TW: Triggering a panic attack
A few hours later, I stroll around the tower. After all, I was avoiding my quarters to bump into Loki. A lot has changed here, even though I wasn't away for that long. But I guess Stark has his ways to quicken the pace if he wants something, then it gets done in a blink of time. Money is power. Sadly but it's a huge fact and I think it is very unfair.
I find myself lost in the lab and shriek when Bruce greets me. "Oh, hi, Bruce."
He chuckles and puts on his glasses. "Sorry, I didn't mean to jump-scare you."
I wave my hand, bringing out the Hulk is something I want to avoid. "Better me than you."
He purses his lips and nods. I quickly apologize. "Don't worry, if something like what you said would bring out the other guy, I would do something wrong. So, what brings you to me?"
I scratch the back of my head. "I got lost. Actually, I wanted to go to the gym. You know, let out a bit of tension."
He smiles. "Get to the elevator. Go out on the 40th floor and straight all the way. The door is signed with the huge letters G Y M."
I roll my eyes and thank him before I leave for the gym. I hear muffled noises from behind the door. When I open the door, Tony and Steve have a spare against each other. Both of them stop. Steve greets me while Tony stands up from the ground, takes his stuff, and walks out without saying a word.
"What's that about?", Steve asks me as he offers me Tony's place for a spare fight.
"He hates me," I mutter and get into my fighting stance. I gulp the guilt down, not wanting to think about my past with HYDRA.
"Why would he hate you? He was the one who said we should bring you back to the tower after S.H.I.E.L.D.S' downfall."
My shoulders slump since I know he won't start the training session before I tell him the story. I crack my knuckles and roll my head for a bit of stretching.
Why not use the talk for a bit of warming up?
"Because I told him I was there when his parents died."
Steve opens his mouth as his brows raise. "Did you...?"
I shake my head, knowing exactly what he implies to say. About Bucky. "No, that's not my story to tell. Everybody should do their amends by themselves unless they ask for help." I sigh and bend over to stretch my lower back area.
"He'll get over it," Steve assures me and sends me a soft smile after I straighten my posture. "Also, Tony mentioned your panic attacks and that he's worried about you." I narrow my eyes and tilt my eyes. "You should talk about your feelings, Shadow. Before it eats you alive."
I groan frustrated. It's a topic besides Loki that I am trying to avoid. "Are we going to fight here or are you my new therapist?"
He shakes his head to himself but suppresses a little smile from my record. "Fine, do you want to use your powers?"
I show him my wrists. "Hell, yeah, please. How am I going to win against the super soldier without them?"
He holds a finger and walks to his phone. After a long moment of tapping on his small device, he activated my powers. Not to blame him, he's a grandpa when it comes to technology but at least he's trying to keep up.
"Since Loki isn't here, I want to practice like the other time. One power after the next," he waits for my response and I nod my head in confirmation. "We don't want to risk anything. But I still can ask JARVIS for Loki."
"No, no need," I said a bit in a rush that made Steve lift his brow in suspicion. "I can handle it. I mean, I can't have him by my side all the time, can I?"
"Sure." He smiles dirty and sends me a wink which makes me frown. "Let's start with the shadow manipulation, go on."
He gets into his fighting stance, fist high, and his eyes jump onto me and take in the surroundings. He has learned from our previous training. I swirl my hand next to my hips and produce a black misty ball which I aim at him.
Steve rolls on the ground over to pick up his shield. Dodging the first ball as the second ball hits his shield. I am impressed with how much of a fast learner Steve is.
"Let's move on to the second power," he suggests and I shake my head. "I know it's the mind stone. And I know you can place any memory inside my head. Let's test it out. You had done it only once on Loki."
I sigh and walk over to him. My hands hesitate on touching his temple but he nods approvingly. So, my fingers touch his temple and let the power flow working on it. With my eyes closed, I try to concentrate to give Steve a pleasurable memory. Something that brightens his day. It is the memory where Steve kisses Peggy for the very first time before he jumps onto the plane which he crashed into the ice later.
Quickly, I let go. My heart seeks such a love and it breaks me. Steve's smile vanishes from his lips as he notices my change of emotion. He wants to place a hand on my shoulder but I kick him against his chest, making him double over from pain.
"Are you okay?", he asks me after he caught his breath which I blew out from the previous kick.
My body starts to shake as my heart breaks and it hurts my chest. My breathing gets deeper as I can't get enough air into my lungs. I gasp for air but my chest tightens making it even harder for me to breathe.
"Shadow, breathe," Steve pleads and takes a step towards me.
But that was a mistake. The reality stone's power takes control over me. I stumble on my feet trying to suppress it. A pair of hands hold me sternly on my shoulders to keep me in place. My body paralyzes but as the person turns me around with his hands still placed on my shoulder, I start to shake, in desperate need of air now.
"JARVIS, send Loki in, immediately," Tony orders but his worried eyes never leave my face. "Okay, Reaper. I need you to take a deep breath, okay?"
He waits for my reaction but I can't focus on my breathing, only on my lonely heart that sends a stab through my ribcage. Stark puts his index finger on my chest. "
Will you breathe with me, yeah?" I nod. "Good," he whispers with a smile and pulls back his finger. "Breathe in," I take a deep shaky breath and when he puts his finger back onto my chest it is my cue to breathe out. "And breathe out."
We do this together several times until I can breathe on my own. As soon as Tony thinks I'm ready to do it by myself, he slowly lets go and leads me to the bench, sitting me down on it. Quickly, he tells JARVIS to deactivate my powers.
"Thank you, Stark. And I'm sorry," I mumble and grab the bottle of water which Steve throws at me.
Tony sighs but a fake smile tugs on his lips. "We'll talk about this when we're ready, alright Butcher?"
"What is so urgent for me to come down, Stark?", Loki growls which makes me tense up immediately.
My gaze from Tony wanders towards Loki whose threatening posture goes with slumped shoulder turning into worry. He takes slow and careful steps towards us but Tony gets up and holds a hand out to stop him.
"You and she have some serious issues. I called a therapist who has helped me and I need you two to do those sessions," Tony explains, earning from Loki and me a frown.
Before any of us can speak up, Steve interferes: "Give it a try," he nods towards me. "Even if you tried to avoid him, your powers are kinda depending on Loki's for the moment."
"I am not doing those petty talking sessions." Loki crosses his arms as his eyes narrow. "I am a God. How can a mortal understand any of my actions?"
Tony rolls his eyes and crosses his arms too. "Yeah, but you're still doing that, Reindeer Games. You still have feelings." He walks to him and pats his back, earning a death glare from him. "Dr. Sanders will await you in the meeting room in one Hour." Tony claps before he leaves the gym again.
On my feet back again, Steve comes to me and puts a hand on my shoulder. "You got this." And then he leaves us two alone too,
"I'm going to take a shower. Don't want the psychiatrist to get a first impression of me when I smell, don't we?" I laugh shortly, trying to break the tense and awkward silence.
"And you allow them to do this with you?"
I sigh exasperated. "Do I have a choice?", I question back and Loki shifts uncomfortably on his feet.
"You can talk to me, Darling." I close my eyes and shake my head. I hear him sigh, "Okay, if this is what you want, then we'll do it."