" I understand what you're saying but listen to what I am saying. I'm not a side bitch type of bitch... I am not someone that you can play with and I am telling you this right now. The same way you be crazy is the same way that I match energy. So whatever you do and give out you're going to get back. I am not for the cheating, the abusing, whether it's mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally, financially... I'm not with none of that. I'm not pressed about keeping no man just to say I have a man. I don't give a fuck about none of that And I'm letting you know right now." I explained to him and he nodded. " seriously, your sister is my best friends... She has helped me out so much. Even with letting me stay at her house to finish school. She helps me so much and I would never disrespect her or go out my way to disrespect Joshua, or anybody around her that loves her. But once we step into this and we take that step, this is about me and you. Our business stays between us." He nodded.
"Well I have to tell Joshua."
" are you taunting me right now?" He nodded. " don't be an asshole." He stopped smiling and nodded.
" my apologies."
"Okay do you truly understand what I am saying to you?"
" you wanna be my girlfriend," he smiled and I laughed.
" honestly, that is the only way that I am willing to let you fuck."
" so do you really wanna be my girl or you just wanna fuck?" He asked me and I laughed.
" you've been bothering me for a very long time, and you have yet to take me on a date. We can pretend that you are slow or whatever people like to do but I know that you are way more than what people think you are." He grabbed my leg and pulled me closer to him.
" we don't have to pretend anything. This shit fucking annoys me. I hate how everyone treats me. I know they have no ill intentions, but it is very harmful to my mind. They treat me as though I'm less than. I'm not capable or I'm not able." I nodded. " I am fully capable of taking care of my kids, and I am fully able to provide for them. Yes, I did drugs, I never denied it, and I never lied about any of that. I never did. I done crack, coke, I did it. I popped pills but I am better, I changed. I want my kids." He shook his head and got up. "My kid don't deserve this, to feel like we don't want them. I do. I need them." He paced.
"I know. That is the case a lot of the times. You feel like you need a reason to live." He sighed.
"I don't understand why everybody hates me. All the odds are against me." He sighed. "I am so unhappy." I nodded.
"I can tell." He stoped and looked at me. "You always try to make everybody happy. You are masking. I can tell you are deeply unhappy."
"I never... I never wanted to be this way. I wanted to be a firefighter or fucking Joker." I laughed.
"You are nuts, why joker?" He laughed.
"He was the shit and he did it all with a smile. He was in so much pain and he smiled."
"He was a sicko."
"So am I." He shrugged and I stared at him. "I do the same shit."
"He killed people." He looked at at me and I held eye contact.
"Yea..." he sighed. "I don't know man." He sighed. "I wish shit was different."
"We all do. I wish everyone saw you how I see you." I shrugged and he sat back in front of me.
"How do you see me?"
"We have been what? Talking for three weeks?" He nodded. "You are so intelligent, so giving, so funny, so kind, so loving and lovable, charming, nurturing, capable, you listen, you perceive and comprehend. You are strong and tough, you are also soft and vulnerable. You are a great dad, you are willing to learn and change. You are beautiful inside and out." I explained and he smiled softly and his eyes became glossy. "Awe."
"I am fine, I don't know why I am being an emotional bitch right now. For once it is cool to have someone around me that views as more than just being a burden." I hugged him. "I really want my kids." He cried.
"I know." I rubbed the back of his head. "I am so sorry." I couldn't help but cry myself.
It hurt me to see him going through this.
"Yeah because I wash always wondering what happened during that time." I laughed. "She punched your ass and you went right for those divorce papers." We laughed and I walked into my moms house and Madison and Macy were sitting on the couch.
"Yeah, she punched the shit out of me, that was the last straw." I laughed.
"I punched you before."
"And I fucked your brains out."
"That you did, I loved you after that. Baby you are and were everything. The way I felt about you... shit the way I feel about you is fucking ridiculous." I walked up and hugged Madison.
"Hey Milli." She smiled and got up giving me a full hug. "Look at you and you belly."
"Yes 1 and a half months to go. I and ready."
"Trust me I know how you feel." She sat back down. "So you don't want a baby shower or anything?"
" I did, but I also wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted someone to surprise me with like a baby shower or a gender reveal but I don't really have any friends or anybody that would do that. I want that moment to be special. I'll do it another time."
" you plan on having another baby?"
" the way, my man has been treating me, I will give him as many as he wants. I want to and he wants three, he already has one in my two. So we kind of match up perfectly in that aspect, in a lot of aspects." She nodded. "Where is mommy?"
" she should be coming back soon, she went to drop the kids off to some party."
"Okay." I walked to the kitchen and she had some food already cooked and my mouth instantly started watering.
"Is Macy there?"
"Yeah."
"Did you guys speak?"
"No, babe my mom mad collard greens. Ou, yes." I grabbed a plate.
"Are you going to speak to her?"
"No, she gone keep feeling how she feels." I shrugged and made my plate.
Just a quick plate I can eat fast.
"Speak, you are older."
"But I am not the one with the problem."
"Put your pride a side." I shrugged.
"I don't care about her or this." I sighed. "You are making me sad."
"Why?"
"Because you are not here and I really miss you and now I am all by myself." I wiped my face. "I didn't have a baby shower, I didn't get to celebrate my pregnancy at all. Christmas is in ten weeks. We gotta go on the trip with these people. I actually love these people. They don't love me."
"They do love you."
"Who doesn't love you." I looked up at my mom walked up. "Why are you crying?"
"Because... I don't know." I shrugged.
"I remember I was pregnant with your brother, all I did was eat and cry. You might be having a boy." I shrugged.
"I don't know, I didn't have a gender reveal or anything. I am just not celebrated how I celebrated other people."
"You want more? You look like you done." I nodded and she chuckled. "I am so sorry thy you feel that way. I have just been so wrapped up in your brother and the kids. You dad has been busy with work. I am so sorry we didn't take the time to live in this moment with you."
"It's fine." I continued to cry.
"Did you and Macy talk?"
"No."
"Macy!"
"Yes!"
"Come here!"
"Baby stop crying." I sighed and wiped my face. "I will be home tomorrow."
"Can we go get me a LV bag?"
"Yes, whatever you want." Macy walked in.
"Yes?"
"What is going on with you two?" I continued to eat.
"Nothing." She sighed. "She just doesn't fuck with me no more."
"I don't feel anyway towards you and that is because of how you have been treating me."
"What? How have I been treating you?" She yelled.
"The fuck is she yelling for?" Joshua chuckled sharply.
"Like I am a lame. Taking weeks to text back and you send me a one-word response. Not answering my calls or ignoring my calls or declining my calls. You having tried speak to me at all since you went back to Vegas and that is on you cause I am going to be good. However you feel keep feeling that way because I did nothing to you." I shrugged.
" I have been busy."
"Okay keep being that. I wish you the best." I shrugged.
" why are you talking to me like this? Like you don't care about me?"
" like you said you didn't listen and you didn't care to call me and check up on me. You didn't care to know whether I was dead or alive for knowing that I was pregnant with your niece or nephew. You don't give a fuck about me and I just stop giving a fuck about you, you should've came like 2 or 3 months ago." I shrugged. " I know you... You were being shady, and you were being very transparent on how you felt about me. No matter what we always make time for each other, you were my world. You were my child before I even thought about having a child. Do you even know why you have been treating me like this?" She stared at me and my mom walked out.
"You told Cassie that I am all about my nigga and I don't care about nobody else." I frowned.
"What?" Joshua laughed. "She is a dumb ass."
"What? I don't even speak on you like that." I stared at her. "So you haven't spoken to me half of my pregnancy because of that?" She sighed. "Damn Macy. You could've just asked me or confronted me. Something that little destroyed our relationship?"
"I am sorry, I should have asked you." I shrugged.
"It's fine." She looked like she was about to cry and that annoyed the fuck out of me. "Please." I shook my head.
"I am sorry Amillion. I should've just said something. I should've never treated you like that and I know how you hate to be treated like that. When I heard that you supposedly sad that, I was so up be to some extent I know I am so caught up in him in his life. Things are just crashing. We broke up and I am just... it is so much going on." I nodded.
I don't give a fuck.
"Well... I am sorry that happened to you." I shot her a smile and my mom walked back in. "Mom where did you take the kids?"
"I dropped them off to the around for a party. Their friend Grace was having a party. I thought that was cool. It was like an adventure park."
"Lamarcus misses his kids."
"I know, I just don't want him to get in trouble and then they really take the kids away and then he won't be able to see them at all. We might as well just do everything the right way." I nodded.
"That is the samething Joshua was telling him."
"Yes like just to be safe, plus he see them every day and almost every night. They spend more time together and they have a new found love for him." I nodded. "Jasmine said that she feels like he loves her more now and he wants to be around them and she was crying tears of joy because he is not sick which we know what that means."
"Awe, we they first got here I had a conversation with her and she felt like he didn't. The progression."
"Yeah, plus I honestly don't think he would be able to handle them."
"When they were staying with us he was doing great. The part I am scared about is how crazy he is behind them."
"True."