The group left at Haven found the quiet a bit monotonous.
Shine and Wally seemed to enjoy having more time to talk with each other.
Yang, Weiss, and Blake, lacking Ruby to fuel their team activities, didn't know really what to do.
"I guess we revolve around her," Blake noted.
Weiss wished she'd gone with Winter almost, but supposed she'd not have had any more time to spend with her.
Whitely, Libby, Willow, and Klein all had tea in the back courtyard--Libby not doing anything properly, but Klein just patiently would show her what to do, and his constantly changing personality made her laugh.
Whitley actually kind of understood that feeling more, and was warming up to the experience.
Willow admittedly was starting to feel the effects of withdrawal for so long, though she tried to hide it, and she seemed to waver.
Tai offered to go a few rounds with Yang, mostly to make her less bored.
Yang agreed and they went in the dojo.
"So," Tai said, after some sparring. "You doing okay with your mom being here?"
Yang had almost forgotten that that had ever made her uncomfortable at first.
"Yeah," she wiped her brow. "Honestly, Cinder and Watts are worse than her being here, so it kind of seems like nothing now."
"Yeah, well, I'm kind of glad Ruby isn't around them," Tai said. "I almost can't believe you girls stuck to this, with the kidnappings and...everything else."
Yang nodded but then after a while she said. "Dad why didn't you ever tell me that Mom still checked in on me?"
Tai paused.
"I guess you'd have figured that out," Tai said.
"Not just that, she told me more," Yang said. "That she left because you guys didn't believe her about Ozpin...and that she offered to let you come with her."
She frowned. "That's true?"
Tai sighed. "Yang...it sounded so unbelievable," he said. "I just didn't want to be in the middle of it, you know. Qrow was so sure Ozpin was a good guy, and Summer was too. Maybe later Summer started to doubt it, but I didn't know that. I don't know a lot, I just knew that Raven swore that Salem couldn't be killed. We thought she got spooked by something, but to be honest, it seemed like an excuse too. She never fit as well into the huntsmen life as Qrow, I think she always kind of liked the freedom of being a bandit. So, she left."
"But she didn't completely leave," Yang no longer accepted this as easily as she used to. "She still watched us...she...she still warned Qrow about Salem's attacks. Right?"
Tai rubbed his head.
"She's complicated," he said.
Yang took a drink of water, but then she said. "I'm actually not sure it's as complicated as you think."
"Huh?" Tai said.
"No one believed her," Yang said. "I...can't say her leaving was the right thing to do. But if she couldn't have persuaded you, wouldn't that have been really awkward? It was hard for us once we knew the truth to know what to say. Mom just up and told you guys without thinking you'd not believe her, and then you didn't. Isn't that kind of rough?"
"You think about this a lot," Tai said.
Yang didn't quite like how he seemed surprised by that.
"Like I can't think?" she said. "Like I can't ask questions for myself about her?"
"No, no, just never really thought you'd see it her way," Tai said.
"I don't!" Yang said. "I'm still furious at her. I just want to know exactly how much of it was her fault, that's all...I mean did you guys basically make her leave, or did she leave on her own."
"I never told her to leave," Tai said.
That was...kind of a vague answer, Yang noticed.
"What did you say," she frowned.
"Yang it's been a long time, and I'm not sure I really want to rehash it," Tai said.
Yang gave him a long look.
Tai sighed again. "It was Qrow more who said it, but he did make it pretty clear that Raven was turning her back on us all by changing her mind. That she was quitting. Raven just told us that she wasn't sticking around to fight a losing war and we shouldn't either."
"And me?" Yang said. "What about me?"
Tai hesitated.
"Well, we didn't want to drag you into it," he said. "You were just a baby...but I wasn't going to let you be raised in a bandit tribe, who would agree to that? They're really rough on people, Qrow warned me about that. Raven never argued about it, she just left."
"Wait a moment," Yang said. "Are you saying that she would have taken me with her?"
"She could have," Tai said. "But Qrow always kept an eye out for where she was. So if she had we'd have found you...the bandits aren't a safe place to grow up, Yang. But I think she decided not to anyway. Clearly, I mean you would remember that. And then Summer and I got together, and you had a mom, so I didn't really worry about you missing out on that."
Yang frowned. "But you knew I'd wonder."
"I knew, and I did tell you she left," Tai said. "I knew you looked for her for years."
"But you also knew she was watching me," Yang suddenly realized. "And her semblance, and that if you'd told me about that, I could have found her ages ago...she just watched me look for her--all these times I remember I saw birds around me, randomly, that was her and Qrow, wasn't it?"
Tai didn't deny it.
"But she never talked to me!" Yang said. "And I thought that was because she didn't care--but then why did she watch? Dad...tell me it wasn't that you told her not to."
Tai was quiet way too long.
"Dad?" Yang's eyes turned red.
"I wouldn't say I ever said that out right," Tai said. "I'd catch her watching you sometimes when you were really little. I did worry that one day she'd just take you with her, she could have, like I said. With her semblance...It wasn't anything we actually discussed in words, but I always took her watching you as a bird as kind of her compromising, so you'd never know it was her and you would try to follow her. I think your mom wanted you to grow up in a better environment. Maybe. I don't know, she doesn't talk about her motive a whole lot, you notice. I mean has she told you anything?"
"She told me that it was because of you guys not believing her that she left, at least mostly," Yang said. "And I didn't want to hear it, because it's sounded really stupid. But then I got to thinking about how you knew she could turn on a bird, and that all those times she was around me, you probably knew that too, and so did Uncle Qrow, and neither of you said a d----thing." Hey eyes were still red.
"I don't know if she would have talked to you even if we did."
"But I'll never know now!" Yang said. "She might have. But either way, I'd have liked to know she was watching. At least maybe I would have felt a little less forgotten about."
"Yang..." Tai looked pained. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd see it that way."
"What other way is there to see it?" Yang said. "Exactly when were you guys going to explain that part to me? I can't believe she's the first one who even told me the truth. I don't even like her, but what am I supposed to think now, that I didn't know you as well as I thought I did?"
"Yang, that is not true," Tai said. "You know me, I'm your father! I'm not trying to make Raven out to be a bad person, exactly, but you've seen what kind of life she had now. Would you have wanted to be a part of that? Stealing and killing and all that? You wouldn't have had Ruby. Maybe this was best in the long run."
"I still would have liked to know," Yang didn't feel like sparring anymore. She picked up her water again. "Sorry, I'm not in the mood for this..."
"Yang..." Tai didn't know what to say.
Yang left in huff.
She'd kind of known all along, ever since Raven first told her the truth, that Tai and Qrow had never told her a lot of stuff...she'd just not wanted to think about it.
What did this mean? What did Raven really think?
Rather than just go ask her, Yang chose to sulk about it.
She walked around the house in a mood, avoiding any room she saw Cinder in--that woman just creepily hung around.
(Actually all Cinder was really doing was resting or attempting to use magic over and over again, which wasn't technically all that creepy, but of course, it was colored by her history.)
Watts was in one of the studies tinkering with something, hopefully nothing that would hurt them.
Yang didn't want to talk to Qrow either, who was on the balcony, not doing much.
Blake and Sun seemed to have gone out.
So she was bored again.
Shine came out of the room that Raven was using looking troubled.
"Is she still not back to normal?" Yang asked awkwardly.
"No," Shine said. "I've been trying to help. But she's fighting me on it...it's hard to heal someone if they won't trust."
"How exactly do you heal someone's aura being imbalanced?" Yang asked.
"Mostly by guess work as it turns out," Shine said. "It would be simpler if it was at home, but your guys' physical manifestation of this stuff makes it a little different. At home, just talking and praying about it might work. I hope that works here, but there's something else to it too. Physical health for one. But she's just so angry..."
She shrugged. "Still, at least their energy seems to be higher, that's a good sign. Something is changing."
Yang nodded sullenly.
"Short sparring session," Shine noted her work out clothes she was wearing.
Yang shrugged.
"Is something wrong?" Shine asked. "Did you regret not going with the others?"
"I really didn't want to see Argus again, and I don't care about visiting some dopey farm," Yang dismissed it. "But I can't say the people here are all my favorite either." She scowled.
"I'm not going to take that personally," Shine said.
"I meant the bad guys," Yang said.
"If I'm not one of those at this point, that's flattering," Shine said.
"Oh shut up," Yang said.
"Hmm," Shine said. "Yang, I know we don't have the closest friendship, and I've not always been particularly nice to you--which I need to work on. But I hope you know that it doesn't run deep. If you do have a problem, I'd be happy to listen, and try not to judge...but if not me, maybe Weiss? She's pretty good at listening right?
"I don't know if Weiss would get it," Yang said.
Shine motioned for her to follow and walked down the stairs to the kitchen--no one was in here.
"Sorry, didn't want Raven to overhear," she explained.
Oh...that was good thinking...
Yang didn't know if talking to Shine was smart--but deep down she also knows that Shine really wasn't going to be the type to use anything about that against her, she didn't fight that dirty.
"Well...it's just that I feel like I don't really know my family as well as I thought," she explained. "I guess you're probably not surprised to hear this, but my mom didn't abandon me as much as I thought she did. And the thing is, I finally learned that my dad and Uncle Qrow had to know that whole time, but no one told me. And so I don't know what was true and what wasn't. But she still didn't talk to me--only now I don't know if that was because they didn't want her to--but like she still could have. Why let that stop her? So...I just don't know. I guess she didn't want me that badly."
Funny, she didn't cry when she said that.
But Shine knew this feeling.
"And you don't even feel anything about that," she said. Not as if that was wrong. "It's just a blank."
"Well...yeah actually," Yang said. "That's weird isn't it? I mean, I guess I'm just over it."
"No, you're not," Shine said.
"Excuse me?" Yang said.
"I've know this kind of blankness," Shine said. "I've had the same thing. Once I realized that my own father in fact, hates me, I felt nothing. Strange because when I didn't know that, I would cry and storm because of his actions towards me, and think it was getting me somewhere. But realizing that in fact, I never had a chance at all, it was blank. What was the point of reacting to it? Nothing would come of it."
Yang nodded. "Actually that's kind of it, why does it matter?" she shrugged.
"With some people, that reasoning might be right," Shine said. "But that doesn't mean it wouldn't help at all. That anger comes out in other ways. I need to direct it towards something. If only to admit I hated it." She sighed. "That took a while...in fact, I'm still working on that to be honest. Because yes, it makes me angry. But hatred is not rational, usually. And cruelty is never rational at all. So in a way, feeling anger over it just ends up hurting, and it doesn't seem like this helps."
"I don't know what you're really saying," Yang said. "I don't think I hate my mom...I just...she's just..."
"Difficult?" Shine said. "I don't hate my dad either--frankly it's not worth it. He'd like it probably."
"Ew," Yang said.
"Yeah, he's kind of messed up," Shine said. "But he did teach me at least what's really important in life--and I have decided to try to be grateful for that much. God works even through bad people, sometimes...But no, that doesn't mean I look at it as a good thing in of itself. And I wouldn't ever tell you to either...but perhaps now you're seeking understanding more than just justification?"
"I...I mean, I do want to know," Yang said.
"Progress," Shine said, leaning on the counter. "I admit I was quite puzzled when you went to your mom only to show her how little you cared about her opinion."
"Hey, how did you know I--" Yang stopped. "You know, you really shouldn't be able to know stuff like that."
"You announced that to a whole bandit camp! I'm sure Raven preferred having her dirty laundry aired out like that to her whole tribe. I don't think you can play that card. I do have some sense of boundaries, believe it or not. But I think you forfeited that."
"You--" Yang had no real comeback for that. "Are so annoying!"
"I know," Shine said calmly, getting some tea. "But I'm right."
Yang had to take at least 5 seconds to cool off so she wouldn't punch her in the face.
But finally she got her temper under control.
"The point is," she said with difficulty. "Yeah, then I didn't really care, but what if things weren't quite the way I thought. Still, she never told me that she watched me."
"Well, I do know you mom by now," Shine said. "If you'd like my take on this, I might have an explanation."
"Well go ahead," Yang crossed her arms, not the most receptive attitude.
But Shine seemed to detect some real curiosity behind the anger because she nodded.
"You already know that your father and her had a falling out, probably because of Ozpin, though I'm sure there were other issues. Raven, much like you, always wants to look strong. I suppose she never told them if it ripped her heart out. But clearly she's not over it, so it must have hurt pretty badly. Also she felt trapped by Ozpin--a feeling even I am starting to understand, and I'm not even native to this world."
Yang couldn't argue.
"I understand Raven's struggle now," Shine said. "But I wouldn't say that means she didn't love you."
Yang experienced a lot of emotions when she said that--mostly more anger.
"She didn't act like it," she said.
"Yang...." Shine sighed. "I wish I could tell you that parents are perfect people who always know what to do for their children, or who even wanted to do it. I wish I could tell you that they aren't selfish sometimes--but they are. Also consider this, Raven never had any mother herself to speak of. Bandits are not the most loving people. It's possible that what you take for granted, because your father and Summer knew to do it, is quite a mystery to her. Something as simple as baking cookies to cheer someone up, that's not innate to humans, it's a learned skill. You have to learn to think of others. And if you never did learn how to do that, then whatever you feel, you don't know how to show it. But Raven has done all she knew to do for you. I know it's not enough," she smiled kind of sadly. "Because it never is enough, no matter what we do...and even less so in these cases--but it was what she knew. In my case, I've learned to accept that. And the older I get, the more I'm learning to understand it, because even though I feel love for people, I often forget how to show it. I'll never stop learning. No one will. So in that way, I get it."
"I don't know how to see it," Yang said. "If she was watching me, that's kind of just weird. And the one-save thing? Who does that for your family?"
"Well, perhaps that's how she was taught," Shine shrugged. "Perhaps she's always had to take care of herself. Perhaps even, not doing it is how you get killed in the bandit world. I believe she told you as much when you arrived, that you had proven yourself by fighting for yourself, in a sense. If she'd had to save you, you d have been an easy target for those bandits. Look, it's not the method I would employ, but I've been taught very differently my entire life, and there are times when taking your hands off is a good idea...not all the time, but I can't say it's completely worthless...I'm sure you think the same thing deep down."
"Maybe," Yang said. "But it's...I would still be there for my family."
"But didn't you struggle with how to be there for Ruby after that falling out happened?" Shine had confronted her on that very thing.
Yang knew it too.
"But I didn't leave," she said.
"But you also knew you'd be welcomed if you stayed, and that your team would trust you," Shine said. "What if that wasn't the case?"
Yang paused. "But if you had a daughter."
"I know," Shine said. "I'm sorry...but it's just possible that in her mind, watching from afar was the best thing she could have done. Your mom talks a big game, Yang, but her opinion of herself isn't that high. She knows she's a coward. A murderer...But quitting the sphere we grow up in is very, very hard. You haven't quit it yourself."
"But she's my mom, isn't she supposed to...care more?" Yang said.
"Yes," Shine said. "I am not excusing her actions where they were wrong...I'm only suggesting that she has reasons for thinking they might have been smarter. She didn't know how to be a mother...also I think she knew what would happen if she tried. I can't picture Qrow letting her take you to the bandit camp, given how adamant he is about them being bad people. Or Tai...the whole thing would have just gotten ugly fast. And then, she'd have dragged you into a life of crime, running, hiding, and she knows how bandits treat kids...I can't be sure but I gathered that Qrow's childhood wasn't the easiest there. Maybe you'd have done all right, but maybe she considered that you had Tai, and you had Summer not long after that...who's a much better mom, from the sound of it. She'd have confused you if she showed up. This whole situation is a mess."
Yang frowned and looked away. She looked just like her mom when she did that.
Shine tapped the counter.
"The fact is," she said finally. "That families were never meant to break up at all. Because of that, there is no perfect way to settle these matters. So no matter what we do, there are cracks, holes, places that people are going to feel unloved and misunderstood. That is human nature. Raven wasn't right, but there might not have been anything she could have done perfectly. I like Qrow, but he's not the most rational of people when it comes to personal issues, I won't lie about that. And then Summer being there, I'm sorry, no woman wants to compete with another one like that. I just don't see any other way to play it. Maybe I'd have tried anyway, but I'm not Raven. I can't tell you what would have happened. I just know that she does love you."
"How do you know that?" Yang was getting emotional now.
"Because I've seen how Raven treats people she cares about," Shine said. "Which is not many. Her way of showing love is to make you stronger. It's a difficult way to show it, but it's how she was taught. So forcing them to face hard truths, making them fight for themselves, and keeping a watchful distance but always staying informed, is how she shows she cares. I understand Raven well enough to know that if she was to stop trying to tell me things, I would take it as her greatest insult--but I am the same way."
Yang looked at her oddly.
Shine shrugged. "I'm very like her in that regard. I may be overenthusiastic at times because of it, but if I like someone, or even care about their well being whether I like them or not, I'm telling them the truth. I'm trying to open their eyes because that's what I do when I care. And if I shut up, if I stop, that's me saying that you can't be reasoned with---you do not want to be on my list of people who I think that about. Oddly, I think Ozpin knew this about Raven all along--which is why I'm rather annoyed that he said nothing about it--but that is why he told you she trusted you when she told you the truth. That's all she knows how to do, Yang. She probably knew you'd reject it, but she wouldn't lie to you just to get your approval--and oddly, I respect her for that."
She chuckled dryly. "I may not agree with anything else Raven does, but her refusal to pretend, to talk nice just to get accepted, is something I can relate to. It's not easy to be that person...but we need them. Someone has to stop the lies. That is why she is more proud of you for questioning her and Ozpin both, then she would be if you were just a carbon copy of your Uncle and Tai. But you chose Ozpin in the end, Yang."
Yang drew in a deep breath.
"I did," she said, finally not angry sounding anymore. "I was...I was kind of sorry that I couldn't choose both. Back then, I thought choosing the others was the right thing to do. I'm not sure I'd change that now. But..."
"But you wonder if there's a better way?" Shine said.
"Yeah...I guess," Yang said darkly.
"I think you know how she must have felt then," Shine said simply.
Silence ensued.
Yang shook her head slowly.
Shine waited.
"If you're right," Yang said distinctly. "Who should I be angry at? I mean, whose fault is it really?"
"You may not like to hear this, but everyone's," Shine said. "Yours also. I won't go into it, but your actions are not impugnable either. It never is that simple. But, if you accept that, and let go of it, would it really matter whose fault it is? If you know now, what would you rather do? Keep this anger about what is never going to change? Or try to make some difference--it won't be perfect, it may not even be pleasant, exactly--but if it's true, that's something. The reality is this: Your dad and Qrow are not perfect. They probably didn't represent Raven's actions the right way. And she is too stubborn to correct them. On the other hand, you hardly gave her the chance to do so when you did talk to her. I can understand all of your reasons...but they no longer matter, do they? The truth is out. So I think what matters is if each of you can deal with that, and adjust, or if you want to keep repeating the same crap as before and pretending like nothing has changed. That's the tough crap, there, Yang."
She shrugged almost defiantly.
Yang frowned. But this kind of made sense to her.
She was still kind of mad, but at least that was an idea she could grapple with.
"I don't know how to feel about that," she said aloud.
"You think about it then," Shine dismissed her. "And when you have, we can talk more if you still need to. I just don't think dragging this out only to air grievances is a smart thing to do. I want this team to function, I can't just listen to people talking crap about each other. I have to think of her also, I'm not biased."
"Yeah, but would you have told her the sane things as me?"
"Of course not, Yang, she's not ready for it," Shine said. "She's much too afraid. I wouldn't have told you what I said if I didn't think you'd possibly grown enough to hear it. I hope I was not wrong."
She raised an eyebrow.
Yang didn't know how to take that.
"Still is that fair?" she said.
"Fair? Love is not fair, Yang," Shine said. "Love is just. It is just that things are resolved. And if that means one person does more work, then I'll encourage them to do more work. Eventually it should be on both sides, but people don't work at the same rates or same amounts, and no amount of bullcrap about fairness will change that. If you demand fair, you won't get love or happiness. You won't get anything. Don't do that."
[I'm not saying here that someone can never stand up for themselves. Of course that has to happen--but you can't force results from that. You have to be willing to work with what you get, not what you think is ideal with people. That's the real point Shine is making.]
Yang kind of thought that might be true--but before she could decide for sure, her scroll rang.
"It's Weiss," she said.
She slid it open.
"Yang?" Weiss sounded out of breath. "There's something weird going on out here."
"Where are you?"
"Hazel and I went out to get some more tea and other stuff," Weiss said . "And I got a call from Blake, she said there was some commotion at the edge of the city, by the water line. So we headed that way, and there's... a swarm of grimm down here."
"Grimm?" Yang said.
Shine looked up.
"Yeah, huge ones," Weiss said. "Luke the size of a dog at least, a big dog."
"That's not that big," Yang said.
"It is for what they are, they look like big toads," Weiss sounded grossed out. "And they're spitting acid! What grimm spits acid!? They're destroying the houses down here--I can't believe it took this long to get through to you, so many people are calling for help it's slowing down the line, I think. The White Fang is down here trying to help, but these things are fast, and these people aren't that well trained!"
Well, most of them had just been simple folk before they joined Gira's forces...
"Anyway can you guys get down here pronto and help!" Weiss ended it.
"Yeah, yeah, we'll be there," Yang said.
"Anything else we should know about them?" Shine asked.
"Yeah don't touch them," Weiss said. "Remember that Jabberwocky thing? How it secreted acid? I think they do too, someone shot one with an arrow and the arrow just kind of...melted."
"That is disgusting," Yang said.
"Did she say they look like toads?" Shine asked.
"Yeah I've never seen grimm like that," Yang said. "I wouldn't think toads are that dangerous."
"Maybe they're actually tree frogs, those things are highly toxic," Shine said.
"Right, whatever," Yang didn't care. "We need to go before they get close to the town part of this."
"I guess I'll call Wally then," Shine said. "If we need fast. Also, you might want to see if there are any rubber gloves in here."
"Rubber...?" Yang said.
"For the poison," Shine called, running out of the room.
Huh, Yang hadn't thought of using rubber gloves to fight grimm. Weird.
[Yeah it's sad how no one thinks of practical things like that in Remnant, I agree.]