" as a push gift, I want to car."
"What type of car?"
" maybe a tesla X, or a Benz truck." He nodded.
" Okay, we need to start getting our stuff together for this trip to Aspen, we need to order snow uniforms, and things like that. You know it usually takes a little while for stuff to get to us."
" we can figure that all out when we go home tonight. Babe, I've been really sad."
" what is bothering you?"
" nobody wants to throw me a baby shower. Macy is always in Vegas, her and Gia has two new babies that they need to take care of, they don't have the time. Cassie said no, I don't want to ask justice, because even though she may do it, she's been so busy with this semester of school. My mom has been so busy with the kids. It's just like everybody has so much going on and I do not wanna inconvenience anybody. I wanted a gender reveal and a baby shower, but I probably won't even have a baby shower let alone a baby shower and a gender reveal party." He nodded.
" I'll do that shit myself. If I have to, I'll ask somebody to set it up. You deserve every thing. You're having my fucking child, anything you want you are going to get. I don't know if it will be as special as it would, if you're friends were the ones to do it or even surprise you, but I will try my hardest to make everything that you wanted to happen. Maybe we can figure something out." I grabbed his hand.
right now we are coming from my appointment that I had this morning. I have been feeling like shit all morning, I don't know what it is because I haven't had morning sickness in a while. Even like mentally, I feel like I'm kind of sad because I was there for everyone during their pregnancy and I just feel like the energy is not reciprocated. Don't get me wrong. I know that they are busy with their newborns and things like that but it's like I can't ever have celebrations and things like that because I have nobody. And maybe I feel alone because of my hormones or whatever but I really feel like nobody really cares about me. Even the situation with Cassie is making me feel like shit because I thought no matter what she would've had my back. And that's just not my reality. Macy's all the way in Las Vegas, and it's like I've been so supportive to her pregnancy, and I called her every day, even when she was in Vegas the first time, I called her every day, checked on her and checked on the baby, even though the baby was in her stomach. I went out of my way for her and it's like I cant even get a text back. It does make me feel some type of way because it doesn't take anything to answer the phone or call me. It's always been us two against the world and maybe she's just growing up and I have no right to feel some type of way, but I do. It takes nothing to text me and check on me or call me, she doesn't do any of that. It's like she forgot that I even existed, I have to text her 10 times just to get a One worded response. I don't know if I did something wrong before she left. I don't know. Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Me and Gia talk every day. She has so much going on, the DNA test came back, and Benny is the father thankfully. So they are getting their shit together as a couple. I don't know I just feel like I'm really in the way and I'm an inconvenience for everybody.
"Why are you crying?" Josh grabbed my hand. "What is wrong baby?"
" I don't know. I just feel so alone. Of course I have you, but it's like everybody is just too busy for me. I would've never thought that we would've had to throw in our own baby shower, or our own gender reveal. It may seem silly, but it's deeper than I can actually explain right now. I feel it deeper, I'm processing it differently. When I put in so much work for everybody else to make their experience special, even with Cassie when she was pregnant with her daughter before she had a miscarriage, I planned her baby shower, even when we were in college because I was the only one who had money. I have went out my way for so many people and the energy is not reciprocated. Macy thinks that Alexis threw her baby shower because I let her have that but we both know that I threw her baby shower. I pay for it out of my own money. I can't even get in contact with her to see if I can fly her out even if we have a baby shower. I don't know I just feel really bad today. Maybe it's my hormones, I'm not really sure yet, but it's just like my experience is not important to everybody like how their experience was for me. I was there every step of the way, even popping up at peoples houses, and making sure they ate, texting and calling to check up on them. Door dashing food, sending money, buying random gifts that I seen in the store just is because I know they may need it one day. I am not getting that energy at all. The fact that I haven't talk to Macy in almost 2 months like on the phone and I have to text her 1 million times just to get a text back. If she doesn't fuck with me anymore or if I did something she should've said something because that is fucking ridiculous. I would've never thought our relationship would come to this. Me and Madison talk more than me and Macy. But she can call my mom every day. I literally spoke to my mom about this yesterday because I was concerned, maybe Nasir has her down there, treating her like shit or something. I mean I hate to look at it that way, but that's the only plausible conclusion that I could come up with. Just to find out that her and my mom talk on the phone for hours every day. I felt like shit and that was the start of me feeling bad because I don't know what I did to her. You know how Me and Macy was, inseparable. She was my world, and I thought I was hers and maybe I am thinking selfishly but damn, we ain't talk in months, you're telling me you couldn't find one second to talk to me. That really hurts my feelings." He nodded.
" you have every right to feel that way. She can't pick up and call you for one second just so you can know that she's OK when she knows you worry about her all day every day. It doesn't take that much energy to call back or text, she can literally call you and have the phone sitting there while she's doing whatever she's doing. I don't like that because like you said before, you are very supportive of everybody else very supportive. I don't know what's going on with her but that shit is ridiculous that you feel this way. Because you went out your way to make sure nobody felt or feels alone and you still do that to this day so I'm not getting that. I don't want to be negative on this topic because maybe it's just all a misunderstanding, I don't want to exude negative energy about it but that is fucking ridiculous. I talk to Nasir every day and she's right in the background, laughing and playing, and hopping in and out of our conversation. I don't know what that's about." He shrugged. " talk to her about it."
" it's so hard to get in contact with her in general." I sighed.
" I didn't know that it was that bad between you two." He sighed. " we will figure something out, I am not going to let you be disappointed because of something so small. It's small to me and it's not small to you and I completely understand it, but this is not gonna stop anything. If I have to work 24 seven on this, then I will do that. I will make it. The grandest celebration ever. My baby is having my fucking baby, that's so fucking amazing. You are so fucking amazing and you are so beautiful. You are so powerful. You deserve the best of everything and I will make sure that you have just that."
"Ou I love when you talk like this." I kissed his neck and he chuckled.
"Don't start no shit in the car." I let go of his hand and I reached in his sweats.
"I'll do what I want with my dick." I grabbed it firmly and he cleared his throat. "Can you please fuck me baby."
"Stop playing. I am driving." I reached in his briefs and pulled him out. "Girl." He looked at me.
"Baby." I stroke him and he grabbed my wrist. "What?" I took my bottom lip in between my teeth.
"Wait?"
"Baby move." I pushed his hand off and went to work. "See baby." I kissed his neck.
"Shit." He hissed.
"I want to make you feel good." I moaned softly against his skin.
"Fuck Amil." He groaned.
"I love you so much baby."
***
"Fuck ugh!" I yelled into the pillow. "Baby!"
"Nope look at me." He tapped my face and I opened my eyes. "Yup, stay right here." I let out a deep breath.
"Joshua!"
"It's alright baby, look at you. You are doing so great." He kissed me softly.
"Yes."
"Take that dick." I nodded.
"I love you so much."
"I love you more baby." He kissed me.
"Fuck me." I moaned against his lips. "I am going to come."
"Give it to me baby, just one last time." I grabbed his arm. "Yup."
"Josh- shit. Baby." I whined. "Baby please." I smacked his arm.
"Mhm." He groaned slowly.
"Baby- yes just like that. Just like that! Yes! Oh- ugh!" I gasped for air.
"There you go. Good girl." He went harder and he grabbed my chin and kissed me. "Get that dick." I slowly slipped out.
This shit felt so good. I could feel myself slowly losing myself.
"Stay with me baby." He tapped my face.
"Shit! Joshua, okay! Oh- oh my fucking god, I hate you." He kissed me.
"You hate me?"
"Yes! Why are you doing this to me." I groaned between pumps. "Oh shit."
"I want you so feel good baby."
"It's too much."
"You almost there, it's not to much, it's your dick baby. Let it feed you. Soon as I pull out you need to eat this dick up." His lips hovered over mine. "Okay?"
"Yes, baby." I moaned softly. "I am going to come. Joshua."I came so hard my ears popped and random words came out my mouth.
"He pulled out and I slipped off the bed and soon as his tip hit my tongue I want his nut.
I wanted it so bad.
"Fuck." He groaned and pulled my hair to the back.
pleasing him has become one of my favorite things. It's something that I need to do. It satisfies me just as much as it satisfies him. His groans and growls of pleasure were my motivation.
Lamarcus has been in Vegas for three days because we felt like he needed a little break from what's going on here. He is being watched and taking care of, so we don't really have to worry about that. That's one thing I love about him being friends with Nasir and his friends, because they have a different mentality. They are in the mist of maturing and becoming successful man. They don't have time for the extra bullshit, and they still manage to have so much fun and party and do so many fun things. That's exactly what he needs, they are slowly becoming men just like Lamarcus. He just needs a little guidance. Even though he's older than all of them.
He's been gone for three days, the kids are staying with my mom and me and Joshua have been having sex nonstop. I didn't realize how much energy sex took and yet how satisfying and soothing to the body it is. It is tiring but it's something that I feel like I need. It's addictive almost, I wanna keep going just It relaxes my body, with he bends and stretches me. He eases me up physically and mentally. He puts me at ease.
"Damn girl- fuck Amil." He growled and he gripped my hair. "Fuck ugh."
"Give it to me baby." I spoke softly as I milked him.