only reason Dad didn't fight me for it was because it didn't bring in much profit. But it got me enough money.
And it wasn't even about the fucking money. So much of me was in there, burning away.
I heard Hedeon talk to someone over the phone.
"Get the ship ready. We need to get away."
I knew what that meant.
I didn't protest.
. . .
Lucian wasn't as expressionless as his brother and Hedeon, but he wasn't as free as Andros either. You couldn't tell what mood he was in until he opened his mouth.
I felt the same way as he entered my bathroom and watched me sitting in the bathtub, covered in bubbles. His face was serious, his jaw set and lips pressed in a thin line.
"Lucian."
"I'm sorry we're taking you away."
I smiled. "It's okay," I whispered. "The store was one of the few things keeping me there. Where are we going?"
"Andros came up with some coordinates in the ocean that he said seem safe enough. We're going there."
I paused. "Wait, so we're not headed to any land? We're just going to be in here."
"Not many men with axes in the ocean, Dahlia. It's safe."
"Oh," I said.
"We will, however, pick up a few supplies in a town in about three weeks. Till then, there is just us and the ocean."
"And the many people on board."
"This area is all ours." He walked towards me. "Can I help you?"
"Help me bath?"
He nodded.
"Why would you want to do that without touching me first?"
"It's just the way I am with you, I think," he said, taking his shirt off. "I didn't think I'd ever feel the urge to bath someone after not having a scene with them."
"Like aftercare?"
He shrugged off his shirt, exposing his tattoos and a million scars. "This isn't aftercare." He said and then frowned as if a bit confused. "This is just...care."
"That sounds nice," I whispered, feeling warm.
He smiled.
. . .
(4/4)
Lucian is so cute I just wanna cuddle with him.