ETHAN POV
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He didn't come back for two nights. Two long nights.
I trained out in the woods and part of me searched for him a little bit, telling myself I was just going for a walk, but I knew I was looking for him.
Lonni and Leo weren't concerned, not even the slightest. I didn't understand how they could be so calm about his absence.
"He visits at night," Noah explained as I looked over to him with confused eyebrows, "he meets with them to talk about the war and then he leaves." He took a seat next to me.
"You've seen him?" I asked as I sat up straight. He nodded as he took a bite of his sandwich.
"Yeah," he responded with a mouth full, "Only once though. He has to come home today so you don't need to worry."
Almost on cue, he entered the house. He looked like a complete mess. I hadn't seen him, not until now. He had been making sure of it. He looked messy, more scars on his body than once before. The biggest one was on his arm, though I'm sure it'd heal eventually.
He walked in through the door, splattered blood painted his arms and face as if he had just came in right after taking someone's life, maybe he had.
My stomach twisted in a way it hadn't in a while. Anxiety. The kind I hadn't felt for so long, the kind that had made me feel so small and weak.
I looked away from him even though his eyes never even glanced at me. I picked at my fingers, something I hadn't done in a while. He didn't speak, and I realized how much I missed his voice. I wanted to rip off my fingers as I thought about how angry he was with me.
I had called him unlovable, but it had been me who was unlovable. I'm always so mean and angry, and I can't even do a simple thing by myself without causing trouble for everyone.
I felt like I had just come full circle. All their words of doubt and criticism grew to be reality.
"We are sending out troops to cover the entire territory. There will be no fighting, only grabbing information and then reporting it back," Leo ordered. Alpha Nommi and Jorge were outside, telling their troops the same thing.
"Considering our powers, we will be split into small groups. Irene and Ares will be patrolling further out into the territory, Noah and Ryan will be watching the west sides of the territory," Lonni listed and dread washed over me as I knew who she was going to say next, "Alec and Ethan will take the middle area of the territory. Leo and I take the east."
I glanced up to Alec, but he didn't even look in my direction. It felt slightly harder to breathe.
"And if they attack us?" Ares asked.
"Run. Alpha Nommi has given strict instructions to have no contact whatsoever with the enemy. If they follow you back to the village, then you are given permission to fight," Lonni said and that made many of us shift uncomfortably.
It was unnatural for us to simply run, especially if it was an easy battle, but we couldn't disregard Alpha Nommi's orders, it was her territory we were on after all.
"These damn pacifists," Noah grumbled, shaking his head, and Leo let out a huff of agreement.
We were sent out in our pairs before Alpha Nommi and Jorge sent off any of the troops.
I followed Alec, keeping my distance. He had washed off the blood, but I didn't feel any relief. I tried to do as he did, keeping my eyes up ahead and watching carefully.
He didn't say a word for me, not a single word was spoken for what felt like an entire hour. The only noise was the wind, and the sound of snow crunching under our feet. Guilt was eating away at my stomach for every second that went by.
I needed to apologize, to tell him I was sorry but words didn't leave my lips. If he wasn't going to acknowledge my existence, why should I even bother?
He stopped suddenly, and I bumped into him. He didn't even turn to see if I was ok. I rebalanced myself and looked ahead.
There were three people walking with rabbits in their hands. The rabbits were still and limp. I couldn't tell whether or not these people were vampires or werewolves, but I knew they were enemies.
Even I felt a little disrespected that they hunted in this territory, and it wasn't even mine. If it had been Leo who saw them, and if it had been his territory, he'd absolutely lose his mind.
We watched them, or rather Alec watched them. We stayed hidden behind the trees, and my eyes would not leave him.
They eventually passed but we didn't move. He stood so close now. He smelled as he did when we had first met, sweet like cinnamon buns, but he also smelled a bit earthy. I couldn't help but to take a deep breath in of the cold air that stung my lungs.
The cold usually never bothered me, not until I stood so close to his warmth and felt how much more comfortable it was than to be cold.
I looked to him again, his eyes focused ahead like he was the only one out in these woods.
I knew we were in the middle of scouting, but I couldn't help myself, "Alec," I spoke, but it had been so quiet I assumed maybe I had only thought it. That was, until his eyes glanced at me for a moment like he hadn't meant to. Before he could look away, I took the opportunity, "Alec, I'm sorry," I apologized.
I couldn't hide my expression behind an angry and harden glare anymore. It dropped and it softened, like it used to.
I opened my mouth to continue, but he held up his hand, "Stop, Ethan. We have a job to do."
My heart was racing so fast and loud, it was the only noise in my ear. I couldn't continue to look at him, my eyes dropped to the snowy floors.
"Please just listen to me for a second," I insisted. This wasn't easy to do, and so I wasn't going to let him just disregard my words, especially not when I've stayed up all night thinking about what to say to him, "I'm not just sorry for what I said. I'm sorry for just being rude to you in general. When you kissed me, I was so upset with myself for forgiving you so easily, so I tried to force myself to be angry with you." My voice trembled and once I heard it falter my nerves rose. Suddenly the words just spilled from my mouth.
It felt weird to be this vulnerable with him, I hadn't been in a long time. I wanted to cut off my tongue, to punch myself for being so emotional.
He didn't say a word and I began to believe I had just imagined my apology, until the warmth around us picked up and the snow began to melt. I glanced up as he was looking away, his eyebrows knitted.
He was angrier than before, and I wanted to cry, but I didn't. He didn't forgive me. Maybe I hadn't said enough? The anxiety came rushing back and the words continued to flood from my lips again, a desperate urgency forcing it to happen, "I just don't want to keep being angry with each other. I'm sort of tired of our little back a forth, and I know you probably won't forgive me so easily because I wouldn't if I was you, but I still want to try-"
"Shut up, Ethan," he snapped at me, and I slammed my mouth shut. I looked up at his face now, and it was full of irritation. I was annoying him instead of fixing everything.
The silence grew as he turned away from me and looked forward once again. I bit my lip as my chest ached. Where was Irene? I wanted her here right now. Just her presence would be enough to stabilize me in this dull moment.
He let out a soft groan, causing my eyes to pick up from the ground and back to him. He turned around to look at me. He still looked irritated, but not for the reason I had assumed.
"I hate that," he said, and I looked at him with a confused expression, "I hate how easily I want to forgive you."
Now I was battling to suppress a smile, because I could tell it was genuinely bothering him. I could understand what he meant. I also didn't want to forgive him for everything so easily.
"Do you forgive me?" I asked carefully, looking up at him hopefully. He let out an irritated sigh, and I smiled knowing that was a yes.
"And I'm sorry for being insensitive about the whole thing," he apologized. I hadn't been wanting an apology for what he said about Grayson, but I was so glad I got one. He trailed off as if something was still bugging him, "But you still like Grayson," he said.
Goosebumps traveled up my skin at the mention of his name. I had conflicted feelings for that boy. I just felt bad for him, despite what he did. He was just desperate and lost, and I was only confusing him further.
"No," I decided, "I didn't, and I don't."
His face ease at those words, and he let out a small sigh of relief. "And me?" He asked, hesitantly.
I paused for a moment. I was completely prepared to just dust the question off, but now my heart was beating really fast. To just say 'I don't like you' wasn't the truth.
The weather around us was becoming a confusing mess. The blizzard seemingly picked up in a blink of an eye, but not a single drop of snow hit us.
I opened my mouth to give an answer, but I chickened out last second and just nodded. What was I nodding about? It grew really hard to maintain eye contact when I saw how Alec's face shift from a seriously look to one with a slight surprise.
"Yes..?" He asked. Now I just wanted to punch him and run away. Maybe that would get my nerves to calm down.
I was sixteen again, sitting in a bathtub, quietly crying. Alec was there too, and my heart was racing. I blinked away the memory, trying to focus on this moment.
"I think I like you," I whispered so quietly that he couldn't have been able to hear, but he did and I know he did because a heat wrapped around us and melted any snow within reach.
Months and years of confusion and frustration melted away along with the snow around us.
Sixteen-year-old me seeped through for just a moment, my eyes burning as stress left my body. No tears left though, I refused to let them leave. It was just good to get all of this anger off my chest. Even if I wasn't confident in my feelings, at least just announcing them aloud was a step in the right direction.
Our moments of peace were cut short by the sound of a loud yelp and scream. We were pulled from our own little world, and brought back to reality, a cruel one.
"That was..." I started, but I didn't need to finish, Alec recognized it too. He was the first to run towards the scream, I followed quickly.
We shifted into our wolf forms, dodging through trees and moving so fast I'm sure we looked like a blur to anyone watching.
We stopped, looking around. The scream had been short, and quick. Alec sniffed the area as I kept an eye of the trees above.
A feeling of heat waves past me and my head turned quickly to look at what Alec had found. There was blood in the snow, a little bit off from where we had stopped.
Other troops of Alpha Nommi's had heard the scream and came running to us as well to see what happened. I was the first to howl a message.
"NOAH AND RYAN ARE MISSING!"
I howled it so loud I'm sure my voice would be gone by tomorrow. Others joined in, panicked howls echoed throughout the forest.
Leo and Lonni came quickly to us, the sounds of worried howls still swirled in the air with the wind.
Leo and Lonni's eyes looked at us with crazed panic. Alec gestured his head over to the bloody snow. Leo sniffed it and then some more around the area just had Alec had done, but there was no trail. No trail of blood, footprints, nothing.
The snow around the area was all messy, clearly there had been a struggle. There were no bodies of either Ryan and Noah or the enemies. There was clearly a struggle though, as if there had been a fight.
I looked up again, sniffing the air for any clues, though everyone else had already been unsuccessful. My eyes then landed on a branch, slightly off from the blood stains. It's not like I could see anything, but a suspicion came to my mind, one I could not shake. I shifted back, and everyone turned to look at me and what I was doing.
I stood directly where the snow was messy from fighting and kept my eyes on the branch. I then jumped up and grabbed onto it. As I expected, it was in perfect reach for a vampire or werewolf to get to it.
I wasn't that great of a jumper though, I just barely missed it. My hand grabbed onto the branch as Lonni and Alec let out a bark of concern. I quickly pulled myself up to it.
It was big enough to hold a person—maybe multiple. I picked up my hand, and my stomach dropped. Blood covered it.
"They were up here!" I announced down to them, and they all shifted and snorted with aggression and anxiety.
I looked for any more branches with blood but it was hard to detect with all the snow. Whoever took them was smart enough to know they were untraceable if they traveled by the trees.
I jumped back down. Lonni, Leo, and Alec all shifted back to join me. I showed them my hands, and they frowned.
"That's Noah's blood," Alec examined. He looked around for any blood that would be Ryans, but there was none.
We returned back to the house. Alpha Nommi's sister, Daniel, Pressley, and her mate were there. Their face dropped as we entered. They gathered their things and left the house.
They've been looking after Daniel for times being while we sorted out everything. I could tell they didn't like us around. We were making their lives harder, and possibly their child's future worse.
Alpha Jorge stood from the dining room and came to us, his face painted with worry because of ours.
"What is it?" He asked. We explained everything to him and he looked as if he were to explode with stress. "MAI! REESES!" He hollered. Rushing from down the hall came the two girls.
"What?" Mai asked.
They were ordered to gather a search party and to attack any unwelcomed guess. Reese's eyes lit up at the order, but Mai looked as if it was the worst thing to ever do. There were no complaints from them, though. They left immediately.
We spent all day looking for them. There was no sign of them. Maybe there were, and we were just missing them. Noah and Ryan always had the best noses out of our group, from what I've heard.
I rushed the lounge center. It was a big building met for rogues who passed by. There was a big open area with couches and a table to hang out. To the other side there was a small café where some food would be served and certain times.
As the sun was going down, everyone was cleaning up the trash and moving furniture out of the way in order to set up everyone's beds for sleep.
I glanced around the area and spotted Grayson. Considering he was no longer a wolf and was considerably weak, we couldn't use him for the war.
I rushed over to him. We hadn't talked much since I told him he didn't like me, and I didn't like him the way we thought we did. His eyes met mine and his face shifted slightly, upset to see me.
"I need to ask you some questions," I said, not wasting any time. He nodded slowly and I lead him out of the lounge.
We stood to the side of the building, he shivered slightly due to the cold but I wanted our conversation to be private.
"What is it?" He asked as he hugged himself, looking around for any other life near us. Their was no one else.
"Ryan and Noah were taken," I said.
"I've heard," he admitted, "Everyone has. Things spread around fast here," he stated. I had already gathered that much from Riley.
"Do you have any clue where they could've taken them?" I asked, desperately.
I could imagine the torture they'd be put through. Daniela would surely run experiments, Tisha and Vicker would practice and perfect their torturing techniques. My stomach twisted thinking about it.
His eyebrows furrowed to a resentful expression, "And why should I help you?" He asked and I straightened with shock. "I'm not supposed to like you, remember?"
"We can still be friends, Grayson," I said. It was hard to look at him again when he looked so angry with me.
"Why tell me to treat you like a stranger and then come to me?" He asked and my words caught in my throat, "Do you know how unfair you're being?"
My eyes lowered, "I'm sorry," I apologized, "I don't mean to confuse you."
"STOP THAT! Stop apologizing and calling me confused!" He snapped, and I flinched, his hands gripping onto my shoulders tightly. I looked up at his angry face with widened eyes.
My mind flashed a memory, one I tried not to associate him with, and I felt my face go pale. Before I could summon some sort of weapon like I had before, his body was pulled away from me and flung up in the air. He kicked his feet and terror took over his angry face.
I looked to the source, Irene was running over, her hand still up to keep him up.
"Are you ok?!" She called out. Once she got to me, she glared daggers at Grayson, "Was he trying to hurt you?" Her voice was threatening, and I could see the magic forming in her hand in case he had been.
"No! No, he wasn't," I reassured, though I wasn't sure that was the truth, "Let him go." I demanded. I didn't mean to say it with such a harsh tone, but it was hard to control my voice when I was so shocked. She didn't look pleased with the demand, but she dropped him, and he hit the group with a loud thump and grunt of pain.
"I know a way to find Noah and Ryan," Irene admitted and my eyes lit up, "It'll have to wait until tomorrow while Alpha Nommi and Jorge prepare everything for me."
I nodded. Witchcraft was amazing. It felt right to hear Irene speak about her magic without looking so upset about her exhaustion.
She took my hand, glared one more time at Grayson, and pulled me along with her. I gave Grayson a blank look. I still felt bad for him—for how he felt, and how I made him feel.
"You are letting your guard down around him, Ethan. That's not good," she stated. I frowned.
She was right. I don't know why I froze up so much around him. If it had been anyone else to grab me like that, they would've either been thrown over my head or frozen in ice.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, "But there's good news," I smiled. We took are time walking back to the house as I explained what happened between Alec and me.
By the end of it she rolled her eyes, "Finally," she huffed. I smiled wider.
"Now all that's left is for you and Ares—" I started to tease but her face turned pink, and she began to speed walk. I laughed as I chased after, but she picked up speed.
Soon enough, we were racing back to the house, and she won, though I'm sure I could've if I had actually been trying. She laughed triumphantly.
We entered, ate dinner, and everyone got ready to go to bed. Irene lingered a bit longer though she's supposed to go to the lounge house. Only so many people could stay in the living room so her and Ares had to go to the lounge house.
We sat in the dining room. She was finishing up her dinner of mashed potatoes. I could see there was something on her mind as she ate, there usually was.
"What is it?" I asked as I leaned against the table, resting my chin in my hand.
She finished swallowing her food and sat up, "I'm just thinking of Isabel," she admitted, and I sat up straighter too. She told me about her last encounter with her sister.
I had been focused on the fact she could use magic freely and how exciting that must've been for her, I forgot to think about how seeing Isabel must've made her feel.
"What about her?" I asked.
"We're going to have to kill her." Her fingers tightened against the fork in her hand so tightly I thought it would've been dented when her hands opened.
"You don't know that," I reassured but she didn't calm. She only looked more displeased. She had been thinking about this for a while, I could tell. I sighed, "And you think you'll be able to do it?" I asked.
She slowly nodded but that wasn't convincing, "I'll have to. I hate that Daniela is using her as a puppet, I just hate it," she hissed, and I understood her anger. I had felt the same way when I found Grayson in the cave.
"But it won't be easy," I reminded. I still have some nightmares about what I had done to Grayson.
"I know. I don't want to do it, but I can't have someone else do it," she mumbled. I nodded.
After she finished, I gave her a hug and she went to the lounge house. Everyone went to bed. I couldn't sleep, though.
The events of tomorrow kept my eyes wide open. It didn't help I could hear Alpha Jorge and Nommi setting things up with their betas.
I turned on my side and looked down at Alec who was sleeping on the floor. His eyes were lightly shut, but he was not sleeping. It was weird to be comfortable with him after so long.
I still didn't know if I forgave him completely. I wanted to so badly but was it allowed at this point? All this time of arguing, resentment, tears, violence, all of it was over between us and now I was felt scared. The same anxiety and vulnerability that only sixteen-year-old me had worked so hard to get out of.
Alec's eyes blinked open and met with mine. He gave me a smile and my chest tightened even more. "Are you ok?" He whispered so no one else would wake up. I nodded, "What is on your mind?"
I shrugged. I couldn't tell him that I was thinking about him—how scared I was to be with him. He looked at me, waiting for me to explain. I sighed, "There's just a lot happening," I whispered.
He nodded, understanding. It wasn't a lie. There was a lot going on. I don't know how I wasn't freaking out.
"Sleep," Alec said, "It'll help."
I sighed once again and turned to sleep. I eventually did, but it was not peaceful.
That night, I had a dream, one stranger than usual. I was in what felt like a dark cave. Then yellow eyes all around began to appear. I turned in a circle as they eyes popped up one after another until I was surrounded.
I could feel their hatred stares stabbing into my body. My breathing picked up until I gasped, holding my breath. A man, one I had seen only once before and could never forget, stood in front of me.
He had soft yellow eyes filled with an alluring charm, and they stared down at me, but it was as if he were looking through me like I was invisible.
There was a sharp breath and then everything exploded. His body began to shift so fast and quickly in various different creatures—some I had never even seen before.
A giant, a wolf, a serpent, a child, a deer, a dragon, he grew 100 feet tall and then shrunk into a mouse in less than a second. Everything was a fast blur as horrible screeching and howling filled my head.
I had to cover my ears and close my eyes to block out the terrible sensory from his outburst. It went quiet and as I opened my eyes; I was in a cave.
Blacksmiths hammered their work, loud clinks and clanks filled my ears which was must better than the cries of whatever had been screaming before.
A man, a young one, pulled out hot metal chains. Ones I was familiar with. His eyes gleaming with success. Others gathered around.
They did not get to dwell in their success for long. The door to the stonework place busted open as men stormed in. Yelling, hollering, blood, death. The army had won, and a man took the chains, staring at them triumphantly.
Scenes one after another flashed by the history of the chains going by. Each time they were enchanted, each prisoner they held and how they were capable of keeping even the strongest prisoner chained. Each time they were killed for or stolen.
Then another familiar face appeared. Daniela. A face hard to forget. She said a spell that knocked everyone back as she entered. The soldiers died from impact or became unconscious as well.
She approached forward, not even sparing the bodies a glance. She picked them up and smiled with such a sinister grin. She brushed her hand over them, and golden magic lit the chains up.
She held onto them tighter before she turned and left the heavily guarded palace she had just wiped out with ease.
Then the scene changed, one that I often had nightmares of. I was watching myself and all the times I had struggled with them. Kicking at the chains, biting them, shifting from wolf to human but they'd shift with me and punish me for trying.
Then I woke up.