A burning sense of injustice, sobs, sorrow: desire to fight back, and no time or energy to do so.
- Sylvia Plath
. . .
Dahlia
I didn't think I was a shy person by any means. Well, I used to think that. Till I found myself laying in my bed early in the morning, wondering how in the world was I going to face them after the conversation yesterday. Would they touch me? They could. I had my safeword.
Even the thought made my face warm.
My phone buzzed. Bobby meowed in irritation from where he was sitting on his bed with Vaness. I flipped him off and grabbed my phone.
It was a text from Marie.
Are you having your me days? You don't have to answer if you are. I'm just worried. Otto is worried, too. He didn't ask for fries with his cheeseburger.
No fries? Are we sure Otto hasn't been replaced by an evil clone?
No. He is still just as annoying. Are you okay?
I'm fine. Just...busy with some stuff. Do you wanna meet?
Of course. Let's meet up for Lunch. Should I text Otto too?
Lunch will be good. And yes, text Otto. Tell him I'll buy him fries.
I'll see you then
See ya
I threw my phone away and sat up.
"Bobby, Vaness."
They meowed in return. My cats were really talkative. It was adorable.
"Let's go for breakfast, hm?"
They were scratching the door as soon as those words left my mouth. I laughed and quickly got ready before they organize a mutiny.
I carried Vaness out of the room, and Bobby followed us. I walked to the deck passing a few people who stared at me for a bit too long. I was yet to talk to anyone but the Kozlovs and Monets. I didn't even try. Social Anxiety.
Talking to new people wasn't easy for me. Unless they were introduced to me. Marie had introduced Otto to me. Otherwise, I would have never talked to him. Even though I always thought he was awesome. He used to be the class clown, and so many girls had a crush on him.
"Good morning, Dahlia."
Alexandre's voice stopped me before I could get to the deck. I paused, looking into the kitchen. He was chopping something, his eyes on me. Andros had paused stirring whatever he had been stirring.
My face was red. Instantly. "Morning, guys." I walked in. The kitchen wasn't too big, but it had everything in it. And it was pretty in a rustic way.
"Good morning, Dahlia." Andros grabbed my waist, dropping a kiss on my forehead. "Breakfast will be done in a few minutes."
"Can I help?"
"No, love. Just feed you cats, hm?"
I nodded and fed the cats. Vaness was full, but I knew Bobby would still try to steal our food during breakfast.
There was a chair near the only window in the kitchen. I sat down on it.
I cuddled Vaness to my chest, rubbing her head as Bobby sniffled around. Andros' narrowed eyes followed him as he stirred.
"Your cat is trouble, Dahlia."
"You're not the first one to tell me that. He is a food-stealing bully."
Alexandre didn't say anything. His eyes were firmly on me, dark and dominant. The corner of his lips twitched as I gulped, watching his hands as he chopped a few other things.
"Dahlia," Alexandre said. "I will accompany you to your store today."
"Oh," I said, suddenly really looking forward to work. "Okay."
. . .
"You must have better things to do."
"No." Alexandre browsed through the books as I sat behind the counter. "There is nothing else I'd rather be doing."
I didn't believe that. There were many things about them that I didn't believe about them. On the top of that list was their willingness to be around me. They want to be around me. I knew myself. I knew I wasn't easy to be around. I had been like this ever since I was a kid.
Maybe that's why my parents never wanted me around. I was difficult to deal with.
A child is a child, Dahlia, My uncle had once signed to me after wiping off my tears. Every child deserves to be loved. You're not difficult, darling. They are.
I always wanted to believe him. But my dad was a sensible person. He wouldn't have ignored me if I was good.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Daddy issues," I said.
"Did your dad say something?"
"No, but he has said so many things I never need him to add to them. They haunt enough."
His eyes were gentle as he set his arms on the counter, leaning down so that he could look me in the eye. "Want me to beat him up?"
I laughed. "No, Alex. That would actually break my heart."
"You love him."
"I love him as much as you can love someone who loves you...sometimes," I said. "My dad's love is conditional, I always knew that, but can never make peace with it. If you follow his rules, he will love you. Those rules always existed just for me."
"Not for your sister?"
"She used to be sick a lot when she was younger," I told him as he rounded the counter and sat on the chair beside mine. "So, everyone cut a lot of slack for her, which was understood. Cancer isn't easy, by any means. But my parents, especially my dad, directed all their love toward her and all their discipline towards me. They thought it worked. They think it still works."
"Does it?"
"No," I said. "I think..." I took in a deep breath. I hadn't expected to have this talk tonight. "I think my parents are too used to putting off their love for me. Because I am always there. I will always be there."
He took my hand in his, brushing his thumb on my waist. "You don't deserve that, Dahlia," he said quietly. "They should have expressed their love towards you every day. But, You're not a creation of their failure at affection. Your father is a grown fucking man. He should have sorted his shit before having a kid."
I smiled, looking down at our joined hands. His hands were so much larger. I had always had small hands with weird nails. The tattoos were so pretty, too. My thumb brushed his wrist, mimicking what he had done earlier.
"His family, as you know, was poor. There wasn't any room for affection. He shows love for my sister because he knows he could have lost her."
"Nothing justifies a grown man not loving his daughter, Dahlia. My father was a ruthless man. He started our business. His father was an asshole. And yet, he was a good father to us. He was a good father to the Kozlovs, too."
I lifted my eyes. "I don't know why I keep defending him."
His eyes softened. "It's a loyalty thing, Dahlia. He's family. You defend your family."
. . .
"What is he doing?" Marie asked, licking the ice cream in her hand as she leaned against Otto who was sitting on the hood of his car. We had lunch together. Alexandre talked only a little bit to my friends who had a million questions. He was good at dodging questions.
"Attending a few calls," I answered, looking over my shoulder at where Alexandre was standing against his car, his sunglasses on his nose and his phone pressed against his ear. I could somehow tell his eyes were firmly on me.
"Dahlia, will you tell me what is going on?" Otto asked. "Something is wrong. I can feel it."
"Something is wrong," I agreed. "But...I don't think I should tell you much. I will tell you guys everything eventually. For now, I need to navigate through this myself."
They exchanged a glance.
"Are they being good to you?" Marie asked.
I gave her a single nod. "Yes."
"Are you lying?" Otto asked.
"No. They are good, I promise."
Marie sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Your sister called me again."
"And?"
"She is visiting tomorrow. Your father really wants you to introduce him to your boyfriend. She ordered that I demand you to go."
"She ordered?" I asked. Marie may appear to be soft, and she was soft to most people, but she didn't appreciate being ordered around.
"She sounded panicked," Marie said, rolling her eyes. "I'm not saying go to dinner or take your boyfriends with you. But, check in. Something could be wrong."
I took my phone out, unblocking Emilia. I looked at the texts Mom had sent to me. I had her muted.
Darling, I made your father promise he wouldn't try to scare Hedeon away. Please come to dinner. We miss you.
We miss you.
I stared at the last three words of the message. Mom didn't usually say anything sentimental unless she was feeling emotional or felt like being emotionally manipulative.
My thumb landed on the keyboard but then I pocketed the phone.
I had to talk to Andros or Hedeon first. If one of them would be willing to come with me, I'd go. But alone? No. I couldn't do that. That would demand at least half a month of peace.
. . .
Someone kidnap me please I can't do this college bullshit.