"Lily, I am telling you that I don't think I can do this." I grip the steering wheel tight. It's so pathetic that I am this scared to freaking drive.
"You'll be fine babes. You're doing great so far, you got this."
"Easy for you to say Lil, you're not in the front seat with her." If I could, I would slap him upside the head. But right now, I am so scared and just trying not to let us crash. Instead, I glare at him to show him that I do not think he is funny.
"Cass eyes on the road." Nate grabs the dashboard and I feel my heart leap up into my throat. What the hell was I thinking? I can definitely get us killed and I don't want that. As you can guess it, I am trying to learn how to drive. I am doing a piss poor job of it. I slam on the brakes because I am beyond frustrated and on the verge of tears.
"Shitballs!"
I pull over to the side of the road quickly and almost land on the sidewalk. I think I might just walk, ride a bike, bus or train. Anything but try to drive again.
"What are you doing?" What does it look like Nate, I'm freaking the fuck out! I also hate that I feel comfortable thinking and saying these words. Sorry mom and dad I guess I'm not the proper girl you raised. At least I try to keep the cussing to a minimum.
"I can't do this."
"Cass you are doing better than my first time. I hit a yellow pole in the parking lot at Walmart." I can't help but laugh, because I remember Lil's mom so flaming mad. I think she was grounded for a month with the exception of seeing me. For such a little woman Lil's mom can be very scary.
Nate puts his hand on mine, no matter what his touch always calms me down like the sound of the rippling waves of the sea.
"It's okay doll. Maybe it's too much with us all in the car." I give him a look like you think.
"Can you drop me off at home. I need to get ready for my date." I open my door and get out at the same time Nate did. As soon as I get back in, I turn to Lil. "Same guy?" But I already know the answer before she says it. "Nope different one."
"If you don't give them a chance you will never know." Nate is not wrong on that point, but she did get her heart broken in high school by Chad so I can understand why.
"You got room to talk Nate." What the heck is she rambling on about. I see them give each other a look. It makes me feel uneasy that they have this unspoken conversation. Nate starts driving and I stare out the window. I have had my sight back for a couple of months now and it still sometimes hard to adjust. I tuned out their conversation because it is usually just bickering back and forth.
"Who knows maybe I'll find Mr. Right and then we can find someone for you Cass." My head snaps to her at that and I see Nate grip the steering wheel tight. I shake my head because I know the perfect man even if he will never be mine.
"Babes, you need to get out there and discover who you are."
"I'm fine thank you." I wish this conversation would just end. "Don't need to pressure to do things Lil." His voice is tight and if he grips the steering wheel any tighter, he might pop a vessel. Luckily my phone rings to get out of this conversation that is making more than just me uncomfortable.
Unfortunately, I'm not good with the technology of these phones yet. Apparently, I had it on speaker phone before Nate let me know. But if I thought he was uncomfortable before he is more now that I am talking with Derek. I see the glint in Lil's eyes that I am talking to someone besides them.
Our conversation is light at first with him just asking me how I am adjusting to everything. He must have heard something in my tone because the next thing he says shocks me.
"Are you asking me out?"
Nate swerves the car and Lil starts yelling at him. Do I want to go out on a date? I mean yes, I do, but with someone other than the person I want most. Even though nothing can ever happen, and we both know it. We make plans to go out tonight and then I end the call. When I look up after I text him my address, I realize that we are already at Lily's.
"You have a date with Dr. McWetmypants." she wiggles her eyebrows at me. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I knew Lil would. I can't help it and I look at Nate as I nod my head. Lil screams with excitement and I swear one of these days she is going to blow my ear drums out. Right at this moment it does not sound like a bad idea. Nate just stares straight ahead. This hurts so much but we both agreed that this is the way it needs to be.
"Okay, I am cancelling my date and I am helping you get ready." I shake my head I do not want to be spending hours getting ready for something I don't know is even a real date. We agreed to meet to talk, so I'm not even sure. Derek did say it could be whatever I wanted it to be. Lily tries to argue with me, but I won't relent.
"Cassie said it's not a big deal so drop in Lil!"
"What climbed up your ass?"
"You two knock it off before you start arguing for hours. It's not that big of a freaking deal."
"It is a big deal babes. It's your first..." But a glare from me shuts her up. Nate does not need to know that if this is a real date it will be my first one ever.
Curiosity gets the best of Nate. " It's what Lily?"
"Nothing."
"No, you said something. It's her first what?"
I shake my head at her and plead, I know that she will not tell him. I'm embarrassed enough as it is.
"Just drop it OKAY!!!" I open the door wide and slam it shut. "I'll talk to you both later...I can't deal with this!!!"
I hear Lil call for me, but I don't stop moving. I need to get far away from them right now. "What the hell is wrong with them?" I keep walking and see Nate pull up beside me.
"C'mon Cass." I turn and glare at him. "No!!" I yell. I might sound like a raging lunatic right now. I start walking faster. "I'm sorry alright, even though I don't know what the hell I did wrong?" I scoff at him. "Yeah right" I know he is right because this is not his fault, I'm just embarrassed by the whole thing, that my emotions are on overload again. I really need a vacation away from me right about now. I keep walking and he just keeps trying to talk to me.
"Nate go home. You are going to cause an accident!" Like it's not enough that you might look like a perv stalking its prey driving like that. I see his car finally leave and let out a breath I was holding in. Anger bubbles up in my veins, I don't think I have ever been this mad before. "They don't think I can make my own decisions. So, what if it's a flipping date. I deserve to go on a date." Great now I am talking to myself. I turn around the corner and there he is standing up against a wall.
"Stubborn ass!"
"I can say the same thing for you doll." I roll my eyes and go to walk past him, but he grabs my wrist. I can feel my skin heating up from his touch, I need to get out of here. "Cass!" There is so much pain in his eyes. I will not feel guilty for this.
"What?"
"Look, I'm sorry okay." I snatch my arm from his grip and start walking away only to turn back around. Why can't I make up my mind around him?
"What's the big deal huh? I walk back towards him, and he actually looks like he is a little bit scared of me right now. It would be comical if I wasn't so wound up.
"Nothing I..."
"What am I not allowed to go on a date!" My voice raises higher than I attended to, but he is frustrating me so much right now. "No, it's not that I..." I poke him in his chest. "You what Nate?" I poke his chest a little harder this time. This is definitely not how I would usually react. What is wrong with me?
"God! Will you stop that Cass!"
"NO!!!"
I go to poke him again, but he grabs my wrist again and backs me up into the wall. "Damnit Cass Stop!" I can see him losing control of his emotions as well. "What the hell is going on Nate?" I'm so fired up that my breathing is irregular. The messed-up thing is I do not know if I'm more pissed off or aroused with him pinning me against the wall. Oh my God! I'm getting turned on, I can feel myself getting wet. Oh, I am in so much trouble right now.
"Fuck it!"
Before I can say anything, his lips are on mine. I gasp as he licks my bottom lip and his tongue slips into my mouth. How can one man make me feel this way? I lose all control when our tongues collide, and I moan into his mouth. His wet muscle massaging my own. Are we floating? I swear we are not even on the ground anymore. As much as I want this, my brain is telling me to stop. I reluctantly push him away and suppress a whimper from the loss of contact.
"What do you want from me Nate?"
"Cass I..."
"See you don't even know. I can tell the conflict in your eyes" It is probably mirroring my own right now. "We can't keep doing this Nate."
"Cass it's not that I don't"
"I can't keep doing this!" I throw my hands up in frustration. "Cass don't please." He tries to reach for me, but I just push past him. The tears are threatening to fall, and I will not let him see my weakness for him right now. I turn back to face him one last time. "Until you know what you want Nate, I just can't." I point between me and him, "This, whatever is going on is confusing the hell out of me." The traitorous tears fall, and I hate this so much. Nate steps up to me and gently wipes them away. "I'm sorry Cass." I step away from and look at him with so much sadness. "Yeah, so am I."
I do not wait for him to say anything else I just take off running. I get as far as I can before I call an Uber. Thirty minutes later I am home and Blue greats me eagerly. "At least someone is happy to see me." He licks my face and then I let him out to relieve himself. As I am getting ready for my date my phone goes off, but I ignore it. I already know who it is. As soon as it stops ringing it starts again. I just silence it, because I have several calls from him already.
"Nate, what am I going to do about you?" I sigh as I just finish putting on my sandals, my doorbell goes off. "Just a moment!" As soon as I open my door, I can't deny he is handsome. His hair is slicked back and wearing a leather jacket. Damn Lil would lose her freaking mind.
"Wow, you look beautiful." I look down at my crochet tank top and my wrap around skirt. "Thank you." as I tuck my hair behind my ear. "Just let me go get my bag and phone."
"Take your time."
I rush to get my stuff when I see a notification pop up. Please Cass talk to me. My heart aches to talk to him. We have never fought like this before. So, I send him a quick text back. We'll talk later. I'm going on my date. I see the dots of him typing, but I put my phone away and head towards Derek. "Ready" He smiles at me, and I lead him out of my apartment, and he puts his hand on my lower back. It may not be the same feeling as Nate, but it feels nice. When I am seated, and he starts the car I ask the most cliche question.
"So where are we going?"
"Do you like Italian food." I beam at him because that is one of my favorite foods. "Thank God, I didn't know for sure." I laugh, it feels good after the day I have had so far. No, do not think about that now. You can cry your emotions away in a tub of mint-n-chip ice cream later.
"I'm not picky."
"That's good to know."
The ride is comfortable with small talk, the getting to know you, kind of things until we reach the restaurant. He opens my door for me and takes my hand. He really is a gentleman. As we walk in, I stop and take a look around. The place is vibrant and down to earth. It's got that feels like home vibe to it.
"This is nice."
"They have great food as well." He gives me a dimple smile that could melt women's hearts. A waiter guides us to our table and takes our drink order.
"You were kind of vague when we talked on the phone. What is going on Cass?"
I sigh and take a drink of my wine. Never been fond of it but this actually tastes good. "It's just hard to adjust to everything sometimes. In some ways I am starting all over again, but I am grateful for being able to see again." Derek was going to say something, but the waiter comes back, and we take our order.
"You have been without your sight for years. So, it's understandable to feel a little out of it."
"My worse fear is losing my sight again." He nods his head in agreement. Our food arrives and we eat in comfortable silence. I moan as I savor the food, luckily, he doesn't comment on it, which I am grateful for. We talk some more, and he tells me about his family and how he wants to settle down once he meets the right one. My mind drifts off to Nate and no matter what I do my mind can't escape him.
"Hey what's wrong?" His hand lands on mine and gives it a squeeze. "You look like you are a million miles away."
"I'm sorry. It's Nate we had a falling out. I'm just not to it." I shake my head. "I'm so sorry Derek, I shouldn't be talking about this now."
"Look Cass. I know there is some kind of history between you two. I mean I did catch you two kissing." He laughs as I feel the blush rising up my neck to my cheeks. "He's my best friend and it's..."
"Complicated. I get that. But what I have learned, life is too short for complications. You should know better than anyone."
"Sorry, I am horrible at dates it seems." He chuckles as he squeezes my hand again. "I don't know what you are talking about. I have enjoyed myself so far." I smile at him, he is just so charming. "You owe it to yourself to see if there is something there. Otherwise, you will never be to truly move on."
"You are probably right." He gives me that signature smirk and if I wasn't so confused about everything. I have no doubt that we could be something great. "You are really sweet Derek. When you find the right woman, I hope she treats you right." His cheeks heat up and oh my he is just adorable. "You're blushing." I can't help but tease him.
"Am not!" His cheeks get redder, and I cannot help but laugh. Who knew I could make a man like him blush. "You so are, and it's adorable."
"Okay, quit it!" We both laugh as he waves down the waiter to pay the check. He takes my hand as we walk back to his car. "Well, if you know anybody that's single." He wiggles his eyebrows at me. "Do you need me to be your wing woman?" I raise an eyebrow at him and giggle. It is so easy to talk to him. Just when we get to the car I jump up and down with the greatest idea.
I spin to look at Derek. "Do you trust me?" He gives me skeptical look but smiles again. "Yes...I think so." I shove his shoulder and he let out a deep belly laugh. "Gosh, don't sound so convincing Derek."
"Alright, yes I do." He helps me in the car and then he gets in and we take off. "I think I might have the perfect person for you. She will not care if you have money or not. She just needs to find the right person to settle down and I think you might just be that person."
"Playing matchmaker are we." He gives me a quick glance before turning his attention back to the road. I slap his shoulder again and smile at him. It's easy to tease with him without wondering what might or not happen. "Alright just kidding. But it is good to know, because you never know who just wants you for your money."
"Their loss." I shrug my shoulders because it is true. I never realized that we were parked in my apartment.
"We are here Cass and for what it's worth. I hope it works out for you and Nate somehow."
I run my hands through my hair. "I do too because otherwise I lose everything with him, and that scares me the most." He gets out and walks me to my door, gabbing my hand and kissing it.
"He'd be a fool not to want to be with you."
"Thank you. I had a great time tonight."
"The pleasure was all mine my lady." He takes a bow, and I can't help but giggle. "I'll text you the details when I get it set up."
"I'll make myself available." I clap my hands together like a little kid getting presents. "I'm so excited. Thanks again for tonight." I kiss his cheek as I watch him step away and walk back to his car.
The smile on my face will not leave my face as I open my door and walk in. As soon as I close my door I almost jump out of my skin.
"Did you have fun on your date Cass?"
I clutch my hands to my heart. I really need to get my keys back.
"Nate! What the hell are you doing here?"