Inspired by this amazing fan art by https://instagram.com/thenugrawesome?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SEASON 4
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Jean was exhausted, mentally and physically. The operation in Libero in his mind was a failure. Sure they got Eren back and destroyed their port, but at what cost.
8 scouts died.
Sasha had died. Bleeding out on the airship, with Connie begging her to stay. Jean's heart froze, and time seemed to stop when Connie utter those dreadful words "Sasha's...dead". Hearing the screams and cries of Armin and Mikasa. The look of shock and sadness on Commander Hange's face. Levi silent, and Eren who laughed. It was spooky it was like a deranged man who's last bit of sanity had left him. Jean had almost killed 2 kids. Even know he wasn't so sure that he wasn't going to go to the prison cell and kill that brat.
But he had to remind himself. Nothing good would come of it. He also knew a certain someone up above would be so upset with him killing a kid. Probably looking for revenge. As the scouts had just destroyed her home, brainwashed by the Marley military. Hell she probably just fired into the crowd. She could got have hit anyone in the group.
It just seemed so painfully ironic as Connie was just expressing his relief that they had survived another mission. Those 3 had been through so much together, and with one gun shot, she was gone.
Jean had been numb since the funeral 2 days ago. He was glad that they were able to bring her home, unlike the others who were left behind. She wasn't turned to ash as Marco had been. But it was so hard to look at the cold gray head stone, and trying to come to terms that Sasha was under there. They wouldn't hear her laugh again. See her smile, stuff her face. He was grateful that a Niccolo had cooked them all such good new foods.
Jean was pretty impressed and slightly worried at how well Connie had been holding up. He sat with her all the way back to Paradis, holding her hand. Captain Levi had joined him after dealing with Eren. The captain always did whatever he did to get his subordinates home. Connie was just void of emotions. When his father and siblings were killed and his mom a Titan, he was devastated, spent hours in Sasha's room crying. Maybe Connie was use to losing those close to him, maybe because he was older, or he was going to hold it all in.
But Jean knew the secret Connie and Sasha had carried since they joined the scouts. They both had finally confided into him about the relationship, trusting him the most to keep their secret. To cover for them when they wanted nights alone. Connie had even purchased a ring. He was so proud showing it off to Jean. Now, it was on Sasha's finger, six feet under. A member of the burial team was friends with Jean, and Jean assured Connie it was there. Connie and Jean had arrived early for Jean to place a flower, and for Connie to place to white roses and his final love letter to Sasha on her grave. Jean panicked a bit when Niccolo arrived with a bouquet of white roses. He should have known he would show up, and was glad he was going to get his chance to say goodbye.
The trio had been aware of Niccolo's strong feelings for Sasha. Sasha enjoyed his pleasant company as a dear friend, but the only love she had was for his cooking. She even joked one time that her sister "thinks we are dating". Right before the Libero mission, she noticed he was starting to get more forward. Invited her to a special meal when they returned. Sasha had decided that's when should would have to let him down easy. Tell him that her heart belong to someone else. But she was also worried he would get mad and not cook for them anymore, or maybe poison Connie's food.
Jean was worried that Connie might lash out, or just lose himself. But he didn't. He was kind to Niccolo, understanding his pain and sorrow. Thanking him for all the food he cooked for her. When Niccolo asked how Connie was doing, Jean braced for the confession. But Connie held strong. "We were like twins...." Jean had crinkled his eyebrow. But his heart sank when he said "it's like a half of me is gone". In away Connie was expressing his pain of losing his love, and sparing the feelings of an already grieving man.
As they were walking back. Jean had questioned him. Connie said it didn't seem to matter now what Niccolo's feelings were, and that it was cruel to kick a man while he was down.
Now Jean sat alone in his room, tired but unable to sleep. The meeting between Armin, Mikasa, Connie and him had been tense.
He opened up his sketch book and started to draw. He was working on a sketch of when the 3 had discovered the sea. A memory that warmed his heart.
He was working on the ripples in the water when he heard some stumbling around, the sound of a bottle breaking. He ignored it. Probably some scouts goofing off.
About an hour later, around midnight. Armin burst into the room.
"Jean!! Connie's missing!"
"What?"
"I went by his room to check on him and he was gone, he's not anywhere in the building....you don't think he went to the prison do you, either to kill that girl or kill Eren??"
Jean was already in the process of putting his shoes on. "No Connie's not that dumb to take on Eren, and I can't see him killing a kid"
"Even if the kid killed Sasha?" Armin questioned.
"Look you go check the prison, send an MP to check Eren's cell. You check the kids" Jean said.
"Where are you going?
"To the cemetery" Jean said.
*****************************
It was about a 20 minute from town to the military cemetery.
He carried a flashlight with him, begin careful
to stay on the path.
As he got further into the cemetery. He heard sniffles and sobs. Jean's hunch had been right.
Jean slowly approached Sasha's grave. Next to it, Connie sat next to it, he head leaned against the tomb stone. He had a bottle of whiskey in his hand.
"Connie, it's me Jean" he called out softly.
Connie looked up into the light of the flashlight. His eyes were puffy & red. Tears were flowing, his face flushed.
"Wanna drink?" He said slurring his words a bit.
He sat down next to his friend, putting an arm around his shoulder. The smell of alcohol was strong.
"Why her? Why did it have to be her?" He sobbed.
"It should have been me or that dick Floch, Sasha was so kind, and so amazing" Connie continued.
"Well if it had been you, I would be sitting her with Sasha, as for Floch, well I can't say" Jean said.
"I just want her back, Sasha please come back please!!!! I can't do this without you, I love you", Connie cried out into the night sky.
Jean felt the tears in his own eyes. "I shouldn't have let me guard down until we were out of Libero."
"We had plans Jean, house in the woods, Sasha could hunt all the meat she wanted, she would have looked so beautiful in a white dress"
Jean was flashing back to Marco. Their plans to join the MPs together live a good life.
"My soulmate is gone Jean, I've truly lost a half of me. I don't think I'll ever be ok"
Connie leaned against the head stone and continued to cry. Jean just sat in silence, as quiet tears streamed down his face.
The two sat their for a while, with Connie's cries being the only thing break the silence of the night.
Jean looked at his watch. It was 2:00 in the morning.
"Connie, it's time to go". He said quietly.
"No"
"Connie you need sleep"
"Please Jean, just a little bit longer please", Connie begged.
Jean let out a sigh.
"Yeah we can stay just a bit longer"
**************************
Finally getting Connie in bed and asleep. Jean stopped by Armin's room to let him know he had found Connie. Armin reported that the kids and Eren were unharmed.
He head to the kitchen to get a drink of water, but stopped seeing the Captain sitting at a table alone, holding Sasha's scouting badge stitching her name on the back, drinking tea.
Jean knew everyone was feeling the aftermath of Sasha's death.
Jean climbed into bed and stared at the feeling.
"Sasha, Marco I just wish you guys could have stayed for just a little bit longer"