A/N: This chapter deals
with a very heavy topic,
if you are not comfortable
please skip
TW: statutory rape
ARLO P.O.V
I can barely breathe right now. It's too much, everything is far too much. Why the fuck did this night end up like this?
I didn't come to Lush for anything more than to get out of the house for a few hours, and chill on a couch at a club the whole night.
This is not how I thought tonight would turn out. I didn't expect that after arriving, I would, shortly after, be sneaking away to go back home.
I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, I just simply left. I'll deal with whatever repercussions I face from Miller like I always do.
Too much happened tonight. From seeing Harry, to being whisked away by Harry, to crying against Harry's warm, familiar chest, to seeing that man was all too much for my mind to process.
I shouldn't have gotten so close to Harry tonight. I shouldn't have broken, and sought comfort from him. I should have withheld like I have been the past couple of weeks, but being so close, smelling him, and talking to him as Arlo and not as another persona broke me faster than I expected.
Harry Styles is the strongest drug I've ever come across, and no matter how many times I try to fight the urge to give in, he will always win. I will always be consumed by him, and I will always break if I'm too close to him.
I knew distance was the best option to go about all of this. I was doing so good, but I didn't expect him to be at Lush the same night I would be there.
My head just feels fucked. It's like I can't think straight, or I think of everything that happened tonight all at once.
The Uber that I took from the club reaches my house. I say thank you to the man behind the wheel, and get out of the car.
I shuffle my way to the door, and punch in the code to be let in. I open the door, and close it behind me.
I move back with the door, pressing my back against the sleek wood, and sliding down to the ground. I snap my legs closed, and pull my knees to my chest. I rest my cheek on top of my knees, and take a deep shaky breath.
I feel an abundance of panic brewing in my body, but the panic overtaking my body, that usually throws me into a panic attack won't come. My mind won't fully tip over the edge of sane and hysteria.
Why fucking why
I thought he was gone. They promised me I would never see his face again, but they lied. Their liers.
I become so weak around him, I hate it. I told myself I wouldn't let him have control over me anymore, but tonight proved that he still has it all, and I'm still the weak one.
They don't warn you how bad trauma really affects a person. It's weird how one thing can alter the way we live in the matter of seconds.
I wish the ground would cave in, and suck me into the abyss. At least there, no one could bother me, and for once I can escape the joke that is my life.
No tears threaten to fall from my eyes, and I take it as my sign to get up from the floor, and lock myself in my room until I have to meet up with Miller again. I know that I'm going to run through all of the blunts and joints tonight that I rolled. I push myself up off the ground, and walk towards the stairs.
As I'm walking an unexpected voice catches my attention.
"Lola." My steps seize completely. I stop breathing for a second from hearing that nickname.
I turn my body to the left, where the entrance to the family room is at. My mother stands wrapped in a black silk robe, and a pair of fluffy house slippers are on her feet. Her arms are crossed and a look of almost concern is present on her face.
"Mother?" I say confused back.
"Where were you?" She asks as if she actually cares.
I furrow my brows. "Why does it matter?"
"Because." She replies.
"Because what?" I give her a pointed look, wanting her to tell me why she is so interested because before tonight, she had absolutely no care about my life whatsoever.
"I know your father has you starting to work for him." She blurts out catching me off guard. I didn't think my mother would know anything about me being my father's little puppet.
"I—what?" I don't know what else to say. I never thought in a million years my mother would be confronting me about anything that is related to my father.
"Lola, please tell me you're being careful. I know the men that your father is in business with, and they aren't good people." My mother warns me.
"How do you know?" I feel like I need to sit. My head is still all over the place, and this added on top is only making it worsen. I walk past my mother, and enter the family room, plopping down on one of the two couches in the room.
"Darling, that doesn't matter, what does is your safety." My mother takes a seat on the loveseat across from me.
"You're joking." I sink back into the couch, and cross my arms over my chest. "Seriously, my safety is your concern right now?"
"Lola, don't be like that. Your safety is all I ever worry about!" My mother throws her hands up in the air.
"Now that's a joke." I scoff, turning my head to the side, and focus on a vase of fake flowers on the side table. "My safety feels like the last thing you ever, and will ever give a fuck about."
"Lola—"
"And stop using that fucking name." I spit out cutting her off. Lola was my mother's nickname for me whenever she wanted to be a good mother, and acknowledged that I'm alive.
I used to love it when my mother called me that once in a blue moon. It felt like a curtain of hope that one of my parents may actually like me, but her kindness always went away, especially when my father was around.
Younger me was really naive to the world.
"I'm sorry." My mother's voice cracks. I shoot my head to look at her. She is looking down at her lap, fiddling with her fingers nervously.
"For what?" I raise my brow even though she can't see it.
"I'm a terrible mother, I know, but you have to understand." She sniffles, rubbing the back of her hand under her nose.
I roll my eyes. "Understand what?"
My mother looks at me, tears brimming in her eyes. They're thick, threatening to spill over. "It's all for a reason, Lola. Everything I've ever done has been for you. I wish, I fucking wish I could have loved you better, but I couldn't, I wasn't allowed to." She says the last part barely above a whisper.
What does she mean wasn't allowed to? What could have possibly stopped her from being a better mother. "That's a bullshit excuse for the fucking way you've treated me."
"I know." My mother dips her head down in shame. "No words or actions will ever be enough."
I stare at her, confused on how my night brought me here. Having some strange heart to heart with my mother in a very passive aggressive way.
I don't know why but a part of me believes her. A part of me believes that she wished she could have been better, that something major was actually holding her back.
And a part of me is more than I've ever believed her before. I've never trusted my mother, not once I could start thinking rationally that is.
So why is there a part of me that is convinced? Is it my inner child that is leaping at the fact that mother is showing us a form of affection that I haven't seen in forever? A type of affection I've craved since a child.
I continue to stare at her. My mind drifts back to a few weeks ago when I was here grabbing Harry's birthday gift.
I remember my mother talking to a man. The very man that destroyed everything that I ever was. My mother was threatening this man.
He was the same man from the club earlier tonight.
"You know my rapist is back." I spit out without thinking. Like a flash of lighting out of nowhere, a tear slips down my face. "Ares, he's fucking back, but you know that, no?"
My mothers face pales. Her deep rich tan skin turns stark white, like a ghost. I decided to continue. "He came to the house a couple of weeks ago, he saw my car outside and wanted to see me, which how the fuck does he even know what my car looks like, and apparently father with knows him."
Ares Moreno, the suave bachelor of West Peaks. The CEO of Moreno corp which is a pencil pusher corporation that runs the housing market in North Carolina. Ares had inherited the company from his father at the ripe age of twenty five once he retired.
I had never met nor seen the man before, but Ares was the talk over the town amongst the housewives of West Peaks.
He was in his mid thirties, apparently very attractive, well built, and very charming. It's rumored that Ares ran through half the middle aged women in town, and that includes married women.
Ares had game, but no women could settle him down. He had desires, and they needed to be fulfilled. One partner was never enough for him.
So when my father was booked for prison, and my mother was all lonely, she found solace in the man whom she worked with from time to time since they are both heavily involved in the housing market.
Ares and my mother started to have an affair if you could even call it that. My mother and father weren't really together, sometimes I wondered if they ever were based off of how much they seemed to hate each other.
My mother however, didn't change much after finding a new man. They say that a new relationship brings a new glow for women who are older, but their relationship seems stagnant.
My mother didn't introduce me to Ares until around five months of hearing them go at it at night. I had gotten back from Nini's house after our hangout with Alli.
It was summer time at this point of time, I was going to be going into the seventh grade the following fall. I had walked into the house, fully expecting to go to my room, and binge watch Audrey Hepburn movies, but my mother called me into the kitchen as I was passing by.
I walked into the kitchen, and saw my mother standing next to a tall man with short dark hair, and a clean cut beard and mustache. His eyes instantly locked with mine, and I felt them the whole time while I was there.
My mother introduced Ares to me as her special friend. I found it almost comically how she was using code words for the fact that Ares was her fuck buddy.
I said hello back, to which I remember him smiling, but the smile made my stomach instantly unsettled. I didn't like the meaning behind the smile, and I wish to this day that at that very moment I figured out just what he meant.
Nothing happened for a while. I didn't really see him all that much as he was, and I'm sure is still a very busy man.
Suddenly however, one day he wasn't as busy, and I would see him around the house more. During this point of my life I was always with Alli and Nini at Nini's house, but the times I was home, he was there, or at least he made himself present.
He was only there when my mother was. I was never home alone with him, my mother was always there.
They weren't affectionate around me all that much. Barely giving a kiss on the cheek, or sweet words like most couples do. Then again, they only claimed to be fuck buddies. After a while he started coming around more and more, sleeping over at the house.
One night, around two in the morning, I went downstairs into the kitchen to eat some Nutella and strawberries. When I got down there I was surprised to see I wasn't the only one.
Ares was down there with me. He was shirtless, standing in a pair of pajama pants, drinking a glass of water. I never realized he had a tattoo before, but I remember seeing some of it peeking out at the top where the pants were sitting on his hip.
The tattoo looked strangely familiar, it made my skin instantly crawl, but I couldn't place where I had seen it. Even then, I only saw a portion of it, so the odds of me realizing it were slim.
He noticed me approaching, and a smile instantly etched across his face as he recognized me.
He didn't say much, all he did was nod his head, acknowledging me. There was a voice that night in the back of my head that told me to go back to bed, and forget about my snack.
I should have listened, but I also was not someone who was going to let another person intimidate me ever again. So I ignored the voice and walked into that kitchen.
Nothing happened the first few minutes of me being down there, but I could feel his black eyes on me the whole time. I had never felt more self conscious wearing a pair of sleep shorts and a hoodie in my own house before.
It wasn't until I felt an unexpected hand on my shoulder, that I knew I should have listened to the voice.
I'm taking a bite of my strawberry, which is covered in Nutella, when all of a sudden a large hand grips my shoulder making me jump in place.
My skin crawled like never before, it felt disgusting. I didn't have to look up, and turn my head over my shoulder to know who was behind me.
"What do you want?" I ask Ares in a flat tone, who has now placed his other hand on my vacant shoulder, beginning to massage them.
I want his hands off of me so bad, I don't like the feeling whatsoever.
I feel Ares' breath hit my cheek. His mouth ghosts over the shell of my ear, which has me pulling away from him slightly because the sensation felt awful.
"You know Arlonza, you're very pretty." I could feel the smirk on his face. The way my name sounded coming out of his mouth makes me instantly hate it.
Why does he have such a negative affect on me already? I don't even know him, but I know a man who is in his thirties calling a twelve year old really pretty is not a normal thing to do.
I didn't say anything back, too stunned to speak by his hands, which are still burning toxins into my skin.
He pulls me backwards, the back of my head hits his chest. His hands, which are still on my shoulder, begin to slide down my arm, down the sides of my body until his finger tips reach the hem of my sweater.
I stand there frozen, unsure of what to do. My mind at this point has stopped working completely, all I can focus on is how gross I feel on the inside and out.
"You know Arlonza, when your mother first introduced me to you, I was awestruck. You are just one of the prettiest things I had ever seen, and I may be with your mother, but it's getting harder Arlonza. You want to know why?"
The tips of his fingers curl around the hem of my hoodie. My heart is beating so fast in my chest it hurts. I stare blankly ahead at the plain white black splash, practically stuck in place.
He lifts my hoodie up, and places a hand flat on my bare stomach. I twitch at the almost painful sizzle his hand is leaving on my skin.
Ares chuckles slightly before caressing my skin. "It's getting harder for me because I can't get you out of my head. It's getting so bad to the point I'm starting to picture your face as I fuck your mother."
If my body was functioning correctly I could guarantee my eyes would pop out of my head.
I had never heard words that made me feel so bad about myself before, and that's saying a lot coming from the parents that I do.
I feel his hand come all the way up, and cup my boobs. He started to pinch my nipples. I felt vomit starting to bubble in my throat, and a crashing wave of fear came over me. I hate it.
Please stop
But he doesn't stop. "I can't resist the urge any longer, Arlonza. I need a taste of you dear, even if it's just a little one." He leans his head down, and plants a kiss on the side of my face.
My body starts to shake with terror at his words. I don't know what he is insinuating with his words exactly, but I know that whatever is going to come after is going to fuck me up.
I've also never been touched like this before. Sure I've kissed a few boys here and there, but anything remotely sexual, I've never even babbled into.
This is my very first time having a man have his hands on me like this, and it couldn't feel worse. My first time at what I always thought would possibly be a special moment for me has been tarnished forever, and taken from me without giving me a choice.
"We're going to have lots of fun, Arlonza." He says as he releases my boobs. He sears his hands down my stomach again, going lower, and lower until he reaches the band of my sleep shorts. He teases his fingers on the band, building up anticipation, but what we are anticipating is something entirely opposite. He slowly slips only one of his hands inside my pants, and touches the head of my clit. He starts to slowly circle his fingers, and instantly my body locked up. "So much fun."
From that day on Ares Moreno would touch me any chance he got. The touches over time turned into him forcing me to touch him as well. That lasted until I was fifteen, but over those years he never once had attempted to penetrate me...until he did.
And that was the last time he ever touched me.
"Did you know that he knew father?" I ask my mother as I snapped out of the horrid memories.
She shook her head no. "I truly thought that Ares was interested in me. It felt nice to have someone be sweet with you after dealing with your father for so fucking long. I should have known your father sent him."
My bottom lip finds home in my mouth, I begin to chew on it rapidly, as I think. "Did you know that he was raping me all those years?"
"Uh uh." My mother's voice cracks. "I wish I fucking did know early so I could have stopped it sooner. I wish I fucking killed him. God I wanted to fucking kill him Lola, I still do to this day."
Something about her words struck me. Maybe it's the fact that she is openly admitting to wanting to get some form of justice for the indescribable trauma I was put through because of him, or maybe it's how passionate she sounds.
"Really?" I scoff aggressively. "If you wanted to kill him so bad, then why did you fucking buy me a yacht as some peace offering gift for being raped for over three fucking years!" I shout, my anger finally breaking out.
"I didn't want to, Arlonza!" My mother practically cries. "I wanted to murder him, but I fucking couldn't. I was forced to give you the yacht Arlonza. I never wanted to, and don't think for a second that I thought a yacht would ever be a good enough apology for someone hurting my child!"
I look at her unsure of what to believe. How can I trust my mother after seventeen years of her being shit to me.
The answer is I can't, I don't know who to trust, and I don't know what to think. All I know is that I need to be alone, far away from this house, or my mother.
I stand up from the couch, and smooth my dress down. "I'm done talking to you."
"Wait no, Lola please let me explain, I just, don't go. We've never talked like this and I just want to explain myself."
"Well not fucking today mother." I say as I walk off, and run up the stairs. I burst into my room as I entered. I go into my closet, strip out of my clothes, and change into something more comfortable.
I slip on a pair of black sweat pants and Harry's safe sex hoodie. I put on a pair of long black fuzzy socks, and my black and white old skool Vans.
I throw the hoodie over my head, and exit my closet. I head over to my bedside table, and pull out a purple tin which has three joints and two blunts. I shove it into the pocket of my sweatpants, and grab my purple lighter.
I leave my bedroom, head down the stairs, and head straight for the door. I open the front door, and walk out into the cool night.
I don't bother grabbing my car keys. I need time to think, and walking to where I am heading is the best option in my mind.
The place I'm heading is the only place I found peace during those three torturous years.
My lookout point.
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A/N: I missed you guys, it's finals week and I only have two more! That's why I've been so MIA because of projects and papers and all that fun college shit :/
Thank you times a thousand for 11k reads, it means the world, thank you thank you for sticking with me and reading my book <3
See you in the next one
-iz