Woke Up In A New Decade

Chapter Fifteen

Picture: Tatiana doing her work with Olga behind her, 1912.

Warning: Uncomfortable topics ahead.

November 1912

Cian was panicking and trying to tame my hair for whatever reason, it was crazy. Today was the day my family was visiting, well only the Tsar and the big pair. Alexei had another episode and mama stayed with him and called Rasputin. She also didn't want the little pair to be exposed to the environment that the letter had mentioned. The big pair was also heavily involved in what the letter stated and the tsar wanted them to accompany him.

I was excited and nervous. It was almost Olga's birthday, it was tomorrow, November 3rd. Mine is on the 18. It was odd but Tatiana and Maria's birthday are in the same week. I spent my time learning to knit with Kiki, then knitting away, I made her a sweater and got her bracelet. It was silver with gems, Cian asked grandmother, she agreed and at least I had something for her that was nice. Olga was still there, she didn't go back to Russia yet. She hated her husband, rambling on about him. I needed her and Ci and Kiki there, voices of reason. Grandmother has no idea I know her plan.

Once we got the letter after a few weeks, we saw they were coming soon from Russia, I sat in silence on bed. Liesel sat on an armchair, I stared at the picture Olga gave me before leaving Russia. It hangs over my bed, I decided with free time to read my diary. Cian suggested it, i told him. He believed me seeing Terrence in his dreams before. I finally had confidence and curiosity to read it, curiosity killed the cat. I got my diary and opened it.

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January 1912

I woke up and ate breakfast with the pairs and papa, drank tea with mama, and had French lessons today. Our friend came to see us today. He came late so we sat in our night attire hiding him from our governess. She didn't like him when he was around, mama doesn't know. She told us not to tell mama, our old governess was dismissed because she didn't like him in the quarters. I don't like him too, he did things that are unknown to me. I don't know if I should tell papa or the pairs. Mama won't believe me. Rasputin gave Masha advice and Anya a life lesson. He talked to the big pair and me, but I should be in the small pair. Or trio. I don't want to write what he told me, but I'll tell you this. He had his hand on my knee and stroked my cheek and kissing near my breast area. He also stroked my back with his leathery cold hands.

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My mind froze, my stomach turned into disgust and I felt sick. My fists clenched, I first knew who she talked about when she said the advice. What else has she written? Does it get more graphic then this? My mind was running laps and marathons, my heart was beating fast and I felt disgusting. I shut the book, I never wanted to open it. I put it hidden again and began laying down and staring at the ceiling. It was gross what this young child went through at a young age, I wondered how much times he had inappropriately touched her. Did any of her sisters know? Did Tati know? Did Olishka know? The worst part was she didn't know what he was doing wrong.

A tear escaped my eye, poor girl. I know they called me Astrid Nikolaevna Romanova, but I will always be Astrid Hoffmann-Alexandrovna. I finished knitting more things and grandmother will take it and sell it at charity. I sighed as a servant walked in. "Astrid Nikolaevna, your family has arrived." The servant said. Liesel ran at a fast pace as I followed, I ran to see Papa, Tanya and Olishka talking to Aunt Olga and Grandmother.

"Papa! Olishka! Tanya!" I yelled in Russian. They turned their attention to me, I had my arms outstretched and pushed myself into my father and we hugged each other. I felt my grandmothers stare on me but I payed no attention. "How I missed you my star!" The Tsar smiled. "I missed you too!"

We let go of each other and I hugged Olga, she was shocked at this. I was rude to her the first time I met her. I didn't mean to but I just was. I wanted to change my attitude to them, cherish the time until I'd last see their golden faces. Today I will be more open and talk to them. "Oh Asya! You changed so much!" Olga cried out. I stopped hugging her. I stopped myself to look at Tatiana, she looked the same the last I saw her, just slightly taller.

"Oh Asya.." she whispered with glossy eyes.