" I don't know what you want me to say." I looked at Lamarcus.
" Say something." He sighed.
" if she is pregnant, that's something you gotta do it. I told you don't hit it raw. You still chose to do whatever you wanted to do, I already talked and you didn't listen why the fuck Would I talk again? I have no more advice for you." I shrugged and he just stared at me.
It scared me how much he looked like Amil. They make the same facial expression and everything. When they "get in trouble" they have the same face. I thought her and Macy looked alike but it really him and her. They both look and act like their mad, he is just masculine and more aggressive and a little off.
" that's not how I want you to feel."
" well, that's how I feel."
"I am sorry I will listen. I think she is just lying."
" the truth is going to be told sooner or later, so you're just gonna have to wait unless you take a pregnancy test to her house and make her take it in front of you. y'all both sit in a motherfucking bathroom." He nodded. " Neither of y'all are ready for this, yalls relationship doesn't even need a kid to throw in the middle." I shook my head.
"I know." He sighed.
"Come on."
Right now we have to go to this meeting with this facility, it's either me or his mom, I have to go because he lives in my house. This shit is aggravating because you have to sit and watch them talk to him as if he's fucking retarded. He's not slow. I hate that they treat him that way, yes, he's a little delayed and he has his mental issues but he's very smart and he understands. You just have to give him time to react or process it. It's like they tell him how he feels instead of listening to him.
I don't know why I take everything that happens to him so personally. It's like it triggers you because when you watch somebody try so hard and then the world constantly beats them down it stresses you out because you feel like you're the only one who sees the progress. I just really want him to get better for his kids and I think that's where my soft spot for him and also he's my family. He means so much to Amil.
"Hey Mr. Ramirez." She smile brightly.
"Hey."
" it's always great to see you."
"Mhm." I nodded. "What is this about?" I got straight to business.
" well, we are very concerned. We don't want him to relapse and we feel like this situation with his girlfriend."
" she's not my girlfriend, I told you that 1 million times and you still continue to ignore me. I was a drug addict. Not a liar, I have no reason to lie to you. It's not my girlfriend."
" Well, whatever you call it." He say back in his chair. " even though I'm not his therapist anymore me and his therapist worked together with these patients. He seems to hold onto old things from the past. it's-"
" you keep saying that, I'm not gonna get over the fact that I was molested." I looked at him.
" are you licensed?" I asked and he chuckled. " no seriously, because the way you talk to him is fucking ridiculous. His family pays good money for you to treat him like a fucking human being. I'm confused while we're having this meeting with you and we changed therapist. Where is the bitch that was here the last time?" She threw her hands up in surrender.
" I told you, I told you." He shook his head.
" you hush up." She shot out him.
" you shut the fuck up." I snapped. " this shit too unprofessional, we're gonna have a problem. I promise you I know your boss's boss. We are going to have a big... Big problem. We're done playing games with you." She stared at me. "Let's go."
Old stinky racist white bitch.
" I told you he was gonna curse your ass out." He laughed and we got up and left. " so what now?"
" we are going to find you another facility, we are going to try to find you an outpatient facility but if you have to be an inpatient, then that's just something you have to do."
" no..." he shook his head. " I have been through so much, I have got through so many tough situations without drugs. I don't need to be an impatient. I'm not even sure if I need this shit anymore."
" you live by the second, I'm thinking about your future. Someone has to do that for you. you don't know if your truly OK, every little inconvenience that happens to you you're ready to run back to drugs. You're in your first phase, you are making progress don't get me wrong and you have been doing so great and I'm so proud of you, but we cannot stop right now. You cannot stop right now, you shouldn't want to stop right now. You're just gonna give up like that?" He sighed.
" I don't wanna be a inpatient. I don't want to give up, just because I leave the program does it mean I'm going to stop trying my hardest. I just don't wanna be in this program anymore. I know I can do it by myself."
I sighed.
" that's the same thing that Joshua said." I shook my head.
" then it's like come on when did you get so tough. When did you become so hood? I will beat your fucking ass and you know that. You know you cannot be none of us. She cannot even fucking beat Amelia." I laughed. " OK and she's so wrapped up in him when he doesn't even want her ass. Then she said no to planning your baby shower. she was not a weird bitch when we met her. Well, at least, when I met her, she seem like a real ass bitch, she was real chill, and she was loyal. And I feel like the fact that she deceive me makes me want to punch her in her fucking mouth, and I told her when I see her it's on site. So she may not ever come around you again. Because she don't know if I'm with you and if I'm with you and you tell that bitch I'm with you I'ma fucking blow your car up." I laughed.
" I don't think she can be around me anyway. One I'm always around my brother now. Two Joshua doesn't want me around her and not in a way of isolating me or anything weird like that, he just feels like she's not really my friend. And he doesn't want her around him, and if she is willing to cut me off for a nigga who's not even her boyfriend, she will never ever come in between me and my man. Like you're going to cut me off for my brother bitch like I'm never going to see you again. Come on stupid." She laughed.
" I should fuck him, talking about. I'm jealous because she has a man and I don't. Bitch when we started being friends in the beginning, I had my man. I don't have him now, because I'm not dealing with certain shit, I'm not putting up with anything, just to have a fucking man. I wasn't raised that way, my dad was faithful, and he was a man's man, that's what I want. I'm not saying that I am not willing to build with a man or help a man, but I'm not putting up with certain shit, I'm not putting up with disrespect and cheating. At all. You know how much that puts me at risk, you out here, fucking different bitches, that opens up portals in my body and in my soul and you're letting so many people inside of me. I'm not doing that. It's deeper than just sex. She wants to keep your brother just to have a man who can fuck her good. Your brother doesn't want her and he has made it clear in many ways. I also feel like she feels because he's not in the right headspace that he's willing to do anything to keep her. She knows the shit that she does is detrimental to him. She can stress him to the point where he relapses, he's weak right now, and she knows that. I know that, and I'm not even around you guys, just off of the things that you told us just to warn us about him. That's before we even knew they were fucking. I don't understand why she doesn't respect him just off of the strength of your friendship. She's a fucking cuckoo,l bird who's going to get knocked the fuck off of her branch if you keep playing with me. At first, your brother was very intimidating but once you speak to him and you hang around him, you see that he's very sweet and he's misunderstood. He really is like he cares about everybody and he will protect everybody around him, he just wants to love everybody and he just wants everybody to love him. He just wants the energy that he gives to be reciprocated and I feel like that's everybody so I don't understand why it's a problem for him to want that from her. Your brother will go to the ends of the Earth for anybody that you care about, your mom care about, your sisters care about, your dad cares about. Anybody he cares about. So I'm not seeing the problem. She's a bitch and she's a fucking weirdo. She always used to talk about Gia being this way, and now I realize why Gia was saying that she had no right to judge. When you went into the bathroom to get washed up, me and Macy had to stop her because she tried to press Gia. Like girl, her dad just got shot. Nobody knows what's going on. She's pregnant and you're trying to fight her. I had to tell her I will punch her in her fucking mouth. It was so weird. I never seen a shit like that and we all agreed not to tell you because we know how you feel about Gia but I feel like you should know." She shrugged.
" wait why did she try to press her?"
" because she asked her a question and Gia didn't respond because it was not the right time or the right place. You can tell that once you left Gia did not feel comfortable in the room anymore. Macy had to go sit next to her because we thought she was going to hyperventilate, and we didn't need that because she was pregnant." I nodded. " I guess her not answering the question kind of tick Cassidy off. Gia started to fight back basically with words. Even when they were arguing about Kaleb, Gia was making some very good point. Cassidy and Gia went after Kaleb knowing the situation that you guys had going on. Of course is expected that you expect more from Gia but if Cassidy is saying that she's such the loyal friend that she is, why was she fucking Kaleb. She was actually fucking him. And I asked her did they fuck and she said no. That's where her and Gia's problem started, one thing I can say about Gia is that she really did care about Kaleb, and Kaleb has this way of making everybody feel special and like they're the love of his life so I can see Gia falling for him because she has always want it reassurance from a man. She needed a man and it's not like that anymore, but from how she explained her story at her baby shower, she apologized and everything. I can definitely say Kaleb deceived her just like he deceived a lot of us. So Cassidy treating her the way that she treating her talking about. It was about defending you bitch when you were doing the same thing to her. You're a weirdo. I don't like that bitch."
" that is true though, I always wondered how her and Kaleb got so close so fast, it was like one day we went to this little party, and that was when Kaleb was in our school I believe or he was probably visiting. I'm not sure it was so long ago, we went to this party and I got drunk and I fell asleep and I guess they messed around because after that they were so close. It did hurt at first but at that point she was just my roommate pretending to be my best friend. Obviously."
" exactly like bitch you're weird, you talking about I'm jealous of your relationship what relationship. Talking about I can't keep a man, bitch they can't keep me. If I wanted Kaleb back right now, I could have him, that's the difference between me and her. If I want Caleb, I will get him and I can get him and he still calls me. He still hits me up and he got some bitch pregnant, he has a whole Nother girlfriend who's pregnant. I can have them in anytime I want, he has been texting me since we broke up, and I still haven't responded. Still on my mind. Calling me off a text now number, call me blocked, he's stalking me at this point. It's over. Simple is just certain shit that I'm not putting up with because I wasn't raised to need a man for shit. My dad will handle everything for me if I need him to come and when it comes to sex I can fuck anybody I want to." I nodded. " and that's that shit that makes me want to fuck him because bitch who you playing with, you talk about I can't get or keep a man, bitch, I will get your man and fuck your man, so good that he will never leave me alone. He may have good dick, but you don't have good pussy simple. No nigga that you have ever fucked has ever complemented you on your sex, when she said that, when we were drunk, I was so appalled. Don't get me wrong. That doesn't mean that her sex is bad, but it's just like bitch you can't keep a man. You can't get past the fucking stage of the man. You have never been in a real relationship, you think because you fucking nigga you're in a real relationship and they drag you along every time. You get pregnant every time knowing that you can't have kids and then you want to fucking cry about it. Yes it is sad that she cannot procreate, that's not what I'm saying, I just don't find it sad when it comes to the man she chooses to procreate with. That's not sad to me, most of the men that she let get her pregnant they don't even have good relationships, they don't have relationships. They barely talk to her. Just like with the guy Simon, why would you let him get you pregnant and he beat you the fuck up and you weren't even his girlfriend. He jumped you with his girlfriend. She's fucking psycho."
The front door opened and Lamarcus and Joshua walked in.
"Hey baby." I stood up and greeted him and his hand rested on my belly. "We missed you."
"I missed you guys too." He hugged me and kissed me. "What's up JR." He kissed me and greeted her.
"Hey JR." Justice mocked him and she got up and gave him a hug. "I missed y'all man, school is too much." She sighed.
"Yeah, it's all gonna be worth it at the end." She nodded.
"Bubs." I felt Lamarcus rest his arm around my neck and he pulled me into his arms. "Do I look like a crack head?" I frowned up my face.
" no, you never looked like a crackhead even when you were on it. You look like a Jamaican with this leather jacket, on, and when the fuck did you get a sheer shirt? This is too much. oh no." He laughed.
" what the fuck do you mean oh no? You don't like my style?"
" why are you dressed like that?" Joshua laughed.
" the shirt is not sheer."
" fishnet?"
"Ou." Joshua laughed.
" shit it is one or the other." He scan his outfit.
" you are mean." He laughed.
" I am playing, but you do look like a perverted Jamaican Uncle. Go change your shirt." He ran his hand down his shirt.
"One second." He walked out.
"He must have watched shottaz." Justice laughed. " he does give mad Max energy." We laughed.
" that shirt was too much. He dresses like that every day."
" we took them out the facility, I already talk to your mom. You know that therapist that he's always complaining about. Today she picked up our meeting because I'm guessing the other therapist either couldn't make it or they have some type of cahoots going on. She said a little over six sentences and I knew exactly what the fuck he was talking about this whole time. She's very disrespectful, and pushy. She is so unprofessional."
"Yes ma'am." Lamarcus walked ex z back in with no shirt on. "Mom I am fine. I really am. I am happier than I have ever been, I have my kids well you have my kids right now but that's only because- y'all come back tomorrow night, right? Are they enjoying them selves? Are they nervous or like shy? Please keep a close eye on them, okay thank you. Mom I want a cake when you come back. I don't know, can I make up a holiday?" We laughed. "Lamarcus Day." He spoke proudly. " can we make our own family day? yes. I was thinking around November or February. No it's holidays in those months right, maybe... we can do November, November 15? Cool." He smiled. "Okay bye mommy I love you." He hung up.
" did you just make up a holiday on the spot?"
" she told me I can. I think it would be pretty cool."
" wow, we have a week to prepare for it. At least. Or am I not invited?" Justice looked at him and he nodded.
" you can come, everybody has to buy everybody a gift. Meaning everybody has to buy me a gift because I don't have no money."
" yes you do and stop saying that shit out loud. Our family is way too rich for you to keep saying you don't have money. You do have money, it's in your savings account that you're not allowed to touch until you're a year sober. Even then your overseer has to watch how you spend your money. Which will probably be mom and she probably won't care what you buy."
" as long as it's not crack." He started cracking up like falling on his chair, cracking up.
" Well, if I buy you a gift, you have to buy me a gift. It's give-and-take, I'm not just buying you a gift." Justice shrugged. " plus it's close to Christmas so that means I have to double gifts. You have more money than me, you all have more money than me I don't have a rich family."
" oh my gosh, I feel so sorry for you." He joked and she laughed. " where did you find her? At a homeless shelter." We laughed. " we can donate to any charity that you want." She laughed deeply.
" how about the fuck out my face charity." She smiled and he laughed. "Ha ha my ass."
"I am just joking, I am the one who's really homeless." He looked at her and she looked away and laughed softly.
" you are not homeless, you have too much support to be homeless. You are right where you need to be." I nodded in agreement. " you are so lucky to have people around you who really care about you. So much love and support around you. Shit even Joshua is being nice to you." She laughed.
" do you love and support me?" He asked and she looked at me and I laughed.
Ew. Is he flirting? He is growing up too fast.
"Of course... bro." She looked at he and he laughed.
"Bro" he smirked. "Okay... challenge accepted." They laughed.
"The fuck is that supposed to mean?" He shrugged.
"Who cooked?"
"Me, you know damn well your sister don't cook." I gasped and she shrugged. "Did I lie?"
"I can cook. Right baby?"
" I know you can cook I said you don't." She broke down. "Stop eating out the pot and get a plate Lamarcus." She scolded him.
"You sound like my mom." He laughed. "I can make my own plate?" Knowing damn well he doesn't want to, she nodded. It's actually hard for him, he doesn't know how to portion and it really hard for him to make decisions, it seems crippling sometimes. "Can you tell me what this is please?" He asked her and she got up to help him.
"I love you baby." I hugged Joshua again.
"I love you more." He peaked my lips repeatedly. "I love you so much. Thank you for everything."
"Thank you baby." I spoke softly against his lips.