Can't promise that things won't be broken,
but I swear that I will never leave.
"Do you regret it?"
It broke my heart that Fred felt like he had to ask this, but as I pulled away to look at him, I saw that his heart was also breaking at the mere thought of the possibility.
I used my sleeve to wipe my cheeks, trying to dry up as many tears as possible. The shock of his question made me stop crying almost immediately. Now it was my turn to look straight into his glossed-over eyes.
"Of course not."
This did little to reassure him as he looked down and swallowed, not wanting me to see him get teary-eyed, "How do you know you're not just vulnerable right now?"
His voice was so sad. I understood why he asked me this, but it still hurt knowing I made him feel this way.
"Because I—" Finding it hard to get the words out, I inhaled sharply to work up the courage to say what I felt in my heart. I never admitted this to anyone, not even myself. But I couldn't let Fred continue to feel this way for a second longer. Feeling my lungs reinflate with air, the next sentence released in one long breath, "Because I had feelings for you before Cedric came along."
His head shot up to look at me. The surprise in his eyes ran deep, "You did?"
"Yeah," I whispered. Somehow gathering the strength to lift my head before nodding slowly, "I did."
"How come you never told me?"
"I didn't realize it at the time..." I mumbled, looking away while fidgeting with my hands in my lap, "Those feelings may have been there, but I didn't understand them. Then Cedric and I went on a date, and things happened so fast, and I fell so hard for him that I just-" My voice cracked as I choked on my ramble, tears threatening to fall again, "I didn't notice them anymore."
I had to force myself to admit the last sentence. That was definitely something I didn't want to tell him in case it hurt him, but I had to be honest. My body tensed with worry as I waited for his reaction.
Would he be angry? Would he want nothing to do with me? I didn't know what to expect, but it definitely wasn't what came next.
"It's okay...I understand," Fred sighed. His eyes downcasted to the bed as he inhaled deeply and breathed, "I didn't realize I had feelings for you back then, either."
"What?" My brows furrowed, "You liked me back then, too?"
"Of course I did. God, I felt so dumb!" He groaned as he rubbed his face with frustration, but I could tell it was with himself and not with me, "I didn't know how I felt until that day you asked me for a map. Then you and Cedric kissed at the party, which really solidified it for me. You have no idea how hard it was to watch you fall in love with someone else. I was so bloody jealous."
"You were jealous?"
"Why do you think I got so mad at you that night in the common room?"
Feeling ashamed to admit it, I stammered, "For a while, I-I just kind of thought you didn't like Cedric, but then things between you guys seemed to get better after you and I made up."
" 'Didn't like him?' Charlotte, it wasn't like that. My only real problem with him was that he was dating you, and I wasn't. But then I saw how well he treated you and how happy he made you that I eventually accepted things for what they were. He was a great guy, and all I ever wanted was for you to be happy...even if it wasn't with me."
I don't know why I felt shocked by all this. But suddenly, it all started to make sense. The flower on my birthday, and the basket of all my favourite things. How Fred always knew every little thing about me. Then, all those rude remarks he made about Cedric after we started going out and how I stupidly thought it all stemmed from the quidditch match where Harry fell off his broom. Oh, and all the resentment Fred displayed the night we had that big fight. I even remembered his face the day I accused him of being jealous of Cedric for being able to put his name into the goblet. Now I know the real reason why he was jealous. All the pieces started falling into place, and I don't know how I didn't realize it sooner!
"That's why you couldn't tell me why you got so mad that night when I asked you about it at the ball?" I muttered.
With his head still hanging low, Fred sighed again as he nodded, "Believe me, I really wanted to."
He looked back up at me with pleading eyes, his voice quickening as he spoke, "I wanted to so damn badly, but you were with Cedric. You had found love, and I couldn't get in the way of that. You two had the type of love that most people spend their whole lives searching for and very few actually get to experience. Even though I desperately wanted you to have that with me, I still went to bed each night knowing your heart was safe in his hands. That's the only thing that got me through it all."
My face contorted as I choked on my cries and bowed it into my hands while listening to him. God, this hurt so much to hear. I had no idea he was struggling through this the last couple of years. There's no way I could even begin to imagine it.
"So, the night you were drunk?" I mumbled, lifting my tear-stained face.
"Yeah..." he lowered his gaze with a weak nod, "I meant what I said that night."
"But you also said you didn't remember anything that happened?"
His glossed-over eyes travelled back to up my face, "I didn't want to lose you... Maybe we couldn't be together, but I still wanted to be friends. Also, I didn't want you to struggle with having to tell Cedric about it. We battled each other in a duelling club once, and I did not want to be on the receiving end of one of his jinxes again," He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood with good memories.
Giggling weakly, my face softened, "I remember that. He used the leg-locker curse, and you fell flat on your face."
Fred's eyes peered past his lashes fondly as he asked, "Do you also remember how he apologized to me afterwards and helped me back up?"
I smiled sadly and nodded," Yeah, I remember."
"That's because he was just being himself. He's Mr. Super-Puff at all! Cedric embodied every single defining trait of a Hufflepuff there ever was. After the duel, he even bought me a butterbeer to make up for the jinx."
My thumbs started to turn raw with how much I had rubbed them together in my lap, "Well...thank you for thinking about my relationship with him. It did make it easier for me when I didn't have to tell him about your...drunken confessions. I'm sorry it didn't do the same for you."
He attempted a casual shrug and responded, "I got through it..."
Sniffling, I wiped at my tears even though they continued to fall and added softly, "And now we know how we feel about each other."
Fred's eyes looked into mine fondly as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.
"So what does this mean for us?" He whispered.
"I don't know..." I sighed as my face dropped back into my hands, "I mean, I can't help but feel guilty whenever I think about how Cedric would feel about this."
Fred bit his lip nervously as he watched me for a few seconds before hesitantly divulging, "Cedric knew how I felt about you..."
I looked up from my hands with watery eyes and furrowed eyebrows at him, "He—he what? How do you know that?"
"Because he told me..." Fred's voice was reluctant, but he sighed before he spoke again, "I ran into him in the hallways a couple nights before he died. He was worried about you and asked me to promise to get you out of there and look out for you if anything happened to him. That's when he told me that he knew about my feelings."
Looking at the ground, I scanned through my recollection of Cedric's letter. If the timeline is right, then Cedric wrote that letter between the night that he and Fred talked and the night that he died. I couldn't help but wonder if he thought about Fred's feelings when he wrote that he wanted me to find love again. That's probably not what he meant when he asked Fred to care for me, but surely, he knew this was a possibility.
"What is it?" Fred asked, his irises searching my face for answers.
"Cedric's letter...he wrote that..." My eyes shut, trying to keep my tears from falling as I inhaled then exhaled deeply, but they escaped anyway, trailing grief down my cheeks, "he wrote that he wanted me to find love again. He said I had so much love to give that there was enough room in my heart for two."
Fred pulled his lips in and pondered this in silence before scooting closer to me.
"Charlotte..." He took my hands into his larger ones again before speaking softly with a tender gaze, "What you and Cedric had was beautiful, and I would never want you to forget about that, nor would I ever try to take his place. Please don't ever feel like you can't talk to me about him or what you're going through. I will always be there for you, no matter what happens between us. Just know that if you are willing to give us a chance, then I'm all in, and I promise we can go at your pace. I won't make a move without knowing if you're okay with it first."
His words stunned me into silence as I processed everything he had just said. And when I finally did, all that came out was a whisper of an answer, "Yes..."
"Yes?" He lifted his eyebrows, "What does that mean?"
"It means that I want to give us a chance."
"Wait, what?" This time, his brows nearly shot to his hairline as hopeful gleams filled his eyes, "You really mean that?"
"I do, but-"
Fred groaned as he tried to look away, "Ugh! Why'd there have to be a 'but'?"
"No, Fred. It's not like that," I quickly tried to reassure him, tugging at his hands to pull him to look at me again, "The thing is, I want to be able to give you all of my heart. You deserve nothing less than that. I know my love for Cedric will always be there, but I still have some healing to do before we can call this a relationship."
"I understand," He responded gently as he lifted my hands slightly to intertwine our fingers, "Maybe this time apart is exactly what we need then. It will give you time to yourself so that you can heal and figure things out."
"Thank you..." I whispered, "And just know that I do want a relationship with you soon. Please don't forget that while you're away at Hogwarts."
Fred's eyes matched his warm chuckle as he shook his head, "I've been waiting so long to hear those words that I don't understand how you think I could ever forget them."
After he kissed my hand softly, his brown eyes looked into mine, "I'll be here whenever you're ready for it."
"Well..." My brows bounced as my head tilted to the side innocently, my eyes following the motion, "Before we leave for Headquarters, I do have one small request."
"What's that?"
"Can I have another kiss?"
The edges up Fred's lips curved into a sly grin as he answered, "Now those are one thing you'll never have to ask for."
As he placed a hand on my cheek, he leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, again feeling the same electricity I felt the night before. The kiss was gentle at first, but as his lips mingled with mine, I was reminded of how badly I had missed their taste. Wanting to deepen the kiss, I rested my hand on his jawline to pull him closer.
Getting the hint, Fred's hand moved from my cheek and slid down my side before resting on my waist. His tongue ran along my bottom lip, and I was more than happy to grant him access. We didn't let it become too intimate because we both knew it wasn't the right time for that, but it was still passionate. Our tongues danced together as his fingers tightened around the side of my waist and pulled me in even closer.
At some point, our kisses were interrupted by a loud crack that startled me and caused me to scream a little as Fred and I jumped apart.
"What the bloody hell, George!" Fred groaned in exasperation, "You couldn't apparate outside the door?!"
With his back turned towards us, George replied, "Sorry, I'm still getting the hang of the landings."
He started to look around, his head darting from side-to-side, "Where are you guys?" His face lifted into an 'a-ha' moment when he looked over his shoulder and finally found us, "Ah, there you are!"
I laughed a little, "You gave us quite a scare there."
"Sorry about that. Wait, did I..." George's eyes narrowed as he grinned smugly and pointed at his lips. His finger drew imaginary circles around them as he continued, "Interrupt something?"
A crinkle formed between my eyebrows as I looked at Fred, noticing that his lips were red from the recent snog session. By his proudly guilty laugh that he tried to hide behind his palm as he looked away, I knew my lips looked the same.
"Oh my gosh," I quickly covered them with my hand and a harsh warmth spread over my face.
They both laughed at my colour-changing display, and through those laughs, Fred looked at George before finally answering his question, "Yeah. You kind of did, mate."
George's laughing ceased slowly as he shook his head, "My bad! But hey, glad to see you two worked things out."
He laid each hand on Fred's and my shoulders before adding with a smirk, "Never doubted you for a second."