another multi-shots fic compiled into one :)
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1: the gameplan
"Sabihin mo nalang kasi sakanya 'yung totoo," is what Leni always says whenever she asks for her advice, "na you don't want to date him."
She's blunt, as usual. "Wow, thanks ah. As if namang hindi ko naisip 'yan." Risa replies as she rolls her eyes, with evident sarcasm in her tone. "Akala ko naman you would have a more creative reason since ikaw 'tong madami na atang natanggihan but I guess I was wrong."
When Risa said creative; she was referring to the lawyer's flawless technique of avoiding any man with interest that she didn't reciprocate, which had been quite a few in the time she had known her.
"So why hindi nalang kasi 'yun ang gawin mo?" Risa chuckled when she realizes the other woman is just going to ignore what she had just said earlier.
"We have to attend the same get together next week, 'diba? Kasama ka kaya, nakalimutan mo?" the senator asks and she can tell by the former vice president's expression that she definitely forgot. "I'd rather not force everyone in our team to have to deal with a him na nag-eemote if I tell him I don't feel the same." Risa pauses to consider the alternative and gives a rapid shake of her head at that scenario. "Pero I also definitely don't want to keep his hopes up and deal with that awkwardness for an entire week rin naman." She allows her head to drop into her hands, letting out a muffled groan of frustration. "God, I really don't know what to do. He doesn't even really like me, he just thinks he does!"
"So I think, ang kailangan mo talaga is a sort of gameplan?" She nods into her hands and looks up to see Leni rubbing her chin in thought before her brow furrows in confusion. "Wait, what do you mean he just 'thinks he does?'"
"What I mean is ako lang 'yung nilalapitan nya to feed his ego. I think?" she explains as if it's the most obvious thing in the world because, as far as she's concerned, it is the most obvious thing in the world. "Also, Lens, he's so young. I feel like he's just thinking of me as a challenge because I'm way older than him. 'Diba young guys are like that daw? Teddy told me."
And as if it's like the young guy could sense she's talking about him, her phone started vibrating against the table with incoming messages. Leni picks it up when it becomes clear that she's not bothering to check who it is, informing her it is the young guy in question. Again.
"Patay na patay sa'yo ah."
"Halos one month na syang text nang text sa'kin. 'Sen Risa, do you want to see a movie?', 'Sen Risa, wanna go get some coffee?', 'Sen Risa, I can't wait for our trip!'" She remembers how she almost threw her phone out the window during a hectic work week but instead had chosen the least dramatic option and simply turned it off to stop the incessant flow of messages.
"Siguro madami rin 'yang heart emojis 'no?" Leni smirks at Risa's glare but then her features gradually shift to a more calm expression. "Sen, you should pretend to be in a relationship nalang," she suggests suddenly to the table, her eyes uncharacteristically downcast and avoiding Risa's. "He would leave it alone pretty quickly if alam nyang you were dating someone."
"Lens, hindi ako mag-iimbento ng lalaki na hindi naman nag-eexist," she says, knowing him will never stop bothering her for details and demanding to meet him.
"What I mean is, pretend to date someone who actually exists talaga. And it doesn't have to be a guy," Leni's eyes meet hers again but she still seems guarded for some reason and being unable to read her makes Risa feel uneasy.
She narrows her gaze. "Sobrang specific solution naman nyan.. But it might work. What, are you volunteering?"
"Well.. mukhang wala ka namang ibang ka-close.. Aray!" Leni rubbed her knee that Risa kicked under the table, "That was a joke, kailangan bang manipa?"
Risa waves Leni off, biting her lip as she contemplates how well this idea could work. "Okay," she nods slowly. "He would definitely back off if it were you nga. Tapos we even still have a lot of people who still ship us after the campaign.." Risa dramatically pauses, "Hashtag LenRisa!"
Leni annoyingly rolled her eyes at Risa's adorable attempt to copy her voice when she read that particular placard during their last campaign.
"So let's say nga na we do this. What are we going to tell everyone on the team?" Risa asked.
"I think si Dean Chel 'yung pinaka mahirap i-convince," Leni decides and Risa nods in agreement. Pulling one over on their closest friend would require some skill.
"We could just let him and everyone else in on it? Sounds good?"
"Kung malalaman niya that everyone knows, he'll be even more upset. Bata eh, maramdamin pa." Leni points out. "Plus for sure, madudulas pa agad si Teddy kapag sinabi natin sakanila 'yung plano. Alam mo naman 'yun, isang beer lang ang katapat, madaldal na."
"True. Okay, so pwede nating sabihin na we've been dating casually for a while. Like it started in the middle of the campaign last year. Tapos we just didn't want to jinx it by sharing it too soon plus the fact na we were busy campaigning nga. And then, we," she begins crafting the story, urging Leni to chime in. "We..." Risa raises her eyebrows as she talks.
"...and we were tired of hiding it so we thought we'd tell everyone at the same time?"
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2: the practice date
"Ohmygod, Ma! Sineryoso nyo 'yung LenRisa thing?" Ianna says after Risa gets home and anxiously shares the plan. "It could blow up in your face and get other people hurt. Especially Atty. and you."
"How could Leni get hurt? How could I get hurt? Hindi ko gets." Risa asks, baffled. When her daughter doesn't answer, she continues, "Besides, this was Leni's idea naman."
"Let's start with the fact that Atty. Leni came up with it and you're not even questioning why is only one of the many issues here. I love you, Ma, but you can really be dense minsan." Her daughter remains unconvinced but lets it go.
"Okay, so say you can get through this without anyone finding out or getting hurt. Pero how are you two going to suddenly pretend you've been dating for months?"
"We have a practice date this weekend before the team's get together trip. Plus, Leni and I are close naman since then. It's a normal thing for us to go out together."
"A practice date? Kaninong idea this time?"
"Mine. Why?"
Ianna shakes her head slowly. "Mother.. Gets ko na you don't realize this now, but you're really doomed."
Risa would be lying if she claimed she had never wondered what dating Leni would be like. She figured it was normal to, at least once, hypothetically think about dating a good friend. Being both women wasn't even an issue for them because well, both of them are allies of the LGBT and do their best to protect LGBT rights.
Risa had met Leni at one of the Liberal Party's gathering way back in 2013, and the then congresswoman has been hard to get to know initially and had seemed a little too stoic. But after a linked project that they had been forced to work on, they bonded over it and became fast friends.
Leni was almost her age, just a year older than her, good-looking, and she had quickly learned the other woman was fiercely loyal to those she cared about. She was the type Risa would bet many guys were interested in, she's the crush ng bayan in the Congress at that time for a reason.
But the only time Risa had truly considered it was when Leni talked to one of Risa's ex-boyfriends, angry after the guy had insulted the other woman and gotten too aggressive even though Risa already declined to his request.
She grabbed her hand to calm her, "Pwede naman kasing ako nalang ang kumausap, magagawan ka pa ng issue nyan kapag nalaman ng iba."
Leni rolled her eyes and tugged her hand away from her as she continued to fuss over the matter. "Bakit hindi ka nalang mag thank you?'"
"Edi fine. Thank you."
"You two deserve each other," her ex angrily told them and neither had bothered correcting him that they were just friends. For a split second, Risa had thought that it would be nice if correcting him wasn't even necessary.
And that's all it'd ever been, a flicker of a thought. Wow, her partner will be lucky if ever she changes her mind about being in a relationship again. However, Leni had never entertained any ideas or wanted to.
"You don't have to pay for mine naman na," Risa says when she arrives at the theater, Leni was already there waiting with two tickets in her hand. "I'll pay you back."
"It's a date," is Leni's short response, raising a brow as if challenging her. "And 'wag mong subukan na bayaran ako pabalik."
Risa takes the challenge. "I know! Pero we're on a practice date and not a real date naman, also," she says, tilting her head to read the title on the tickets Leni purchased. "Horror movie 'yung pinili mo?"
Leni picks up on her dismayed tone. "Anong masama sa horror?"
"Lens, it's a date which means romance dapat 'diba?" Risa retorts.
"It's a practice date, not a real one, remember? Besides, horror always.." the lawyer trails off, rubbing the back of her neck. "Never mind na nga. Tara na."
"No, say it," the senator orders, pointing a finger at the other woman. "Are you going to say na matatakot ako and then kakapit sa'yo 'no?" She shakes her head disapprovingly, feigning disappointment. "Grabe, ganyan pala tingin mo sa'kin Lens. Siguro itigil na natin 'tong fake relationship natin before I get too invested and you break my heart."
Leni looks at her blankly before emitting a resigned sigh. "Eh totoo naman? Matatakutin ka. Pero sige gets, papapalitan ko nalang. Okay na? Baka magtampo pa ang baby ko."
Risa nods enthusiastically, grinning as she tells her she'll buy the popcorn and fires back at Leni's baby ko remark with love ko.
"Wait, Lens.. Wala ka bang sasabihin sa'kin?" she stops Leni before they enter, looking at the latter expectantly.
She's clueless. "Ano?"
Risa scoffs. "You're supposed to tell me na maganda ako tonight." She looks no different than usual but she can't resist spurring the other woman to watch her get irritated and flustered.
But Leni just smiles at her, showing her tiny dimples.
"Lagi ka namang maganda, alam mo naman na 'yun. At maganda rin ako," she says, flicking Risa's forehead lightly with the tickets. "Tara na sa loob, ikaw sisisihin ko kapag hindi ko napanuod nang buo 'yung movie."
They are halfway into the film when Risa remembers their purpose for this practice date. She nudges Leni's side, waiting until the other woman turns her head away from the screen to whisper, "Should we practice holding hands or something like that?" The question makes her feel extremely bagets and she cringes after the words leave her mouth.
Leni casually nods, eyes turning back to the screen as she rests her arm on the armrest between them, palm up in invitation. Risa slips her hand into hers and Leni intertwines her slender fingers with hers.
It's not, Risa decides, as weird as she thought it would be. The weird part is how normal it feels and how their hands fits perfectly.
They leave the theater still holding hands and the younger woman swings them in a carefree manner. "Lens, isn't surprising na this doesn't feel strange or something? We're like hand-holding normally as in parang platonic hand-holding?"
Leni chuckles, amused at the term that the other woman came up with, but doesn't let go.
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3: the trip
"Lagi nalang katabi ni Atty. Leni si Sen Risa," He told to himself, glaring at Leni like her presence is offensive when the lawyer sits next to the senator on the sofa, "Atty. sa'yo po sumabay si Sen Risa kanina 'diba, inaya nyo po ba sya?"
"Hindi, kusa syang sumabay. Bakit?"
"Ah. Wala lang po."
Risa sighs in exasperation, about to point out that she is perfectly capable of making her own decisions and no one made her do anything, but the words catch in her throat the instant fingers brush against her own.
Oh, right, she thinks when she feels a gentle squeeze, that being her cue. She makes a show of pulling their hands into her lap and can feel everyone's eyes on them, and she's pretty sure a pin dropping would be deafening at this moment.
Risa had told her in the car on the trip over that maybe they should abandon the plan altogether, that it was too extreme, her cautious optimism transforming into severe anxiety. "Okay lang 'to, don't worry, it's going to be fine. I got you. Always." Leni had said, and Risa had turned the music up to drown out her worries.
Kiko is the first to break the silence. "Nagddate kayo?!" Risa had expected his shock, but not the large grin that came with it.
Did Leni tell him what was really going on?
"Finally! I've been waiting for this! After years of being cropped sa photos na magkasama kayo."
Risa waits for an unnoticeable wink or some sign that suggests he's in on this but it doesn't come. His excitement is genuine. She squeezes Leni's thumb hard enough that she yelps softly, which she attempts to mask with a cough.
Sorry, she mouths with a small smile when Leni looks at her.
Leni clears her throat. "Naisip namin na sabihin ngayon since ngayon lang tayo ulit nagkasama sama," she finally says.
"Yes.. we were.. just tired of hiding it," she finishes weakly with a shrug, but everyone seems happy to accept their explanation.
Teddy even said, "Halata naman, campaign pa lang. Iba 'yung tingin sa'yo ni VP. 'Yan ang hiding in plain sight!" that earned a widened eyes from Leni. No further questions from the group at all and it feels like everyone was just waiting for their announcement.
With the exception of the new young member of the group, the sole reason why the two were pretending to be in a relationship— who has his arms crossed while staring grumpily at the floor— and Chel and Leila, who are looking over at them with disbelief twisting their features.
Kiko pulls them aside as they're taking their luggage to their respective rooms. "Ma'am, okay lang ba share kayo ni Sen sa iisang room? Kulang kasi 'yung nabook na room ng staff." he asks Leni, who seems to be trying her best not to appear uncomfortable by the question.
"Ayos lang," Risa tells Kiko when it's obvious her fake girlfriend isn't going to answer, smiling as best as she can.
***
"Ikaw na sa taas, Sen." Leni predictably offers when she enters their room.
"Lens, 'wag ka nga. Bakit ka matutulog sa sahig? Sasakit likod mo."
Leni's movements are careful and it hits Risa that the former was probably expecting her to start complaining at her any second for this turn of events.
Risa sighs, "Would you relax, please? We're friends, we can share a bed naman. Nothing's wrong with that."
"Makes sense pero 'wag mo 'ko chansingan." Leni concludes.
"Ang kapal mo naman," she squints at her.
"Malay ko ba kung crush mo 'ko, plus, ngayon lang tayo magtatabi sa kama. Nakakapanibago." Leni points out, and Risa has to concede that she's right.
"Pero it's not a big deal," she replies, trying to act casual, trying to convince herself just as much as she.
Kalma Risa, kalma, this is just a fake relationship act she tells herself when she slides under the covers.
***
Risa wakes up hearing someone repeating "Cute naman ng LenRisa natin," finding she's quite literally wrapped around Leni, one of her arms anchoring her against her. She sits up so fast her head seems to spin, hastily disentangling herself from her, and Leni reaches out blindly to keep her from rolling off the bed from her efforts.
Kiko is at the doorway with his phone, grinning widely at the pictures he just took. "Oops, sorry. I had to commemorate the moment. Number 1 shipper ako eh."
Ginusto mo 'to, so paninidigan mo. Fake it 'til you make it. Act upset that he invaded your privacy. Risa thought to herself.
"Thanks Sen ah," Risa says through clenched teeth, forcing a smile. "Pero nakakahiya so paki-delete."
"Ha? Eh napost ko na sa twitter ko."
"'Wag mo na asarin, Sen." Leni orders tiredly, voice raspy with sleep, finally sitting up and running her fingers through her hair. "Nahihiya na si Risa oh, tulo laway kasi."
More like she's not in the mood for this, still a little stunned at the position she woke up in. That they woke up in because she had been a pretty active participant, too. She's aware the heat that floods her cheeks at that thought is likely visible.
"Sinong nagsabing nangaasar ako? Edi sana pinatugtugan ko pa kayo kung nang-aasar ako," Kiko teasingly said and left, leaving their door cracked.
"Ris?" Leni's hand is barely on her knee, a feather-light touch meant to be comforting before she pulls it away but Risa can't look at her. Not yet. She had been practically on top of her only minutes earlier, unconsciously or not. "Sorry. Baka naman hindi na mang-aasar si Kiko mamaya. Hayaan mo na."
***
"Anong klaseng partner ako kung I won't even at least try to keep you from tripping every 30 seconds?"
"Funny," Risa says, and then proceeds to squeak as she almost falls. "Hindi ko talaga alam bakit ako sumama sa trip na 'to. Jusko. I hate hiking bakit ganito 'yung activities?"
As if on cue, Risa somehow gets tripped up and falls, managing to pull Leni down with her when she attempts to keep her upright. The lawyer tries to cushion their fall as best as she can, and she's never been more grateful for the former's fast reflexes.
"May dumi sa buhok mo," she giggles breathlessly, brushing it out of Leni's hair with her fingers.
"Sa'yo rin meron," Leni ruffles the short strands, eyes roaming the senator's face. "Did I ever tell you na bagay sa'yo 'yung medyo short hair?"
"Actua–"
"LenRisa, layag! Thank you for the visuals!" Kiko exclaims from behind them and Leni nearly screams in terror, turning around to see him waving his phone at them. "Oops sorry, okay iwan ko na kayo lovebirds."
"Kapag ako naabutan ko si Sen Kiko, lagot talaga sya sakin." Risa mutters, watching him hike past them.
"I'll help you."
***
Risa locks herself in the bathroom when they get back, already feeling the soreness setting in and intent on soaking in a bath. She stays in the water until she relaxes, someone pounding on the door as she's pulling her clothes on.
"Risa, aware kaming lahat na ilang beses kang natapilok pero tao rin kami na kailangan gumamit ng banyo," Leila says when Risa opens the bathroom door and she childishly sticks out her tongue when she steps aside and has it promptly slammed in her face.
"Anong ginagawa mo?"
She jumps at Leni's voice, turning around with an innocent expression. "Wala."
The look on the lawyer's face suggests she doesn't quite believe her, but she drops it. "Masakit pa rin ba?"
Risa doesn't get a chance to answer when they enter the room, Kiko shouting at them to not move and to look up.
Risa is confused but complies, instantly spotting the mistletoe hanging down. The mistletoe, she thinks, peering up at it with suspicion, wala naman 'to nung umalis kami kanina at nung nakabalik kami kanina. At summer na, bakit may mistletoe decoration pa dito?
"Kiss! Kiss!" Kiko starts chanting, everyone collectively joining in.
Leni tiptoed and kisses her— it was a peck really, nothing heated or deep, and Risa's eyes barely have a chance to flutter shut. It lasts maybe half a second, and it's honestly a kiss two friends might reluctantly share if they got caught in the same situation. Yet it somehow lasts long enough for her to feel a strange fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach.
What was that feeling?
Risa wants to be a little mad at how Leni kissed her without her explicit consent. Instead, she's internally freaking out at how she maybe wanted to return it without the audience as Leni looks at her quizzically and Kiko applauds in the background.
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4: the platonic thing
"Lens, I think we need some kind of ground rules na," Risa announces when they enter their room that night, desperate to distract herself. "I think we're on the same boat naman na ayaw maulit 'yung kaninang umaga, right?"
"Sabi ko naman kasi sa'yo, sa baba ako matutulog." Leni tells her, grabbing her pillow.
"No!" She reaches over and jerks it from the other woman's hands, and the shock on her face at the former's force would have made Risa burst out laughing any other time.
"At sabi ko rin naman kasi sa'yo na you won't sleep sa baba," she sets the lawyer's pillow back in its rightful place, grabbing an extra one. "Let's just put this in the middle parang barrier, ganun."
"Really?"
"Really."
"Okay."
Risa wakes up in a similar position to the one she found herself in the morning before, limbs intertwined with the older woman's, the bed shaking as Leni tries to contain her laughter. Risa moves away and leaves the warmth of the bed to pick the pillow up off the floor, just so she can whack the lawyer with it.
"Likot mo matulog, Senator."
"Kainis ka."
***
Risa fusses over her appearance more than usual that evening after washing up, pulling out lipstick from her bag. She rarely cares about her makeup, she could even attend a hearing without checking her face if she still has lipstick but heck, why is she doing this now? It's just Leni, her best friend who's pretending to be in a relationship with her. Why even bother?
"Ana Theresia, what are you doing?" She asks her reflection, rubbing her thin lips together. The group is all together when she comes out, with the exception of the one person she wants to see.
"Nasa kitchen pa 'yung other half ng LenRisa, Sen Risa." Kiko tells her before she has a chance to ask, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
Leni is in the kitchen, but Kit is at her side as he helps her prepare the meal. They work well together, Risa observes, and that strange fluttery feeling occurs again as she watches her laugh at whatever Kit says.
Neither of them notices her standing there. "Do you need any help?" Risa offers and her voice is a little too bright and cheery. They look up immediately but don't put any distance between them which she definitely doesn't pay attention to.
"Nope, okay lang naman," Leni replies with a kind smile.
"No, really, I can help." Risa insists. "Just tell me what to do lang."
"Okay lang, Sen Risa. Hindi pa naman kailangan ng extra help." Kit says with a smile of his own, not as kind as Leni's, and Risa feels a flare of something at the sight of it.
Jealousy, she realizes when they are all eating. Which was funny on several levels, one being that Kit had been married since she had known him as a long-time college friend of Leni, and another being that she wasn't actually dating Leni.
It was absolutely silly for her to be jealous; she wasn't even technically allowed to be.
"Kami nalang ni Leni maghuhugas ng plates," she volunteers when they're done, and everyone eagerly vacates the kitchen while saying thank you for volunteering because no one wanted to do it in the first place.
"Gusto nyo lang ng alone time eh!" Teddy shouted at them before leaving the kitchen.
"Risa wala namang problema kung hobby mo maghugas ng pinggan, pero 'wag mo naman na ako idamay," Leni teases as Risa's filling the sink up and something about her reaction to her words, how rejected she feels over something so insignificant makes her snap.
"Okay fine, if you want to help Cong Kit kanina sa pagluluto and ayaw mo ko tulungan dito, umalis ka nalang." Leni looks at her with wide eyes and she backs up until she bumps into the counter, both equally dumbfounded by her outburst.
"Okay.. ka lang?" Leni asks, taking a few cautious steps toward her. "Nagbibiro lang naman ako, Ris."
"Honestly.. I don't know. I feel weird." It's not a lie, she reasons.
Leni moves her palm towards her head, placing it against her forehead with a concerned expression.
"Risa.. mainit ka. Hindi ka rin masyadong kumain kanina, you should rest na muna." the lawyer says it like it's a suggestion, but Risa knows it's as much of an order as she'll give her. She doesn't feel like fighting her. "Ako nalang maghuhugas nito."
***
"Lens.. I have a suggestion." Risa begins hesitantly when Leni enters the room later.
"Okay?"
"For the first two mornings during this trip.. We've woken up like.. that." Oh god, it's like she's a high schooler again and can't even say the word cuddling without being embarrassed. "Kahit we put a barrier pa sa middle."
Leni raises an eyebrow.
Risa continues, "And gets ko naman na we really wake up like that kasi most probably we're in Baguio so baka we get cold in the middle of the night and we naturally seek out for each other's body heat."
Leni looks doubtful now, which is a level up from no expression at all, Risa supposes. "Saan papunta 'yang sinasabi mo?"
"Ano lang.. What I'm saying is maybe we can just.. fall asleep that way na lang?"
Leni's expression changed into a quizzical look. "Ang gustong sabihin, you want us to fall asleep.. cuddling?"
Risa is glad one of them can say it.
"Why not? Friends can do that! It can be platonic kaya!"
"Platonic.. cuddling? Like the platonic hand-holding?"
Please stop saying that word, Risa thought. "Yes!" she bursts out.
"Una platonic hand-holding tapos ngayon platonic cuddling," Leni crosses her arms and tilts her head, playfully considering the phrasing as she taps a finger against her pink plump lips. "Tagal na nating magkaibigan, ngayon ko lang nalaman na madami pala tayong platonic things na pwedeng gawin? Sure ka bang wala kang sakit, Ris?"
"You know what? Never mind na, we'll just use the pillow nalang ulit."
"No! No," Leni repeats, pulling it from her hands and throwing it to the floor. "Platonic cuddling is an amazing idea, Ris. I like it. Come here na Ris, my baby."
"Anong my baby ka dyan!" Risa pouts.
To be honest, it really feels awkward at first, being awake and rational as Leni's (fine) arm pulls her back against her chest, she could feel the other woman's chest on her back, her pulse picking up. But after a few minutes, Risa's heartbeat slows to a normal rate and it's nice; being held like this again, her eyelids growing heavy.
"Ayos na pakiramdam mo? Feeling better na ang baby ko?" Leni's breath is warm against the nape of her neck.
"Y-yes. I feel better na, my love." Risa whispers back and it's the truth. She loves Leni— as a friend. Really.
***
They're all taking turns doing karaoke, Risa and Teddy finishing up a duet, and Chel taking the microphone when the power goes out. Kiko's calm voice rings out above their yelling, saying he'll find a way to call his contact and see what he can do.
"May flashlight ba kayo?" Leila calls out in the darkness, and the resounding silence is an answer, wala.
"Bakit wala tayong dalang flashlight?" It's Kit's disgruntled voice this time.
"Aray!" Something sharp, probably an elbow— collides with the side of her head.
"Sorry," Leni apologizes, slight panic in her voice when she asks what she hit.
"'Yung ulo ko lang naman," she mumbles, trying to grab onto Leni as she blindly feels around to place where Risa is. She clings to her then, not enjoying how it seems like her eyes still haven't adjusted to the darkness when they finally start to feel their way cautiously to their room as the group decided to just call it a night.
"Sabi na eh, matatakutin ka sa dilim," Leni says when they crawl literally into their bed.
"Hindi naman takot as in takot. Ayaw ko lang 'yung wala akong nakikita sa dilim."
"Malamang, dilim nga eh."
"Pilosopo ka, Leni."
Leni ignores her and says, "If takot ka.. Edi.. most probably you want to.. platonically cuddle, right, Sen?"
Risa doesn't have to be able to see to know Leni is grinning.
"Ewan ko sa'yo, Leni," she replies, pulling her arm over her. "But, yes."
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5: the dilemma
"Tama bang nanunuod tayo ng horror na nangyari sa forest ngayong nasa gitna tayo ng Baguio?" Teddy asks, looking at all of them.
"Cong Teddy, ang sabihin mo, duwag ka lang. I-play mo na." Kit orders. "Hindi naman 'yan masyadong nakakatakot."
"Eto na nga po, Cong Kit. Nag-aalala lang ako sa pinakabata sa'tin, parang kahit mamatay lang 'yung ilaw ulit tatakbo na sya palabas eh." Teddy said, referring to their youngest member.
Risa presses her lips together so she won't laugh at how betrayed the said guy looks at his mentor sharing that.
"May point si Cong Teddy," Leni says from beside Risa, her fingers playing with the ends of the senator's hair absentmindedly. "Balita ko takot sya sa multo eh."
"Atty! Hindi ah!"
Despite the content of the movie and the endless chatter and frightened squeals of the group as if they are not respectable public figures, the youngest nearly tosses the bowl of popcorn twice, Risa ends up dozing off on Leni's shoulder.
She apparently guided her to bed, something Risa has no recollection of. Kiko is eager to remind her of that the next day. He organized what happened that in pictures on his phone, all of which Risa aims to delete but he plucks it from her hands.
"Sabi sa'yo eh, horror movies does the trick," Leni breathes into her ear. "Bigla ka nalang nasa braso ko."
Risa pushes Leni away, mouth gaping open. "Whatever." she's eventually able to say, trying to hide her smile behind a grimace and ultimately failing.
***
"Sen Risa? Anong ginagawa mo?" The youngest and newest member of the group walks into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.
"Nagtitimpla ng hot chocolate," she smiles nervously, this being the first time alone with him since they arrived. "I can't sleep eh. Gusto mo rin ba?"
He nods, smiling at her cheerfully. "Sen.. hindi ko alam if dapat ko pa bang sabihin but okay lang naman na you and Atty. Leni is dating.."
Relief floods her at the confession. "Really?"
"Yes. I mean, you look good together. Ever since the campaign, parang halos lahat naman kami napansin na you belong with each other. LenRisa nga, sabi nila." he rubs the back of his neck, and the gesture makes him appear older than he is. "Pero sana lang nasabi mo agad Sen para hindi na ako nagrreach out pero don't get me wrong, okay lang."
They talk for a bit, the ease that was in their friendship months ago finally returning.
When Risa heads back to bed, Leni's back is to her as she sleeps. She notices the pillow placed back in the middle, separating their sides, and tosses it to the foot of the bed with a frown before sliding under the covers.
"Did you have fun talking to him?"
Risa yelps, clutching her chest with a fist before lightly punching Leni in the arm with it. "Bwisit ka, Lens. Bakit ka nagpanggap na tulog na? Also, bakit alam mong nakausap ko sya? And bakit rin nasa gitna 'yung unan?"
Leni doesn't turn around to face her, which is fine, because she can't see her face that well in the dark, anyway. It's still irritating. "Narinig ko kayo kanina sa kitchen. And ang akala ko gusto mong nandyan ulit 'yung unan."
She's trying to figure out what the lawyer is not saying when she asks, ".. sa tingin mo ba magugustuhan mo sya?"
"You mean, as more than a friend?"
"Oo."
"No. Sinabi ko naman sa'yo 'diba, I can't imagine being in a romantic relationship with him. Para ko na syang pamangkin. Plus, I believe that we don't exactly get to choose on how we end up feeling for someone."
She hears Leni murmur something that sounds suspiciously like, "Don't I know it."
"Besides, if sa tingin ko na magugustuhan ko sya, we wouldn't have had to pretend to be in a relationship in the first place."
Leni doesn't reply, never turns back around, and Risa wills herself not to examine it too closely when she feels a little put out by it—like Leni is rejecting her, because she's not. She knows that.
But it feels like it.
***
Risa sneaks out before everyone wakes up, in such a hurry that she forgets to slip on her jacket after pulling on her shoes, severely regretting her rushed actions once she's able to get through to Ianna.
"God, ang hirap naman ng signal dito," she grumbles to into her phone, shivering.
"Ma? How was your plan? Nag-work?" Her daughter asks anxiously.
"That's why I called you, anak. I'm having a small," she searches for the correct word, settling on, "dilemma."
The line goes dead silent long enough that by the time Ianna's voice rings out from the receiver, Risa thinks it's been disconnected.
"I told you naman, Ma. That would really happen talaga. Did it backfire ba kasi you realized na you're not just for friends unlike what you thought?"
"What? No!" She tries to laugh off the accusation, unconvincingly, before groaning in defeat. "How did you know?"
"Because this always happens! It's unavoidable, even if the pair hates each other! Ganyan kaya plot ng mga dramas and movies."
Ianna continues ranting to her mother but her voice starts going in and out before their connection goes out completely. Which could be a blessing in disguise, Risa decides.
She trudges back to the transient house they rented, shivers wracking her body. Leni is in the living room with Teddy, Kiko, and Leila, and they all turn to her as she enters.
"Huy nanginginig ka na!" Leni exclaims with an edge to her voice when she sits next to her on the couch. "Iniisip namin kanina kung nasaan ka."
"I had to call my daughter and naiwan ko 'yung jacket ko," Risa explains through teeth that won't seem to stop chattering. "Ang lamig na rin ng ilong ko."
She doesn't push Leni away when her arm drags her closer to share her body heat, her hand rubbing warmth back into one of Risa's arms through the material of her sleeve. She feels dazed when Leni tilts her chin up to press her lips softly against the very tip of her reddened nose. "'Wag mo na ulitin 'yun, magkakasakit ka. Ang bilis mo pa naman lamigin."
Someone clears their throat and they startle apart, and she wonders if Leni had a momentary lapse and forgot there were others in the room like Risa just had.
"Gets naman naming bagong mag-jowa kayo," Teddy says, "pero please 'wag naman masyadong PDA, Attorney and Senator."
──────────────────
6: the breakup
"One last shot puno, Sen Risa, kayang kaya mo 'yan." Kiko encourages her on their last night at the transient house in Baguio. Everyone are hanging out, initially lounging in their usual clothes until Kiko had presented them with a drinking game. Risa can't even recall what the game was now but the rules and game itself had been abandoned pretty soon after they had all gotten tipsy.
"Tama na, malalasing na si Risa." Leni warns, her own words slurring the tiniest bit.
"Len, parang kanina pa sya lasing," Kit interjects, his face red as he erupts into laughing.
"Di ah," Risa grumbles, pushing Kiko away and trying to curl up against Leni's side.
"Oops," Kiko exclaims, dumping the contents in his hand all over Risa's back. She's trying to figure out how exactly he managed to accidentally spill it on her back when he's in front of her but between her inebriated state and the fact that her shirt is now clinging to her uncomfortably, she doesn't really care how.
"Sen Kiko!" she scolds. "Last clothes ko na 'to!" Her voice comes out in an undignified whine, and she pouts when her palm misses his arm and slaps the cushion beside him, which causes Teddy to fall headfirst off the couch from laughing so hard. He lands next to Kit, who is practically passed out.
"Come on na Ris, let's go to bed," Leni suggests, helping her stand up. She stumbles a bit, and her hands steady her as she nearly tips over and face-plants when they enter their room.
"I need to change.. my clothes. Ugh, si Sen kasi." she mumbles, walking towards her luggage when Leni steers her with gentle hands on her shoulders back towards the bed, sitting her down on the edge of it.
"Gamitin mo muna 'yung extra ko."
Leni hands one to her– one of her big, comfy sweaters— that brown sweater that she always wore when she was in Boston and promptly turns around, giving her privacy. Risa rips off her wet shirt, shivering in the cool night air, and slips hers on as fast as she can. It's soft and warm, and it smells nice– it smells exactly like Leni. She tells her she can turn around.
"Bakit mo inaamoy? Mabaho ba?" Leni's cheeks and the tips of her ears are flushed, and Risa isn't sure if it's the alcohol or the sight of her in her clothes, her nose buried in its collar.
"No, it smells like you," Risa slurs, smiling, incapable of feeling the amount of embarrassment she should at being caught sniffing the other woman's sweater. It smells familiar, like the expensive perfume she always wore and just... her.
One second Leni is in front of her and the next she's beside her on the bed, and she doesn't know how exactly it happens or who kisses who. Maybe it's a mutual effort, born entirely out of their drunkenness. She's pretty sure it's one of the sloppiest kisses of her life but it's still somehow pleasant, Leni's soft lips brushing against hers. There's a thump from the other room– probably Teddy and Kiko and then they break apart, eyes comically wide.
She remembers earlier when Leni had kissed her frozen nose, so sweet and simple and— nice.
She'd liked it.
"Sorry," Risa whispers in the dark when they're trying to sleep, and the apology is anything but sincere yet she can't think of anything else to say to fill the silence.
She'd liked it.
Leni's arm isn't around her, but her back isn't turned to her, and that makes her feel strangely relieved.
"Me too," Leni whispers back.
And sure, people kiss all the time when they're drunk. But Risa liked it, and has enough alcohol in her system to admit she would like to try it again once they're sobered up.
Leni must know as well as she does that they've somehow crossed a line that no amount of rationalization will be able to excuse.
After all, there's no such thing as drunken, platonic kissing when you liked it.
***
Risa has a nightmare where everyone– Leni, Ianna, Kiko, and even her former young suitor— is sneering at her, telling her she was never supposed to actually fall for the woman she was pretending to date. Her stomach is sour and she wakes up just in time to rip off the covers and dash to the bathroom to puke.
The drive back is silent and tense until they're a few minutes away from her house. "We have to decide kung anong sasabihin natin sakanila," Leni spares a quick glance at her when she doesn't reply. "About our breakup."
There's a dull ache in her head and she isn't sure if it's from the longest hangover in history or something entirely different. "Oh, yes oo nga pala. Hmm, mutual breakup? Like we figured we're better as friends?"
"We are good at that," Leni murmurs, a faint smile on her lips.
And they are good as friends but she can't help recalling her former suitor's words the other night about them being good together in a completely different way. It had been almost effortless, pretending to date Leni.
Leni gets out of the car to help Risa get her bags out of the car, offering to help carry them up. "It's okay na Lens," she waves her off. "I got them na."
"Well, it was fun being your girlfriend for a week, Ris." Leni is trying to be lighthearted but her tone and smile are forced.
Her own is strangely wobbly, "Thank you."
Leni waits to drive off until Risa is inside her house and it makes that fluttery feeling return, only this time it's noticeably harder to breathe.
***
"So, it worked?"
"Yeah, it worked," she says. Too well, she doesn't.
Ianna grabs one of the bags from her hands and drops it to the ground unceremoniously, pulling her over to the sofa. "Pero bakit you look like you just got dumped? Like nakipag-break sa'yo 'yung longtime jowa mo, ganun."
"I'm going to be honest anak, I really don't feel like answering that," she sighs, wanting nothing more than to curl up in her bed and sleep.
"Ma, random pero naalala ko lang bigla that one time na you came home saying na hinatid ka ng friend mo kasi umuulan nang malakas?"
"Yes, and it was Leni." The memory comes to her easily, how she had surprised her at work just to make sure she wouldn't get caught in the rain, but Leni ended up getting soaked when she fetched her from her office up to the parking and Risa felt bad about it. Even the guy she had been dating at the time hadn't done something like that.
"Exactly, it was Atty Leni. And she met you sa office mismo sa Pasay when she came from QC, right? Completely out of the way, just to fetch you."
"Pero we were texting kasi kaya she knew na I'm not feeling well that time. Friends do those types of things kaya!"
"I'm just saying lang Ma.. Maybe you should start questioning why Atty. has done some of these things, like offering to be your fake girlfriend pa at this point? It never crossed your mind that maybe there's more there? And Mother, more than that, you might wanna ask yourself why you agreed to such an insane plan in the first place," her daughter pats her knee, getting up.
"Hey, that insane plan worked really well kaya!" Risa shouts. Too well, she thinks again.
"Yeah, kaya nga I wonder why you two were able to pretend to be dating so easily!" Ianna calls from the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out two beer bottles. "Inom tayo mother?"
Her stomach lurches at the sight of it.
──────────────────
7: the real one
"So, nagbreak na kayo?" Kiko asks when Risa meets him a few days later, and he doesn't look upset like she had prepared herself for. He just looks blank and expressionless, which is a little more intimidating given his usual disposition.
"Aren't you... upset Sen?"
"I'm upset," he says. "Pero I think it's a little convenient na you two have been secretly dating for months– na never nyo sinabi sa'kin kahit ang tagal nating magkakasama during the campaign, and then announce it with everyone on a trip tapos biglang break up na. Hindi pa ba kayo natutulog magkasama in all those months until last week?"
She wills her cheeks to not flush under his observation. "Ano bang sinabi sa'yo ni Leni?" she hedges, trying to buy time.
"Na wala na kayo. Break na. 'Yun lang. In a text pa," he stresses. "Risa and I broke up, Sen.' The end." Kiko sighs, "I suspected naman na fake lang. And sure akong halos lahat sila naniwala naman pero I know you two a little too well. Plus, Leni would have definitely told me whenever you two had started dating."
"B-but," Risa sputters, remembering his enthusiastically supportive response the first day. "Sabi mo kaya that day na you've been waiting for it!"
He grins at her accusatory tone. "Oh, oo nga. Totoo naman 'yun and I promise you that." His grin grows wider the more confused Risa must look. "Pero everything after that was my attempt to push you two the edge and admit. Dami ko kayang LenRisa pictures!"
She chooses to ignore his comment about the pictures, if only for her sanity. "What do you mean by totoo naman?"
"Oops. 'Yun na 'yung side ko Sen Risa. Kaibigan kita pero si Ma'am Leni, she's.."
"Like your sibling," she finishes, nodding with understanding.
"Exactly! So if you want to know something, sya nalang tanungin mo. But first, gusto ko lang marinig na scam talaga 'yung relationship nyo last week."
"Fine, yes," she mutters. "It was fake nga." And there totally isn't disappointment in her tone.
"...did you want it to be?"
"You and my daughter Ianna are the same! Hindi.. Hindi ko alam okay?" she finally admits. "I thought maybe everything I was feeling whenever we pretended to do something romantic might have been because of the actions themselves pero.."
"Pero..?" he encourages with a small smile.
"Pero she's not answering my texts and won't pick up my calls and," she pauses, blinking away tears, "I just miss her."
"But do you miss her as a friend or as more?"
"Hindi mo ba itatanong why we did it?" she deflects.
His curiosity was provoked and he takes the bait. "I was wondering."
"Kinukulit kasi ako lagi ng youngest member natin to date him and I went to Leni for advice on how to skillfully turn him down," she explains, "and she—"
"That's why Leni suggested you pretend to be dating her? Kaya sinabuhay nyo 'yung LenRisa?" he interrupts. "Akala ko prank lang but I can't believe na pumayag ka just to keep him away."
Do I miss Leni as a friend or as more?
She asks herself that on the way back her home, and she knows the answer.
Both.
"I do like her," she tells Ianna that night.
"Then you should tell her," is her daughter's simple solution. For the first time, Risa finds herself envious of Ianna's ability to fearlessly put her all into loving someone, even when maybe she shouldn't. Kanino ba nagmana 'yung batang 'to?
"Pero if it goes wrong," her voice is shaky and small, and she doesn't even want to think about it. "I just don't want to lose her as a friend. Plus, we have the same group of friends and colleagues, for the most part. It could mess up everything if we did date and it didn't end well, 'diba?"
Ianna smiles sympathetically. "That's just a risk you have to take. Or you live with the regret of not taking it, mother. God, ano ba 'yan. Dapat si Kuya nag-aadvice sa'yo eh."
***
Risa knocks on the door to her condo, half-hoping she might not be home. But the door swings open, and the confession she'd been reciting in her head seems to vanish at the sight of her.
"I think I like you as more than a friend," she blurts out without any of the fluency she had planned, closing her eyes when the regret hits her. "I mean I– I liked being your fake girlfriend. And I'd like to kiss you, for real this time, without the mistletoe and alcohol." The only way her confession could be lamer is if she had texted it, she's sure of it, but a dimpled smile greets her when she opens her eyes. A kind, open smile that looks like it belongs on her face.
Her nerves seem to calm. Mostly.
"I would like to kiss you, too," Leni says, "for real this time."
"What if hindi tayo mag-work? What if.." what if we only liked each other for stupid reasons, what if we mess everything up?
"Edi we'll go back to platonic hand-holding." Leni shrugs, and she wants to hug her, to feel her arms around her like she had almost every night last week. "That's a thing pa rin, 'diba?"
Risa chuckles, nodding, wondering if she should ask about the one thing she's dying to know.
She bites her lip, realizing there's nothing to lose at this point. "Nagustuhan mo ba ako? Kahit sandali lang dati?"
Leni clenches her jaw and swallows. She's unsettled by how the other woman seems more nervous than she's ever been around her, but her voice is strong when she confirms, "Oo, nagustuhan at gusto pa rin kita. Matagal na."
"Okay," she nods again, taking a deep breath. "Then let's go out to dinner. I'll pay this time," she offers with a grin, holding out her hand, "since it's a date."
Leni hesitates, eyeing her hand, and she feels her stomach drop. "Okay, pero is this a real date, or a practice one pa rin?" And she can't even be mad at her when she's grinning at her the way she is.
"A real one," Risa says, smiling, still holding out her hand.
Leni takes it.
End