I scanned his face, looking for more of an answer than 'welcome back'.
"Really?" I finally asked, gently.
He looked down. "Yes," he finally said. "And, it's also a 'sorry I was such a jerk' and also..."
"Also what?" I asked.
He was quiet for a moment. "Like I mentioned before, I know that yesterday was a hard day. I just wanted to get your mind of the situation for a short while."
"I see," I said, not sure how to take in the situation. On one hand, there was nothing I could really do to help Nikolas. I didn't want to bother him in pursuit of helping, and yet, I did feel guilty for going out and having a good time when the man I loved was suffering. It didn't seem right. And yet, was it a better alternative to sit in my room and cry for him and about him?
"I also..." Coleman was apprehensive.
"You also what?" I asked again.
His eyes looked sad, but the food came before he could answer. The steak laid out before me was delicious, and in the exchange between the waiter and thanking her for the food and getting settled down, the moment was lost.
***
We drove home, bellies full and content with the delicious food. Adelaide told me that she was very glad to have met me and hoped that I'd come again—Coleman didn't show me the bill, but I gathered enough to know that Log Kitchen was the sort of place that my budget would only allow on very special occasions.
The heat from the vents and from the car seat, combined with having just eaten, made me feel a little drowsy as I watch the landscape zoom by.
"Cassie." Coleman's voice sounded fairly serious.
I turned and looked at his profile, which watched the road ahead carefully.
"There's something I want to talk with you about," he said.
I suddenly felt apprehensive—it always felt scary when someone said that they 'wanted to talk about something'. "What is it?" I practically held my breath, bracing myself for whatever it was that he was going to saw.
He drew in a deep breath. "It's about Nikolas."
I furrowed my brow. "What about him?"
"I...look, this isn't what you want to hear, I know, but—"
"Let me guess. Nikolas is a pompous fool and I'd better steer clear of him!" Frustration rose in my chest—after a nice outing with him, Coleman had to go and talk trash about Nik. He was so prejudiced against him that he couldn't see all his amazing qualities, what made Nikolas such a good man.
And he'd never understand that I was in love with him.
He said nothing for a moment, though I could see traces of frustration on his own features—that little flex in his jaw, the narrowing of his eyes. "Like I said, Cassie, this isn't something you want to hear, but I feel it's important to talk to you about it."
"You don't even know Nikolas," I scoffed. "You think you do, but you don't. You don't know him like I do."
"You're right, I don't know him like you do." He turned his head and looked me dead in the eyes. "But you forget: I've known him for much longer." He held eye contact for a second longer and then returned his gaze to the road. "Listen, believe it or not, I don't blame you for liking him."
Coleman glanced at me for a second and must have seen my surprised face at him having deduced my feelings for Nikolas. "I know you like him," he said, again focused on the road ahead. "He's been very kind to you. And yes, you've seen a different side to him than most people. Than even I have, I'm sure. He looks at you with much more tender eyes than he does me." He let out a faint, derisive laugh. "But I worry, Cassie."
Despite the warmth of the car, a felt a chill pass through me. "About what?" I asked.
"I don't know Nikolas the way you do, but you don't know Nikolas the way I do. And believe me when I tell you...his duty and his kingdom are of the upmost importance to him. It's who he is. Ever since he was a boy, he has always been extremely mindful of his birthright and of the responsibilities it entailed. For the past twenty-five years, his duty has been ingrained in him. It is a part of Nikolas. And honestly, it what makes it so hard to connect with him for most people. He is such a stickler for tradition and he places so much importance on politics and running his kingdom that he doesn't have conversations like a normal person. You need to understand: him doing his duty to his country has always been very important to who he is.
"Nikoto is the most conservative of the collegiate. In Aregano, we're a lot more liberal with our views on royalty, on our duties, and on our relationships with people who are not royal or nobility. You've spent a lot of time here, and you've become more accustomed to our laxer traditions. But even still..." he glanced at me. "I know you've felt the stress of class differences."
I was quiet. I knew where he was going with this speech. He was going towards the same conclusion that I myself had reached many times over, but I still didn't want to hear it. "I get it," I said. "I get what you're saying."
"Please let me finish my thoughts." His voice was soft. "Nikolas likes you. I know he does. I know that he cares a great deal about you, Cassie. But for his whole life, he has prepared to lead his kingdom in a certain way. He has been perfectly aware of the expectation to marry a princess, and he has accepted that commission whole-heartedly. It isn't that he doesn't care for you, but Nikoto is his life. It's his purpose, his greater-good."
I felt his eyes on me, but I was staring down at my lap, my hands clasped together.
"And I want you to be prepared, Cassie. I want you to mentally prepare for the very real possibility that regardless of his feelings for you, he's going to marry a princess. Honestly, chances are that he'll even marry Calista. This is his calling in life. I don't want you to think it's personal, because it's not, but this is a very realistic outcome."
The vision of my hands became increasingly blurry as tears blotched my vision. I thought of Nikolas's smile that was just for me and of his blue blue eyes full of care and I thought of him looking at some princess that way. I even thought, for the first time, of him looking at Calista that way. My lip quivered. "I know," I said. "I already know."
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