Lia
The morning air is chilly and the sky is so gloomy. I'm thankful for being snuggled up in this huge bed, under these comfy sheets with a warm, strong arm encasing me like a teddy bear.
I exhale and study his veiny hands, his tanned skin, and a soft flutter swarm my belly. The way he touched me last night was downright unholy. And feeling him after so long felt surreal. I was exhausted and still wanted more but when he said those three words, I couldn't bear looking into his eyes so I fell asleep.
It's not that I don't want to say them back to him because god do I want to, every single time...but my heart is not working. It's still hanging on to that brutal little fact that we started as a lie.
Whatever we did, whatever we said was because we were a lie.
Yeah, along the road, he fell in love with me but he tainted my love story with a cruel intention. A cruel beginning.
Xavier tightens his arm around my middle and tugs me closer into his embrace, his warm breath fluttering on my naked back. A bittersweet shiver gushes through me, only leaving me cold.
Leaning up, Xavier moves me onto my back, his arm still resting around my waist. His eyes flicker between mine with something somber written all over his face. God, he looks so hot in the morning.
I hug the sheet close to my chest, my heart beating so rapidly. In fear? Nervousness? I don't know but I hate how downhearted I'm feeling.
"Why didn't you say it back?" Xavier quietly asks the question I've been dreading to hear.
My chest aches but I sigh, feigning indifference.
"It was just a casual fuck, Xavier. Don't treat it like we were making love." The lie tastes like poison on my tongue but I can't let him see my bleeding heart.
Not anymore.
Xavier's eyes narrow, darkening with hostility.
"Casual fuck, huh?"
A malicious smirk curls on his lips, his jaw hardening.
"What the fuck do you know about casual fucks? The only man you've ever been with is me. I'm the only one who's fucked you, Lia," gripping my cheeks so roughly with one hand that my cold composure falters then he gets in my face, "We don't fuck, Lia. We engrave each other's touch in our souls. And every time that I've been inside you, I've left my heart in the palms of your pretty little hands. So don't go telling me that what we did last night was fucking casual."
He shoves me away with a sinister sneer.
My breath catches in my throat at his aggressive touch. He's never touched me like that before. And I hate it.
I hate what I see in his eyes.
Yet, I lock up my heart, too afraid to get it more damaged.
"Please, you want me to believe that crap? Did you leave your heart out to all the girls you fucked before me?" Bitterly, I say.
Xavier stares at me with irritation, as if he can't understand who's in front of him.
"Did you decide to be a bitch when you woke up this morning or what?" He bites out.
The words hurt but it's what I need him to do.
It'll be so much easier for me if he hates me.
I smile, nastily.
"Yeah. Is that a problem?"
"Yeah, it's a fucking problem," he glares down at me with disastrous rage in his eyes, "I want my girl who would think twice before being a spiteful brat back."
I roll my eyes but it's tearing me inside to see him so annoyed.
"Well, that girl is dead and gone, thanks to you." I quietly, cattily say.
Xavier sits up, huffing out an incredulous laugh. He rakes his fingers through his hair looking as if he's trying to stop himself from strangling me. To shake me out of whatever possession I'm under.
Then he turns to look at me.
"Who are you trying to fool, Lia?" his voice is low with barely controlled anger, "You're naturally good. Kind. You can't be hurtful without breaking a part of yourself. And I won't let you do that."
I scowl.
"And who are you to tell me what to do?"
"The man you're in love with." He says matter-of-factly.
I scoff, a little bit amused, a little bit pissed.
"What is your problem?" Xavier scowls, his eyes clouded with annoyance.
"It was one night, Xavier," I cattily speak, keeping my eyes soft and seductive to add salt to wound, "Yeah, you fucked me and gave me a few orgasms but that doesn't mean I'll be running back into your arms as if you didn't lie to me."
He scoffs but it's resentful.
"Is this why you need space? So you can be a bitter bitch?"
I fist the sheets in anger.
"Call me a bitch again, I dare you."
"Or what, Lia?" Xavier gets in my face, clenching my cheeks like before, his eyes flaming with wicked animosity, "What are you gonna do?"
He reaches down between the sheets, between my thighs, and touches my clit. The sudden rush of pleasure is maddening but I bite back my moan.
"Get the fuck off me." I harshly shove his arm away.
Xavier devilishly smirks before grabbing my throat.
"Shut up." He snarls before taking my lips in a brutal kiss.
I squirm under him, scratching his arm to push him away but he doesn't budge. It's only when I bite down on his bottom lip that he breaks the kiss but it's enough for me to slap him across the cheek.
Tears pool in my eyes at his disgusting behavior. He's never forced his touch on me like that. Yeah, we get rough during sex but he's always known when I want it.
I hate him right now. My anxiousness is clawing at me.
Xavier's eyes are a murderous storm as they stare at me. There's a dangerous, delicate hostility around both of us.
"You wanna hate me? Is that it? Do you want me to hate you? Is that it?!" he angrily says, "Will it be easier for you to accept the fact that yeah, I lied to you? That it'll be easier for you to heal? Move on? Fuck other guys?!"
If I thought I'd seen him mad before, I'm wrong.
Xavier is the epitome of anger right now.
He's beyond fuming.
And I'm the cause of it.
Good.
The more he's angry, the better.
I don't know why I'm doing this to myself, to him, to us but I'm a coward. I don't know how to handle my shit so I'm burning the little hope we have to the ground.
Maybe I'm afraid of my healing journey, maybe I'm afraid of him losing interest in me, maybe it's the fact that we began as a fucking lie. I don't know and I don't care. I can't do this.
I'm just a naive, heartbroken girl in love with a liar.
Blowing out an annoyed breath, I sit up, causing him to back away. I clench the sheets to my chest, not wanting him to see me naked. My heart is already vulnerable, I can't allow my body to be too.
This time I get in his face and his eyes harden, blacken with malice as they bounce between my eyes and my lips.
"Yes, I want you to hate me. I don't want to be in love with a heartless, unwanted man who did nothing but lie to me. You ruined me. You don't deserve me, Xavier." Heartless, he's not. Unwanted? Who am I kidding? But has he ruined me? Yes. Ruined me to the point that I can't fathom falling out of love with him.
But I'm hurting and I want to dig the knife deeper into his heart.
"No wonder your dad didn't love you. Who could love you? You're just a fucked up person with a black heart. You're just a fucking liar, Xavier."
My heart freezes with my nauseating, unkind words. They taste like acid in my mouth and I so badly want to take them back but I know I've fucked up.
My cold-hearted, deceitful words strike him in the heart. The expression on his face is unbearable. Aching torment colors his features, his eyes glimmering with devastation.
I've just broken my own heart by breaking the heart of the man that I'm endlessly in love with.
Xavier stares at me for a moment. His clenched jaw, wretched red eyes, and curled fists paint a story of a man that's been betrayed by someone he thought was kind.
Tears spring to my eyes and when I blink, they fall.
Xavier smiles but it's cold, nefarious and so spiteful. His eyes are equally cruel.
"I'll grant you your wish," his voice is low, dark and so, so dangerous, "Take all the time you want to heal. Lie to yourself as you try to get over me. But here's a little spoiler, Lia, you will never be able to get over me. No matter how many words of affirmation you tell yourself or how many fuckers you spread your legs for. You won't ever forget me. I've ruined you for anybody else. Do whatever the fuck you want but it's going to be me you'll dream about. Me you'll ever love. Me you'll moan for when you're laying in your bed late at night with your fingers between your thighs."
My heart trembles with panic. And when he closes the distance between us by grabbing the back of my neck and forcing our lips a breath away, I see the result of my own damnation.
"Just know that the moment you let another fucker slide between your legs," Xavier bites out aggressively quietly, "I'll be balls deep inside Krystal, moaning her name. Kissing her lips. Thanking her for opening my eyes because she's right, you're nothing but a boring, worthless bitch."
The pain that slashes through my heart is agonizing. It feels like he's reached into my chest, ripped out my heart, and stabbed it heartlessly.
Xavier pushes off the bed, leaving me silently sobbing. The bed we shared a couple of hours ago now feels unfamiliar.
He slides his sweatpants on, stands at the foot of the bed, and stares down at me with nothing but hate in his eyes.
Then a menacing, cold-hearted smirk tugs up on his lips.
"Careful, Lia. You look heartbroken. Don't go attempting another suicide, baby."
My breath is sucked out of me at his words. Nausea gnaws at my throat and tears stream down my cheeks as my crushed heart lies in the palms of my hands.
Xavier nastily scowls then walks out the door.