quick reminder that you are beautiful. your body does not make you the person you are and no one gets to judge the way it looks. it's okay to struggle and to have bad days, but please talk to someone if it gets out of hand. (my dm's are always open too) please eat and drink something because you deserve it.
and in case you didn't get a hug today here is one 🫂
nat x daughter
age: 16
tw: anorexia, feeding tube
word count: 1,8k
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Natasha's POV
Y/n has been diagnosed with anorexia about two month ago. I've noticed a change in her behaviour way earlier but going through the whole process of getting her diagnosed was a chore.
We went to six different doctors and therapists just so they could tell us that it's 'teenage hormones' and 'she'll grow out of it'. But I know my daughter, that was something completely different. The mental health system is literally so messed up.
Now we are in close contact with a good therapist and Bruce checks on her at least once a week. She's getting better though, she has her support system and a strict plan considering eating and sports habits.
Of course there are bad days where she and I spend the whole day in bed and I feed her while she cries in my lap, but over all she's slowly improving.
That's what I thought at least.
I'm currently in the laundry room on the edge of crying. I've just picked up a bra of her that was way too heavy for a bra- it can't be, she couldn't, right? She would tell me-
I slowly turn it around with shaking hands.
The bra patting is cut open and filled with something which seems like screws. A sob leaves my mouth. No. no, no, no. How did I not notice!? Salty liquid drops into my mouth as I pull out my phone.
green guy
meet me in the lab
now.
After I dried my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie I rush to the lab hoping to find Bruce in there, unfortunately it's empty. I slouch down at one of the tables. A couple minutes later the elevator door opens and Bruce appears with a worried expression on his face. "Have you been crying?" he asks carefully, slowly approaching me.
Instead of a verbal answer I lay down the bra on the table and bury my face back in my hands, silently crying. I flinch slightly as a hand in placed on my back and starts to move, apparently with the intention to calm me down, not necessary and not possible right now. "Sorry" he quickly apologises at my sudden movement "It's okay" I whisper, melting into his touch.
(a/n: this is not a brutasha ship!! I hate that ship. He's just being nice guys and Natty craves some comfort lmao)
"What am I gonna do?" I cry, hopelessly trying to find another explanation for this. But there isn't one, I know that. "Shh, it's alright Nat, she's gonna get better eventually" he tries to comfort me "That's what we thought the last two month, Bruce!" I yell within broken sobs. In the next moment he pulls me up on my legs and spins me around "I'm gonna give you a hug now"
-
After a couple minutes of me calming down he speaks up again "I'm gonna have to give her a check up right now, Nat, and if her weight has fallen even more, which I expect, you know what we have to do" and as much as I don't want to put her through this, I know it's the right thing to do.
"Don't have me pin her down" I say almost emotionless, going fully back in my 'normal' self and leaving the room without another word. My heart is shattered, I thought I was really helping her, instead I just failed being a good mother for another time.
Just a few moments later I find myself knocking on her bedroom door.
"Y/n baby, can I come in?" I ask and after she gave me approval I enter the room. "Hey" she mumbles looking up from her homework. I sit down on her bed and take a deep breath before I start talking again "Bruce wants to see you". She turns around eyeing me up and down "We've been there like two days ago" "Still, you finished here?" she looks me dead in the eyes "What's going on mom?"
If I tell her the reason right now she won't come with me so I stick with 'lying'. "Nothing, he just wants to check you up again. So, are you finished?" "Ugh, fine" she groans and gets up.
-
"And whom do I owe this pleasure?" y/n asks sarcastically as she enters med bay with me. "Yourself" a random nurse from across the room says, receiving a harsh glare from me. "You can step out for a moment" Bruce says to them.
After having a short talk with y/n Bruce gets all the stuff he needs ready and I get scrubs for y/n- this is gonna be painfully hard.
Horror washes over her face as I hand her the scrubs, normally she is allowed to wear a baggy tee and some shorts. "Put it on please" I say, trying to stay as calm as possible even though I can feel my heart hammering against my chest. "Why? What is going on?" she questions, starting to pick at the skin of her arm. "Just put it on, no discussion" I say. I just need to know the state she's in, I can't stand the guilt that is running through my veins.
"Can I at least let my underwear on?" she asks quietly, I bite the inside of my cheek slowly shaking my head 'no'. Her eyes gloss over "Mama please" "No y/n" I know that she knows that I know. "Mama" she whimpers "Please" she begs. "I'm sorry y/n" I say and watch as tears slip out her eyes "Please go and change" I plead. She turns around and goes behind a curtain to get rid of her own clothes as she sniffles, trying to muffle her sobs.
-
Bruce sends me a knowing look as he reads the number on the scales. "Mama I'm sorry" y/n cries even tho Bruce is blocking her view on the number- she knows how bad it is. "Don't be. You have nothing to be sorry for" I say and pull her down from the scales in the warm embrace of my arms "You have nothing to be sorry for, my baby girl"
After remaining in this position for a couple moments Bruce speaks up again. "Y/n, given your dangerously low weight and the fact that you haven't sticked to you eating plan we have to-" but she cuts him of with a sob "N-no, please, please don't do this Мама"
"I'm sorry baby"
"No please Мамa, I'll do better, I can do better." she wails
"Y/n a feeding tube is the only thing that is really gonna help" Bruce cuts in
"No, no please" she begs
"He's right, y/n" I whisper
"No, please, I'll be better, I'm sorry" she all but screams as she starts to free herself out of my grip, which only makes me hold her tighter. "I'm not gonna let go y/n, I'm here with you" I whisper while stroking her hair in a soothing manner. Warm liquid drops down my neck as she holds onto me. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry" she whispers "No детка, you don't have this under control anymore and that's okay, we're gonna help you, you're gonna get better" I say and kiss her head "But for the first step I need you to let go and let me lead the way. I need you to trust me with this, okay?"
She stays quiet for a moment before replying. "I- I trust you" she hiccups "Okay, I'm so proud of you for taking this step, you know. I really know how hard and painful this might be for you, but I need you to lie down and let Bruce insert the tube so that we can continue our way. I'm right by your side and I'm gonna be here and hold your hand, how does that sound?" I say, lifting her head up so she can have a clear look on me.
"I'm scared Мама" she whispers "I know and actually I am too, but y/n you are strong and I'm right here to hold your hand, you're gonna be okay, my sweet girl"
-
That was probably the most heartbreaking thing I've ever went through in my life- and I've went through a lot.
Right now y/n is placed on my hip, silently crying, while I carry her to my room. Her arms are loosely swung around my neck and her face is deeply buried in its crook.
By the time we get there her body is almost numb in my grip and her cries turned into little hiccups. She's absolutely exhausted. As I place her down on my bed she stirs a little and opens her eyes with a little panicked expression. Her hand directly goes to her nose but I'm fast enough to pull it away and back down in her lap. "Shh, you're okay, I got you" I whisper "Go back to sleep, baby"
I quickly discard my sweatshirt so that I'm left in just a sports bra and sweatpants. "Lift your arms for me, детка" I instruct softly after noticing that she isn't sleeping already "Good girl". I carefully pull her t-shirt over her head before lying back against the headboard and placing y/n next to me for some skin-to-skin contact. She snuggles closer so me and puts her head on my chest in almost an instant. I pull the blanket over the two of us to keep us warm and place a kiss on y/n's head. "Get some sleep, baby girl" I coo
-
"What's wrong, детка?" I ask after a couple of minutes. I'm a trained spy, I know she isn't sleeping, her whole body is tensed. "I'm cold" she mumbles. My poor little baby, the room temperature is definitely alright and the blanket should normally keep her warm. "Do you want a hoodie?" I ask and she shakes her head 'no'. "I can get you a heating pad" I say just to feel her grip on me tighten "Don't leave me" she whimpers.
"I could text Ria, would that be okay for you?" I suggest and after given consent I pick up my phone to message Maria.
About five minutes later Maria knocks on the door. "Come in" I say with slightly raised voice, but not enough to startle my daughter. "Hey you two" Maria smiles and hands me the heating pad. I put the plug in the socket and turn the heat up. "Thank you" I tell Maria honestly before she turns around on her heels to leave the room.
"There you go" I whisper after feeling y/n's body visibly relax against the new found heat. "Thank you Мама" she whispers "Not for this" I smile "Now go back to sleep baby". After I placed another kiss on her head she closes her eyes again and slowly drifts off to sleep.
"I'm right here baby, I'll keep you safe"
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how are y'all?
btw I'm so in love with lana's new album... like a&w, paris, texas and let the light in UGHHH