Trigger warning: mentions of self-harm and suicide are included in this chapter. Read at your own risk.
"Hey, you want to join us? We are going to the lake to take a walk." Atlas offered. Niel shook his head and turned around, trying to make his way to his room again. A hand was placed on Niel's shoulder.
"What's going on?" Atlas placed his hand on Niel's cheek. The teenage boy carefully wended his head away and said, "I just need a minute."
The werewolf grew confused. He turned Niel around again and placed both his hands on his mate's shoulder to keep him in place. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?"
"I... I thought this morning... Never mind." Atlas could see the sadness in Niel's eyes. He shifted his hands from Niel's shoulders to his hands and took them in his own. The alpha didn't leave any room for his mate to trust his hands back.
"Come, it will help... with whatever you are dealing." Atlas didn't want his mate to go. He had finally Niel by his side after hiding away. Atlas couldn't blame him as he had shown his rather nasty side of his. Nevertheless, he couldn't help it and Niel needed to find a way to deal with it.
Again Niel was being dragged to a place he didn't want to be. He knew rejecting, resisting wouldn't help. The only thing it would accomplish him was further embarrassment and problems.
So, there he was, walking beside Atlas behind them Levi and his parents, in front of them the former Alpha's. The six of them were conversing and sometimes the couples talked among themselves, leaving the new mated couple alone. Slowly, Atlas and Niel fell behind the group.
"They haven't seen each other in a while," Atlas commented, trying to make conversation, hoping to hear the calming voice of his mate.
Niel just nodded.
"It's quite rare that former Alpha's and Beta's are alive while the new generation leads. But with my father's injury... it left us weak so I had to step up."
Niel eyes wandered from the ground towards the large man in front of the group. Looking at the slight limp. In the teenage boy's eyes the small imperfection of these perfect beings didn't look too grave for the need of a new leader.
Atlas couldn't help but to chuckle. Niel could be an open book. It was entertaining to see the confusion grow in Niels' ash grey eyes. Eyes Atlas could look into for an eternity. "Maybe the limp doesn't look bad now, but it was way worse and most werewolves fully recover from their injuries, even severe ones. But my father didn't."
"Why?" Niel blurted out, before thinking.
Atlas sighed. "That's a story for another time... I hope my mother doesn't intimidate you too much. She does mean well, only she can't express it that way, yet."
The teenage boy shrugged his shoulders. "Well, she isn't much different from my father-" Niel stopped himself before he gave away too much. He never intended to talk about himself, he didn't find it necessary as he had still hopes he would return home one day. But something about Atlas aura, Niel thought, relaxed him in a way he couldn't explain. He still felt his worries and anxiety, only it was deluded in the near presence of the Alpha. It caught him off guard.
Atlas frowned. "What do you mean?"
"...nothing."
Those were the last words of their little talk. Days had past since they had a conversation like this and Atlas didn't want to ruin it by asking sensitive and personal questions, especially as their last interaction was laced with anger and frustration.
Both men enjoyed the weather as they walked along side the edges of the lake, they hadn't even passed a quarter of it and Niel was already exhausted, not being used yet to walking so much. It was a beautiful place, the teenager enjoyed the scenery and the quiet except for the low mumbling of the other werewolves. Being in school it was rare for it to be quiet, especially with the size of his school.
All went well when suddenly the former Alpha's and Beta's stopped dead in their tracks, soon followed by Atlas and Levi. Niel saw them sniffing the air like dogs, well, wolves. He had to correct himself. It was still all so bizarre to him.
They all shifted from their places as it was rehearsed. Maddoxe came to us and the others grouped together. Once Atlas' father arrived, Atlas gave immediately orders. "Take him home, Ezra knows what to do. Don't come back."
"Son I-"
Atlas gave his father one look and Maddoxe submitted. The big man placed his hand on Niel's back and escorted him back. "What's going on?"
"Uhm, I am not sure if I can tell you that." And with that they headed faster to the pack house. Once there Ezra stood there waiting, taking Niel to his room and leaving Maddoxe behind. When nearing Niel's room two guards were waiting there. He turned to the Delta. "Can anybody tell me what's going on?"
"We are on lock down and you have to stay in you room until further notice is given by the Alpha."
Before the teenager could interject, Ezra pushed him inside his room and slammed the door closed. Niel sighed. He watched how the sun had set and the animals of the night woke up. Dinner was delivered a moment ago, but he hadn't heard a thing.
The next day Niel couldn't leave his room as well. He had asked the same question as on the other day, but got the very same answer. Atlas did want to visit him, unfortunately the situation didn't let him.
The teenager busied himself on his phone, he had no service so that meant no calling, texting or serving the internet. He only had his music. It was when he checked the time he saw the date. A short intake of breath, leaving a small gasp from Niel. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about it.
Right then it was too much for Niel. The lockdown, the isolation, and the date Niel disliked so much. He disassociated himself from the world and let the lyrics of Queen fill his mind. He sat there for hours on the ground in front of the window, back against the bed, staring into nothing. It was when he had noticed it was almost night he got up and got into bed. Where he fell to sleep in an instant.
I slammed the door behind me and apologized in my head to my mother. I knew I shouldn't let the door slip, but I had no strength in my body anymore after Coach Williams worn us out with his murderous training this afternoon. The first thing I wanted to do was to take a long shower, just to make sure after bit of sweat was washed away.
I knew Florian would be home, which meant he would most likely tried something new with the whole girl thing going on as mom and dad weren't home. He would either do it before I come home or he does it when I get home so I can stand guard. Even though our parents know, that doesn't mean they want to see it.
Mom and dad seeing Florian in his girly get up would be horrendous for all of us. But mostly for Florian. I didn't quite understand his feelings, but all I could understand that living in the wrong body, under the wrong skin, with the wrong features could be frustrating to say the least.
As I made my way upstairs I shouted, "Florian! Florian are you busy in the bathroom?!"
There was no response, weird. Maybe he was listening to some music or watching another episode of Grey's Anatomy. God, I hated that show, the only person I kinda liked was that Asian lady, Christina was her name I believe.
Arabella and Florian would always watch it on his room while having both bathroom doors, on his side and on mine, open so I could hear everything. Never could I close them as they saw it as a sibling bonding time.
I got in my room and threw my bag at the foot of my bed. "Florian?!" I wiped the sweat from my forehead. "Florian?! Are you busy in the bathroom, I want to take a shower... Like now."
Again no response.
Another sigh escaped from my mouth. I made my way over the bathroom, not bothering with knocking. If he didn't had the curtsy to respond I didn't have it in me to knock. "Florian? Are you done or..."
The moment I looked at my right I saw a big red spot on the floor when I wended my head further I saw Florian's right wrist being cut open, blood still seeping from the wound. Slowly my eyes went to the blood stained water and then to Florian's face. Eyes wide open, lifeless.
I just stood there. I... just... stood there.
Niel was screaming, crying, and trashing in his bed. Atlas was in the middle of an important meeting and had the intention to visit Niel, even if it was in the middle of the night. But the feeling of distress, caused by his mate made Atlas aware he had to tend to his mates needs immediately and couldn't wait any longer.
Now before he had left the room he expected everything, a sudden burst of anger, or an intrusion by one of the rogues they had been chasing. It didn't matter as Atlas was quick on his feet. The wolf could hear quickly that none of what he thought would be the case was indeed the case. When he entered the hallway leading to Niel's room his screams and cries weren't questionable anymore. His mate was in quite distress.
Upon entering the room he could see Niel trashing around on the bed. Atlas ran to his side and grabbed the teenager. "Niel, Niel, Niel. Niel!"
Niel finally woke up. He was lost, had no idea where he was or how he got there. In his mind he was still there on that dreadful day that was now exactly a year ago.
"Niel, you are all right, you are safe. You are safe Niel." Atlas whispered as he rocked the boy back and forth in his arms. Niel could only cry, cry in agony for the loss of his brother, cry in misery as after his death everything went down hill for the boy.
They sat there on the bed for a while, Atlas letting his mate cry until he was done. Never, ever had the werewolf expect such a outburst of emotions from the quiet teenage boy he had met after a clumsy fall.
What Atlas didn't know was Niel never got the space to grief, fully grief for the loss of his brother. His father had taught him crying was wrong, being depressed was wrong, being anxious or stressed was wrong and all of those emotions didn't belong to a man. A true man.
Niel always had to hide his emotions, afraid he might be judged as not a man and he knew all too well what kind of damage that would do as he had seen it with his brother. But being in the comforting arms of his mate made the barrier he had build, the high wall that surrounded his emotions as best as it could, made it crumble down to dust.
Niel eventually fell back to sleep. Atlas didn't dare to move and made himself comfortable and stayed beside his mate.