"So, what do you guys think?"
Both you and Hwasa stared dumbfounded at the statue dropped off at the gallery the moment you arrived. Sir Anthony flipped his silk navy blue scarf, smiling and waiting eagerly for a response.
"Honest opinions, please."
"Well--" Hwasa began before she faked an enthusiastic response, "I definitely see the appeal. Exactly what the entrance needs." She ended and nudged at your shoulder, hoping you'd add your two cents but what could you say?
It was a woman on a rock, similar to Carl Jacobsen's bronze-crafted statue gifted to the city of Copenhagen. However, this piece was a cheap knock-off and made of ceramic. You didn't quite understand his need to purchase such an item as he dealt with paintings and you specialized in photography. Upon asking for his reasons, he explained while Hwasa received a phone call, that he desired your worlds to collide.
"Don't you remember our first class together?" He reminisced as you studied the ceramic with folded arms, "Miss Brown was teaching us about the sad tale of the mermaid who gave up everything for the hopeless love of a handsome prince. Don't you remember?"
"I do."
"I figure it'd be a great symbol for me with Hwasa and my new chapter in creativity whereas, for you, it'll be the end." You frowned and glanced up at him, "Photojournalism, right?"
"Right."
"Not as creative."
"No, it won't quite be the same." You murmured as Hwasa paced behind the two of you, busily engaged in the conversation on her phone, "We'll see though." You crouched when you spotted a small crack on the woman's ceramic foot, trailing it as you suggested, "If you really want it to be a representation of us as an entity, we could alter it--" He observed the same flaw on the statue your finger trailed, "If it didn't cost you a fortune that is."
"20K."
"Ouch. I can reimburse you for half."
"Nevermind that. What are you thinking?"
His honey voice glazed your bare shoulder and only then did you realize how close he was and how heavenly fabulous he smelled.
"What perfume is that?"
"I'm not sharing my sugar daddy magnet scent." You giggled at his sass and the smug smile, "Creed Aventus, the EdP version."
"Nice, it smells good on you--"
"Guys, I gotta go," Hwasa interrupted, "Some investors have shown interest and I gotta do some brown-nosing. But you two play nice," She pointed with her phone as she backtracked and collected her bag from a nearby table, "Get this place fabulous for Saturday. I want people drinking, I want people talking, and I want people buying." She continued as she animatedly made huge arm gestures, "How much more is left and how much are we missing?"
You stuttered for a moment as you were taken aback, unaware of anything as Sir Anthony took the lead.
"We are only missing the overarching placements," he began, gazing out at the white-on-glass aesthetic of the gallery Hwasa booked as the location for the event, "I was thinking of mixing our pieces based on the collections we agreed upon. We'll start with a little bit of me and then her and then me, I was thinking of telling a cohesive story based on our pieces--" Hwasa nodded, pleased with the progression as you frowned at the direction he hadn't included you in.
"Ah, how perfect! I love it, Hyungwon. You're doing a great job. Keep at it." Hwasa jumped excitedly in her heels, "So, that's really it? We've got the menu and we've got the program of the evening--"
"Oh, and about the guest list--"
Sir Anthony linked arms with your best friend and escorted her out, leaving you alone to wonder if there even was a reason you were dragged into this collaboration as neither your knowledge, opinion, nor suggestions were taken seriously. You exhaled and glanced at the space once they left but soon found the statue, which caught your attention again.
The hunchback and nude woman appeared sadder the longer you observed her, brokenhearted in her dejected expression. The tale of the mermaid who gave up everything for the hopeless love of a prince. The original story was buried in your subconscious whereas the Disney version was prominent in your memory. You scoffed under your breath once it surfaced and glared at her as she represented something you promised you'd never return to.
Both versions eliminated parts of themselves for a supposed love, something they believed to be true, and a man who didn't value their worth and who didn't care enough to cherish them for who they were. As you studied the statue, you spotted another crack by her temple and grew lost in its placement, the same length and width as the one you carried.
The desire to whimper overwhelmed you and forced the horrific incident to appear in your memory and it became harder to fight the urge to combust underneath her heavy expression. It was as though you spent every second of every day burying the scars Namjoon permanently marked on you.
Nevertheless, right in this instance, as you stared at an old version of yourself, you acknowledged the road you walked on and the woman you'd become thanks to that journey. Though the feeling surfaced and disappeared again within a blink of an eye, you recognized it as gratitude; not that the trauma happened but that you persevered regardless and became a much stronger individual than you'd ever thought possible.
"So!" Sir Anthony crept up behind you with a loud clap, "Where were we?"
"We weren't anywhere. You were telling Hwasa about the event."
"And?" He dragged out the word, expecting you'd add your opinion.
"And?" you shrugged, "I don't know anything."
"What do you want to know?"
"I thought this was our collaboration."
He sighed into an eye roll, resting his hands on his hips, "Someone's moody--"
"Not at all. I just don't see the point of having me around if you don't plan to utilize me. It's a waste of your time but more importantly, mine." He lifted his brows, sizing you down for a little bit before he snickered, "What?"
"Someone grew a backbone."
"I'm not your errand boy."
"I didn't know you identified as a boy." He teased, showcasing a perfect set of pearly whites, "Congratulations."
"I'm not your errand boy, Hyungwon."
"Sir Anthony--"
"Whatever," you voiced before articulating your discontentment, "I'm not someone you can boss around, I'm an artist too and you should treat me like it. The same thing goes for Hwasa, she's about to be your agent and you know as well as I do that she's the best out there. You won't find anyone fighting harder for you." The tone in your voice remained calm but you assured it was stern and that your point came across clear, "She's lenient and patient, she'll care about your artistry more than the profit. You want to be on her good side, believe me."
"Noted."
"So no more treating us like your errand boys--"
"I said, noted."
You exchanged a long stare as you attempted to decipher the expression that crossed his face. After a brief second, he exhaled into a sigh and nodded, brushing his dyed pink hair from his face.
"And you said something about an alteration." You frowned at the sudden change of topic and he caught the puzzled look and gestured at the statue, "What kind of changes do you have planned?"
Before you could answer, the front door of the gallery opened and you frowned at the sight of the least likely person to enter; Jungkook's brother and his son.
➰ JUNGKOOK ➰
That was smart of her. She knew what he needed more than he did. It was the right call to make; a recess meant a moment to catch a much-needed breath and assess the situation. Rosé pulled him to the side and although he didn't care for it, she benched him for the remainder of the day.
He loosened his tie, frustration reached its peak as he made his way down to the parking lot. His initial reaction to Rosé's suggestion was far from desirable, snapping at his partner like a deranged caveman as he stormed out of the court halls in wrath while his bruised pride and fragile character whimpered in defeat. He reached the parking lot area with a continuous self-deprecating and loathing chant in his mind, cursing at himself, and the inability to keep himself composed.
"Jungkook, wait up!"
He didn't react to the voice that kept hollering after him nor did he hear the sound of heels clashing the pavement. It wasn't until he reached his car that he flinched once he felt a touch. With an abrupt dash, he flung the arm away, too buried in his thought to realize that he'd pushed Fatou.
She stared unshakably at him, exhaling as she lowered her shoulders. Unsure of the look he expressed, he noted hers reacted with ascertaining as though she understood to keep her distance.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, glancing down, "It got a little out of hand in there."
"You think?" He shouted and grimaced at her, "You made that so fucking personal, Fatou. I can't believe you'd stoop that fucking low and use something I told you in confidence--"
"Whoa! What?"
"Jokes on me. That's what I get for opening up--"
"I-- I didn't-- Wait a minute--"
"I'm so fucking stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Of course, she gave me that damn list to throw me off!"
She listened for a brief moment as he ranted to himself, "You're kidding, right? Please, tell me you're kidding?" He shrugged at her with a disgusted glare, "I didn't tell a goddamn person anything about you. I can't believe you'd think that of me."
"I don't know what to fucking think!" He opened the door to his car, itching to leave and be as far away from the courthouse as possible.
"Hold on, wait a minute." She grabbed him by the arm and he responded by flicking himself free again and warning her to not get closer, "Okay, fine." She sighed and took a step back while worry coated her expression, she'd never seen him be this furious before, "You're upset, you're allowed to be--"
"No shit." He climbed into his car but when she hastily pleaded he hear her out, "And why the hell should I?" He jumped back out again and raised his voice while slamming the car door, "Clearly, that list was bullshit. You wanted me to trust you and I did, like a fucking idiot. Congratulations, you got what you wanted, right?" She shot him a puzzled look, "You got the upper hand. Congratu-fucking-lations. Guess you're the better lawyer."
"I did it for you, you stupid idiot!"
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Exactly that."
She shook her head in disbelief and he studied her for a moment, her expression defeated as though something was eating at her.
A brief second passed as they exchanged a stare and only then did he notice she packed her gear.
"The hearing isn't over, just a recess. Why are you leaving?"
"I fulfilled my part. There's no point of me being there anymore." He frowned and she continued, "I'm out. I'm pretty sure I won't keep my position after this."
"After what? Did something happen?"
Why the fuck was he asking? Why did he care? She hurt him, she made him break and fold in open court, so why did he entertain her? Just get in the car!
"Changkyun found out about us, had me trailed because he had a feeling," she air-quoted the last word before she shook her head, "Did it to Kihyun too." Her lip trembled as she stared into his eyes, "One of his interns trailed me to your place. He has pictures of me leaving your house." She glanced down, inescapably avoiding his gaze, "I'm sorry, Kookie."
"Wait-- So--" He jerked his head, trying to make sense of what she revealed, "Uh, you didn't tell the defense team about my disorder?"
"No, of course not. I mean I may be a bitch at times but I'm not heartless. Your disorder has nothing to do with the case." She shrugged, her voice illuminated a belief, a conviction, and a strength he wasn't too accustomed to, "He had some of his interns hack into your file at your therapist's office some time ago too. Kihyun found out about it and told me. That's why I said I didn't like the direction of the defense. None of it seemed right. It's like Changkyun became obsessed with winning and it didn't sit right with Kihyun and me." She explained as his mind raced in bemusement, replaying every single day in court since the new defense team was announced, "Did you actually think I'd say anything about you, especially to a guy like Changkyun?" She murmured the inquiry, disquiet in her eyes.
"I-- Uh--"
"Is that how you've always seen me?"
"No, it's-- No."
She hugged herself while nodding, "I confused you, didn't I? I made it seem like I couldn't separate life and work, right?"
"It'd make sense if you couldn't. I did-- hurt you-- broke a trust."
He glanced away from her, too perturbed to look her straight in the eye as it fell silent. Uncertainty rained on him. There was no way to validate what she confessed. However, he'd seen the defense team's tactics firsthand and guessed the kind of lawyer Changkyun was, therefore her explanation didn't seem too far-fetched.
"It was never personal for me. Changkyun just wanted to throw you off--"
"Well, it worked. Congratulations."
"Stop congratulating me."
"I get why you'd want to win. It'll affect Jackson's next trial--"
"No, you don't get it. Jackson knows about us too." Fatou interrupted him, "I won't be the one to represent him. I worked tirelessly for that man and Changkyun took away the plans I had for myself. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get ahead? To be where you are and where Changkyun is in terms of status? Not just as a woman but a black woman at that?"
He jerked his head, fully aware of how much harder it was for her to not only be acknowledged in their line of work but receive opportunities and be taken seriously as well. However, as much as he understood, he couldn't get himself to sympathize.
"Don't do that, don't try to spin this into something it's not. You got careless and fucked up!"
She scoffed into a small titter, "Yeah, you're right, I did fuck up. I fell for a guy who was in love with someone else. Silly me."
She glared at him and, despite wanting to protest and match her cold stare, he defeatedly lowered his head.
"I worked my ass off to be on that defense team. I'd be so great at it too if I got the chance." He caught the whimper in her tone, "Sue me for wanting to lead the tax evasion trial." When he glanced at her, he noticed how fast she wiped her cheek as though he wouldn't be able to see the tears that glistened in her eyes, "I didn't think I'd be teaming up with bad people. And when I found out," she paused to sniff and straightened her posture, "I thought I could handle it-- When I couldn't, that's when I came to you."
"I have no way of knowing if what you're telling me is the truth. For all I know, you could be playing me again."
"Then I wouldn't be here, would I? Explaining myself. If I didn't care about you, then I'd be in there and assuring Jackson's freedom. But instead-- I'm here, hoping you won't hate me for messing you up."
"I don't hate you." He murmured into an exhale, "I hate all of it."
"I don't want you to think that you can't trust me--"
"Why do you even care? I cheated on you. You're supposed to be the one who hates me."
"I do. I can't stand you." She darted with leaden in her eyes, "You as a man, but not you as a lawyer. Those two are separate to me. And lawyer you didn't do shit to lawyer me."
She sniffed once more, glancing away as she folded her arms, protecting herself from the same aching hurt he was experiencing.
He studied the cloud of sorrow that surrounded her and the disconcerting expression that made his heart whimper. This was the furthest thing he wanted to happen and he felt compelled, despite knowing it would only cause more confusion, to dash forward and embrace her. He was responsible for this heartbreak, he fucked up too, and he wanted nothing more than to repent for his wrongdoings.
Yet, he kept his distance, but his heart's desire to comfort her rained in his eyes, and she picked up on it. Fatou trembled and right this moment, he realized - though receiving her green light to figure things out with you - she'd hoped she mattered to him.
"You can-- hit me-- if you'd like." His stammer broke the silence and Fatou giggled at the suddenness, making the tears she desperately tried to fight back emerge, "I'm really fucking sorry."
"That's the thing, I know you are."
"You can yell at me if you'd rather that."
She laughed again and it made his heart ache. Fatou might not have been the next chapter meant for him, but he couldn't deny that he didn't share the pain. She mattered too.
"I'm sorry. I fucked up too."
"You did. It was really messed up. You told me to trust you and I did and I let my guard down, and I-- Fuck!" She giggled through the agony, "I love you, you know?" He trembled underneath her shaky gaze, knowing he never truly felt the same when he knew you existed, "And the dumbest part," she grinned before she continued, "The more I think about it the more I realize-- you made love to her through me." She shrugged into a smile, "Fuck you very much, Jungkook."
It fell quiet as she stared at him. He wasn't sure if the disappointment that coated her eyes were directed at him or herself. Nevertheless, he'd never felt this burning agony that pierced his heart and he'd never been this disgusted with himself. Fatou mattered to him, he cared about her, and he even toyed with the thought that she could be his future. However, despite how heartbroken her heavy gaze made him, a part of him was delighted that the Fatou chapter came to an end.
"Well, well, well," the harsh-edged rasp sound of Changkyun's voice, whilst he clapped, echoed in the parking lot, "Guess my instincts were right after all." Fatou stepped away from him and turned to Changkyun with a glare, "Double crossing your team again, Fatou," Changkyun clicked his tongue with a mischievous look as he approached, "That's not a good look. For you either, Jungkook."
He formed a fist from behind Fatou, steady and indignant in his gaze as he observed the defense attorney.
"Changkyun-- Don't be an ass about this." Fatou began, unsettlingly calm in her tone, "We agreed."
"Yeah, well-- Now, I'm just feeling petty."
"I held up my end. You saw the look on the jury's faces. They're doubtful, that's what you wanted and I got you that."
Changkyun raised an eyebrow, "You must've witnessed a different outcome than me because from where I was standing you didn't hold up your end. He persuaded them."
The defense attorney pointed at him and it earned him a clenched jaw. As he listened to the two argue back and forth, glaring at the slender lawyer that irked him to the core, his frustration reached its peak. He might not have been pleased with the cross-examination, doubting and judging himself to be incompetent whilst a wave of incisive anger pulsated through his veins, but the discussion at hand made him drop the façade. Fed up with Changkyun and his excessive need to discredit and tarnish his professional name, he snickered and caught the infuriating lawyer's attention.
"You got something to say, Bambi?" Changkyun spat, ignoring the plea Fatou voiced for their careers after he threatened to expose their behavior to Judge Yugyeom and the media.
"Do you ever shut up?" He stared at Changkyun with a placid tone, "You act like she's the only one, from the defense team, who has their hands dirty." He folded his arms and glared at the man, who suddenly squinted at him, "You dug shit on us. Did you really think we wouldn't do the same?"
Changkyun snickered, sizing him down before a titter left him, "Obviously nothing too major since your team never used it in court--"
"I don't need to stoop to your level to win a goddamn trial. I'd rather have my skill in court showcase my sufficiency."
"Well, then you're an idiot. Win at all cost--"
"And some of us would like to go to bed with a clear conscious--"
"I sleep perfectly fine, in silk sheets no less. Whatever. You guys are finished. Say goodbye to your careers--" Changkyun paused and shook his head while staring at Fatou, "I hope the dick was worth the status you've worked hard for." Changkyun ended and walked away. Fatou, with a worrisome expression on her face, chased after him.
At that moment, as she begged her teammate to not reveal the sabotage she was responsible for, he realized that she was telling the truth. Changkyun did force her hand and he was the reason why she kept objecting him in court. She aimed to throw him off and it worked. Fatou didn't gain anything from it; as she proclaimed, she didn't agree with the direction Changkyun was leading the defense in.
How could he forget?
Though she was a brilliant lawyer with a long list of achievements, she was never one to not play fair. This was one of the traits he remembered admiring about her when he first met her and the reason why she piqued his interest in the first place. Her morals and values as a lawyer aligned with his own. Perhaps that was the reason she came to him over Taehyung or Rosé. No, that was the actual reason. She said it herself the evening she gave him the list of witnesses. History aside, she trusted him with the information she obtained, and now she needed him to return the favor.
"Hey, Changkyun!" He voiced and trailed behind them, "Tell anyone about us and I'll personally make sure you go down as well." The lawyer snickered when he turned to face him, "I'm not kidding. If I hear so much as a little whisper about us, I'll do everything in my power to come for you."
Changkyun studied him briefly before he scoffed at his threat, "You ain't got shit."
"Juror no. 1, Mark Tuan. The artist, who knows and owes Jackson his career. Juror no. 2, Choi Youngjae. The restaurant owner, who pretended to be a gardener at the Styles' residence so Jackson wouldn't suspect Chungha's affair. And finally juror no. 3, Lim Jaebeom. The witness, who strangely has spent a lot of time with Jackson's new wife." Changkyun gulped as his nose flared, "Tampering with the jury isn't a good look either," he spoke with an icy and unabated tone that kept his opponent still, "It impedes the administration from upholding justice." He paused to study the lawyer who showcased an unfazed expression, but his clenched jaw spoke volumes. Checkmate, you bastard. "And since you know about me and my life, I'm sure you're aware that your key witness is the mother of my girlfriend--" Fatou stared at him, and although he defeatedly sank his shoulders for mentioning you in front of her, he continued with his agenda, "The mother doesn't know shit, my girlfriend told me that. You prepped her, just like the other witnesses, and you made them lie on the stand. That's a breach of our oath and it has real-life consequences--"
"You can't prove that."
"You sure?"
"He might not, but I know I can." Fatou chimed in and walked to stand beside him, "I was there for it, remember? And I'll have Kihyun on my side too. He's been wanting out since this new trial began."
"Hearsay," Changkyun scoffed into a hiss, "It'll be your word against mine."
"No, actually it'll be ours and my girlfriend's word against yours. Because, unlike your witnesses, she was at the Styles' residence, she was a photographer Jessica hired, and best yet--" he smirked at the lawyer who stood silent as he added a white lie into the mix, "She attended the charity event with her mother and she actually saw the shit that went down between Chungha and Jackson."
It fell quiet as he watched Changkyun attempt to find the words to counter him, but he knew as well as he did that it was game over. Fatou glanced at him, sullenly wide-eyed as though something dawned on her.
"You're bluffing." Changkyun broke the silence after a short moment, "If you were sitting on such a powerful witness, you would've used her sooner."
"She said to do so only if it was absolutely necessary." He lied again, but Changkyun had no way of proving it, "I didn't need it because it wasn't necessary, that simple. But hey, don't take my word for it, I mean you can always call her and ask. Or better yet, do a little digging and find the evidence. It's all there because she was there. You can even ask Jessi about her, I'm sure she'll remember the sweet photographer who took the pictures she gave her husband as a present to celebrate their love." Changkyun didn't utter a word. Instead, he studied him and tried to decipher whether or not he was telling the truth, "The choice is yours. If you talk then you leave me no choice but to talk as well."
Changkyun's dismayed gaze turned somber and he realized the lawyer, his opponent for the past year, admitted defeat.
He and Fatou watched him walk back to the elevator that would take him to the courthouse. Soon after, he turned and headed back to his vehicle. The clatter and clicking sound of Fatou's heels against the pavement echoed behind him.
"How much of that is true?" She asked once they reached his car.
"All of it."
"Why didn't you ask her to be your witness then?"
"I did. She didn't want to."
"Oh. But why--" she paused, hesitation coating her eyes but he encouraged her by studying her gaze, "I'd like to know why-- you said all of that to him."
He opened the car door without glancing away from her, "You scratch my back and I scratch yours, right?"
"Right."
He approached her after a brief moment, studying her features as she sighed, "I'm sorry about everything."
"Me too."
He leaned in and placed a kiss on her flushed cheek, taking in her scent before he voiced, "I don't know if it's any consolation, but-- You do matter, you did."
She sniffed and pulled away, tapping him on the chest, "Sure." She murmured and walked away.
He waited until she drove off before he climbed in his own vehicle, staring mindlessly at the steering wheel as the cloud of sorrow that roamed her left and surrounded him instead.
➰ YOU ➰
"Here we go," Yoongi sat down two iced Americanos before settling in the seat opposite you and Taemin, "Where did these toys come from?"
"The waitress brought over some Lego pieces." You explained, holding on to the plastic-yellow firefighter that Taemin needed after he'd built him a house, "He really immerses himself when he plays, huh?"
You casted an eye on Yoongi as he stirred the coffee cup, the ice cubes swirled rhythmically with his wrists' movements. In a dark hoodie and a baseball cap, Yoongi chatted about how engrossed Taemin became and revealed the toddler could go on for hours playing. As he explained, you caught a glimpse of a sparkle in his eyes, one of fascination and deep love.
"Just like Jennie." You said and pulled him from the captivating trance Taemin had him in, "A vivid imagination like his mother."
"Yeah." He chuckled, "Who knows? Maybe he'll be a writer like her." A moment passed as you both sat in silence, indulging in the cold beverages as you watched the toddler play, "I didn't mean to interrupt you at work."
"It's alright. I'm not even supposed to be there, so having a moment before I start is good." You reassured, despite detesting that Hwasa dragged you to assist Sir Anthony, "Is everything okay?"
"Everything is fine. Taemin and I were just taking a stroll after I spoke with the new buyer and Taemin spotted you in here--"
"You already found a buyer?"
"The lot has been sought after for years. I knew it'd be an easy sale if I ever chose to say goodbye." Taemin murmured under his breath and drew you back in, "He likes you a lot, you know?" Yoongi revealed and you grinned into a shy head shake, "No, he does. Isn't that true, Min-min?" His voice went higher, more baby-like, to catch his son's attention.
Taemin glanced up with his tongue on his upper lip before settling his gaze onto you and fixed at the firefighter in your possession.
"Ant-tee!" The toddler pointed his chubby fingers and after you handed him the item, you immediately squished him into a tight embrace while you cooed at him.
"How precious!" You sang.
"See. He likes you. You're his auntie."
"Jungkook said he usually doesn't like strangers."
"Well, you aren't really a stranger." Yoongi said before taking a sip, "Speaking of Jungkook, have you talked to him?" You frowned at the question, but more so at the wary expression in his eyes, "No, God no, please don't misunderstand, I don't think he's off the rails again or anything. It's just since you guys left my place, he hasn't returned any of my calls or texts."
"Didn't you tell me all the lawyers went off the grid?"
"Yeah, I did. But that's only because Moonbyul is the only one who really responds to me." His gaze wandered, "I'm worried for no reason, right?" He chuckled to himself and sank into his seat. A brief moment went by as the young waitress brought over a milkshake for Taemin and three scones.
"I was with him after we left," you began after assisting Taemin with the chocolate treat, "He seemed fine-- Well as fine as Jungkook can seem. He's a little all over the place."
With your lips pressed, you weighed whether or not to be truthful but before you had a second to think, you explained everything that happened; from the sheer anger to the incident at the gym to what happened with Detective Lee Jooheon.
"I'm sorry, Yoongi." You finished, guilt rained on you as you glanced down at the iced coffee in your hand, "I'm not good at controlling him when he becomes erratic like that. It's not like before, I tried not to provoke--"
"He didn't hurt you, did he?"
You shook your head, "But I did provoke him though," you swallowed as you glanced up to catch his jaw clenched, "I tried not to but I don't-- Sometimes, I don't know, it's like I'm not able to control myself for him."
"What do you mean?"
You whimpered and broke eye contact, thinking of the situation with Fatou, "There was a girl there, someone he's seeing, and I think I just made everything worse. I always do that to him despite how much I try not to."
"When was this?"
"The night before you called about getting Taemin."
"I see."
"I'm sorry. I think I'm the reason why you guys had that fight."
Yoongi leaned back with an exhale, "Come on, don't be so hard on yourself. That fight would have happened regardless."
"You guys never fight. You argue, you disagree, but never like that. I'd never seen him that mad."
"I have." Yoongi shrugged into a weak smile, "Every time it involves our mom, he snaps. It's like clockwork, every single time." He grinned and took a sip of his ice coffee as a long moment passed with him staring at his son, "And about that cop? Why was he at the gym?"
"To be fair, that's on me." You hastily said and reassured, "My mom is coming over later and I want to discuss it with her since she and my father are the reason why he was there. I think Jungkook had some frustrations he needed to get out--"
"He always has some frustrations he needs to let out."
"Nothing will happen with Detective Lee, I promise. My family has connections with the police since that whole thing with Namjoon. You and I both know Jungkook wouldn't have done anything if it didn't involve me and I promise, I'll get him out of it."
"How?"
"Well, my parents don't feel safe with Namjoon still being out there, so they hired Detective Lee to keep an eye on me. That's how."
"Oh."
"They owe me this after going behind my back--" You paused for a moment and stared at him as his gaze kept wandering, "Yoongi-- I'm really sorry."
"For what? Why are you apologizing? You couldn't have known he'd go apeshit and threaten that cop."
"I know! That's not what I'm sorry for," he frowned, the look warranted you to continue, "It's like I'm his Achilles heel. He was doing great after we broke up, he was healing, and he is better. I can tell he is way better--"
"I agree."
"And I do set him back. It feels like when he's with me, he's taking ten steps back."
Tears blurred your vision as you trembled with a heavy heart, too fearful to say aloud the exact reason why you chose to keep your distance from Jungkook in the first place.
"I understand it. I heard you loud and clear after he chose to skip his recovery sessions to be with me. I do set him back, you were right then. Both you and Taehyung. I'm not someone who gets him, I'm not--"
"And the other part?"
"What?" Your lip trembled as you gazed at him with bewilderment in your eyes.
"I did say you set him back but I vividly remember saying that he sets you back as well." He raised an eyebrow when you timidly nodded, "Listen," Yoongi sighed and leaned in, "Back then we were all scared and we were all dealing with things. There was nothing fun about that whole situation. It broke you I get that, but that doesn't automatically mean you're someone who doesn't get him. Taehyungie doesn't always get him either. You're not alone on this. Hell, I don't even know what the right call is at times either and I've been in his life from the moment he was born." A light chuckle escaped him and you smiled as you hastily wiped away the tears you tried to keep at bay, "Hey," you glanced up at him while exhaling, "You've always tried and that's all that matters to me." He rested his hand over yours and you took it, "I actually think you get him better than I do at times. You're the same person who made him take his medication again. He always went off whenever he felt in control." You frowned, "You don't remember? Dude got hit by a car and got hospitalized."
"Oh, that."
"Yeah, that. And you're also the person who made him acknowledge his disorder. He's always distanced himself from it, but since you entered this life-- Hmm," Yoongi contemplated as his gaze wandered before chuckling under his breath, "There's a saying that no one enters your life without a reason, good or bad, you're meant to learn something--"
"You're saying I taught Jungkook to accept a neglected part of himself?"
"He's in therapy, ain't he? Wouldn't happen if he hadn't met you." You glanced down and took in his words as you drank the iced coffee.
Yoongi directed his attention to Taemin and wiped the crumbs of the scone from his cheek while the toddler mirrored you and sipped on his milkshake. It amazed you how different but eerily similar Yoongi was to Jungkook.
Appearances aside, their personalities were perfect replicas of each other. However, whereas Jungkook perhaps was a little guarded, Yoongi was as straightforward as possible; such a trait from Jungkook was only visible to you when he was angry or defeated, but even then it only appeared when you'd pressured him or if his patience was nonexistent. Unlike his younger brother, he seemed levelheaded and you wondered if Yoongi was the person he drew his inspiration from; to be like his big brother and as calm and as cool.
Taemin grimaced when his father turned his face to remove the chocolate stains from his other cheek and you watched as the two bickered. Yoongi was much older than Jungkook and the thought of him bickering with the love of your life, when they were younger, surfaced. How many things did Yoongi endure? What did he have to go through?
Though you were certain Yoongi held some great maturity and strength, often functioning as Jungkook's anchor, you couldn't help but feel sorry. The sole responsibility of parenting fell onto him, and despite the obstacles of dealing with his brother's disorder, it amazed you how greatly he raised, not only himself but Jungkook too.
"Yah!" Yoongi raised his voice and spoke his native tongue to the toddler who kept defying him, "Now, you can play." He finished and leaned into his chair, "He never listens to me. God, I can't wait for Jennie to return."
You cleared your throat, "When will she be back?"
"She's landing tonight."
You caught the smile that radiated and brightened his eyes, "I don't think I've ever asked, but how did you meet?"
"Jennie and I? Ah damn," he grinned to himself while gazing out at the abyss, "We met when we were kids, teenagers actually. Love of my life, that girl." He smiled, "But when I first met her, she drove me insane. Her car always broke down and she always came back asking for a refund and said I didn't do my job. She was so annoying. She came in at least once a month, then twice a month, and insisted that I tampered with her car just so I could see her."
"Did you?"
"What? Never. It was a crappy thing that didn't work anymore. I told her to get a new car but she insisted I messed with it."
"You did mess with it, didn't you?" He lowered his head, but you caught the smile that hid underneath the baseball cap, "Wow. That's mean, cute but mean." You giggled.
"Between us, alright? I never told her this and she's never allowed to know that I robbed her of better opportunities."
"If you ask me, she's the one who won the lottery."
You stared down at Taemin who busied himself with the legos, but you felt Yoongi's gaze on you, "I feel the same way." You turned to him and he searched your eyes, "I think my brother won the lottery too. I just hope he's not afraid to let you in."
"He is. He might not admit it. Sometimes I feel like he tells me exactly what I need to hear to make me believe he's okay," you rambled honestly, forgetting for a moment you were conversing with his brother, "Lately, I feel like he doesn't trust me fully, but it makes sense why he'd be apprehensive with me. I did leave him. But then again, there's just this feeling. I don't know what it is or what it means but it's--" you sighed, "Something I don't know."
The lingering feeling, that kept whispering to refrain from Jungkook until something else was resolved, surfaced again. It stayed with you since you parted ways from him this weekend and the reason for this feeling still hadn't made itself known.
"Something I can help with?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Sure?"
"I don't want to pry."
"Go ahead, I'm an open book. Besides, we both want to keep him safe, right?"
You nodded, timid in your expression as you fidgeted with the plastic container of the iced coffee.
"I think it's best he tells me."
"If it's about our mom, hell will literally freeze over before he ever tells anyone." You frowned at him and he took it upon himself to reveal, "He hardly talks about it to anyone, hardly to me or Taehyungie."
"It's not about your mother. I don't think it has anything to do with her. I mean-- obviously yeah, I'm curious why she's such a sensitive topic to him but I don't think it's right for us to talk about it either."
"Yeah, well--"
"He wasn't too pleased with the idea that you've been talking to your mother either."
He sighed under his breath, "I'm not too surprised by that." The calmness to his voice made you jerk your head and study him, "I get why he'd be upset about it. He has some bad memories of her and has convinced himself she's the enemy." Yoongi paused to take a sip of his coffee, "I'm assuming he told you about that at least."
"A little. He's kind of secretive about her, actually a lot secretive about her."
"I think that's because he's spent most of his life trying to erase her."
"Why haven't you?" The question spilled out of you without warning and you hastily bit your tongue, "I'm sorry. I-- That's literally none of my business."
"It's not? I thought we were family."
You smiled but it faded once you caught the sudden shift in Yoongi's expression. As though heedful of what he was about to reveal, he voiced.
"I focus on the third person, the real parent behind the fun and spontaneous one and the self-destructive and self-loathing person. I choose to focus on the one who often drowns and tries, who did try actually, time and time again. I guess I just-- Now that I'm a parent myself, I get it-- More now than I ever did-- Unlike my mom, I don't have two huge personalities fighting me on where I need to go and where I belong." You nodded fiercely, understanding wholeheartedly what he meant, "I kind of hope that once Jungkook gets his disorder and learns to accept himself fully, he can start to see mom for who she truly is."
"That she's also someone who's trying?"
"So damn hard, every day, and that's all that ever matters to me. That's all anyone can ever do, show up and try." You nodded, gripping the almost empty iced coffee as you remembered the promise you made with Jungkook, "So yeah, that's who I choose to focus on. Not the bad, not the ugly, not the pain, or any of that bullsh--" He pressed his lips shut and glanced at his son before smiling at the kid, who didn't catch the cuss word and remained oblivious of his surrounding, "Do you think he'll ever understand?"
"Jungkook?"
"Yeah."
What could you say? You didn't know the answer, only what you hoped for and even then you weren't sure if Jungkook was strong enough. Admittedly, he seemed far more composed than when you met him. He'd learned to accept himself, but the journey was packed with hurdles, you being one of them. However, as much as you wanted to reassure his brother, all you could think about was the third personality blocking his path to self-discovery. Whereas their mother only dealt with two others, Jungkook had three of them; his depressive side which he never allowed you to witness, his manic side which you knew better, and the guy he created who didn't have the disorder. In the end, wouldn't the real Jungkook, underneath those three strong-willed personalities, just be a broken adolescent with abandonment issues?
➰ JUNGKOOK ➰
After leaving the courthouse, he drove for an hour until he reached Doctor Jung Hoseok's office. However, the trip was in vain. His therapist's secretary, Miss Wheein, explained there weren't any slots available for an emergency session and although he desperately appealed, Miss Wheein couldn't do much as she deemed his situation to not be life-threatening. In spite of it, he waited for Doctor Jung for an additional hour and when his therapist exited his office with a weeping patient, he realized he couldn't deprive others of their much-needed counseling. Therefore, he snuck out before Doctor Jung could see him.
Back in his car, he continued to drive while millions of thoughts roamed through his mind. Not a danger to himself or others. Miss Wheein must've noticed something he, himself, hadn't been aware of but regardless, hopelessness reared its ugly head and he grew frightened he'd lose control. The breathing exercises didn't help and neither did the redirection of his thoughts. However, his overactive mind consumed him and he feared the dark well would swallow him whole again.
He desired to forget about the cross-examination, your mother's cruel words during it, and the exchange with Changkyun and Fatou, but mostly her hurt words; a part of his core couldn't shake the need to get as far away from his life. He prayed that anger would appear, longed for it as it was the easiest to contain, but it seemed as if that was the furthest emotion he was experiencing. He couldn't put it into words, all he knew as that he was incompetent, in life and profession, and it left an emptiness he hadn't experienced. Therefore, Shownu's gym would've been a waste of time and out of question.
So, he continued to drive and drive until he found himself at the graveyard. Unfortunately, he didn't have any tulips on him and he hoped his father understood. In silence, he sat there for what felt like hours. His stomach growled but it was ignored. The burning sun he sat under made him warm and uneasy, but he ignored the need to replenish too. Instead, he stared at his father's grave and hoped an answer would arrive. Unsure of what the question was or what he sought, he realized he'd been unconsciously staring at the tulips, one pink and one yellow.
Last he visited, both he and Yoongi placed the color that represented his mother onto the tombstone, but today there was one of each to represent both of his parents and they appeared relatively fresh as if they'd recently been placed. He wondered if Yoongi made another visit, but he couldn't conclude as to why his brother would've when there wasn't a special occasion.
He glanced around, standing abruptly as though he'd be able to find the person who left them behind. A moment later and with a sigh, he sat back down and resumed staring at the words written on the tombstone, brushing away the intrusive thought that it could be his mother who visited the grave.
There was no denying she was back, Yoongi confirmed it and what baffled him severely was that she'd been back into their lives without him knowing. It made sense why Yoongi kept a distance from him, ignoring him a couple of months back. Although he didn't want to think of his mother, she invaded his mind and he couldn't shake what you asked.
Yoongi forgave her, why couldn't he?
Though he didn't allow you to finish the question, he was certain that was your direction. In all honesty, he didn't know the answer to the inquiry. All he knew was he didn't want to. She was a stranger to him. Why should he care about her or her well-being? If she was alright enough to remember she had a deceased husband and kids, he figured it was a good thing, but did he care...? Absolutely not. He wanted nothing to do with her and he resented his brother for desiring a relationship. Poison. She was only that and all she'd ever be, not a mother but someone who destroyed everything and someone he didn't need to have in his life.
While standing, he said his goodbyes to his father and promised a new visit before he walked to his car and drove aimlessly for an additional hour. The emptiness didn't disappear and he realized there was truly one person he wanted to talk to; the only thing that had been a source of light since the weekend and frankly, ever since the first encounter; you.
➰
He rushed out of his car, locking it behind him as he made his way to your apartment building. The lights were on and that was the fuel he needed to climb the many stairs. You were home. Though it irked him to see the moving boxes again, the thought of embracing you overshadowed the frightful feeling of an unknown future with you and the inevitable conversation regarding it including the status of the relationship.
With an unsteady breath, he knocked on your door. No response. He waited a moment before knocking once more then again and again until he stopped. He lowered his head in defeat, thinking maybe he had done something to you as well. Perhaps the days you spent together showed what was in store for you and made you second guess the decision to continue as a couple.
"Shorty-- Honey-- I can see your lights are on--" he murmured, unsure of what to say as he rested his hands on each side of the door arch, "If you're disappointed with me, I understand. I am too." He sniffed and swallowed to contain the tears that threatened to surface, "Could you please let me in for a--" Before he could finish, the door flung open. Startled by the sight of your mother, he shakily greeted, "Uh-- Hi."
"Jungkook."
"Hi." He repeated, frowning in bewilderment as he noticed she was still in the attire she wore for court, "Is-- Umm, is--"
"Is my daughter here?" she interjected, resting her head on the door while swirling a tall glass of wine in her hand, "You just missed her actually." She explained and waltzed inside, leaving the door open, "She was called by Sir Anthony to approve one final thing." Still outside, in the corridor of your apartment floor, he glanced inside to confirm you weren't there, "You can come in. She won't be long. The gallery isn't far from here, so she'll be back soon." He contemplated whether or not to believe the devil in disguise, "We were having wine. Is Merlot good?"
She asked, ignoring he hadn't stepped inside as she retrieved a glass from a counter. He stared at the one he assumed was yours, standing lonesome on the island as hesitation roamed with every small step he took inside.
"Here." She slid the glass she poured for him before she chuckled, "Just close the door, we can chat until she returns."
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why?" She grinned with a baffled frown, "We aren't in court. No one is being cross-examined." A snicker left him as a response and he glanced away to notice your place seemed emptier than before. You kept packing, you were really leaving? "She's almost done."
He shot her a frown as she guessed what he was thinking, "Huh?"
"Next month she'll be in New York. Isn't it exciting?" She smiled into her glass while taking a sip, "We're celebrating, Jungkook," she slid the glass meant for him closer toward his direction, "Join me."
"I'm driving."
"One glass of wine doesn't hurt."
He stared at your mother, studying her eyes and expression as he tried to guess what angle she was playing.
"I'm not the enemy, Jungkook." She voiced after a brief moment of silence.
Bullshit. "Could've fooled me."
"I just want what's best for her. That's all I've ever wanted."
"And you've made it clear that I'm not-- what's best for her." He shrugged, composing himself and trying his best to not break underneath her stare.
"You think I don't like you?"
"I know you don't."
"On the contrary," she grabbed the wine bottle and poured herself some more, "I think you're an established man. I think the way you handled yourself in court today proves that. I think you're a man who's worked hard to be where he's at and quite frankly," she paused to place the bottle down and stare at him, "I believe that's admirable." He mirrored the gaze, not taking his eyes off hers as he slowly approached the island, "Considering where you come from and the upbringing you had." He halted, his gaze wandering into hers, "Don't worry, she didn't tell me anything about you. Jackson's lawyer did, the insufferable one who thinks he runs the show--"
"Changkyun?"
"That one. Good on you for holding your own against him and that pretty girl lawyer."
"Fatou." he murmured, lowering his gaze, "What did he tell you?"
"Father died of cancer when you were in your pre-teens. Mother is diagnosed with Bipolar I and after your father's passing, no documents suggest she was present in your life. No one knows about her whereabouts either. You have a brother though," she swirled the glass as he stared her down, the mono-tone to her voice as she explained his life irked him to the core, "He's significantly older than you and I'm assuming he became your unofficial parent. I researched about the disorder when Changkyun told me about it and something tells me with such a mental illness, I assume things are sometimes difficult for you."
"It's not." He fibbed.
"There's no shame in saying it is. Life is difficult for everyone at some point or another."
"It's not."
"You were shot, my daughter was shot by that bastard too. That had to be difficult." He grimaced and glanced away, "A year and a half of the two of you, including her friend, recovering after it. Then somewhere along the line, she winds up pregnant and--" She paused which made him gaze up at her with hesitation, a little too frightened by her following sentences, "You can act as strong as you want, but I know it impacted her and if you claim to love her as much as you say you do, well then it impacted you too." He exhaled, recalling the exact moment the mania left him and how distraught he became when he realized the consequences of his nonplussed reaction to your experience, "You don't need to say anything. The way you charged at me at the hospital was more than telling."
"So what? Was that a test or something?"
"It wasn't a test. But it did tell me you wanted to protect her from the pain."
"If you know it hurts her, why mention it at all?"
"Because I don't think either of you realizes how deeply wounded you are. Forget the miscarriage, it's the trauma that you've both suffered together and separately that isn't quite healed and until that's resolved, I doubt you'd be good for each other."
"You mean me, I'm the one who isn't good enough for her."
"I don't think your disorder makes you any less of a suitable man for my daughter, but what does is the inability to be present when she needs you to be. She did tell me about that and I can put two-and-two together. It was your disorder, it was active then, and you weren't fit to take care of her before, during, or after the miscarriage. Her father might not know everything, but she does confide in me."
He glared at her once the proclamation was spoken, pressing his lips together to prevent himself from saying something that could potentially bite him in the ass. She sought a confrontation and he had no interest in engaging.
"Well then," he lightly tapped on the island, "I guess that's my cue to leave--"
"Does it even bother you that you can't be there for her?"
"You don't know anything about anything." He spat.
"Touched a sensitive topic, did I?"
"You don't know me."
"I don't need to know you to know you're a good guy with good intentions in a world filled with ill-intended men who, frankly, disgust me to the core. But just like you're wrong about Jackson, you're wrong about what I know." He scoffed, uninterested in engaging further as he headed towards the door, "Jungkook isn't a bad guy, mom. You've got him all wrong, mom. He stops everything to take care of me, mom. He'd rather die than see anything happen to me, mom." She mimicked your tone of voice surprisingly well and it prompted him to stop in his tracks, "I told her about what happened in court. I know I'm not supposed to but I figured it's okay to tell you since you told her I was a witness for Jackson." He turned to frown at how she guessed it and your mother, after taking a sip, explained, "She kept drilling me about it a few weeks back. I didn't tell her I was a witness for the defense, so I'm assuming it was you. Am I wrong?"
"No comment."
"Smart." Your mother grinned, "I'll give you that, you're a smart man." Likewise. She stared down at her glass after she sat at a barstool, "She cares about you, a little too much." A hint of worry caught a ride in her tone and she glanced at the apartment, "She's supposed to leave for New York and all I'm thinking about is what'll happen if you asked her not to--"
"I wouldn't ask that."
A baffled chuckle suddenly evaded her, "Yeah right, the girl you claim to love--"
"I could never ask that."
"Why not?" She stared into him as though she was talking directly to his soul.
"Because her happiness matters more than mine." He answered after a brief moment, "That's all I ever want." His voice fell small as he sighed, "You think I might not be fit to take care of her, but if she did say that to you then she's right I'd rather die than see anything happen to her. I'll always stop everything for her."
"And you don't see how problematic that is? How self-deprecating that is and how destructive?" She shook her head at him and his eyes enlarged at the inquiries, "I meant what I said about being healed from your traumas. You grew up an orphan, I've dealt with kids who were raised to fend for themselves at such a young age. Not only aren't you forced to mature faster than your peers, but the deep-rooted fear of abandonment and a constant need to subside, mostly in adult romantic relationships, oneself and feelings to cater to a partner aren't only unhealthy but it's counterproductive. You're a pleaser, Jungkook. You'll always stop everything for her and the fact that you can't see how troubling that is, for someone with your disorder--"
"Just say you have a problem with me being bipolar and let that be that--"
"No, as that's never been the issue. She's a direct stimulation of what causes symptoms to appear within you." Your mother raised her voice to make her point stand clearer, "I don't think you understand how her trauma, not just the one with Namjoon, but the one from me and her father splitting, and the need to feel heard, seen, and wanted drives her to think abnormally and damn near fantasize about things. I'm sure you love each other, I can tell you guys mean it. But the unusual stress, such as the one your job provides and difficulties with life, trigger you to react and bring forth those mood swings. She's a direct stimulation. I can say this because I know my daughter better than I know anyone else, she's emotionally constipated. And she'll try to be what you need but she isn't free and I fear for you once she is. You don't know the girl before the trauma with Namjoon, you don't know her biggest want in life. I hate to break it to you, Jungkook, but you're not the thing she truly wants the most."
It fell quiet for a long moment and he stood close to the door frozen, contemplating every word your mother spoke before she sighed under her breath and broke the silence.
"I shouldn't have made it seem like you're the one who isn't good enough for her. I apologize, that was the mother in me. As someone who's worked with a lot of kids who grew up in trauma, I can safely say it's actually her. I adore my daughter but she can't be what you need in a partner. She needs someone who's emotionally strong in every life situation and you need someone who's emotionally mature."
She glanced up at him with a heavy heart, her words became sincere by the second, mirroring something he recognized from years ago that Doctor Jung mentioned, making him tremble.
"In those two years you were separated, she never stopped mentioning you and she never stopped loving you. Why do you think that is?" Your mother tilted her head as her softened gaze forced him to lower his guard further, "What she went through with Namjoon, she has recovered from and she stopped therapy thereafter. Did you know she never wanted to go there in the first place?" He gently shook his head, "She believes she's dealt with the thing keeping her from her independence, that's what she's always sought, to be free of me, her dad, and the life we have. She doesn't want anything to do with us and when Namjoon offered it, she ran with it. Do you know why?" He stared at her, shaking his head once more with a conflicted heart as your mother explained aspects of you, "It's not because she's weak-minded or believes she deserves it, but because ever since she was a kid she wanted to be wanted, but instead of figuring out how to unpack that trauma, she runs to where she feels the most wanted. My daughter needs her independence to be free and she needs the space to find it. Do you see?"
"No, I-- Uh, I-- I don't-- Not really."
"She loves you, she thought of you for two years after you separated. She wants to be superficially needed, she'll always choose to be wanted above what she truly needs. And the reason for this, as countless of her therapists, have informed my ex-husband and me, is because we failed to make her feel like she matters. We neglected her, I can attest to that. I ruined her self-image and I hurt her ability to express what she needs. It's called projecting. Why work on herself when she's with someone else who needs her?" Your mother straightened, finishing her drink as he did everything in his power to not let her words sweep into his heart. "When the topic of New York comes up, please be the good guy I've guessed you to be. When she asks you, please don't answer with your own need to be with her." She stared at him briefly, another silent moment occurred before she broke it with a warm-hearted gesture, "You grew up without any parental figures, please allow me to be yours for a second," with a slight whimper, he glanced at her, "Real love is easy, hard at times, but it's rarely messy." It fell quiet again and he gulped underneath her softened gaze, "You seem like someone who's trying. How is it fair to you when it's one-sided?"
"You don't know anything about anything." He stammered and tried to hold his composure, "I'm not an orphan or in need of a parent to tell me anything about anything."
"Maybe."
"I'm not one of those kids you hold charities for, I'm not your son."
"I don't want you to be. That's not what I'm trying to say--"
"Then what was the point of telling me all of that?"
"To help you understand--"
"We're not in court, so let's not pretend we don't know each other. I'm not an idiot, alright? I'm fully aware of what's wrong with your daughter. I've attended therapy sessions with her, which I can only assume you never had, so don't try to lecture me about her character. I realize there are parts of her that aren't okay but that doesn't negate the fact that I'm okay with her lashing out on me, I'm okay with her being selfish at times or emotionally constipated as you said. I'm okay with all of it because unlike you, I don't try to turn her into something she's not ready to embrace. She'll deal with her own shit when she's good and ready, on her terms. And just because I know I have the power to influence her, doesn't mean I will ever use it to my advantage. If she really wants New York over me then that's on her and I won't push in any direction, that's all on her too." Your mother snickered, lowering her head as though she was above what he attempted to get through, "I might be careless at times, say and do shit that will hurt her and myself but I will never, in a million fucking years, be the guy you want me to be for her or leave. I won't ever go behind her back and defy her and break her trust as you have. So yeah, we might be going through something but it won't be like that forever--"
"Are you sure?"
"And if it is then it's between us and it has nothing to do with you or her father or anyone else in our lives--"
"It's called hurt."
"What is?"
"You only think you love each other and project an unhealthily safe comfort onto each other. You're not in love but in hurt."
"It is love. It's messy like you said but I'd rather be messy in love with her than the happiest of greatest love with someone else."
"Hurt people hurt people."
"Only if they choose to stay hurt."
"It's astonishing how you're unable to see you're nothing more than the rebound guy."
He glared at her and breathed through his nose as she studied him. Too fed up with engaging in a conversation that led nowhere, he turned and flung open the door.
"We're done here."
"She's just begun to find herself, Jungkook." He halted, gripping the doorknob as your mother sternly voiced, "If you care about her at all, you'll do the one thing she isn't able to--"
"Which is what?" He asked without turning to her.
"Stop what only should have been a one-night stand."
➰
He turned the key and the engine shut off after a couple of hours of driving with no real destination in mind. 'Fuck your mother' was the only mantra that kept him company as he drove. His head fell back as he gripped the steering wheel, busy in thought about how to proceed. A part of him longed for a stiff drink at Joe's Pub, or at O'Leary's, or any place that served alcohol. He desired to drown away the day in the bottom of a bottle and forget everything that happened.
The conversation with your mother lingered longer than he intended and it made the growing self-resentment he carried heightened; wondering shakily why everything and everyone was against him. Today was a shit fest upon many days, weeks, and months dealing with shitty moments and he wanted out. However, he couldn't bring himself to revert to patterns that often led him down a path of self-destruction.
It must've been the new medication and the countless hours spent with Doctor Jung. Perhaps he understood himself better now, thinking, but more importantly acting rationally, rather than impulsively, or maybe the wave had passed, resetting itself to neutral as Doctor Jung helped him fathom his disorder and its mechanics. Whatever drove him to park outside the small rental that functioned as their new practice instead of ordering a fourth round, he exhaled in gratitude that he'd somehow found a way to redirect his emotions.
Once he entered the base, he heard faint chatter from the kitchen that made him glance down at his wristwatch, 10:46 p.m. With his jacket tossed onto the couch, he passed the table that had three laptops open. He spotted Rosé's back first with her arms folded while she rested against the doorway to the small kitchen. She turned to him once she felt his hand graze her lower back, but his attention was pulled from her when he registered Moonbyul's voice arguing against something he wasn't aware of.
He stepped further into the kitchen and noticed that Lisa, with her legs crossed, was lounging on a barstool beside Moonbyul, who was too heated to notice him.
"What's--" he murmured, discombobulated about the scene he'd just walked into, "What I miss?"
"Oh, nothing. Just my brother being a fucking idiot--" Moonbyul said as he turned his head to see his best friend, the guy he hadn't talked to for over a month and a half, resting against the kitchen counter with a water bottle in hand.
"Tae?"
"Glad you could join us." Taehyung shot him an unfazed stare, "Don't you ever answer your phone?"
"The same could be said to you." He snapped, staring his best friend down as aggrieve pierced through his veins, "Besides, I needed a moment."
"It was a brutal cross-examination today." Rosé chimed in and he straightened his posture to not lose his composure, "We kind of needed you on the floor this past month, Tae."
His best friend nodded, taking a sip of the bottle of water but his gaze didn't leave him. Instead, Taehyung observed him. As though he understood that Rosé's version of needing him differed from his and it prompted him to swallow, eyes still glued to him.
"Are you okay?" Taehyung mouthed after a brief moment.
He couldn't get himself to answer. Despite the burning itch to express his dissatisfaction, his heart had another idea and whimpered at him to react to the question. He raced to him and embraced him tight as his face found the crook of his neck. Taehyung stood still, unable to comprehend why he needed to hug him. However, he knew well enough to not question the reason. Instead, he did what he knew he needed the most right now.
His best friend hugged him back.