My will to write something has disappeared yet all of these thoughts of mine are always related to the future plot of the story...
And today I gathered all of my willpower to continue to write it because it bothers me in the head
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They say once you let go of your problems you will be free albeit that's only temporary
They don't tell you that it will pile up until your mind will slowly deteriorate and you could only break down without not knowing what to do
You could fix the problem they say
On paper, you could but they don't know how much willpower it needed so you could fix it
Sometimes an attempt to fix that problem can make it spiral out of control
Like currently what happened right now
"I feel empty"
I don't understand that is my deepest desire and yet I didn't feel any happiness
I look at Nyx's eyes and I could sense what she is trying to convey
"that's impossible..."
I don't need his familial love! I don't need praise! I don't need recognition! I don't want anything from him!!! Yet...
"I'm crazy..."
That's the only explanation I don't need anything from him but to see him die and suffer
I look at the currently empty place where I destroyed his entire soul with no hope to join in the reincarnation circle
And sudden calmness has washed upon me
And I can only think of nothing at the moment
Until I felt Nyx touches me with a concerned expression so I will dispel her worries
"I'm fine"
It's the truth, I'm fine emotions and desires are whack and full of flaws so it's to be expected that I'm very confused about my feelings
"I'll be blunt about this Nyx..."
Nyx looks into my eyes expecting something from me
"The me from your timeline and me from here aren't the same person"
"so it's akin to betrayal if you decided to use me as a substitute for the other me... If that makes sense"
She becomes wide-eyed and has a shocked expression
She didn't think it through and that's why she becomes lost on what to do
I could accept her feelings if she sees me not because I'm very similar to the silhouette in her eyes
She bowed and disappear leaving me alone in this dreary room until the whole surroundings cracked like a shattered glass
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I woke up in the morning seemingly wanting to start my day until I've feel Marisa hugging me once again
"Marisa"
I wake her up because my hand is touching her chest... I wanted to make fun of her lack of assets but I'm smaller than her so I could only hold in my frustration
Stella could wrap my entire hand with hers, I've missed those days I hope she won't be flat when she arrives here
"Ibaraki..."
"Good morning"
She gets up groggily makes me appreciate her cuteness more
Well I guess my thoughts become a little laxer because I've removed one of my major regrets
And I don't feel threatened and tense like I usually do since the trauma has been cured
I look at Marisa comes up towards me and-
My entire body felt hot not because of my flames but it's embarrassment my face is surely red at what happened
"Why?!"
I may have shouted it but I can't control my voice since I've been taken aback by the sudden kiss
"your face is red"
"Of course, it is red because you just kissed me!!!"
She smiled at my response and it seemed she looked happy
"did you not like it?"
"Of course..."
Strangely enough, I don't hate it is it because of the body's influence that I felt it's just normal?
"Then why did you become unsure?"
She comes closer to me and I hurriedly say something out
"Because it's so fast!"
At this moment I just realized... That I've f***ed up
Her smile becomes brighter when she hears that
"then I'll make it slower this time"
"What-!"
She pulls me closer and connect our lips as I felt moisture spreading on my lips
What I felt is humiliation... My pride as an Oni is being trampled by her
According to the materials that I've read on the web I have to overwhelm my opponent using my tongue
So I will take the aggressive approach and make her breathless against me!!!
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Things happened for a reason that's the most common phrase I've heard everywhere
And it's a lie, it's your choice whether you will let it happen or prevent it from happening
Like what happened right now seeing Marisa sleeping peacefully after we did the deed is quite gut wenching
I've let my instinct control me...
I won't lie it's good yet something felt wrong...
Physically wise I guess my body felt fine with it but my mind felt I made Marisa's life worse
She probably had feelings for me because she didn't blast me to oblivion when I forcefully rip her nightgown
Or she just got caught in the flow... She got eaten by her friend and if it's a normal scenario the friendship will end and things will go awkward
The bad ending she will get trauma from it, good ending... She will let her true feelings
I felt sick with myself... Mentally but from my memories, it's common to do it because while raiding villages the survivor is used as livestock of some sort
I feel like I'm betraying Stella... I know we haven't become real lovers, I just revealed my real feelings after I die but im not sure if she thinks about me right now...
Maybe it's just me being happy seeing her again and we do not share the same sentiments
(Stop! stop!!)
......
Gaia?
(Yup! It's me Gaia~ well I intend to talk to you about some things but I've heard some depression from you so I will let stop you there Ibaraki)
(Stella really loves you more than the entire world)
Really?!
(Yes! She will arrived soon I'm just giving her knowledge that she needed)
Thank you Gaia!!!!
(Okay now that you become happy then I'll bid you farewell)
Thank goodness it seems like it's not a one sided love..
I look at Marisa and I've snapped back in reality
"shxt*