*Luke's P.O.V*
"That's not how you two were supposed to say good bye," Michael said barely above a whisper, shaking his head.
I snapped, "Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! You don't think I know that?"
"Woah Luke easy," Calum said but I couldn't, I had finally stopped crying and Michael brought it up again. I knew he didn't mean to upset me, but why couldn't he just let it be?
"You think all I wanted was to let her be hurt before I left?!" I yelled, that was honestly the last thing I wanted. I never wanted to hurt her.
"Luke no one is blaming you-"
"I am! I'm blaming me!" I cut Ashton off, "I let her go."
*Flash Back*
I heard my phone vibrate as it moved across my mahogany desk, as I strummed my guitar, I was trying to write a song for Jasey to show her just how much I actually love her.
She really means the world to me. I've never loved anyone or anything like I've loved her. And, I wanted all of it with her. I wanted the pointless bickering, the jokes, the late night phone calls, good morning texts, holding hands, and calling her baby. I wanted to be the one to hold her when she can't fall sleep at night, and sing to her when she's sick. I wanted to be able to pour my heart out to her and tell her how badly I screwed up after we fight, I wanted one of those 'you're still together?' relationships. And I wanted it all with her.
I picked up the cellular object looking at the illuminated screen, speaking of Jasey.
From: Penguin Queen
Hey can you come over? I need to talk to you.
To: Penguin Queen
Yeah. Is everything alright?
From: Penguin Queen
Just know that no matter what happens I love you and I always will.
Now she had me worried. My mind was racing with all the possibilities it could be, as I put my worn out guitar up and walked out of my room. My stomach was tied in knots, I'm afraid of what I'll find out when she talks to me, as I was gradually becoming nauses. I feel like I'm having a panic attack, 'breath Luke' I told myself, it's probably nothing. I was probably just over thinking things when in all actuality it wouldn't be anything.
"Hey mum I'm going over to Jasey's for a bit," I opened the front door.
"Okay be quick Luke, dinners almost ready."
I didn't respond as I headed out the door, I barely even heard what she said because my thoughts were too loud. As I got closer to her house I saw that she was standing on the front porch. She was beautiful, her blonde hair and porcelain skin contrasted so well with her piercing blue eyes. I took in every single thing about her every time I looked at her. Like how she always picked at her nails or subconsciously played with the earrings in her ears. She was chewing on her bottom lip, something she only did when she was nervous.
I saw she was holding my jacket in her hands, the grey hoodie she stole from me but I didn't mind because I enjoy seeing her in my clothes. The way the large material fit her and made her look more petite than she normally did. It reminded me of the fact that she was mine, all mine.
"Hi," I said quietly walking up the stairs to her.
She didn't say anything as she lunged towards me wrapping her arms around my neck. I hugged her back so tightly, tighter than I ever thought possible. We hugged all the time but this time it was different, the embrace held more meaning this time than ever before.
Something was about to happen, something bad. I could tell because of the way she was acting and the way I felt inside, my gut feeling was never wrong. And in that instance I knew exactly what it was.
"Jasey?" I whispered.
"I'm sorry," she pulled away from me, her eyes glazed over like newly cut glass.
"For what?" I asked, although I already knew, "love please don't do this."
"I never meant to hurt you Luke," she held both of my hands in hers, tears filling in both of our eyes, "it'll- it'll just be better this way Luke. Better for both of us." She said it but I could tell she didn't believe as much as she wanted to.
"Jasey, Jasey don't do this," I pleaded, my voice cracking, "please."
"Listen Luke, I know you can't see it right now but you're going to go on tour and have fun and live your life and forget all about me. You are going to meet a fantastic girl out there, one that's much better than me," she paused taking in a shaky breath, "I don't want to hold you back Luke. You deserve better than me. You deserve someone that can make you happy and give you the things you want in life."
"But I don't want anyone else Jasey, I want you. You're all I need."
"I'm sorry Luke," she blinked tears out of her eyes, "just know that I will always love you."
*Flash Back Ends*
Looking back now I hated myself. There was so much more I could've done to salvage our relationship. I could've fought for her, I could've gotten down on my knees and told her just exactly how much she meant to me.
God, I hate myself. I let her go, I let her slip right between my fingers. I let the women I love, with every fiber in my being, get away from me.
She may have been the one that ended things with me but it was only because she thought it's what she needed to do. I knew she was going to let her insecurities get the best of her but, I guess this is my fault for not showing her just exactly where she stood in my eyes.
Jasey always put herself down, she always felt like she was never good enough for anyone, when in reality she was one of the best people you'll ever meet. That's why she let people walk all over her, she thought it would help. I just wish she could've seen herself through my eyes.
"I have to get her back," I said inaudibly, "I have to."
"Hey, hey man," Ashton put his large hand on my shoulder in a comforting way.
I looked up at him with bloodshot eyes, and tear stained cheeks, holding back a sob I answered, "yeah?" It came out as more of a whisper than it was supposed to. It hurt my throat to talk in my normal loud voice though.
"Just try not to think about it to much, okay?" He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, I could tell he was thinking carefully on what to say next, "I know it's hard right now, but we hate seeing you like this."
"We really do," Calum added.
"Yeah bro we don't want you to be sad," Michael gave me a small, yet somewhat reassuring smile.
"I think I'm going to go lay down for a bit," I stood up rubbing my forehead, trying to ease the headache that all the crying and anxiety had caused. I walked past the boys without saying another word, they didn't say anything either.
I crawled into my bunk, put my earbuds in, attempting to block out the sadness of the world and my suffocating thoughts but, it was no use. My brain was fogged up with memories and they were all of her.
I thought of when we first met that day in Michaels kitchen. She was all sweaty and wearing athletic clothing but she was still beautiful to me and, fuck I was so awkward. I remember when Bryan attempted to make a move on her but I wasn't going to let that happen. She then made everyone leave and I helped her pick up the mess. We talked and I got to see how genuine and sweet she really was, I should've kissed her.
(A/N: this is kind of like a flashback so if it gets confusing I apologize.)
"When do your parents get back?" I asked Jasey as I laid sprawled out across her bed, my lanky body taking up most of the space.
"Sometime tomorrow evening," she responded, standing up from the black chair she was seated in and stood in front of me. I sat up and pulled her by her sweater between my legs, she ran her hands through my blonde locks delicately as I pinched her sides softly.
She immediately removed my hands from her waist stifling a giggle, "don't."
"Jasey Clifford!" I gasped dramatically putting my hand over my chest, "why are you ticklish?"
"Pffft, what? No," she said innocently.
"You liar," I laughed loudly, shaking my head at her.
She scoffed, "I am not! How dare you say such a thing, I am truly offended!" She stuck her nose up in the air sarcastically.
"Then come here," I raised my eyebrows motioning her towards me, still grinning like a fool at her reaction.
"No," she shook her head in a child like manner, trying not to giggle.
"Fine then," I grinned sheepishly before jumping up and reaching for her. She dodged my grasp and ran down the stairs squealing and laughing louder than ever. It was such a sweet sound.
"Luke no, stop!!" She jumped the last three stairs, all most falling in the process and ran over towards the couch hopping over the back off it. She landed softly on the brown fluffy cushions to which I followed her. I flopped over the back of the couch following her actions, careful not to squish her. We were both laughing hysterically, as my hands made my way to her sides and began to tickle her even more.
"Luke," she shouted, "Luke qui-" she couldn't even finish her sentence she was laughing so hard, which made me laugh because it was so contagious. As our blue irises met each other's everything came to a halt.
"You're so beautiful," I whispered before kissing her forehead, then in between her eyes, then her nose, and lastly her soft pink lips. Her hands found their way to my hair again, twisting it between her fingers. God, I loved when she did that.
I used my elbow to prop myself up above Jasey so my body weight didn't crush her, my other hand made its way to her cheek pushing stray strands of hair from her face. As we ever so slightly pulled away she pecked the corner of my lips one last time.
"I love you Luke."
"I love you too Jasey."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: HOLY SHIT... I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY... IM SURE YOU ARE ALL UPSET AND I APOLOGIZE BUT PLEASE DONT BE MAD AT JASEY. SHE HAS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING ALTHOUGH YOU MAY NOT BE ABLE TO SEE IT NOW. AND I KNOW THAT LUKE IS PROBABLY CRYING AN AWFUL LOT FOR A TEENAGE BOY GOING THROUGH A BREAK UP BUT HE REALLY LOVED HER SO PLUS IM A SHIT WRITER SO.
Also sorry I haven't updated in a while. Oops!!!
OKAY WELL.... IM SORRY IM SUCH A SUCKY WRITER!!!
Oh and I'm sure you guys probably don't care but I dyed my hair the other day and I was like damn this is what it must feel like to be Michael...
I've also started a new account with my friend Guess_what_I_just we write 1D and 5SOS imagines and we take request so make sure you check that out. It's daddykinkHallsandB
And I want to say a huge thanks because I've gotten almost 3K reads on this and I know it's not a lot but it's more than I expected so just thank you. I don't even understand why people like this story but your comments and votes mean a lot so THANK YOU BABES.
bYE
LUB YOU BABES.