Maia, the Millennium Falcon
Tears rolled down my face when his body plopped to the ground. I whipped around to face Kuruk, an inch away from losing my shit.
"You," I growled in a barely controlled rage, "are loyal to him," I gestured roughly toward his limp body, "over me!"
He tried to respond but I squeezed his throat shut, anger coursing through me like a storm.
He shook his head against my grasp, and I realized tears were still rolling down my face.
"Maia, let him go," Luke said in a calm, detached way. A cry left my throat, and I released him, my mental anguish overpowering my fury.
"That's not totally true, my lady."
"What do you mean?" I asked, only partially facing him as I tried to reel myself in.
"He had us take a new oath before he became Supreme Leader. I am to protect you from anything—including him."
"Us?" I asked weakly, feeling my heart snap further. That's why Kuruk was always near.
"We are all yours to serve, Maia."
He'd never said my name before, not to me. "And if I want you to protect him instead?" It felt like my rage was pouring out of me, but I wanted to hold on to it. I tried to grip it, but it slipped through my fingers.
"We do, Miss Ren. But we have explicit orders to interfere between the two of you if he presents a threat to you."
I thought I'd be sick. "I am no Ren," I muttered. I couldn't wrap my head around why he said those things tonight and was only growing more confused.
"Only he gets to make that decision."
I didn't want to cry in front of one of his Knights, but it was coming.
A sound left my throat, and it was like a door opened, letting it out.
"He hates me," I finally cried. I felt the shame and despair coursing through me as my head dropped just before I fell to my knees.
Footsteps rang out on the cold metal floor, and then Han bent down next to me.
"Hey, Maia, it's alright," he said quietly, putting a hand on my shoulder.
"It's not alright. He made a fool of us both—and in front of that skank. He humiliated me. He..." a small cry left my throat. "He only did this because he can't handle being with me; I make his life harder," I added barely above a whisper. His words seemed to echo in my mind, tearing me apart.
"That's not true," he said, right before he pulled me into a hug. I reigned myself in as much as I could, but I was still feeling vulnerable, a few tears escaping on their own.
After a minute I pulled back. "Thank you," I mumbled. The previous days were beginning to take a toll on me, I knew.
"Sure, kid." He hesitated a moment, and I grew nervous.
"Maia, how old do you think Lola is?" My lips turned down further into a frown. I didn't particularly wish to learn anything about her—something that was an unusual feeling for me.
"Are you kidding me? I don't care."
"How old?"
"Han."
"Come on, kid. Humor me."
"I don't know. 34? 35?"
When he shook his head with a faint smile, I frowned. "Lola is in her early sixties."
"Gross," I muttered, putting a hand over my face. I didn't need to know that. The image of Kylo tightening his hands on her little waist shot pain through my chest. I wasn't sure which was worse: him with another woman or the fact that he apparently could not stand me.
"No, kid. You have it all wrong." I finally met his eyes, hesitant. "It's not," he shook his head, appearing frustrated. Then he sighed in resignation, and I saw his eyes barely flick to Luke. "It's not Kylo and Lola, it was Lola and me."
"What?" Luke exclaimed, startling me. I looked at him, wondering why he was so upset. "Are you kriffing serious, Han?"
"What? It was before Leia! Er, mostly."
Luke's mouth dropped open, and my wide eyes turned back to Han.
"I'll explain everything—but you gotta let me!" He shook his head. "When I was to marry Leia, I... well, I panicked. I ran to an old fling—Lola."
Han turned to the cockpit, but turned back when neither I nor Luke moved to follow. "Come on kid. I have something to show you." Then, louder and to the front, "Chewie! Put Kylo in my bed for me, would ya?"
With a shake of my head, I glanced back down at Kylo. My stomach twisted. I knelt and wiped the remaining blood off his face before going to the cockpit, slightly uncomfortable by the way Luke waited and watched me.
When I returned to Han, he was flipping switches, but picked up where he left off.
"I confessed to Lola that I didn't know if I loved Leia." He shrugged animatedly with his hands. "I wasn't even sure what love was anymore. Lola told me if I went to bed with her, then I did not love Leia. And in the end, she was right, because I could not go through with it." I sat when he pulled the ship up, but he remained low, flying above the bustling city. "Twenty-plus years later, when Kylo rented a room of hers to dine in peace, she saw his face. She called me, freaking out, asking what I wanted her to do. People didn't know who he was then. I asked her to watch over him, to tell me if anything ever happens. And, she tried. She always let me know when he was on the planet, 'in case I ever wanted to see him.'" He shook his head ruefully. I had been watching the city go by, but I realized we were near the edge now, beginning to lower altitude.
His head turned slightly toward me. "That's how I first learned of you, kid. I believe she called you a straight-faced firecracker."
"That doesn't make sense," I muttered. I was embarrassed for calling her a skank—though, it still wasn't far off. Who invites a man who's about to be married to bed?
"It makes perfect sense."
"Where are we going?"
"You'll see. Anyway. Lola has been keeping me updated on his recent visits." What recent visits? "She's who sent the message today to tell me he had been drinking for hours, with no signs of stopping."
The Falcon jerked slightly as it touched the ground, but I wasn't sure where we were. Somewhere in the countryside, I thought. Even in the quieter surroundings, the sky was lit to the left of the viewscreen, lights shining in the city that lived more luxuriously than entire systems. Though I couldn't see the city from our position, I could feel it, like a buzzing hive in the distance.
Han turned and eyed me, and though I met his eyes, I was still feeling shattered. "She said she tried calling you first, but you were not with your ship."
I frowned. "She just called the Harbinger?" I asked dryly.
"Lola is an informant for both the First Order and the Resistance," Luke said before leaving the cockpit, still sounding annoyed.
Han chuckled at his back and stood up, me following.
"By the time we got here, Lola had sent me a message. In it, she said she had learned he was upset because of you."
I wanted to think more about that—but the place we'd arrived took my attention away. It was... a farm, I guess. But it was so beautiful. Directly in front of me was a road to a house, maybe half a klick away. To the left were fields, the closest of which were fenced in—which was what I'd seen from the ship. To the right was a structure that I knew was a barn, as there were eight closed windows on the side I could see. Behind it, closer to the house, was a small garden, I thought.
"Where are we?" I asked as Han began walking. The place appeared well-kept but showed no signs of life. There were no visible lights, vehicles, people, or animals.
"About a month after Lola met you, Kylo came to her with a request." He was heading toward the barn, I realized. "He wanted her to buy some land he had found. He didn't want anything in his name, he said. When she went to see the land, it had a broken-down barn and fences that didn't stand, or so she said. And when mysterious ships began flying in and out regularly, she returned a month later. She called me to tell me he had built an estate, complete with stables."
My stomach twisted, unsure where he was going, but with the feeling it had something to do with me. My mind flashed to the day he took me to see a fathier, and how absolutely majestic the creature had been. Up until then, I'd forgotten how much I liked animals as a child. In my fragile state, part of my mind was still thinking about it as Han kept speaking.
"But the day after we rescued you from Snoke, she called me again. Kylo had requested to have the deed signed over, and she had agreed. Apparently, he had been rushed. I think he called her between saving you and facing Snoke. Lola agreed, because she believed Kylo thought he was about to die." My heart twisted. The thought of Kylo dead was too much.
"But when she reviewed the paperwork, she realized she wasn't signing it over to him." Han entered the barn and Luke and I followed, until I saw the first stall.
My breathing hitched, my chest tightened. It was a fathier. I mean, I knew the building was meant to house them, but I hadn't expected one to be inside. The farm seemed dead and incomplete.
And it clicked.
More memories returned. Kylo and I had not been communicating with words as children—we had exchanged images, memories.
No. That wasn't quite it either.
I possessed the images—his life—because I had not dreamed of him, I had connected to him when I was asleep. I had his memories because I had somehow been there with him. My body would be resting and recovering, but in the Force, I found Kylo.
But the reason I finally understood this was because of one memory in particular. By then, we were aware of the other's presence. Kylo had left his house like he often did, retreating to a small watering hole that often had animals of various shapes and sizes. Normally he just sat there quietly, but this time, he told me about them. A bird that the males laid the eggs and cared for them. A larger feline creature he had called... something, I could no longer remember. But I remember the vibrant pink stripe across its face, and Kylo telling me he had once been attacked by one, and had to connect with it in the Force. His uncle would not let him defend himself in any other way. He had confessed to me that he preferred the company of animals to people.
Which, I realized, was why he had taken me to see the fathier. Though he was drowning in darkness, he likely still found solace in the quiet company of animals. Perhaps he'd known how broken I was, and had hoped to provide me comfort.
I choked on a cry. He traded land I did not want for a ship I quite loved, and then bought me new land, untainted.
"He bought this for you," Han said quietly, only a few seconds after I figured it out myself. All of my thoughts came at once, and I was a moment away from crumbling completely. Tears were running down my face as I stared at the creature, unable to believe what was happening.
I could still hear his voice telling me I made his life hell.
"The animal was a rescue, apparently. Lola seemed to think it was important."
When I spoke, my voice was small and cracked, barely audible.
"Why is he in here?"
Han frowned, looking at the fathier, then back at me.
"I assume it is where he is kept."
"There is a field right there," I said throwing my arm behind me. Yeah, I was unstable. The memories were still flashing through my mind, and a new emotion was growing stronger within me. Guilt. So much guilt. I had cut myself off from the Force, but it wasn't just me that suffered.
Kylo had lost his best friend. No wonder he fell.
"If you wish him to be free, Maia, you need only to tell the staff," Luke said. "You have a full staff, including stable hands."
I have staff. I have stable hands. Because the fathier was mine. The land was mine.
I did not deserve it.
"I don't know the first thing about owning... anything." I was going to say farm, but there were too many things I've never owned.
"I am sure Lola would continue to help," Luke offered. I gave him a hard look. "What? She's overseen the managing of it." I couldn't help but wonder how the woman had enough time each day to do everything that she did.
"I called her a skank," I muttered, feeling as if my mind was being frayed into different pieces.
"A term she would probably find quite true. Though she is married and has a daughter a bit younger than you. It is the persona she uses, nonetheless."
"She taunted me. Why?"
Han shrugged. "She likes getting a rise out of people. I never said she's perfect. But I think she's got a good soul underneath."
"She's a double agent," I pointed out.
"She's a businesswoman. Like you."
I scoffed, but realized he wasn't totally wrong. I was in the business of war, and she was in the business of... money, perhaps. Regardless, he was saying we were both playing both sides.
Han let out a tiny chuckle, but I did not look at him. "I think she liked you, actually. The heels were a good choice." I did not react.
I sighed after a moment and finally walked up to the fathier. "What is his name?"
"I don't know," Han said.
I stroked his long nose, and when he didn't seem the least bit frightened, I put my head against his. Tears started streaming in the next moment, until I wanted to crumble to the ground.
This did not help me understand any further. I still did not know what Kylo wanted from me after tonight. All of this could have been some impulse decision. Did the words he spoke to me not matter? They did. They definitely did.
My head dropped, my neck seemed to give out. I didn't want to face him. Not tonight, not when he woke up.
I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle another blow from him.
"I thought he loved me," I cried, as quietly as I could manage.
"Aw, kid. He does love you. I wouldn't be talking to you if he didn't. And I wouldn't have been talking to him today if he didn't love you. The only reason his mother and I have seen his face in years is because of you."
I choked on another cry, though the tears never stopped, not really.
"C'mon," he muttered, his voice closer just before he put a hand on my arm to pull me around. I let him, falling against his chest and letting out a sob. I knew he felt awkward—so similar to Kylo—but he also felt bad. I didn't know if he wanted me to feel better or just didn't want his son to go back to the dark, but I didn't care. His arms were warm and I let myself feel the pain.
"Kid," he said almost in a sigh. "Listen, Kylo may not agree, as he has not forgiven his mother and me yet. But you're basically family now, and, I just want to say, well, I'm proud of you."
I opened my eyes, blinking against his jacket. After a moment I pulled back and frowned at him.
"You shouldn't be. You think you would have lost Kylo if I had not cut him off?"
"Maia," Luke said firmly, causing me to spin around with wide eyes. "Don't do that. Yes, we still would have lost him, as you pointed out to me already today. But you likely would have been lost with him."
My lips parted slightly as I took that in. Actually, he was right. Unless Kylo cut me off once the dark started calling, I would have seen or heard it too—and I found it unlikely I would have remained unnoticed.
———
Thank the gods for the private hanger. Kuruk and Trudgen took him to our quarters and dropped him to his bed. I stood in the door, waiting for them to leave.
"Are you good for the night, Miss Ren?"
Miss Ren. How absolutely inappropriate after the night we had.
"Yes, thank you."
They bowed—which was another first—and were gone.
I still didn't know what to think, but I found myself planted in his doorway, staring. I had never minded that he didn't say he loved me, but now I wondered if I'd had it all wrong. I thought he did, but what if he had doubts? Is that why he got so drunk?
Truly, I didn't know how to feel. I didn't even want to be mad at him for getting intoxicated, but there were consequences of doing it in public. Leia could label what we did as political all she wanted, but I saw it differently. We held lives in our hands. Something as simple as bad press could snowball us back into war with each other before we even conquered Exegol.
I don't know how long I stood there rolling everything over in my mind. The entire time, I ached to curl up with him, to feel his warmth next to me.
Instead, I eventually found it in me turn and go to my room to shower. When I was finished, I walked naked to my room, ready to crash.
My heart tightened when I came out, however, and saw him in my bed, the image of him waking up and missing me enough to move beds too much.
I covered him up before finally crawling under the blankets as well. I briefly checked my datapad and verified nothing could wake us up until we were ready. It would likely be the last time we got real sleep for a long time. He was out like a light, but after a moment I wiggled myself closer, needing to feel him against me.
I didn't know why he said the things he said. I was confused and hurt, and the more I thought about it, the worse I felt.
I love him with my whole heart, my entire being. I thought he felt the same.
———
When I woke up, I slowly came to awareness. I was so comfortable, Kylo's arms wrapped tightly around me, my face buried in his chest. I breathed in his scent, purposefully avoiding the memories of last night. It felt right, just to exist near him.
I was not mad at Kylo. No, the emotions had passed in the night, apparently, because I was just happy to be next to him.
His arms tightened, and I realized he was awake too. He must have just pulled me to him, waking me up. I moved my face up until I was nuzzled into his neck. One of his hands went to my hair. He smelled like alcohol and sweat, and for some reason, smoke.
"Maia," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. I heard the regret though, could feel his conflict.
"No," I replied softly, but with conviction. I didn't want to talk about it; I wanted to remain where I was, safely wrapped in his arms.
He pulled away, resisting my attempt to keep him there.
"Baby," he tried. I opened my eyes to peek up at him. The sadness to his voice broke my heart, I did not wish for him to wallow. If we did that, we would never dig ourself out of our remorse.
"Kylo Ren, if you do not continue cuddling me, so help me." He blinked, surprised. I almost smiled, but I was serious. I wanted him back. Maybe he sensed that, because he laid back down, this time on his back, and pulled me to his chest. I forced myself to relax, simply enjoying his body around mine.
Of course there was a part of me that was upset Kylo made such a poor decision in public and proceeded to make me feel like shit.
But I had come to terms with the simple fact that we were fucked up. At least we got to be twisted together.
After a while, I sensed he was about to say something. Sure enough, the deep rumble of his voice came out, making me feel weak.
"I am sorry, Maia."
I thought for a moment before answering. Though I was hurt by his words, I did not feel like I needed his sorry. An explanation, maybe, but not an apology. There was no forgiveness to be had. I didn't understand it, but I loved him, and knew he loved me.
"You do not ever need to tell me sorry, Kylo."
"Why not?"
"I know you better than I know myself. We are not out to hurt each other."
He held me tighter, but did not speak. I pulled my face back, our noses almost touching, our body's almost one, we were so close. "We love each other. You're all I want." Our lips pressed together, and I needed him. I wanted him.
But he pulled back after a minute and kissed my forehead. I was briefly disappointed, until he spoke.
"I love you," Kylo said against my skin.
I sucked in a sharp breath. I had been wrong. I didn't think I needed to hear the words from him. What difference did it make when he showed me his love every day?
But the words coming from his soft gruff voice sent sparks through me. Pressing my body against his, I kissed him hard, feeling light. His tongue slipped into my mouth and his hands were tight on my body, one in my hair and one on my back.
I sucked in air when he pulled back. "I love you, Maia," he mumbled before kissing just under my ear.
"I know, Kylo. I love you too," I said, breathless and captivated. He sucked the curve of my neck, and I tangled my hands in his beautiful hair, pulling him tighter. He obliged my silent request, growing more aggressive. His hands explored roughly as his mouth dominated my body.
Just as I was ready to beg, he pulled back, a mischievous grin on his lips.
"Get in the shower. I'll be there in a minute." I gave him a look, irritated he was stopping it. But he smiled bigger and kissed me, drawing it out by nibbling on my bottom lip.
"Please," he whispered. I sighed against his mouth, kissed him once more, and dragged my ass off the bed with a pout. He laughed and smacked my ass.
Just as I was about to close the refresher door, I saw him pull his comm and datapad to his outstretched hands. He plopped to the bed, and the door shut, removing him from my vision.
I spent my shower wondering what he could possibly be up to. We never stopped ourselves from having sex, regardless of where we were or what we were supposed to be doing. We found the time. But Kylo had decided to put it on pause, and I could find no logical reason why.
I was almost done when Kylo slipped in. I watched him carefully, looking for hints. He was confident, that was all I picked up on.
He started washing his hair, but his eyes remained downturned, analyzing me. I simply stared back, lost in his eyes. When I realized he once again wanted to tell me sorry, I shook my head and smiled.
"I know, Kylo." He seemed to focus on me as I picked up the soap, preparing to use bathing him as an excuse to touch him.
"Would you marry me, if I asked?"
The words caught me so off guard I dropped the soap. My chest tightened and for a moment, I almost got angry, thinking he was teasing me. But his face was serious, and the feeling died away before it could fully form.
Was he... not asking? Such an unusual way to ask.
"I am with you until death, why would we need to get married?" My voice was stronger than I felt. My knees were weak, my arms felt like air.
"I want to call you my wife, Maia." The words were shocking, but also lit something inside me, the way this man was so ready to spend the rest of his life with me. The word was so appealing from his sexy freaking lips.
"Does the Supreme Leader have a wife?"
"We make the rules, baby," he repeated my own words with a smile and gripped both sides of my face. "And it would increase your status."
"My status is high enough—and I don't really like attention," I added, imagining a massive wedding broadcasted to every corner of space and an itchy dress far too expensive.
He smiled and gripped his shampoo bottle. As he spoke, I watched him squeeze it into his hands and begin massaging it in. "You think I wouldn't consider that? And I don't mean your military status. I mean your political one."
I cocked my head at him, watching the way his dark hair lightened as it lathered up. "This sounds like a negotiation." I had been fairly sure he had not approved of the idea of me going into politics.
"It's a simple yes or no question, darling."
Darling. He had said it almost sarcastically, but the sweet word from the aggressive man was enough to melt me. Fuck, we were so, fucking, odd. The Jedi and Sith before us would have heart attacks trying to understand us. Kylo has never indicated he wished to stray from the dark, and yet he was asking me to marry him and calling me darling.
I loved it. I thrived off doing the unexpected, and so did Kylo Ren. This was obvious when his low voice continued before I could respond, his hands still working the shampoo.
"Would you marry me if I asked?"
"Are you asking?"
"The question is clear, Maia," he said as he began rinsing his hair.
My heart was beating way too fast—I could not believe this man, this dark, twisted man, wanted to call me his wife. He would be my husband.
An image of me saying the phrase flashed through my mind. Of course I would marry him, I would have married him the day he gave me a dreadnaught—and I didn't even want a dreadnaught. But it had been his way of confessing his feelings, and when I'd tracked my ship the next day and found him on Chandrila, I knew those feelings ran deep.
Finally, he returned his eyes to me, his hair black once more. It hung onto his face, over his ears, and down his neck. It shined with moisture, and I didn't want to look away. But after a breath, my gaze returned to his. "I would," I said in a soft voice. "I would do anything for you, Kylo."
And I meant it. I would die for him, kill for him—shit. I no longer owned my soul, I realized in that moment, dripping wet in the shower with this beautiful, haunted man. He did.
His hand reached out and cupped my cheek, and I leaned into it, shutting my eyes.
"I was born with Force abilities to a powerful family." I opened my eyes when he began, my heart beating harder still. "I have been given everything, and given up everything." His eyes were so shiny, looking at me with such intensity. It was always how he looked at me, like I was his everything. "But you have been the greatest gift from the universe. I will never let you go, and I will never let you down again."
Yes, Kylo Ren owned my soul. But I owned his, too.
I gave him a little smile. "That's a tough promise. I think letting each other down is human."
He shook his head confidently. "Nah. Not for us."
I chuckled and put my hands on his chest. "I guess we'll see," I said with a light smile. "Kylo Ren, I cannot wait to call you my husband, but you should know: I give you every part of me." My lips drew closer to his as if pulled to them. "I am a part of you, and I know I hold a part of you." My voice had dropped to a whisper, and I was pressed against him, proof of his excitement against my stomach. "May our enemies always underestimate us," I breathed against his lips.
The energy in the tiny room was hot, like the air itself was on fire. The Force swam around us, and it felt like the water was connecting us further, sealing our words like promises to be sent out into the universe.
Ice penetrated through the heated energy when his lips moved in response, frozen in pleasure. "And may they die with that realization," he finished, matching my quiet tone.
Our lips completed the vows as if we were standing at the alter, and the thought made me smile. I sensed he was thinking the same thing, his lips curling up with mine.
His hand trailed down my leg and flattened against the top of my thighs. Somehow his hand covered my whole ass as he pulled it up and over it, our wet skin gliding together, and tugged me closer once he reached my lower back.
"Hmm," he growled. "I was wrong, the shower isn't good enough."
"Sit down, Kylo," I commanded, switching places with him and pushing him onto the bench seat. He let out another low sound and pulled me down with him. I gripped the sides of his head and kissed him while he guided his cock into me. We moaned into each other, our lips momentarily paused together.
I was in pure bliss, ecstasy, love, euphoria, gods, I was all of it.
It took less than a minute. Perhaps we were just extremely turned on, or maybe the angle was too perfect. But when I felt him shake and cum inside me, heard his choppy praises, stars exploded in my vision.
The first thing I comprehended was his lips trailing down to my breasts, then his hot mouth pulling one nipple in. My moan returned, and I was ready for more.
He chuckled around my breast and sucked it hard before pulling back.
Then he slid me off him and turned me around like I was nothing but a pillow. I felt his cock press against my ass before I even realized I was no longer facing him.
"Be a good girl and relax, Miss Ren." I did. I sunk into his arms and let him have complete control. He shifted my body and worked his hard cock carefully into me. I remained relaxed, focusing on his every move, on my every emotion.
"Kylo," I breathed. He pushed further inside and pulled back to gather up more of his cum from my pussy. The act was somehow even more of a turn on.
"Yes, little one?"
"Thank you." His chest vibrated behind me, and he pulled me closer, tugging my legs up into the air.
"For what, darling?" Oh, shit. I jerked against his hold, but he chuckled and continued to situate me until he was holding the back of my thighs. The top of them rested against my torso—I was just a doll in his arms.
"For fucking me just how I like it," I cried. His cock hit me deep and he began thrusting in methodically. He moved me until he finally held me still in a spot that had me genuinely screaming his name, over and over. He was reading me in the Force, I realized. Then the shower water was directed to my clit and pussy and I jerked my eyes open to watch in amazement. He was a talented Force user, that was for sure...
I was lost somewhere between reality and nothingness, I thought, my orgasm rising with intensity.
"Cum." I exploded when his voice growled it against my ear. His mouth pressed into mine somehow, but I couldn't kiss him back, crying out almost violently. The water on my clit was incredible, and I tried to ride into it. As a result, his cock rolled tightly into my ass at a new angle and I broke away from his lips. The water spraying straight into my pussy widened somehow, and gods, I couldn't take anymore. I shook hard as my orgasm peaked in intensity and cried out for Kylo.
I almost cried out for Ben; it was too intense. Too fucking strong. Tears were flowing down my cheeks.
His laugh barked behind me, startling me. "Say it," he bit out. "It might be your only chance to cry out to him," he said with amusement and satisfaction dripping off his voice. "But it isn't your safe word anymore, Maia. I won't be stopping."
"Ben," I whispered, finally beginning to fall off the peak.
"Louder," he growled. "You're marrying him too."
Fuck. "Ben! Ben," I moaned, my right hand going back to wrap around his neck and hold him closer. I found his lips and kissed him, kissed him until I couldn't breath. He shifted me at some point to return my body to face his, but still, I kissed him, and his tongue explored every part of my mouth. I mumbled Kylo a few times, because he was not Ben to me, not like this. But it didn't matter, because he was right, he was both.