(a/n: okay y'all, i am seriously sorry for not updating. i say this all the time but 😭 i literally haven't updated in like 2 months and i feel so bad! also, my mental health lately isn't so great and i kind of needed a break and stuff. depression and shit. hope you guys enjoy this and have a day better than mine :)
(Everyone has joined the chat)
Zelda: Why...why are there...papers stuck all over Hyrule with a dagger
Link: Who knows, marketing these days...
Daruk: Probably trying to sell us drugged veggies or sum
Revali: You guys are so stupid, just read it
Mipha:
(made it myself 💀)
Zelda: Yeah no, how do you manage to get the camera to work so well. Everytime I do it, it's all blurry and the paper keeps flapping
Link: Let's go.
Revali: excuse me what
Link: You heard me, let's join the BOKO BOYZ CLUB
Mipha: It does give a lot of information 🤔
Urbosa: But how will we disguise? The bokoblin are surely not dumb
Daruk: just look at me
Link: dw, just paint yourselves a color and they'll believe you. just say you're a little fat and that should do
Daruk: #IFeelAttacked
*a few disguisations later*
Urbosa: This paint is so dried I might as well never clean it off
Mipha: I'm so glad i barely had to paint i'm already red -_-
Revali: feathers and paint don't go well...
Zelda: Okay guys liven up. here's the order
link = bokoblin
zelda = lizalfos
urbosa = moblin
mipha = bokoblin
daruk = lynel
revali = lizalfos
Revali: I can't even do the tail whip thing and the tongue thing like they do?? How am I gonna do this?
Zelda: Well look at me!
Daruk: -_- lynel? you're expecting a bit much from me. this ain't gonna workk
Link: Even if they call the backup forces, I'll take care of it ;)
Mipha: k that is true
Urbosa: well, let's go to fort hateno
*dramatic marching music*
Mipha: It's...raining...
Revali: And?
Urbosa: AND, DUMB REV, our paint will wash off. also i did my hair and it's going to get ruined so can we please find some shelter
Zelda: There's a small engrave in the mountain over there. we can set up camp there
Link: *stabs two sticks in the ground, rips a useless tunic he never wore and makes a tent* VOILA! *makes a fire*
Mipha:*sits in front of the fire* oh nah i'm gonna burn
Zelda: You do realize it'll take HOURS for the rain to stop, right?
Link: Yeah, but what are hours when we-
Revali: dumba-
Mipha: hmm hmmm HMMMM HMMMM hmmm...
Revali: dumb....ie.
*after the rain stops*
Link: Hurry hurry, the event starts in 5 minutes. If you're late the only material they have left is apples or something
Zelda: I see it i-
Urbosa: Looks like we're late.
Larrylin: Hey! There's only 5 bomb arrows left! Calling all-
Link:
Mipha: You started a war-
Link: WHERE ARE THE ARROWS
Larrylin: Sir, you're gonna have to get into l-
Link: *slowly draws ancient blade from back*
Larrylin: GAH WHAT IS THAT
Larrylin: ...DID YOU KILL LINK TO GET THAT
Link: YES MF I DID GIVE ME THE ARROWS
Larrylin: Wow...you should be our new leader...you're amazing! *hands Link the bomb arrows*
Link: *puts blade away* thanks
Zelda: Li-I mean uhhh Lawden was that really necessary
Link: for bomb arrows anything is necessary
Daruk: uh hi
Larrylin: You might need to drop some weight. Link would easily annihilate you in an instant.
Daruk: *starts getting trauma* uhhhhh yeahhh heh heee
Larrylin: Fine, you're in. What's your name
Daruk: I'm uhh Laruk
Larrylin: Okay Laruk get in the meeting room. And Lawden too
Link and Daruk: *waits in meeting room awkwardly*
Larrylin: NEXTT!!!
Mipha: My name is Lipha. I wish to be a resillent, agile and skillfull member of the Boko Boyz Gang. I do hereby swear that I will follow-
Larrylin: ur in
Larrylin: NEXTT!!
Zelda: Hey
Larrylin: *raises an eyebrow* And what's your name? You look oddly familiar.
Zelda: I'm...Leda?
Larrylin: Leda?
Zelda: uh yeah
Larrylin: Can you fire an arrow
Zelda: *fires an extremely wobbly arrow that droops the second it gets fired*
Larrylin: Woah! Amazing archer skills, you're in!
Zelda: *mentally confused* Your archers are quite-
Larrylin: In the meeting room before I change my mind!
Zelda: Okay okay sorry
Larrylin: How about you. You look jacked out to be a bokoblin. Perhaps you are a Moblin?
Urbosa: Yes wise Larrylin, I am. At the young age of 6, I have been wandering Hyrule, fearing Link for as long as I live. Every Blood Moon is an opportunity to regain my will to live once again. I will do the right thing, for the Boko Boyz Gang. I am pleading that you will take me in as one of your own kind.
Larrylin: k get in
Larrylin: One more
Larrylin: You're quite blue I would say
Revali: AND???
Larrylin: *gasp* The audacity!
Larrylin: ...which would be perfect. get in the meeting room.
Link: Yo, you finally came in. that took a-
Larrylin: SILENCE PEOPLE
Larrylin: We have rejoiced today to plot the annihilation of the Hero, Link. Does anybody know his weaknesses? Any important traits or uniquenesses about him?
Daruk: Oh I know he's scared of-
Link: *pinches him slightly* Daruk you idiot this isn't for you
Larrylin: *walks around trying to be intimidating* ...No one?
Daruk: N-no sir
Larrylin: *turns towards Daruk*
Daruk: omg lord save me please now protect me from this ungraced land-
Larrylin: K.
Everyone:
Larrylin: No weaknesses? Let's move onto aerial combat. Everyone, grab a wooden bow from the rack, line up, and we'll see who hits closest to bullseye. Probably no one, but let's see here.
Mipha: ...I've never trained in archery before...I'll be waiting for you guys on the other s-
*hits right next to the bullseye*
Link: Woah! That was great! I mean, not better than m-
Zelda: Link, shut up. ERRRR LAWDEN! I MEAN LAWDEN!
Link: *uses 5-shot lynel burst bow and somehow they all manage to hit the bullseye*
Larrylin: Ah! It's you...the man with the ancient blade..uh, you're in. To be honest, you don't even have to participate in anything else.
Zelda: *holds the bow incorrectly*
*steps forward with the wrong foot*
*pulls the arrow back with the incorrect fingers*
*releases at the wrong time*
*hits the spot 2 inches in front of her*
Urbosa:
Revali:
Larrylin: Hm...not bad, you're in.
Zelda, whispering: If that wasn't bad..I don't even want to see the rest of the archers.
*cue all the Champions and then the archers*
Link: This is a shame towards soldiers. This is actually insulting, how bad they are. And that mf Larrylin actually thinks they're good!!
Larrylin: ...What did you just say?
Mipha: Link, you have 5 sec-
Larrylin: All sections,
hit him.
*does that cool camera effect thing where it zooms in on his face*
Link: *rips off mask* You think you and your puny troops can defeat me?
*Most of the bokoblin cower in fear, screaming their heads off*
Lucas: NO PLZ! I WANT MY MOM!!!
Luna: GET US OUT OF-AHHHHHH
Link: It's okay. It will alllllll be over veeeeeery soon.
Mipha: What has been activated
Revali: pffft asisine hero *takes out all the Moblins from the sky*
Zelda: Revali, careful! You almost bombed Link!
Revali: What makes it look like I care
Urbosa: *lightnings up (is that even a phrase) all of the enemies*
Larrylin: ...WhAt??!?! All the sworn champions are hEre?!!
Daruk: *bellyflops onto all the bokoblins*
Random boko: MMMPPFFFPRGHHHHh STOPPP
Daruk: HAHA! AND YOU TELL ME TO LOSE WEIGHT!
Link: ✨ 😏
Zelda: ...uhhh no...
Link: *starts shooting his 999 ancient arrows onto everything, completely decimating everything in his path, he somehow bribed purah to get rid of the cooldown effect on the runes and now throwing remote bombs everywhere*
Mipha: I-
We better get out before we die too
Champions and Zelda: *run outside, watching the literal attack from afar*
Link: *grins maliciously, cackling while everything is exploding around him*
Larrylin: Oh my Ganon. W-what is that THING. It's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in all my years as a Bokoblin Club Founder.
Link: aNy LaSt WoRdS!?!?!?!?
Larrylin: Forgive me Ganon as I have-
Link: *slowly presses the detonation button onto his Slate*
Larrylin: WAIT PLEASE NO!
Link: Oh? Are my enemies below me BEGGING for mercy??
Urbosa: Okay. Link. Dude, no.
Larrylin: Please let me live
Link: why
Larrylin: I want to have a rematch of you. The fierce Gold boko squad will come back in triumph.
Link: *swings his Ancient Battle Axe++++++ plus 50 base damage over his shoulder* Eh? You guys will never win. You probably know.
Larrylin: yes, but we-WHAT R U DOING
Link: *polishing his weapons again his own foot*
Mipha: ...Link...what the heck are you doing?! You've gone savage?!?!
Revali: Wasn't that obvious like...maybe 2 hours ago
Link: I'll let you live. If you lose again...
Link: *shows off his entire inventory* these little babies will be waiting for you!
Larrylin: eeek
Larrylin: okay fellow comrades, let's get out of here. we better bunker up and ready for battle
Link: *humming* Okay guys, let's go back to the castle. THat didn't turn out as I expected it would, but *shrug* it turned out better.
Zelda: This isn't casual. Why are you acting casual?
Link: Don't get me wrong, it's fun to obliterate Bokoblins and then watch their health bars drain
Urbosa: wait, you can SEE those?!
~
hiiii guys! i hope this chapter made up a little for the time i haven't updated. life is 👎 so...yeah...
dares and ideas are always appreciated, and cia! (OMG I HAVE NOT SAID THAT IN A LONG TIME)