Lia
"Your obsession with cameras is making me want to get one." I mumble with defeat as we walk out of the studio. We've been shooting all day for the book I've designed alongside Clévon and Zahra.
Kayden gets an excited glint in his eyes.
"Get the Samsung digimax one, you won't regret it."
"Kayden," I coo with a pout, disappointed that he's egging me on, "You're supposed to discourage me."
"But I can't do that," he returns my energy only with a flirtatious flare in his smile, "But I will if you agree to go on that date with me."
That gets me blushing.
"Kayden."
He means no harm and is genuinely interested in me but it's not fair to him if I let him take me on a date when I'm hung up on someone else.
After a beat of silence, I change the subject.
"I really think the photos came out good today."
"Yeah," Kayden's eyes light up, "And good call on the filter, I got to use my new one and it fits the concept. You should consider more photography projects, you've got a visual aesthetic that is..."
The rest of his words fade out when I see who is in front of me. He's leaning against his black Mustang, dressed in all black and looking like a fallen angel. The twilight sky enhances his ethereal features which causes a ruckus in my stomach.
It's been two weeks since we've come back from Hawaii and Xavier and I have been keeping our friendship pact. He hasn't approached me in the last two weeks and neither have I. We're both busy with our own stuff but at night we exchange messages and although they're innocent, they leave me both giddy and saddened.
We've only been in each other's presence around our friends, rarely, and even in those moments, being so close to each other after our pact, it felt overwhelming because acting as friends is difficult when you know every part of that person in front of you and all you want to do is hold them in your arms.
So seeing him here, without our friends around us, is...unnerving.
Being alone with him has always made me lose my senses. And I believe that is one problem we had when we were together. We had sex all the time whenever we were alone. Yeah, we talked and had those lazy, cuddly days but most of the time, we were ravaging each other like animals. Not that there was anything wrong with that, we were two consenting adults who were—are—in love with each other. But we needed talking more than sex.
That's what I plan to do as we work through this pact. Talk more.
But it's so freaking hard when he looks like a sinful, dark, sexy god of a man. I just want to jump his bones every time I lay my eyes on him.
Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me because I love physical affection, I like sex—thanks to Xavier—but then it's natural and so normal for me to explore and enjoy my sexuality, so why should I be ashamed?
My point is, I am allowed to do whatever I want with him because it's my body but only after we've had a heart-to-heart. Xavier and I have never really had a heart-to-heart before. We've had our sweet moments but we never talked about...our love.
"Xavier." My voice comes out airy. He takes my breath away.
Xavier rakes his eyes down my body, slow and sensual but when he locks eyes with me, I catch nothing but affection in his. He pushes off his car, stepping toward me in confident, mouthwatering steps until he's right in front of me.
He doesn't even acknowledge Kayden.
His eyes are only on me.
"Hey."
I swear my cat purrs.
That thought and the way he affects me have me blushing immensely.
"Hi." I can't keep my eyes off him.
He looks so good in that black varsity jacket. He's gotten more buff over the months we've been apart and my fingers itch to feel his biceps. I bet they're big.
We're so lost in each other that I only realize that someone else is next to me when he clears his throat. My eyes widen and I awkwardly smile at Kayden.
"Xavier, this is Kayden, he's the photographer at our studio. Kayden, this is Xavier...my friend." The word rolls off my tongue like a sweet lie and I see the moment Xavier's eyes darken at my label for what he is to me.
But alas he shrugs it off and nods his head at Kayden, barely paying him attention. Kayden doesn't think much of Xavier's coldness and turns to me.
"Think about that date." He boyishly grins and shocks me when he leans in to kiss my cheek. My eyes immediately find Xavier's but he looks amused rather than mad. As if another guy kissing me isn't going to change my heart.
And he has the right to be arrogant about that.
Nothing will change the way I feel about Xavier.
When Kayden is far enough, Xavier steps a breath closer to me, bringing forth his riveting scent.
I could just lick him...
"Date?" Xavier raises his brow lightly.
I tilt my chin up to stare up at him. Under the moonlight and the streetlights, he looks breathtaking.
"Yeah, he asked me out."
He nods, an amused tug forming on the corners of his mouth.
"And, are you going to go?"
"No."
My answer doesn't surprise him one bit.
Egoistic bastard.
"Why not?"
"It's not fair to him when I'm already in love with another man." I say it to his face, feeding his ego. There's no point in lying to myself and to him. And there's nothing wrong in me confessing my honest feelings for him.
We might be friends in this moment in time but we're in love. Our past doesn't erase our connection and no amount of hurt can make me forget what he means to me.
My world. My purpose in life.
Xavier can't hide his pleased smile which only makes me blush harder.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, hugging my sketchbooks against my chest.
Xavier slides his hands into the pockets of his varsity jacket, seeming even taller and broader than before.
"I was just passing by." He shrugs.
I can't stop the smile from appearing on my face.
"Mmhmm."
He can't even be subtle about his intentions.
Xavier grins.
"And thought I'd see if you wanted a ride or whatever."
I smile brighter.
"A ride."
He nods.
"Yeah, you know if you want."
I tilt my head.
"If I want?"
His hooded eyes pierce through my soul.
"Yeah."
My heart swells with bliss. After so long, my lungs feel airy, as if I can breathe again. I nibble on my bottom lip, mulling over his words.
Obviously, he had full intent to give me a ride home regardless of his mumbling aloofness. And that alone melts my heart.
God, I'm so weak when it comes to this man.
"Okay." I gently say and seeing his eyes light up with joy gives me a whole new batch of encouragement to fix...us.
We walk over to his car but he doesn't immediately go to the driver's side, he stops to open the passenger door for me. The gesture leaves me smiling like a fool, a little touched, a little amused. He knows I don't care about that kind of stuff. Still, it makes my heart flutter.
"Have you eaten yet?" He asks once we've pulled away from my studio building.
My stomach flutters. This guy clearly came here with a purpose. He didn't just want to take me home. And I can't even be mad at him for it because it feels good to be with him alone after two whole weeks.
"No."
"So if I asked you out to dinner, as friends, would you say yes?" Xavier glances at me with a playful glint in his eyes and I can't help but softly laugh.
"I thought you wanted to give me a ride home?"
He nods, resting his hand on the gear shift whilst the other is on the wheel.
"Yeah, after I take you on a friend date."
That has me smiling.
"Friend date?"
"Two friends going on a date."
I wholeheartedly laugh and that answers his question.
<3 <3 <3 <3
"So," I begin, unwrapping my burger, "What's a friend date?"
Xavier leans back against his seat and turns to me with a serene smile.
"This," he motions to us sitting in his car which is parked outside the abandoned observatory and eating fast food, "When two people are friends and they are crazy about each other. But they're just friends. For now."
I giggle behind my drink. And hearing me laugh makes him turn all mushy and gooey until all he's doing is leaning his head back against the rest and watching me. Instantly, butterflies raid my stomach and I tear my gaze from him. There's a song playing softly in the background, making this night even more peaceful.
"How's your internship going?" He asks after a beat of silence.
His question sends a wave of giddiness down my spine.
"I love it," animatedly, I ramble on, "It's the best thing ever. I get to work in my dream field designing cool, educational stuff. I have my own desk with the coolest desk buddy. It's this cute little computer that displays pixelated illustrations. Ugh, I love it. The people are wonderful, especially Zahra, she is so talented and kind. I don't know what I did to deserve such a perfect opportunity. It's honestly amazing."
Xavier tenderly smiles, his eyes gliding from my eyes to my lips. Back and forth as if he's mesmerized by me.
"It's what you wanted."
"Yeah, and now that I have it, it feels surreal, you know?" A lot like us. I never thought we would happen. But look at us now. Yeah, we're building our connection healthily but we've shared memories that are going to last an eternity.
Xavier hums, his smile never wavering and his eyes never letting go of mine.
"I'm so proud of you."
Warmth colors my cheeks under the intensity of his words. I hide my bashfulness by taking a bite of my burger but a few strands of my hair get caught in the mix. But before I can push them away, Xavier reaches out to tuck them behind my ear. His eyes roam over my face with a look of serenity and that only makes me blush harder.
"I wanted to ask you something." He says after he's done helping me.
"What?"
"My first race is this weekend."
My heart kicks up in excitement.
"Your first race? Xavier! I'm so happy for you."
He endearingly smiles seeing me react to the news with happiness.
"Will you be there? You know, as my friend?" The playfulness is back with that one word that is an understatement of what we are.
But alas, I beam at him.
"As your friend, I'll be there."
"Good because I need you there," he says resting his head against the seat, "Fuck, I've been waiting for this chance for years and now that it's happening, I'm kinda fucking nervous. But I don't care if I lose or win, you know? I just want to be in that chaos. Does that make sense?"
My eyes soften as I watch him talk so comfortably about racing.
"Yeah," I mutter, "It's the heart-fluttering feeling that you get in that moment that is more significant."
Xavier absentmindedly nods, lost in his thoughts.
"My next race is in New York." He announces so casually as if he's talking about the weather.
But the mention of that city has my heart swelling in yearning.
"New York?" My voice is wistful.
Xavier tilts his head watching as my eyes glitter with fascination.
"What?"
I fiddle with the plastic straw of the drink, trying to shackle the intensity of the love I have for that city.
"New York is where I've always wanted to go." Where I dream to be one day.
Xavier's lips tug up in a soft smile.
"Yeah?"
I bite back the giddy smile but my eyes can't hide my adoration.
"It's just something about that city that gives me butterflies. I want to work there. Live in an apartment. Eat greasy food every night. I want to dance under the rain in New York, kiss someone under the rain..." My voice quietens towards the end, my insinuation clear as the twilight sky.
"Someone?" Xavier lowers his eyes to my lips for a heartbeat.
And I do the same.
"Someone I love."
Xavier licks his bottom lip and grins, his dimple causing every kind of heart flutters.
"God, just tell me you wanna kiss me, baby." He mischievously and flirtatiously stares at me.
I smack his chest, both of us wholeheartedly laughing.
Never have I felt so belonged than I have with him. It's like no amount of distance or pain and heartache can drift us apart forever. We're always coming back to one another. Stolen glances, late-night messages, sweet caresses, we're one mess of a foolish love.