NOT GOOD AT GOODBYES
but maybe see you laters
The ride down the elevator to the lobby was the most heart wrenching thing May had ever experienced— because she knew. She knew if she saw James there that it all would become real.
And it did— "James," May said sadly, a look in her eye that carried hopefulness, doubt, and fear all at the same time
"May," he said back, and he whispered her name like he couldn't believe it was her in front of him.
"Please tell me you're not leaving," May pleads, feeling the prickling tears approach her saddened eyes. "Please, please."
"No, I mean yes, I mean—" James felt his internal battle, he didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true.
May threw herself into his embrace, holding his torso so tightly, as if she was scared he would disappear. And he would, in a short amount of time.
She wasn't sure why it was tearing her up so much, little slits ripping her insides, unable to cauterize the wound. They had only known each other for a few short months, it shouldn't have hurt this bad. But it did.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he mumbled into her hair.
"It's not your fault," May pulled away. "I should be the one saying sorry. This is so unfair to you."
"No," he corrected, shaking his head. "I'm sorry this is how it's ending."
Tilting her head, May asked— "what do you mean?"
"May," he looked at her so deeply, as if her eyes revealed every corner of her soul. "You are the most amazing person I have ever met. You are talented, and smart, and funny, and beautiful, and I wish I said all this before it was too late-"
"I don't understand—"
"May, I like you... a lot. More than I have ever liked anyone. And the feeling is scary but exciting at the same time— and I can't believe I'm leaving before we even had a chance."
"James," she broke. "I-I don't know what to say, I don't—"
"It's okay... if you don't feel the same way," James tried to muster a smile to ease her worry.
"No, I just," May felt flustered by this whole encounter. "This is so cruel."
When she threw her head in her hands, she felt like someone had grabbed her heart. May felt like her chest was concaving. "I refuse to believe it," she said just above a whisper. "I refuse to believe the universe is this cruel. No, it's all gonna be okay. It's all gonna work out— it has to. James, it's not supposed to end like this. It's not goodbye."
"No, not goodbye," he confirms. "It's see you later."
"See you later," she nods, and he grabs his suitcase sadly.
Deciding it wasn't enough, they gathered themselves in one last embrace, letting it last longer than appropriate for two friends— but neither cared. James was leaving, and May was broken.
Living what seemed to be their last encounter, May felt the breath stop short in her chest, and the light drain from her eyes. This was the boy, the one she could always count on, and soon he would be gone— many miles away.
All the secrets the confided in each other, all the late night endeavors and silly escapades... it was all gone in an instant.
He was gone just as quickly as he appeared in her life.
When James walked away, the echo of his feet crushed the reflection of the floor— as though he were walking on mirrors. His steps felt like destruction before he even dared to look back at her, and when he did, he broke the world.
His plane for Minnesota left an hour ago, and May, Camille, and Jo all curled into each other on the former's couch.
May's father looked at the girls worriedly, but decided he did not have the words, and left them in the comfort of each other.
"I can't believe they're gone," Camille said, disheartened.
"Me neither," Jo agreed. May only groaned, burying her head into the pillow. "May? Are you alright?"
"No," May's muffled response made both girls look over to her. "James confessed his feelings for me and then he's gone."
"Wait really?" Camille asked. "He told you how he felt."
"I was wondering how long it would take," Jo added.
"But now he's gone," May finished.
"This is awful!" Camille exclaimed. "The Palm Woods won't be the same without them."
"Yeah..."
For the next two days, May had sent James six unread text messages and two missed calls— whether he was avoiding her or she was overreacting she wasn't sure.
Jo and Camille tried to help her muddle through, as they all were experiencing the same feeling. Whether it was baking cookies, watching romcoms, getting smoothies, or late night adventures to the vending machine, they all spent more time together.
In the past few days, she hadn't even had the energy to wipe her makeup off, and leaving bed felt like a chore. Every time she entered the lobby and didn't see Carlos doing something wild and likely dangerous, her chest lurched. And when she walked by park and didn't see Kendall playing hockey, her gut turned. And when she walked past 2j and didn't see Logan frantic about something, her frown formed.
And when she sat by the pool, all alone, she could only imagine James sitting next to her— saying something that would make the crimson pattern dance across her cheeks and the butterflies behind her ribcage— she felt the hot tears form.
And even though May was sick about the empty presence, she kept going back to those spots, as if the places wouldn't look right unless someone kept their memory alive.
After three days, May had found herself bound to her apartment. The realization had set that they were gone— truly gone, and she would have to move on.
Coming to LA, she never expected to make such friendships, and part of her wished those damned boys never made such an impact on her life. But the other part held those memories near to her heart— and she wouldn't let anyone take them for the world.
When Jo knocked on her apartment door, May could only muster a groan from her spot on the couch. "I don't wanna go to the pool!" She shouts back— making Jo knock again. "Please Jo! I just want to rot into the couch."
"It's not Jo."
And when she hears the voice— every molecule in her body stops, like she is about to shut down. It couldn't possibly be, no. How cruel it was for her mind to play such tricks on her.
"May, please open the door."
She hears it again, and God it feels so real. It was almost like it were really happening.
Entertaining the thought, she slowly makes her way to the door. Maybe she could live in this fantasy where James is the one behind it, before it actually reveals something far more disappointing.
And when she cracks the door, just a bit, she felt her heart drop to her toes.
James was there, eyes of painted moons, and cool-running hands. She opens the door all the way, and he just utters her name before leaning in close. All the blood flees her face. A breath, dripping with all her tears.
And even when May stood there, illuminated by the hallway light and surrounded by her dim apartment, her hair haloed with frizz, James thought she was the most beautiful flower in all the brambles and weeds. Her sweatshirt hung lazily from her shoulders, and if James had told the world how he felt about the girl in that moment, he was certain they would all get up and follow him.
"May," he says again.
"James," she whispers back.
And it was like the world was one again.