im sorry in advance
chapter 57
I was panting, and Nari was fast enough to hand me a bottle of water when she saw my condition. It was the third time that we practiced our debut song here in Inkigayo, and it's currently 3 am. It was common for us to be here very early so that we can do our rehearsals and later we'll be performing live in front of our fans. Other groups have already occupied the stage, and our manager told us to go back to our dressing room since we need to change into comfy clothes. WE're already done with rehearsals, we just have to wait later for our live performance.
Treasure sunbaenim is already here too, and what's awesome is that Jihoon oppa is currently the substitute mc in Inkigayo later. It was kinda sad though that later will be there last performace for their song, 'Bona Bona.' It means we won't be seeing them as much anymore. All of my members really were relieved when we knew that Treasure sunbaenim members are here too because we don't really know other people here, aside from NCT Dream where Chenle sunbaenim is Mulan's cousin, but they still haven't made it known to the public so I don't really know if we'll be able to have an interaction with them.
When I was finally done changing into my comfy clothes, I took a bite from the infamous inkigayo sandwich since I was really famished, but I was shocked when I bit into paper. Yes. You read that right. There's a freaking paper in my inkigayo sandwich. I really thought that they stopped doing this.
I showed my members my sandwich, and they all laughed out loud. Eunkyung even made sure that I would get annoyed by her loud ass.
"That's our visual maknae!" Eunkyung cheered as she checks the letter. I grabbed it from her to see who gave it to me, and I was shocked that it came from a sunbaenim who's way way way older than me. He was the one with the issue right now for being involved in a cheating scandal, but because he's a freaking guy, he's still here promoting with his group.
"Ew. Isn't he already considered your Uncle with your age gap? The heck?" Nari disgustingly said when I told them who gave the paper.
This is the reason why even my ass of brother, Hyunsik, is scared of me debuting in an early age. There are a lot of predators in this fucking industry, and I really hate it.
I fought the urge to message Ruto to tell him this tea because I know he's still busy, so instead I told the S Squad but I made sure to not tell them the name of the sender since my manager told me not to share it.
S Squad
me: hey guys guess what
somi: hi baby it's been so long imy so much and once again congrats on ur debut im so so soooo proud of u my pookie mwa mwa also ur cover of i know places is blowing up in tiktok rn have u seen it
me: thanks, somi eonnie!
and no i havent yet but omggg im gonna go and check it thanks for the info!!
sunghoon: damn am i the only one who finds it weird that somi noona talks nicely to stella only, but to us shes mean af
sunoo: yeah you dimwit, fyi shes nice to me
sunghoon: what did i even do to u
somi: im nice to sunoo and all of u, EXCUSE ME?
sunoo: hear that sunghoon hyung
seungmin: and theyre fighting again
soobin: guys shut up! stella has something to say, yall should respect her. also congrats again on ur debut, stella! i heard ur song is currently no. 1 in BB HOT 100, im so proud!! hyuka also says congrats and hiyyih too <3
me: awe thats sooo nice, thanks soobin! also please thank kai for me and can u ask hiyyih if i can get her number? i wanna say thanks to her on my own yk i reallyyyy adore her !!
soobin: sure! i'll ask her first ! also ik we shouldnt be interacting w the opposite gender but i really hope u and kai can be friends too yk hahaha
me: hahaha oki i wanna get his number too now thanks soobin <3
shotaro: time flies im sooo proud of u stella if only sm didn't have me delete my account i wouldve posted a cover of ur debut song </3
me: wait u already know the dance steps???
shotaro: ofc ofc u really were so cool dancing that typa move i wish we can do a tiktok together tho :((
sungchan: FUCK SM
sungchan: anw, congrats stella! ur debut song is so good, even our soon to be members were blown away
sunoo: I AGREE! im so proud of u baby girllll! u deserve it sm!!
sunghoon: congrats stella i listened to ur debut song and it was really good :)
seungmin: Welp chan and felix has never stopped playing it. ITS ON REPEAT HERE IN OUR DORM PLS SEND HELP THEY KEEP ON ASKING FOR UR NUMBER THEY WANNA BE FRIENDS BUT I SAID NO
ALSO CONGRATS IM SO PROUD OF U STELLA
me: damn thanks guys i really appreciate the support you dont know how happy i am by this
but what i need to tell yall is this
an old sunbaenim like way way way older than me and currently has a scandal put his number on my inkigayo sandwich
somi: oml what NO WAY
VID CALL
NOW
somi started a video call
seungmin joined the call
sunghoon joined the call
sunoo joined the call
sungchan joined the call
shotaro joined the call
stella joined the call
The video call has ended after an hour of talking about all the teas in the industry and it was a mess. Somi, Soobin and Seungmin were like the only ones who were advising, while Sunghoon and Sunoo were fighting and Sungchan was just busy admiring Shotaro's face from the video call. I missed them so much, and I still find it funny how we're such a random group of friends since we don't really have much in common except we're idols and we have the letter s as our first letter in our names. But, I'll forever be thankful to them since they were very trustworthy in this industry where it's common to be two faced.
"Are you alright? You've been staring at this blank wall for a few minutes now," Mulan asked me, as she ruffles my hair. I gave her a weak smile before telling her what's troubling me ever since our debut showcase.
"I'm just scared that all of these will be taken away from me, eonnie. Now that I have it, I know I should be happy, but instead I'm scared and anxious. I don't know, maybe I just have to meet up with our therapist, maybe she can help me deal with this." I sounded more like I was talking to myself instead of opening up to Mulan.
I just really don't want to bother my members. I don't want them to know what my thoughts are, because we are all already so tired. I don't want them to worry about me. I can definitely take care of myself.
"You don't need to be scared, byul. We're here, you're not alone. If there's something wrong, we'll make sure to fix it as a team. Remember, you're not a trainee anymore. You're now a member of a group. And as a group, we'll help each other out for the better outcome of our team. So, please, don't keep it all to yourself, hmm?" Mulan told me, and her tone was so gentle that I almost wanted to hug her for her kind words. I really love Mulan eonnie so much, she just knows what to say.
After a few hours of rest, we were told that we must perform our song, 'Dream' as well because of its outstanding ranking. It could've been a pak if only our debut song wasn't in the way. Our song 'Dream' is a very emotional song that after listening to it for the very first time, we all cried. We all participated in writing it, and this song just tells our story.
We were all very sorry to our stylists who had to find a way to have new set of clothes ready for us for our Dream Performance. The only good thing about all these, is that we don't have to perform Dream live later, and it'll only just be prerecorded. We badly needed rest since all of us still haven't had enough sleep since last week.
After our dream performance, we immediately went to Eunkyung who started crying inside our fitting room. This song is really emotional, especially for her so we made sure that she was fine before we went back to napping and taking a rest from everything. Damn. This is just the first week but I already feel so tired.
I decided to open my phone, and texted ruto. I told him about the sandwich incident, because I really wanted to share the tea with him, but I was shocked with his response.
ruto: im busy.
I told myself not to get hurt. Of course. He's busy and I'm busy. I shouldn't expect much because our job really requires a lot of our time and effort. I'm really stupid, I shouldn't have messaged him at all.
But why... why does it still hurt? Is this even alright that I feel this way? Or am I just being immature? I slapped myself mentally. Stop it, Stella. Now's not the time to be selfish of someone who has thousands of fans waiting for him.
* * *
It's been 2 weeks since I last heard from Haruto. We also don't meet each other in the company because of our schedules. I don't even have any updates from them anymore because I'm so busy with our own promotions. Even international such as Jimmy Fallon and Tori Kelly asked us to be their guests and even made us performed in their shows. It was a dream come true for me and my members to be acknowledged outside our country, but being able to perform in Seoul still makes us feel more at home.
We also had lots of achievements for the past few weeks. We became the fastest kpop group to win in a music show for our debut song. It was only 2 days. Our encore even blew up, and thus, we received more love and support from lots of new fans around the globe. Our company has also started to give more support to us because of our fast growing fame.
"I don't think I can even move my arms anymore," Eunkyung whined as she was next to me.
"Then don't move it." Nari chimed in, earning her a glare from Eunkyung.
"Shut up, Nari."
"You shut up, Eunkyung."
"Both of you should shut up. You both know that we're being filmed right now, right?" Hiraya scolded them, so Mulan and me couldn't help but laugh at Nari and Eunkyung who both can't do anything but to obey Hiraya's words.
Soon after, the cameras are finally turned off as soon as we were out of the fitting room. Damn. Being in front of the camera really is such a hard thing, to the point I don't think I can fart normally anymore.
We just finished our promotions for this day, and we are now going back to YG to rest and practice some more, when all of a sudden Eunkyung shrieked.
"He's rumored to be dating someone??! But I'm rooting for him and byul!" Eunkyung yelled, and my eyes immediately looked at her phone. Wait. What? Did I read it right?
"Treasure's Rapper Haruto Watanabe and ***** ***** are both rumored to be dating after being seen together at night near ***** ***** 's company while being very close to each other"
I felt something inside me cracking. How can Ruto even meet someone at night, when whenever I would ask him if he's free, he would always say no to me? Impossible. Haruto would never do such a thing. He likes me. He told me he likes me, so how can he do such a thing, right? It's just a rumor. As long as there's no real proof, then I won't believe it.
"No way. Someone took a photo. Fuck Dispatch for real." Nari commented nastily against Dispatch, but instead of saying something I just watched the picture in Eunkyung's phone. There's no way that that's not him. The guy in that picture is indeed Haruto. I can never mistake it for someone else. Besides, his blonde hair stood out too much. How can he be so stupid? He should've wore a cap or something to hide it. Stupid ruto. I hate him so much.
I looked the girl up, and there I saw her face. She looks so pretty and she's japanese too. Of course he'll meet up with her instead of me. I'm not as pretty as she is. And ruto has always had a hard time trying to understand me, so maybe he'll never have to try hard to understand her because they speak the same language.
"She's really pretty and popular. They look good together. Now, stop teasing me with Ruto." That was all I could say during their conversation about it because I have to act natural. My members don't know a thing about me and Ruto. I can't have them suspect me now.
But I really am hurting so bad right now. I tried to check my phone if Ruto has a message, but it was still the same. My message was left on seen. I felt my chest tighten, but I tried to calm myself. It's just a rumor. Ruto will never hurt me. He told me he won't.
Instead of doubting more, I decided to message him again to ask him how he's doing, but what happened next shocked me. I can't send a message anymore because he blocked my number. What the hell is happening?
Ruto... did I do something wrong? We were so happy just a few weeks ago.
If thee rumors were really true, I would never get angry at him for seeing another girl, but how can he do it while we had something going on? I know we're not in a relationship, but I do know that I deserve to know it too. I would really understand him choosing someone else over me, and I would never hold it against him, but why does it have to be this way?
Am I really that easy to abandon, ruto?
Maybe mum was right afterall.
to be continued. . .
thoughts???