─ 19. this sucks
***
ELENA’S POV
I held onto Dae as if he was my lifeline.
In some way, he was.
He was able to spark some sort of happiness that I hadn’t felt in days – it was a refreshing feeling.
My hands still ached – terribly, in fact – but for the first time since it happened, I didn’t dwell on it.
Dae’s comforting lavender scent entered my nostrils while he snuggled his head underneath my chin. Sang, standing still – more than likely in shock, watched the scene before her eyes, open mouthed.
“Where were you?” Dae asked, his baby voice muffled slightly into my sweatshirt. Pain raced across my chest, and I winced. “I have so much to tell you ‘Lena!”
I bet.
“…I was visiting family, Dae-Dae. But I’m back now.” I cringed the way my voice cracked. I hadn’t spoken this loudly in days.
My throat felt like it would crack and bleed because of how dry it was.
Dae peeked up and stared at me with sparkling doe eyes
.
“I missed you,” He pouted, “…Daddy missed you too, ‘Lena.”
Sang sucked in a sharp breath; panicked green eyes flashing to my face. I don’t know how I managed to keep the tiny smile on my face – but somehow, I did.
Sure.
“I missed you too,” I forced my smile to become wider.
Dae grinned, “I’m gonna be a big brother, ‘Lena! Isn’t that cool?”
My smile wavered and completely vanished.
Would this ever get any easier?
Talking or hearing about him?
Nope, the snide voice in my head hissed, lips peeling back in a shark-like grin.
“…that’s nice, Dae-Dae.”
My voice cracked multiple times.
He sounded so happy.
I tried my best to sound happy for him, and I hated myself even more because it didn’t sound convincing enough.
I thanked the good lord above that he was only five years old.
Dae pulled away from my body quickly, causing my hands to fly off his back, and fall onto the mattress. A loud hiss escaped me, followed by a cry of pain.
“El?” Sang rushed into the room from her place at the doorway. “Are you okay?”
“…Lena?”
My eyes opened as I heard Dae’s trembling voice. I sucked in a sharp breath as I saw his gentle eyes tear up. His lips wobbled and his eyes focused on my hands.
“What happened, ‘Lena?” My heart broke in my chest as a tear trailed down his cheek. His tiny hands reached out and gingerly touched the casts that wrapped around my hands, so softly, that it made my eyes water slightly.
“Just a small accident, Dae-Dae.” I forced a grin on my lips, and carefully pulled my body up to press my lips against his head. “It only hurts a little.”
Dae sniffled and wiped his cheeks as Sang awed from her spot by the side of my bed. Dae leaned down and softly pressed his lips against my right hand, and then my left.
My smile widened instantly, and my heart filled with joy at his actions.
“That’s what my Daddy does when I get a boo-boo,” Dae explained cutely, eyeing my hands once again.
“Thank you, Dae-Dae.” I finally laughed – and I didn’t miss the way Sang’s head snapped down and gaped at me.
Crackers, it felt good to be able to laugh again.
“I feel much better.” Especially since you’re by my side again.
***
Hours had passed since I left my bedroom and followed Dae into the living room where he spent the last hour showing me his brand-new toys his grandparents had gotten him.
I eyed Sang once she left the room, phone to her ear.
“Those are awesome, Dae-Dae.” I playfully gasped, holding his new green train in between my hands. “I love them.”
Dae squealed and passed me another train, and out of the corner of my eye – I noticed Sang enter the room again, smile in place.
“The boys are on their way home, El.” She grinned, plopping into the seat beside me. I nodded and smiled slightly before handing the toy back to Dae.
Sang cleared her throat slightly and looked at Dae.
“…and your dad and grandma are on their way to pick you up, sweetheart.” She smiled at Dae, who grinned in response.
“Okay!”
It didn’t take long for my brothers to get home, along with takeout.
The entire family, and Dae, sat in the living room eating kimchi fried rice and japchae.
For the first time in a while, I sat down on the floor, beside Dae, and balanced the fork in between my thumb and the cast and ate my fill.
Vic, near tears, watched me gulp down the food in barely contained joy as I smiled and chatted away with Dae.
“Have you felt better today, darling?” Mr. B asked, his millimeter smile perking the corner of his lips up. I nodded, while chewing, and gave him a smile.
“I feel a lot better, right Dae?” I asked the little boy, whose cheeks were poked up from the rice he was eating.
Dae nodded enthusiastically, grinning once he swallowed the bite of food.
“Yeah!” he giggled loudly, coaxing smiles from my family – even Mr. B. “I kissed her boo-boo’s better.” He explained proudly.
I giggled, too busy speaking with Dae to see my family’s reaction to my laughter.
“Yes, you did.” I smiled in mirth, “Thank you, Dae.”
Soon, we all finished our dinner and Vic came to my side just as Dae was cuddling onto my lap, feeling sleepy after his stomach was full.
Vic carefully kissed the top of my head.
“I love you, sis.” He murmured joyfully, “Things are already getting better, you see?”
“I see.” I replied, happiness inching its way back into my voice.
But I knew as soon as Dae was gone, and I was left alone again – depression would creep upon me once more, and I was left alone to brave through my destructive thoughts.
A knock on the door startled me from my inner musings.
A lump appeared in my throat.
He was here.
Close.
My heart raced inside my chest.
Too close.
Vic noticed my panic, and his face hardened.
He whispered soothing words and carefully lifted Dae off me, and stood up.
A squeak left my throat as I hobbled off the seat, trembling and rushed out of the room. I couldn’t seem to fully understand the words Dae said after me – I was too focused on getting back to my safe place
.
I trembled violently, hissing hatefully at myself as I struggled to twist the doorknob between my hands.
It finally swung open when the door downstairs opened
.
I shut the door behind me and leaned against it – chest heaving.
It was embarrassing that I was tired after climbing the stairs.
I fumbled around and finally laid on my bed and tried to calm myself.
I could hear the muffled voices downstairs, and I was scared.
Mister Jeon.
I winced as I thought of his name.
It hurt and burned worse when I thought of him today.
Flashes of what I saw this morning kept me from listening in to what was being said.
I came back to reality once my name was yelled.
By Dae.
“…Lena! ‘Lena! I have to say bye-bye to ‘Lena!” His pitiful little voice made my eyes water.
Crackers.
I swallowed hard, unwilling to listen in more, but my curiosity was urging me to get up off my butt and listen in.
Do it, the sneering voice said.
I followed it’s directions.
I winced, my weak and tired body cramping as I lifted myself up, without the use of my hands, and I pushed myself to my feet.
I carefully opened the door when most of the conversation halted.
I crept down the hall and stood, hidden, by the staircase.
“Lena?” a sweet voice asked, an unfamiliar one. “What are you talking about, sweetheart?”
If I had to guess, it would have to be Dae’s grandmother.
Mister Jeon’s mother.
I winced and fought the urge to hold my chest as I thought of him again.
I wasn’t strong enough to peer down and see them in the living room, but I listened closely – flinching once he spoke.
“What?” he sounded slightly breathless.
My lips wobbled, and I tried my best to not burst and cry.
“Elena?” he asked, shocked.
I cringed at the sound of his deep attractive voice.
Remember what you saw this morning, Elena.
Do not forget it.
EVER.
“She got back three days ago,” Vic nearly spat – his normally soft voice was colder than a block of ice.
My head dropped back in defeat, eyes clenching tightly shut.
It was only a matter of time until he found out I was back.
This sucks.
***
A/N
please note this is unedited.
Ugh, I'm so exhausted.
Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the chapter.