Ariana's POV
June 2010
A shaky sigh left my lips as I hit the last note of the song as i finished singing. I'm just not ready to face the judges nor the audience. I just kept my eyes closed for a moment till I saw the way that the stage lit up in blue lights again from behind my eyelids. I felt my throat get dry after singing and holding the high pitch for so long and I couldn't even move. I inhaled deeply until I have gained the rhythm of my breathing again. But soon I was pulled out of my trance by applause that is echoing throughout the whole room. The sudden noise made me spring back to action as my eyes popped open to be met with the bright light coming from the lights around the stage of the studio.
Not even a second did pass before Cheryl was rising to her feet. I couldn't even explain on how she took in the sight in front of me. Every single person had a smile on their face as their hands clasped together, clapping. Not only did I ace my song, but I was receiving a standing ovation for my performance. Cheryl gave me a cheer and sent a smile my way. My hand automatically lifted up to cover my mouth in unbelief as I felt my eyes crinkling with a smile on my face as I was still processing the fact that I had just finished my X Factor audition and was currently receiving a huge applause. My eyes started to water as the cheering went on.
When Cheryl sat back down on her seat, Louis leaned in to talk in her quietly to which she nodded and she leaned back in her seat, her eyes still trained on me in front of them. Simon on the other hand was sitting up then, the pen in his hand long gone. He didn't even speak to any other judges. Instead he just continued to look towards the stage, his focus set on me.
It was rather disturbing. His face was fixed in a world-weary expression. He wasn't even smiling, no sign of stating that he liked the song that I was singing nor a sense of objection.
I stood on the stage as the other two judges leaned forward to tap at their mics. Then the audience started to settle back down once again, sensing that the judges were about to give their comments on my audition. Once the whole room was somewhat quieted and calmed down, Cheryl went and tapped her mic to speak first.
"Wow."
The simple word managed to make my day a thousand times better.
Cheryl didn't speak for a couple of seconds after that. In fact, it seemed as if she was looking for words to describe my performance.
"Ariana," she breathed out, halting her speech once again. "Ariana, that was-" Cheryl sighed once again, smiling at me. "That was the most beautiful original song that I've listened to on the show so far."
The roaring of the cheering rose once again, startling me. But the judges didn't seem to mind.
The most beautiful.
"Darling," Cheryl cut herself off as she looked down and let out a frustrated breath. "Your voice- I don't even know how to describe it. Your voice is, is so delicate." She briefly paused to glance up again. "But held so much power within." Cheryl continued to explain as I listened, my eyes trained on the judge. "The lyrics were so gorgeous, it almost made me cry." She laughed as she playfully dabbed at her waterline with her fingertips with a laugh.
"Your voice and those stunning lyrics and the synthesizer- it was a synthesizer yeah?" Cheryl asked and I quickly nodded in a frantic move.
"- The synthesizer went together so well, I can't even explain it. It was beautiful Ariana. But still," there's always a but, always. "There are small things you should improve in. For example, breathing and all." Cheryl stated while waving her hands around and I nodded, understanding that I needed improvement. "And another thing I love about you-" I then looked up at the lady as she spoke again. "Is your confidence. Knowing that singing an original song is a risk but still doing it. I think it's brave, singing an original song in front of a huge audience. Simon especially is only for the brave darling."
"And the way you seemed so-" she paused again, stumbling on her words. "Seemed so invested in it. I think that's what made this performance more touching. The whole time, you were feeling the lyrics, the music. And the way you were enduring the song, it almost told us a story. You made the whole audience feel what you were feeling while writing, composing this song, while singing this song. And that's a great achievement." She continued to talk, occasionally getting interrupted by a noise of approval by the audience as she showed a lot of gestures from her hand, trying to prove her point. "I loved it. I love you, it was the most wonderful."
She smiled at me at last, nodding her head in a reassuring way. "So, I wish you all the best honey."
"Thank you so much." I smiled at her and bowed my head out of habit as I was trying to dry my watery eyes. There was a smile spread on my lips and my eyes seemed to shine brighter than they have been before Cheryl spoke. There was a new spark in them. I felt as if I was on cloud nine after Cheryl's comment. Just the smallest compliment was enough to make me feel like I won the world. Even though you couldn't see it on my face but I may or may have not been quite flustered or emotional.
"Ariana Grande," Louis started to say, interrupting my own bubble. My focus quickly snapped to the quiet elderly man in front of me.
"Before I start, can I ask who made the track for the song?"
It was a question that I wasn't even expecting first handly. So I confidently replied. "I play the synchronizer keyboard in the track of the song and the mixing is done also by me." I said. "I also had a little help from one of my friends back home."
A sudden erupt of cheers roared from the audience much to my surprise. The way Louis's eyes slightly widened and the way he turned to look at the other two judges didn't go unnoticed by me. I, myself was just rather proud of my track. I had gotten help from my friend- my brother Frankie's friend actually, who was also the school Dj- to do some composing but other than that, the whole track was made by her.
"And you're only sixteen?" Louis asked me, his mouth slacking as I nodded. "Did you hear that Simon? And she's the youngest one in the show."
I felt as if I have just accomplished the greatest achievement of my life as my eyes dragged over to where Simon was now looking down at the paperwork in front of him. But without giving him time to reply, Louis continued to comment on my performance.
"As Cheryl said, the song, the music, the lyrics, all of them were nice." He kept going before he stopped to let out a sigh, removing his glasses and gave me a indescribable glance. "But there's one thing that doubts me." Suddenly a flame of fear started to burn inside my heart as I feared what he would say next.
"You're only sixteen Ariana."
She knew it. He thought that she was too young to be out here auditioning for X-Factor. Although he seemed rather excited with the fact that I had the track for Paint Fire when I was only fifteen earlier.
"I just think that you're still a little bit too young for all this. The song was nice but it's not what we're looking for." My heart started to deflate in my chest. "I don't think that you're not quite ready ready for the—" Louis paused. "For the stress, the pressure."
"Not ready for the pressure my mother fucking ass." I almost wanted to laugh as I brought the mic down and hid it behind me so no one would accidentally hear me as I mumbled to myself. If only Louis Walsh knew how much stress and pressure lived with for a sixteen year old.
It was just then was when the audience started to boo the fuck out of Louis loudly. Almost every single person in the audience started to get up on their feet to show their objection. Me, whose face had started to fall quickly lit up in amusement as the crowd joined together to voice their protest towards Louis's comment. It was rather amazing how I have received support from them just after a two-minute audition. Cheryl who was giving Louis a weather glare started to throw not-so-kind glances at Louis occasionally. They even had their thumbs stuck downwards ad they shouted. Louis lifted up his hands in surrender, showing no move to take back his comment, however. Instead, he spoke up again. "Clearly, the audience liked you and I should've."
"Clearly, you don't have taste in real music like an X Factor judge should've." I snapped my eyes at the man who was now leaning away from his mic after uttering those words, a somewhat smug look on his face. The roars of boo noises quickly died down as it swiftly switched to yet another screaming fest. My cheeks were hurting from how big I was smiling now. All thoughts of disappointment after hearing Louis's words were long gone. The only thing that was running through my mind was the fact that Simon Cowell called out Louis Walsh for not having taste in real music because he thought I was too young.
"Ariana," Simon had officially interrupted Louis's speech. "When I look at you, I see potential. I see confidence. When I look at you, I see talent."
"I love the fact that you confidently took the risk of singing an original song for us today. And most importantly, as I did not expect it, you nailed it." Another round of cheer's started to uproar from the people behind him, as I held my breath, scared to breath too loudly in case he missed something he says, "The way you were invested in the lyrics and the music. Usually, it's hard to capture the heart of the audience unless you do it right." He stopped for a short second before continuing. "And you did."
Simon suddenly stopped his words, staring at me with a gleam in his eyes. I felt as if I was waiting for eternity although, in reality, it was just a brief pause. A feeling of weary started to crawl up my neck and slither around my bust, wrapping encompassing my heart. But Simon didn't speak up, leaving me waiting with distress and anxiety lacing my thoughts. I waited for a skimpy moment before turning to look at the other two judges and opening his mouth to complete his feedback comment.
"And that is what I call a real pop star."
Something inside me sparked and I felt as if I was floating. A single tear escaped my eyes and started to roll down the side of my face. My heart squeezed in my chest, the vines of worry and dread slowly sinking back down. I quickly lifted my hand to wipe at my waterline and kept it lying there in case if another one tried to escape. Between the applauding, Cheryl noticed this and sent me a reassuring smile, reminding me to keep my head up. I sniffled as I brought my hand down, my mind driven high with ecstasy. I really made Simon Cowell call her a pop star the first try.
I wished that my family was here- right there so they would've seen how wrong they were when they doubted me and my talent. I could've shown them how every single "You're not going to make it" and "You're wasting your time, this is stupid." was utter bullshit.
"So Ariana," Cheryl's voice pulled me away from my thoughts and bringing my focus back to the judge who all had smiles on their faces. Before I even had time to think about what was happening, Cheryl had opened her mouth. "It's a yes from me."
I visibly heaved as her face spilt up into a large grin. "Thank you so much." I felt great admiration towards Cheryl as she had nothing but nice and reassuring since I have had stepped onto the stage. I knew that Cheryl was known to be the more laid back judge within everyone. Louis was alright but sometimes he could be really judge mental and false. And everyone knew Simon was the judge who was hard to please.
"Ariana," hearing Louis's voice made a pinch of fear of nerves settle in the pit of my gut. I knew there was a fifty-fifty chance of Louis changing my mind on his earlier opinion by saying yes - or no. I only hoped Louis would give me a chance so she could continue. "Although I still think you're a bit too young for all this, you delivered the song beautifully."
"I'm going to say yes." Yet another round of cheers came from the audience and I felt the shards of anxiety started to chip away by one, a big weight getting lifted off my shoulders at his words. My eyes briefly closed before I let out a shaky breath.
"Thank you so much." I lightly bowed at him. I really didn't expect Louis to say yes to me after what he had said earlier, but I was glad that he had decided to give me another chance. And I was already committed to proving to him that although I was young, she could actually do it.
It was only Simon left. I figured that I should be scared of his response but somehow, I felt much more at ease after his confrontation of me being a real pop star type. His words had given me some kind of confidence, a reliance. Something that I didn't have when I had stepped onto the stage earlier.
Simon was a hard man to read as his face nearly held the same fish emotion 24/7. So right then, I just couldn't even think of what was going inside his mind and it somewhat worried me.
"Congratulations Ariana, you've got three yeses."
I did it.
I actually did it.
I just couldn't help but let out a small squeal of excitement. My whole body was high on adrenaline as I bowed and thanked him. My mind was running wild, I couldn't even think of what I could do next. My ears were almost defeaned from the way the audience started yelling cheers loudly. The only thing in my mind was how my family was mistaken when they told me that I would get eliminated in the first round. My mind was still hazy as I walked to the legs of the stage between the loud applause of the attendees, meeting Alfredo halfway.
Alfredo let out a loud cheer and opened his arms to give me a big hug, which I gladly took. He rocked the both of us back and forth a couple of times, trying to soothe me down as I was on the verge of tears.
"You did it, Ariana!"
When Alfredo said it out loud, it just really really hit me once again. I had really gotten through the auditions to compete in Bootcamp. "I did it!"
Alfredo just kept me in his embrace for a couple of minutes, only pulling away and releasing me once he felt as if I was calm and back on earth.
"Congratulations Ariana," Alfredo said as he holds both of my shoulders and keeping me at a length. "Now off you go, your friend, Alexa is waiting for you."
But before I couldn't even think twice, a body was slamming into me while a pair of arms were snaked around my neck, holding me in place. The familiar scent of smoke and the cheap jasmine perfume filled my nostrils.
"Oh my god, angel," Alexa's voice was a hushed whisper in my ear. "You did it!"
My arms were tight around Alexa's back, it was almost suffocating. But Alexa didn't complain. In fact, she didn't even feel it. Her mind was preoccupied with the fact that her best friend has gotten through the X Factor audition. Alexa knew being on X Factor was one of my biggest dreams. Years ago, Alexa would sit at the foot of my bed while I laid on my back with my neck dangling down the side of the bed as she told her stories about the winner of the X Factor. Other times I would force her to come over to my house and sit in front of the television so she could watch the X Factor live show together. There were even times that I would demand Alexa to sit still on my dining room table while she stood in front of it, pretending to be auditioning in front of Simon and Louis on the stage.
Alexa knew how much this meant for me. She just couldn't wait to text her mom about the news about me.
"I'm so proud of you, angel." Alexa said as she pulled away, a couple of tears gathered in her waterline, threatening to fall down her cheeks. She took my face in her hand before leaning in and presses a soft kiss on my cheek.
"So proud of you."
"Thank you Lexi." My voice was quiet and if I hadn't spoken louder, Alexa might've not even heard her. Both of us stood in front of each other without speaking a word for a couple of seconds, only coming back to earth when Alexa speak up again.
"Our DLR leaves in twenty minutes." She spoke with a loud sigh. "We should get going."
I nodded before I grabbed Alexa's hand as I started to pull her towards the dressing room. "Yeah, we've got a train to catch."
When I figured out my audition will be held in the ExCel London studio, I fussed about the way that I was getting to the venue. My house was located in the center of the Brighton Village, so it only took a twenty-minute car ride to get to the venue. And if by train, it took about thirty minutes. I reckoned out my parents would say okay to dropping her off and picking her up at the audition day, at least only for that day, oh how she was far from the assumptions. Unfortunately, my father left for a business run in Manchester and left me with no other option than to ask my mother. But not so surprisingly that my mother refused to drive me to the studio because "I do not encourage you singing on this foolish television show, Ariana Grande" and "If you took this reality singing audition upon yourself, look for somebody else to drop you off yourself."
And it was then that I decided to be a nonconformist and asked Alexa if she wanted to take the DLR train with me to London. Of course, we had to ask permission from Alexa's mother, but being the laid-back and chill mom, she agreed after Alexa promised to keep her phone GPS and child tracker on all the time. Although my audition was scheduled to happen around twelve in the afternoon, the two decided to take the seven o'clock morning DLR so we could arrive early at the venue to take care of my admission.
When the two of us reached the dressing rooms, I entered the slightly crowded room with a knock while Alexa agreed to stay outside as she pulled out her phone, probably to text our friends. After I had pushed all of my belongings, into my tote backpack, I stepped out of the room to find Alexa leaned against the wall, her eyes trained on her phone.
"The peck is freaking out now," Alexa laughed and pocketed her phone as I adjusted my bag, mentioning our friend group. "You may or may not have caused a scene in class."
I chuckled as she remembered our other friend having no chill about the audition, it was not a surprise that he had caused a scene after hearing the news about me. The other two of them were soon stepping out of the light of the day. Alexa and my hands were tangled together as we walked on the sidewalk together as we walked towards the nearest DLR station.
"So when is Bootcamp starting?" Alexa asked as she walked beside me, kicking small rocks which were lying on her way.
"July," I answered, hicking my bag up my shoulder. "Twentieth if I was remember clearly."
Alexa frowned and looked up at me. As much as Alexa hated hearing it, she was about an inch shorter than me so she had so slightly tilt her head to look at me in the eye. "Dude, that's almost a month away," she said, confusion lacing her words. "Today is only the ninth of June."
"Kind of fair though," I replied as the two of us were nearing the underground station. "Contestants from Ireland gotta fly here for Bootcamp. And then from Cardiff, Manchester, Birmingham and whatnot." I said. "The good thing is that they got a hold of themselves to stay while us Brightons have to stay at our own houses."
"Stop complaining," Alexa rolled her eyes playfully. "Your house is literally a mansion you hoe."
After a small five minute walk and countless gossip sessions later the two of them were hopping down the concrete stairs of the DLR station. We still had ten minutes till the train arrival so once we had purchased our tickets. I dragged us over to a bench to sit down. Normally I almost never sat on benches in public places - station, bus stops but today my legs were aching. With every step I took, my legs were screaming at me to stop and plop down somewhere. The two of us spent the short ten minutes charting about the latest gossip of the school - about how one of their older students might have gotten myself a sugar daddy.
When the DLR finally arrived, Alexa was almost jumping up and down in excitement. Both of them had always been big fans of traveling by train. There was something about leaning against the window pole as the train strolled down the rails at high speed. The way my hair would flow over my face with wind seeping through my dark roots would calm me down. Alexa equally enjoyed the feeling of traveling by train. She had always told me that the rhythmic growl and rubbles of the train would help her gather her thoughts. Once we were safely inside the doors, the two of us kept an eye out for any creepy man or older boys. We soon stumbled upon a less crowded area on the train. There was only a kind-looking old woman who looked over at us and smiled, a girl who had her head buried in what looked like university notes and a couple who had their heads together, listening to music from the same pair of earphones.
Alexa and I decided to sit closer to the woman just because they felt much more protected. Once the train started moving, Alexa reached out and beckoned me closer, gently taking my head and lying her head on my shoulder. I smiled softly and gave her hand a light squeeze, thanking her. Alexa silently nodded before whispering to her. "Go to sleep. I'll keep an eye out."
"Scream and wake me up if some suspicious person gets too close. Or kick them." I whispered back before lifting up her head to look at her eyes with a stern expression. "I mean it."
"I will." Alexa chuckled, forcing her to lay back down. "Just rest. You're tired."
A silent chuckle interrupted our conversation and both of us turned our heads to see the old lady scooting a bit closer to us. "You girls don't worry. I've got my cane that I couldn't use if someone even thinks about a little too close."
An expression of relief washed over both of our faces. Even though nobody really spoke upon it, everyone was aware of how unsafe it was for us at our age to travel publicly alone. It was rather disappointing and revolting.
"Thank you, ma'am."
With that, I laid back down on Alexa's shoulder whilst closing my eyes. Just when my eyes fluttered close, a heavy tiredness washed over me. My hand was wrapped around Alexa's forearm, the simple action reassuring me that my best friend was there and we were safe and sound. Flashbacks from tnt audition started to flash in her brain and unknowingly a small smile had risen upon me.
I had promised myself that I need to only think about the fact that I was through to the Bootcamp and push away the negative thoughts about how my parents would react to the news.