Photograph of Princess Maria of Romania with her younger sister, Ileana, in Constantona during the visit of the Russian Imperial Family in 1914.
June 1914
I was in the Livadia palace courtyard but it seemed foggy as if it was a dream like state, empty. My anxiety began skyrocketing as I started to search for the Angel. There was a figure, alone and in the distance. She was very recognisable. It was Viscountess Natasha, from Tatiana's ball. I quickly walked over to her, she stood there as if she was waiting for me. "Nice to see you again, Astrid."
"I know you are in my head." I murmured. She just smiled even more at me. "Are you not going to warn them about the revolution?" She asked me. "I need time, I need the First World War so I have Tatiana and Olga on my side. It'll prove more to Cian and Caoimhe." I explained to her. "What about the picture from the future?" She asked me, her smile still on her face. "I don't think they'd believe me anyway." I confessed, then I thought about it. "Wait, let me ask you questions." Natasha stayed silent, allowing me to proceed with my questions. "First, why can I see you? Two, who is that bloody Angel? Three, what happened to the good Angel? And four, why do I have that picture?"
Natasha stayed silent. Then she slowly spoke, "I am that Angel. I am not in my actual form so that bloody Angel as you call it can't sense me. So I physically transfer to look like this. I am the daughter of Harmonia, and your guardian Angel. Only a select few can see me, some demigods of people I trust and you of course. The bloody Angel that follows you around is the embodiment or personification of pain and sorrow. It follows you because it is trying to prevent you from succeeding in your goals. It wants you to fail."
It started to make sense. Her sparkling green eyes, her light brown hair. She was my guardian Angel and i felt myself calm down as I realised I was safe from the evil Angel. "Why is the Evil Angel following me out of all people? Why was I transferred back to 1912? Who was that hooded guy?" I asked repetitively.
"The hooded boy is Terrence but from the future. I gave you the photograph for comfort because I know you miss your old family deep down, your brother and sister miss you too. But they are living their lives, and your aunt, full of grief. And your level headed uncle. You were never meant to be born in the 1970s. It was an error when evil invaded the timeline. It is following you specifically because the Romanovs were always meant to be saved but evil formed set backs, like the execution for an example. We tried to fix everything and bring you to your real family but I suppose sometimes the fates hate us."
She paused for a second and continued. "You are a demigod Astrid. And evil is particularly trying to get you to fail because evil always tries to hurt the good people and disturb their peace. Like your family for an example. Yes, they have made many mistakes but every human does this, they have followed the righteous path of their beautiful religion and has showed themself as humble and pure in their heart. So a second chance was given. All of this is thanks to the Primordial Kleio, she is the personification of many things but she usually is with alternative realities and timelines."
"I have way more questions." I confessed. Natasha chuckled at me. "Astrid, I am just a vision in your head. I can't answer all of your questions. I don't even know all the answers myself. I just know the information because I was provided it by whoever is upstairs. Just remember this, you are their second chance Astrid. Don't forget that."
"And.. you will meet some people. That'll stick with you for a while. Make friends out of them, they will understand you." She smiled. And suddenly when I blinked she was gone, and when I turned around so was the courtyard of Livadia.
***
I opened my eyes but my vision blurred from the light shining down. I smelt the familiar smell of weed. "She has woken up!" I heard Lili Dehn exclaim happily. My hands reached my eyes and I rubbed them, then I finally saw my surroundings. I was in an unfamiliar room with cream coloured walls. I felt pillows underneath my head and internally sighed. I was 'sick' again. I heard someone snoring. "Wake up!" Lili dehn yelled, The person who was snoring woke up and walked out of the room, i could tell from the departing footsteps and the door opening and shutting. I started to tense up to see if the evil Angel was around. "Where am I? Where is my family?" I weakly asked with a dry voice, I tried to sit up. "Don't do that, Astya, lay back down." Lili ordered. She took a cold cloth soaked with water and placed it on my head.
"The meeting continued without you. The public is not to know that anything bad happened. Your family, Cian and Kiki, and the Romanian Royals went to a parade they had to attend, otherwise they'd be with you. Your poor sisters were so worried and almost argued with your mother that they insisted on staying with you." She explained as she held down the cloth, it stung in one place but still felt nice. "Is there a doctor that will come to me?" I asked.
"No, this incident happened before and your Mama doesn't want anyone else to see you over then... Dr. Botkin." Lili answered. I sighed in relief, but noticed something. Lili seemed uncertain in her second statement. Did she really mean Dr. Botkin or did she mean Rasputin? "Where are we?" I asked. "Queen Marie of Romania graciously let us stay in one of the rooms in the palace while they are at the parade." I did not want to stay in bed, I wanted to go outside with the fresh air and the warm sun on my face. Maybe then I could face the Angel and it could finally leave me alone! "Can we go outside?" I requested. "No, I can open the window for some fresh air if you please." Lili replied to me.
Lili went and opened the large window vertical to me in the room. "I can not open the rest because they are too high." I nodded my head, pressing down the once cool cloth on my forehead. It felt so nice on my headache. "Don't press to hard! There is a wound where you bumped your head when you fell!"
"May I get a cooler cloth then?" I asked, Lili took the cloth off my head and dipped it into a bucket full of ice and water that stood right next to my bed. She squeezed out the excess water so it wouldn't drip down me and placed the cloth back onto my forehead.
"It feels very nice on my headache." I said as I started to relax. "I know." Lili smiled at me. I was almost relaxed when I realised that I would be in trouble. "Wait!" I yelled, sitting up and startling Lili. "When I fell, I heard someone scream out my actual name!" I frantically said, panicking. Lili forcefully made me lay down again, "Yes, you heard Tatiana." I gave her a look of panic as she continued to press the cloth against my head. "What happened then?!"
"Tatiana explained herself, saying it was a mistake. She explained your different nicknames and apparently Astrid Nikolaevna was one of them. Nobody questioned her after that." Lili calmly explained. I relaxed a bit and closed my eyes. It is my fault that the meeting went down hill. Tatiana desperately wanted to be on the Queen's good side and I had ruined that for her. Stupid head, stupid vision, stupid life, stupid, angels, and stupid time travel!
"I completely ruined it." I muttered. "Completely ruined what dear?" Lili asked me with concern. "I completely ruined the meeting and reputation for my family. First it was in England when I tried to run away, now it is in Romania." I cried out in despair. Lili looked at me, her face was full of sympathy. "It is not your fault that you are ill." I sighed and continued to sulk. "Fine, I will take you outside. If it cheers you up." Lili compromised.
I nodded my head happily, trying to push away my negative thoughts. I will talk to Tatiana about it later, same with Cian and Kiki. I might also tell Olga. Lili helped me out of bed, once I stood on both feet my headache really came intact. "Ow." I whispered, massaging my temple with my free hand. Lili carefully sat me down in the wheelchair that was provided. She then wheeled me outside to the balcony area, a few Romanian and fewer Russian soldiers surrounded us. There was 2 people talking with them, laughing too. I had my hat on again, shielding my wound from the powerful sky.
"Malcolm, is that you?" I exclaim as I notice him talking to one of the people while guarding the entrance to the inside. "Hello again, Astrid." He greeted and turned back to the person. I turned to look at Lili, "Can he keep me company? Please!" I begged, she gave me an unsure look. "I am not sure Asya, he is on duty."
"But there are so many guards around,if he sits with me for a few minutes there will be no difference!" I insisted. "We might all get in trouble." Lili said, worried. "Just put the blame on me! I already have a damaged reputation, it won't matter at all." Lili thought for a second. Then silently nodded her head, maybe glad she wasn't going to loose her position. "Malcolm! Come keep me company!" I ordered. Some of the soldiers gave him a funny look and the person he was talking to whistled. He looked embarrassed as he left his post to walk to me. There was a bench that sat hesr the balcony, Lili wheeled me there so I could enjoy the view and Malcolm could sit next to me.
After that, I had no idea where Lili was. "So it wouldn't make a difference if I leave my post, ouch." Malcolm teased. "You know exactly what I meant! Stop trying to make it seem as if I am insulting you!" I remarked. We both laughed until Malcolm spoke again, "How did you end up in the wheelchair again, lass?" I let out a sigh and slumped into my chair. "I fell and bumped my hesd against the concrete during the meeting today, I also have a bloody headache and was left alone."
"So you would risk your reputation for me?" Malcolm asked, ending the unfortunate conversation. I laughed, trying to hide my blushing face. "Couldn't resist asking? It is damaged enough, what worse can happen? And of course I'd risk it for you, you are one of my closest friends that aren't in my family." Our eyes met, Malcolm's stare lingered until he looked away. "Do you believe in true love, Astrid?" He asked me. I was taken back by the sudden question. "Oh um.." I thought for a second, did I believe in love? My mother died in childbirth and my father left us when I was born. It was just like, he was there and then he was gone, no support from him.
Then I thought again, about my Mama and Papa now, "I guess I do. No one expected my parents to end up together. They fought against the odds when everyone around them told them it would be a horrible decision." I answered. Malcolm sat quietly, carefully listening to my words. When I was answering his question I did not face him, I looked at the setting before me. I took advice from a show I watched back in the 80s, and from some teenagers living near us. I would not recall the name and when I tried to i found myself remembering less of the 70s and 80s then I should have. I panicked because of this thought.
I do not want to forget my life before this. It is who I am, apart of my identity, I don't want to loose it. "Do you believe people of different ranks could fall in love?" He questioned, it made me snap out of my thoughts. I began thinking about my answer. "I believe anyone can fall in love with whom ever they want, but I don't think it's possible now. I'm the future, yes, now, no. Anyways, why are you asking me all these questions?"
Malcolm looked taken back at my question. "I was simply having a debate with a friend, I just wanted your input." He answered quickly, but a bit rocky. He was tripping over his words. "Oh, alright. Anymore questions?" I questioned and I looked over to him.
"Do you see yourself with anyone in the future?" I felt Malcolms' gaze the question made my face turn a brighter shade of red then it was already. "I do not know, I'd probably have to marry a foreign prince but with my reputation and my actions, I don't know anymore."
"Would you ever consider marrying someone of lower rank?" He said, his voice barely above a whisper. What the fuck was he talking about? Why was he asking? I felt myself blushing harder. Our faces were only a few inches away from each other. I could feel his soft breath on my face, what if I said yes? Would we kiss? The odds were against this. I had feelings for Malcolm, I couldn't deny it. He was so nice and funny, he, like Cian and Kiki, was always there to cheer me up. Most likely, we could not end up together. It would be impossible. I have been leading him on for too long.
Even if I survive the revolution, we could never be together. I would be distracted from keeping my family safe and he wouldn't get the wife he wants. I could not do that to him, as a wife, as a Grand Duchess. As I looked into his eyes with us only a few inches apart, I gave my answer. "I don't think so." Malcolm moved away from me, I could feel his disappointment surrounding us. Trying to engulf us into it. "So... what do you plan on doing in the future?"
"Living in Russia alone, maybe with one of my sisters if they do not marry." I answered, knowing this would be impossible because of the revolution. He wouldn't look at me, he didn't even try facing me. He was just looking straight ahead. Silence fell upon us u til Lili spoke up, "Astrid, let's get you inside before your family arrives. Also, you are going to meet two people." I nodded my head and waved and said goodbye to Malcolm as Lili wheeled me away to the inside of the safe, colder and very beautiful castle: Peleș Castle.