Done!
Finally!
Fluke, full named Fluke Natouch Siripongthon, sat in his dressing room.
Actually, he was lounging more in front of his vanity mirror, on the height-adjustable dressing chair.
He was dead tired, completely worn out. His head was heavy and he just wished he could just snap and he'd be home in his bed.
He leaned weightily against the headrest of his chair, his legs feeling like they were made of lead.
Sore muscles, oh those sore muscles!
How could anyone in his mid-20s feel like he was 90 years old?
Well, there was no magic about it, he and his partner Ohm, known as Ohm Thitiwat Ritprasert, had been working harder on nothing less than their first fanmeeting, the last few weeks.
The songs had to be perfect and the choreography had been a huge challenge.
Everything was about exhausting efforts like dancing, singing live, playing sequences of a small script, in addition special effects and own small stunts on stage as well as constant changing of the stage outfits.
All this just for the fans. The people they owed everything to.
They had really tried to do everything to make this extraordinary fanmeeting unforgettable for everyone and to show their fans, in this way, how grateful they were and how much they loved them.
After the online Ticket sale opened, all tickets had been sold out in 15 mins and the pressure on Ohm and Fluke, from that moment on, was incredibly high. This HAD to be a success, a lot depended on it.
And yes, the evening had really been a complete success. Really everything had worked out, the fans were screaming and shouting and were completely out of their minds during and after the show.
The autograph session afterwards was also so incredibly nice, because they had both received so much appreciation, gratitude and love from their fans that it could have warmed their hearts for another 20 winters.
At first there had been some difficulties in the run-up, like a broken electric winch, which had caused Ohm and Fluke to hang under the stage ceiling for 20 minutes without coming down, or the, at the dress rehearsal, not starting quad, with which they were supposed to drive from behind the scenes, onto the stage, why the whole timing of the show had been completely ruined.
Fluke shook his head, eyes closed, lost in thought.
He thought about the things they had planned, done and endured over the last few weeks.
Hardly any sleep, constant promotional tours, keeping up with the advertising contracts, the vlog for the fans, shooting a mini-series together, singing and dancing training, learning lyrics, reading scripts, dealing with comments on social networks that were not always entirely positive, even quite the opposite, the photo shoots for the joint photo book that the fans were impatiently waiting for...and so on.
Actually, no day had enough hours to accommodate something like private life, eating or sleeping.
Ohm and Fluke were in demand like never before and it was important to use the NOW and build on it, in order to at least rest a little bit on their success later, before the next projects came up.
This fanmeeting was one of the last big hurdles they had to take before finally having a few days off and then one or two events where they had to appear but not much to do except look good, receive an award and give a few interviews.
For their vlog, they were going to go away for a few days to shoot on the beach and for the promo of a mobile game, they had the task of sitting down in front of the camera with a few colleagues, who were also their friends, playing that game together and having fun. This would be much less work in comparison than in the weeks before and Fluke was looking forward to this "rest".
Finally he would have time to go shopping, meet friends and family and also especially interact with Ohm not just with pressure in the back of his mind, because there was an important thing for the two of them to discuss.
A thing that no longer tolerated any delay and had to be said sooner or later.
A matter of such importance that it could change their entire lives, either positively, or negatively.
It was about their relationship with each other.
Fluke had to admit that something was different, he couldn't say exactly how, when and why it had happened, but his relationship with Ohm had changed.
Especially under the pressure of the last days the need to talk had emerged.
For almost 2 years now, they had been very close. Actually from the beginning of the filming of their series "Until We Meet Again". Their biggest success so far, which had made them known beyond the borders of Thailand.
Well, "close" was actually a gross understatement.
They did everything together, they finished each other's sentences. They often knew what the other was thinking during certain questions in interviews. They were always in each other's backs.
If one was not feeling well, the other only had to be nearby, even beeing in sight for the other one was enough to feel better.
They refused to demonstrate in public this "skinship" that many of them wanted to see as a BL couple.
Nowadays, if you had been a couple from a BoysLove series and were well received by the fans, you were practically obliged to pretend to your fans how good their private relationship was with each other and how in love they were in private life.
Well, everything always had to be kept very vague.
No matter how the relationship of these two people really was, it was necessary to maintain an image that made their fans shriek, but was not too explicit to leave room for speculation.
Some couples kissed in public, but denied being a couple because that was too obvious. Some liked each other, purely amicably, but were forced to hold hands and pretend to be in love, even though it made them uncomfortable.
The career demanded it.
Without fans to keep happy, no career.
The film industry was a shark tank, either you swam with the swarm and delivered, or you got eaten.
Ohm and Fluke often seamed special because they behaved different.
They respected each other in every way possible, for every touch there was at least one reassuring glance to the other. Especially Ohm liked to treat Fluke like his most precious treasure, he bought him everything, not important if it was about things or food, if Fluke only mentioned that he would like something in particular.
Ohm also said good morning and good night to Fluke every day for almost 2 years, at least by cell phone, no matter if they met or not.
When Fluke floated around clumsily, elf-like with his sweet and euphoric nature, stumbling or slipping as he often did, Ohm was always there to catch him.
He had saved him many bruises and always treated him with respect and sincere appreciation.
There were also times when they disagreed, but that rarely happened and they never argued about it.
They always settled everything immediately with each other.
They always cared about each other and even if they had separate shooting times or fan meetings, one would show up at the other's house, either with flowers, or something to eat and just to support his partner.
They always tried to be as natural as possible in terms of their public appearances together.
What they didn't show to anyone was, that they actually had much clearer feelings for each other than it should seam.
Of course they did the "fanservice" that everyone liked so much about them. A well-placed touch here, a little kiss on the cheek there, but always innocuous, sometimes a little naughty, or especially sweet, but always in such a way that they could represent it for themselves without violating the privacy of the other too much.
When they were alone, were sure that no cameras could appear around them, then the need to want to touch each other, however, went much further.
Ohm, for example, loved to hold Fluke in his arms from behind while they lay on the big leather couch in his apartment, Ohm under Fluke and Fluke lying between his legs with his back to Ohm, often sharing a script and going over their texts together.
Sometimes they fed each other fruits while doing this and just enjoyed their closeness.
When they were exhausted from work, a smile from the other, a few warm words or an intimate hug was enough to recharge each other's batteries.
They had noticed early on that they had this effect on each other. But they agreed not to show that publicly, because they didn't want to find themselves immediately in the press with dirty sex theories and unwanted photos of their closeness.
Fluke needed Ohm's strong arms especially when he had to read nasty comments about himself that some haters had to post publicly.
Ohm didn't give a damn about such things when it came to himself, but when it came to Fluke, he could get extremely angry. Unfortunately, he had to comfort his "Noo" (Thai pet name for a little mouse) regularly, because he took some things to heart more than he should.
Although Ohm and Fluke had found a way early in their careers to make nasty comments disappear from their pages, Fluke in particular read the comments before they were blocked.
He liked to be liked by everyone, was always cheerful and never said a bad word, not even about those who insulted him so nastily. He was, in Ohm's eyes, the most incredible person he had ever met, so full of warmth, love and compassion, but also mischievous, naughty and funny.
Fluke always thought of others before he thought of himself, and that's exactly why Ohm loved him so much.
So damn much that it hurt, so much that he was willing to forego telling him, because he wanted to spare him from feeling sad and weird around Ohm in case he couldn't return his feelings that way.
Ohm had thought it through carefully, it was enough for him as it was, at least FOR NOW. They were together as often as they could, sharing everything, seeking their closeness, but never crossing the line they had internally defined for their best friend, no, soul mate.
Ohm did not want to be so selfish as to demand more from Fluke than he could give him.
Often he had wished to just grab Fluke and kiss him unconditionally out of his mind.
Their on-camera kisses were staged and watched and corrected by several people around them, yet for Ohm, it was the moments he feasted on the most when he couldn't see Fluke for a while due to his busy schedule.
Lately, he often dreamed of their kisses, he could hardly help but go almost insane if he looked at Fluke's lips for too long.
In his dreams he had seduced his best friend so many times, done anything with him that would show him how much Ohm loved him. As much as he loved these fantasies, he hated himself for it, because he didn't want to pressure Fluke with his love, desire and physicality. He knew how sensitive Fluke was. Ohm just couldn't be the reason when Fluke didn't feel good, he wanted to be the one he always came to and not the one that would make him worry.
Unfortunately, from fanservice to fanservice, from one private meeting to another, it became more difficult for Ohm to keep his feelings out of the whole thing. Especially in the difficult time before the biggest joint fanservice meeting so far, Fluke had needed every unobserved minute to "recharge" with Ohm. When he sank to the floor, completely exhausted after dance practice, or flopped down on Ohm's couch after the promo for Mys' men's cosmetics line. Fluke would then, like a little boy, reach out his arms to Ohm.
Ohm knew exactly what Fluke wanted and he was all too happy to give it to him. Fluke crawled, slid or swung himself into Ohm's strong arms. He lowered his head into the notch between his shoulder and neck, inhaled deeply Ohm's pleasant scent, and hugged him so strongly that Ohm sometimes wondered where such a small person could get so much strength. Fluke then literally melted into Ohm for a moment that, no matter how long it lasted, was usually far too brief for Ohm.
"I actually have no idea what I would do without you. I would be completely lost without you. I seriously wonder how I did it before." Murmured Fluke, 2 days before the fanmeeting, as he sat in Ohm's dressing room, on his lap, clutching him from the front like a little monkey, his legs dangling down behind Ohm.
The latter sat on a large rolling chair with a backrest, Fluke's head resting in his favorite place, inhaling Ohm's scent and his fingers painting little squiggles on the latter's strong back. Ohm hugged Fluke just as tightly, but then gave him a little more space and tenderly stroked Fluke's hair. His hand went to the back of Fluke's neck and began to gently nuzzle him.
Fluke purred like a kitten, goose bumps shot over his body and down his spine. He sighed contentedly. Then he detached himself from Ohm a bit and gave him his best smile. " Thank you for always doing things like this for me." He whispered in a loving voice. " I don't deserve you at all."
Ohm's heart leapt. He was sure Fluke should be able to see his heart trying to leap wildly out of his chest. He gasped for a little air, then he could answer him first.
"You actually deserve so much more, and I'm sorry I'm just a simple human who can't give that to you."
Whispered Ohm in a low voice directly into Fluke's ear.
Fluke froze right where he sat. Ohm's soft breath and those warm words against his ear, were almost too much for him.
What Ohm couldn't know, what no one but Fluke alone knew, and what he had locked tightly in his heart, was the fact that he felt the same way Ohm did. Yes they talked about everything, they were like one person, but to say THAT, they were not able to.
Fluke loved Ohm, with all his strength and all his heart. He would throw himself in front of a train for Ohm, he would just have to ask him to. This person was his everything. He loved him more than he had ever loved anyone, and that's what scared him so terribly.
He couldn't let go of the thought of what would happen should he confess it to him and his feelings wouldn't be the same. Never had Ohm made any attempt to get closer to him in that particular way. He always treated Fluke with respect. Sure they sometimes teased each other with ambiguous little things, or gave each other sweet words that you might not necessarily say to someone you are ONLY friends with, but nothing too explicit had ever fallen.
Fluke was sure that Ohm also loved him very much, but just purely friendly and full of platonic love. Like an intimate relationship with a little brother, whom he supported, squeezed, patted and no longer wanted to miss. Fluke had resigned himself to the fact that he had to bury his love for Ohm, deep in his heart and take what he gets. Even if this wasn't a romantic relationship, at least it was an incomparably beautiful closeness that felt so good and could recharge him when he was completely drained and desperate.
It was clear to him that their fanservice, the beautiful hours they spent cuddling together and the kisses they shared on camera were all he could ever hope for. He didn't want to imagine what it would be like for him if Ohm was ever in a relationship with someone else. His world would be upside down.
Just the thought of it brought tears to his eyes.
How dare Ohm address such beautiful words to him, which made his heart race, knowing that he would never be anything but his Nong, little brother, although Fluke was actually a year older than Ohm.
Since their roles in "Until We Meet Again," they had gotten into the habit of keeping the form of address from the show, where Ohm, in the role of Dean, was older than Fluke, in the role of Pharm, so Fluke was Nong, or he called him his "Noo."
Fluke lowered his head, feeling his eyes watering. He didn't mean to, but he couldn't help it either as a soft sob escaped his lips. Ohm reacted immediately. Fluke was still sitting on his lap with his legs dangling behind the chair. Ohm removed his upper body a bit from Fluke, gently placed his index finger under Fluke's chin and pushed it up a bit to look into Fluke's face. " Nong Fluke, what's wrong? Did I say something wrong?" Ohm asked with concern in his voice, his eyebrows pushed together.
"YES, how could you say something like that to me, make my heart jump, and yet I know you only mean it platonically, and I will never be the one you carry around on your hands for the rest of his life." Would have loved to have said that, but Fluke was unable to.
Instead he said "No no, you didn't say anything wrong. It's been a lot lately, my own body is betraying me, it just wants to cry right now I guess. Let me be with you a little longer, just a few more minutes and everything will be fine." Then he lowered his head again and murmured "We'll have to learn to get along without this eventually. We may go our separate ways again sooner than we think."
Ohm was shocked. What did he mean by " going our separate ways"?
What Ohm had said was it to much for him, had he put him under pressure with his gushing talk?
His gut told him that there was much more behind what Fluke had said.
But he wasn't going to force Fluke to do anything. Even though it put a heavy stab in his heart to hear Fluke think about what would happen if they stopped working together.
Swallowing his pain, he once again wrapped his arms around Fluke and laid Fluke's head against his chest as he gently stroked his back. " You know you can tell me ANYTHING, right? But I will wait as long as it takes. If there is something on your mind after all, you know where to find me. In any case, I don't intend to go separate ways from you," Fluke nodded and snuggled back into the protective embrace, which, at least for this brief moment, could make him think he had everything he wanted.
The next two days there was no time for such things.
They barely had a minute alone together and the pressure before the big event was immense.
Fluke noticed that Ohm often looked at him with concern, yet he kept his touches to a minimum. It almost seemed as if the slightest touch was like an electric shock to Ohm.
He often quickly withdrew his fingers if he simple touched Fluke lightly.
During the dress rehearsal, Fluke especially noticed that.
Ohm was acting, he actually dared to act in front of Fluke! How could he do that? He limited all actions with Fluke to what was in the script. When they were supposed to be holding each other, Ohm barely looked at him. Amorous looks from the script seemed like looks Ohm had already given to actresses with whom he had to shoot romantic scenes in other movies and series.
Certainly no one would have noticed from the outside, but Fluke knew the difference. He was sure that Ohm was trying to avoid him as much as he could when he was supposed to be putting on a show on stage.
What Ohm was doing was worse than any punishment for Fluke. Not only did he feel like he was under a lot of pressure to succeed, but now he was losing the only thing that kept him standing.
Fluke decided to get to the bottom of it, it just couldn't go on like this. He knew Ohm would deliver the show flawlessly, throwing this, he was too professional for that, but after that it was finally time to show true colours.
Fluke realized that in this way he would have to face his biggest fear, of maybe losing Ohm as a friend, but he just couldn't stand seeing him shunned and not knowing why. He wanted to get rid of the pressure on his heart, this whole thing had gone on long enough now. Eventually it was going to end.
He calmed himself by telling himself over and over "He will tell you he doesn't love you that way, but you have this special connection with him, he can't deny that...He won't leave you just because you tell him you love him more than he previously thought. He'll be fine with it...just be honest....He'll continue to be a big brother to you....and you'll tell him you'll kick his butt if he continues to think avoiding you is a good idea." His heart demanded a clean slate, and what's nicer than being told you're loved? Even if you can't return that love in the same way, you can feel flattered and happy to be loved.
That sounded like the perfect solution in Fluke's mind. Maybe he also needed to hear the direct rejection from Ohms mouth to finally come to terms with it. No more " what ifs." Maybe no more torturous dreams in which they were a couple, in which they did the most lustful things to each other, in which Ohm fulfilled Fluke's sexual desires every night unconditionally and hungrily for love.
What Fluke couldn't know was that Ohm had just been thinking too much about what Fluke had said. " Get along without this...go our separate ways..." It upset Ohm terribly.
Did his Noo need more distance, had he unsettled him with his sentence?
Was he driving him further away from himself by trying to subliminally tell him how wonderful he knew he was?
Ohm almost went insane at the thought.
"I think the time has come. I need to talk to him. I tried to avoid it, but he cried, he wants to turn away because I'm pressuring him. I have to be honest with him, tell him the whole truth and assure him that it won't change anything between us. I will make it clear to him, that I am totally fine with the way things are now and I will never ask him to love me back, I just wish to be by his side as long as possible. He will understand. He loves me like his big brother, I can't continue to avoid him, I have to find out what exactly moves him and prevent him from leaving me. After the event I'll talk to him." Ohm said to himself, with the greatest amount of self-confidence he could muster.
He knew that, for now, the fanmeeting had to be over and after that they had time to talk.