CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
road to el dorado, pt 2
Walking through the jungle that this place is, is not as fun as it first sounded. My feet hurt, I'm pretty sure dozens of mosquitos have bitten me, and I'm worried about if I'll get a fever because of the water, the mosquitos or whatever it was that got in my mouth while I was talking earlier.
On top of that, I can't stop thinking about my brother and Sarah. And even though I try not to, I think about my father too. I just can't help but think about the possibilities.
When we found the Merchant gold, it all seemed too good to be true. I never allowed myself much time to think about my future. It just wasn't part of the plan. That summer everything I knew was slowly changing. I became an orphan, DCS was knocking on my door and I could barely pay our family's debts. The only good thing I had going was my friends, my brother and my good grades.
That went to shit too when I got too depressed because of my brother's disappearance to force myself to study for finals.
So now that all of this is almost over, what am I supposed to do? Are we supposed to go back to normal as if none of this ever happened? How am I supposed to do that when I don't even have a house to come back to?
In my first year of high-school I dreamed of going to college, I dreamed of our graduation. I dreamed of getting on that stage, diploma in my hand, and my friends by my side. None of that seems possible now. There's no way they'll let us graduate.
Sometimes I think JJ can read my thoughts as if it was an open book. I can tell he knows what I'm thinking about as he swings his machete, trying to clear the way for us as we move forward.
It's gotten to a point where none of us is speaking. At first we would hum a song in unison, trying to pass time. Then, since we had plenty of time, we gave Cleo an in depth explanation of our lives, of The Cut, of everything. We told her a lot while in Poguelandia, but now that she has lived in The Cut herself, she is curious to know more. That went on for a while, the five of us laughing at memories from our childhood, first impressions and embarrassing stories.
Then everyone got quiet as we got higher up in the mountain. There was a point where we agreed to rest for a while. Cleo and Pope went their own way, and when we went to find them they were acting so fucking weird.
I told Kie they had kissed for sure. She rolled her eyes and told me to drop it. But Pope looked like a five year old on Christmas morning. Yeah. I know my friend. He's fallen and he's fallen hard.
And now here we are, trying to find our way to El Dorado, with nothing but a weird map and the sounds of the jungle to guide us.
The quietness is interrupted by what we can only imagine is an explosion, and that sound makes my heart drop to my stomach as I watch the birds fly away startled by the sound.
I look at Pope, who's beside me, eyes wide with horror. Then, we turn our faces at JJ who's leading the way. He's looking ahead of him, knees partially buckled, prepared for an attack.
"Let's go, let's go." I urge them to keep moving.
It doesn't take us long to finally come face to face with my brother. The situation is not the best, I'll admit.
My father is sitting on a rock, gripping tightly his side, grimacing, which can only mean he's gotten himself hurt somehow. The sight of distress in his face makes my heart beat faster, but it's only when my eyes focus on John B stepping forward, letting Ward point his gun straight to his chest that my heart stops beating.
I feel JJ's hand gripping tightly around my upper arm and pulling me back down with the rest of them. It's his touch that brings me out of my trance. I hadn't realized I had grabbed the machete and took a step forward.
Sarah tells her father to put the gun down, clearly annoyed that he's gotten here somehow. Ward tells her to shut up while my breathing pick up and my heart hammers inside my chest.
"You have it all, don't you, John?" Ward asks, "Now you get everything, uh?"
Ward limps towards his daughter, and takes something from her hand. For what my eye can catch, is a huge rock that shines with golden light when the rays of the sun hit its surface. Which can only mean one thing - they found El Dorado.
"Thank you, sweetheart." Ward says, taking the gold from Blondie, stepping back. His words are not for her anymore though, as he resumes his speech, "You get to go home, back to Kildare. Live happily ever after."
But Ward's words sound opposite to that. They sound like all the things I had visiones and planned for me and my family were never going to come true.
"With your son and your daughter," He kept rambling, "that love you." Ward takes a minute to breath, and then keeps on speaking, "And my daughter... who hates me."
It's hard to explain how I know, but John B is about to make a very stupid decision.
I think I know it because I know him. I've grown up with him. I've been next to him every second of his life. I know what he likes, and I know what he hates.
Neither of us knows what the world looks like when the other one doesn't exist. We got here together and I've said this a million times before, but I keep wondering if we will leave this place together.
I think there's a bond between siblings, something deeper and much more complicated than what science or spiritualism can explain. Of course, not all families are the same. I got all the luck with that. I got to be best friends with my brother, with my twin.
And I think it's because of that, that I know what he feels like. I know what he thinks. I can feel it, somehow. I can see it in the way his jaw clenches, and I can see it in the way his eyes have slightly squinted, making his decision firm.
"I'm sorry, John. I can't allow that." Ward finishes.
"All right, so, what are we gonna do?" Pope asks right behind me.
"Is this ride or die?" JJ says under his breath.
There's no doubt in that answer. I made my decision at the exact same moment JB made his.
John B and I may be siblings by blood, but life has made these people our family too. And I'm not even talking about marriage, romantic relationships or anything like that. Not even friendships. I'm talking of something else.
There's a bond between us that no one will ever break. You just can't. It's impossible.
I see Sarah Cameron there, slowly sliding towards my brother and my father, eyes set on her father and his gun. I know she'd die to protect them. So would I. And these people next to me? Cleo, Kiara, JJ and Pope? I would take a bullet for them any day, any time.
Family is not decided by blood. Family is the people you treasure, the ones that - as JJ simply puts it - your ride or die. Family is just the people you'd die for. And I'd die for any of them in the blink of an eye.
My knuckles get white when I grip tightly my machete, and I raise it just above my eyesight, ready to swing.
"It's always been ride or die." I say, "P4L, guys."
"P4L." Cleo agrees, unsheathing her machete.
Pope goes next, then Kiara. All repeating what has become our most trustworthy motto, the one thing that has kept us going, together and alive. Pogues for life.
Only JJ is left.
He turns his head towards me and stares at me with those big blue eyes of his. He studies my face, as if he's looking for any signs of doubt or remorse. But I have none. I nod my head, giving him all he needed to smirk with a proud look.
"Fucking P4L." He says with his smirk as he grabs his machete.
It's when we hear Ward cock his gun that we come out of hiding screaming at the top of our lungs. We scatter through the ground, surrounding Ward. We shout, ordering him to put his gun down.
I can feel my lungs burn with rage just looking at him with every breath I take.
My father looks surprised but relieved at the same time to see me. I stand opposite to him, and I give him a quick wink that makes him laugh before focusing again on our common enemy.
I also notice my brother's shoulders relax for a second with relief before getting tense again two seconds later. Blondie smiles in disbelief, watching us all surround Ward with our machetes ready to swing at his neck.
"Come on! You're outnumbered, Ward."
Ward is frenetic, he can't decide what to do. His gun travels between all of us, as he is unsure who he should shoot first.
He turns to Pope when he speaks, "What are you gonna do, shoot us all?"
"If you gotta shoot somebody, Ward, shoot me." My father says out of nowhere, gripping his stomach with both of his hands.
But John B isn't going to allow that.
My brother steps forward, until the barrel is merely inches away from his chest. "Or me." He says firmly.
I make a run, leave the pogues behind and join my brother. I push him slightly to the side, machete still in hand, and I take his place.
"Shoot me, Ward." I challenge.
I feel John B grabbing my left hand, gripping it harshly, silently telling me to move, to get out of there. I won't.
Ward's eyes look frantic as he stared at me with his hand shaking. His lips are pursed and the sweat on his forehead makes his hair stick to his skin. He's covered in dirt, and he looks like he hasn't sleep in days.
I take a step closer. The barrel is pressed against my forehead. My eyes meet his.
"If you're gonna shoot somebody, shoot me." I say each word carefully and firmly. "And be sure I'm dead, because if you miss, or if you kill anyone in my family... Fucking hell, Ward. I promise I will hunt you down. I'll find you and I'll tear you to pieces. You got that?"
I can see the decision made in his eyes. I see his finger shakily making his way to the trigger. I take a deep breath and I do not take my eyes off him. If this is my time, then so be it. I shake John B's grip on my hand, just to be able to be the one holding his hand instead. I squeeze it hard.
I said I'd die for my family, and that's a promise I intend to keep till the last of my days.
"Stop," Sarah speaks.
She walks towards us, looking between the barrel of the gun in my forehead and my eyes, with tears rolling down her cheeks. She gives me a sweet little smile before grabbing both John B and I and pushing us behind her.
Sarah faces her father, and this time he lowers the gun out of shock. Enough that when Sarah walks to face him face to face, the barrel hits her lower chest instead of her forehead.
"Don't!" Her father shouts desperately.
"You're not gonna kill all of us." She says, pursuing her lips. "I know you won't. I know you. You forget that I know you."
As Sarah speaks, my brother's hand squeezes mine harder, as if scolding me for what I had just done. I whip my head, enough to take a quick look at him. He's looking down at me, and all I can see in his eyes is relief, gratitud, and so much love. It kind of makes me cry, to be honest.
I squeeze my brother's hand. He nods his head in return.
Sarah makes a bold move, holding her father's hand, the one that points the gun at her chest. The man breaks down, he cries and sobs watching his daughter, but still, the gun is between his fingers.
Finally, Sarah takes a breath and pushes his hand down, while she keeps hold of the barrel. Ward lets go of the weapon as his arm falls to his side, and Blondie looks at the ground defeated.
"I couldn't. I couldn't do it." Ward cries while shaking his head.
There's no time for sentimentalism, because all of us hear someone cock a gun at our side. We whip our heads to find what I can only imagine is one of Signh's men that has been left behind.
He points his gun towards my father's temple. John B's quick response is to grab the gun from Sarah's hand and point it at the man. I raise my machete, taking a step forward until I feel Blondie's hand grabbing my shoulder, pulling me back.
"Toss it!" The man shouts to JB.
"Take is easy, bud. Your boss is dead. You got no reason to do this." My father says with a tired and rusty voice.
"I can think of a few reasons. Toss it!"
John B does as he's told, and the gun drops to the floor. This man then walks towards us, "Thought you'd end up with the gold, eh?" He crouches down, picks up the gun, and then stands up again, "All right, nobody move."
He puts the gun in a holster behind his back, then resumes his speech, "My mate back there is dead. Because of you." His eyes get set on Sarah.
The man smiles, raising up the gun, and says, "You go first."
Then it all happens at the same time very fast.
John B can't stop me when I run and throw myself towards Sarah, who had it written in her face that had made peace with dying. Well, I hadn't so, yeah. It ain't gonna happen, Blondie.
I tackle her to the ground as her father throws himself towards this man. We stay on the ground, and watch and hear the gunshots, and still Ward keeps moving, until they're both falling off the cliff.
Time gets frozen, as everyone gasps at what we've just witnessed. It's like the world now moves in reverse, and so it's harder to move forward. At least that's how it feels helping Sarah up to her feet.
The whole group follows Sarah to the edge. I think we all know it's a mistake to look down, but we all do it anyway. My breath gets stuck in my lungs, and I have to physically step back, unable to watch the sight below us.
Ward is dead.
There's no faking that this time.
While JB comforts Sarah, I see through the corner of my eye how my father's eyes flutter shut and his body slowly falls back.
"Whoah, whoah, whoah, dad!" I shout, running to him.
I grab his head with both of my hands, looking down at him. His eyes are barely open. Pope appears at my side next, checking for my father's vital constants with his fingers in his neck.
"John B!" I shout, seeing Pope's concerned look.
Pope puts one of my father's arms around his shoulders, while I take the other one. We try to help him stand, but he's too weak. He can't make any efforts. My brother quickly comes to my aid when he notices my knees buckling and he takes my place.
"Okay, Dad, we gotta get you out of here."
Making our way downriver with our bags and my father dying in our arms just seem so unfair. It is just unfair. After everything we've been through. We didn't even give Sarah time to mourn her father before we rushed her downhill!
This is just unfair.
The river flow is just too slow. I think it's clear for everyone on this boat that Big John isn't going to make it to land.
His heavy breathing is all we can hear, as we sit around him, taking turns trying to apply pressure on his wound.
John B sits next to his head, holding it and carefully dragging his fingers through our dad's hair. For a second his eyes blink open and he stirs, "Hey, hey, Pop, just hang in there..."
Our dad chuckles dryly, and searches with his eyes my brother's face. "We did it together, my boy." His chuckle dies down a bit, and a slight frown crossed his face. "Wher... Where's my girl? Where's your sister?" My father asks barely in a whisper.
"I'm here, dad." I scoot closer to him, sitting on my knees next to my brother.
My father's hand shakes as he tries to move it. I reach mine out instead, allowing him to grab my hands softly.
"John B, promise me you'll take her. That you'll see it together. Just like we drew it up."
I can't help the tears rolling down my face. His words are just a confirmation that he knows he won't make it. I've lost my father so many times over the last year, I never thought it would hurt this much when the time actually came.
John B sniffles, throwing his arms around my shoulder, bringing me closer to him. He holds my head with his hand, pulling me in until his lips leave a short kiss on my temple.
"Yeah, dad. I promise."
"Bird, Bird, Bee, Bee... Your mother didn't like it." My father chuckles tiredly. "She said it sounded like sex talk." The Pogues and us can't help but laugh at that, and I tighten my grip on my fathers hand as I rest my head on my brother's shoulder.
"It does sound like that, now that you say it, dad." I smile sweetly.
"She wanted us to call you Breezy..." My father says, almost out of breath just as I scrunch up my nose at the never-heard before nickname. "I said it was bullshit..."
"I like being a Bee, dad. It's cool."
"I like it, too." JJ says, sitting on the far end of the boat, making my father smile.
"JJ, you better treat her right, you hear me, boy?" Then our dad breaks into a cough, and my heart jumps out of my chest for a second.
"I will, sir. Always." JJ nods his head, as he wipes a tear off the corner of his eye.
"Sarah..." My father then calls.
I scoot closer to John B, leaving Sarah room to get closer. She does with a smile and tears on her cheeks. She reaches her hands out, and places them on top of my father's, "I'm here, Big John."
"Bird, you gotta hand on to this one." My father groans, but still forces a smile towards Sarah.
"I know that I wasn't any great shakes as a father," he keeps speaking, both John B and I tell him to shut up, we try to make him stop talking, but he never listens. "But you... You two were the best kids any man could hope for. I want you to know that..."
"Dad, stop, you can tell us when we get home, okay?" I sniffle, forcing a smile, hoping for the best but knowing deep in my heart I was lying.
"We're almost there," John B adds, caressing my father's head. Then his eyes shift to something behind him, and he picks up something, "Hey, dad, look, look. You did it."
My brother places a small rock of gold next to my father's hands, making it easier for him to hold it. His bloody and tired fingers reach for it, softly holding it. Then, our father looks up at us, his eyes shifting from each of us.
"I'll see you at home, kids." He breathes out.
And then he closes his eyes, and it doesn't matter how many times John B calls for him. He doesn't wake up.
All I remember from then is being between John B and Sarah, the three of us crying together, holding onto each other. The three of us lost our fathers that day. I'm not entirely sure how we got to land, or how we got off the boat. I remember Pope helping John B carry my father, while JJ and Cleo made sure I didn't fall to my knees and Kiara kept a close eye on Sarah.
With help from everyone I remember we buried him there in Venezuela, marked the place with a tombstone we made at the moment and a picture John B had kept in his pocket all this time. Giving my dad a second funeral was not something I ever thought I'd be doing.
A few meters away, we helped Sarah build a cross with some branches. We gathered flowers and made a nice bouquet, and left it there, next to a picture of her family. To honor Ward.
And just like that, everything had seemed to come to an end. Just not the one we had expected.