'Tomorrow is not guaranteed. So, love a little deeper, smile a little brighter and laugh a little more when you still can.' ~ Ira Junaid Mirza.
Azil felt his lips curve into an involuntary smile as he gazed at her sleeping form. The smile disappeared when his gaze landed on the bandages on her side. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't capable of keeping her away from harm. Then his mind wandered off to the conversation he had with her on the rooftop. And once again, he was questioning everything he thought he knew about this cryptic family he had come to be a part of. Then his mind wandered off to the person in the meeting room down the hallway. His conversations with Sawyer and Viren can wait for a little more. For now, he was going to deal with his brother.
Junaid tossed and turned in the bed. He was assigned a guest bedroom they had in the base once the second meeting concluded. He felt his lips curve into a amused smile when he thought of the little girl that commanded some of the most powerful men on this planet, left a smoking trail of chaos in her wake and then clung to her bodyguard like a little koala. His smile disappeared as his thoughts drifted to his brother and once again he tossed around in his bed.
The door opened and the person stepped in. The sounds and swish of clothes and the rustling of sheets were heard before the person slipped under the covers.
Junaid's body relaxed involuntarily as a muscled arm coiled around his midriff, pulling him to his own personal heater. He turned around and the man turned with him. He draped one arm around his body and laid his head on the man's chest, calming his anxiety grounding the chaos that his mind has become.
The man wrapped a protective arm around him as he snuggled deeper into his warmth.
"Revan" he whispered into the still room. And then he could practically hear the smile as the man spoke.
"There you go again, calling me strange names." the man grumbled. Junaid pinched his side.
"Shut up Sterling." he groaned as he concentrated on his heartbeat. A comfortable silence settled into the atmosphere for a few minutes before Sterling spoke.
"Talk to me." Sterling whispered. Junaid grunted in response as he wandered back to Rayan(Azil).
"Can we talk?" Junaid stiffened at the sound of his voice. The voice he wished he had forgotten with time.
Time heals all wounds. He wanted to laugh at the irony of the thought. Whoever said it clearly had no idea how time only makes the wounds worse as it passes.
"Sure, we can talk." It scared him, how steady and confident his voice came out when his insides were quivering with barely restrained rage and grief.
He stood up and followed his older brother like he had done so many times in the past. Only this time, there was no trust, no excitement. There was only resentment and love. The worst combination. To resent a person just as much as you love them. It kills you from the inside. It turns your heart a little gray everyday. Everything is a reminder of the betrayed trust and the broken bond.
They stood on the rooftop a few minutes later. The air was charged with tension.
An all consuming rage filled his veins. It demanded he hurt the person responsible for it. It choked him till all he could see was red. He turned and delivered a sucker punch to Azil's abdomen.
He watched with a cold smile as Azil bent over gasping for air.
"I deserved that." he wheezed, trying to catch his breath.
And once again the feeling of helplessness threatened to choke him.
"I should hate you." he told his brother quietly. "I should hate both you and Ashraf."
"I know." Azil whispered as he straightened up. And Junaid watched as a crack appeared in his brother's armor. He watched as his eyes turned glossy and his body shuddered and he felt his own walls breaking down and tears streaking down his cheeks.
"You promised." he hiccupped, "You promised me you wouldn't leave like Ashraf. You promised me you will always be by my side. You broke my heart."
"I know." was the only thing his brother as he pulled him into a tight hug. Junaid fought the embrace but Azil didn't let go. He held him even tighter.
"I was 13 and you left me there in that dark place." he wailed, "You left me to that monster that the King calls a trainer."
"I know." Azil whispered again. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." and he whispered the same two words again and again as his little brother broke down in his arms and he broke on the inside right alongside him. And he promised himself that this time he would try to do better for him. Because he owed it to his brother.
"Don't leave without telling me." Junaid whispered hoarsely. The 'again' went unsaid
"I won't." Azil vowed as he let go.
"What are you dong here?" he asked when his thoughts were a bit coherent.
"I ran away." Junaid answered with a melancholic smile.
"You what?" Azil sputtered. "Ira, not the time to joke."
He flinched at the use of his first name. He hasn't heard the cursed name in years.
"I guess the throne is really cursed, huh?" he spoke.
"Don't deflect." Azil demanded. The tone made him smile. His brother, always so demanding and protective.
"I ran away 2 years ago, when I discovered that none of the females interested me. I almost killed myself over my sexuality. You know, what's ironic? My betrothed is the one who helped me run and they killed her for treason a few weeks later after all the accusations the press threw at her for my disappearance."
"Farrah is dead?" he whispered. A piece of his heart died for the little girl he remembered, for the little girl whose hand he held while she stood and walked on her wobbly legs and who crawled up to his chest and listen to his heartbeat.
"They killed her, Rayn. They killed my bestfriend." Junaid choked out.
"What do we do now?" Junaid asked after a while.
"We have to go back, don't we?" Azil countered. Junaid shook his head.
"You can't go back. I'll put a bullet in your head before I let you step into that place." Junaid growled. "That place destroyed you. You have a life here." A short pause followed.
"Just.. just don't go back. I'm not ready to see my big brother become a living corpse again." His voice came out shaky as his hand reached out to grip the railing.
"Okay." Azil accepted quietly. "Okay, I won't go back."
"I am going to find Ashraf." Junaid spoke after a while. "I am going to find him and get him on the throne, on what is rightfully his."
"And if he won't accept?"
"Then, I guess it's time to change the rules of the Throne." This time his lips curled into a feral smile right alongside with his brother's.
"June?" Sterling's voice brought him back to the present. "What's wrong?"
He didn't answer.
"I never told you Azil's story, did I?" he asked instead as his eyes pleaded to let go of the subject. Sterling sighed but pulled him close, accepting his reluctance to share details.
"No." Sterling replied.
"Her name is Fayruz." he began as a bittersweet smile formed on his face. "She was born exactly three days after Rayan turned four."
"Who's Rayan?" Sterling interrupted.
Junaid let out a small laugh.
"Azil, Rayan Azil Mirza." he replied.
"She was promised to Azil the minute she was born, before she even got her name."
"That's ..." Sterling trailed off when he failed to find the right word.
"I know." Junaid whispered softly.
"That was the only good the King ever did in Azil's life." he continued after a while. "Even as a kid, Azil loved her. She became his light in that dark place. The palace staff adored them. It was one of the reasons why they never held a thorough search when Azil disappeared."
"The earliest memories I have of Azil are associated with her." he smiled as old memories flooded his brain.
"Rayn.." a five year old Ira yelled as he barged into his brother's room only to find it empty.
"Pronouncing my name wrong again, are we?" an amused voice asked. A sixteen year old boy stood there, dressed in a black jeans and a casual shirt, his hair set neatly in place, his blue grey eyes full of passion and an affectionate smile on his lips. He opened his arms and the little boy jumped into them with a happy squeal.
"It is correct." he argued as his brother carried him.
"It is Rayan, Ira, Ra-ya-an." he broke it as they walked towards the dining room.
"Ra--yii--n" the kid grumbled . Rayan laughed.
"Laughing at your brother is mean, Shahzad." a melodic voice chastised though there was an affectionate undercurrent in it.
"Fefe." Ira shrieked as he stretched his arms towards the girl. The girl laughed as she picked him from Rayan. Rayan's lips curved into a soft smile as he stood near her, his hands tucked into his pockets.
"What are we doing ?" the girl asked.
"Clay." Ira yelled. The girl laughed, her brown eyes crinkling at the ends, her face turning pink due to the heat. Rayan's hand shot out pocket, tucking a strand of her loose black hair behind her ear.
"Fayruz, حياتي." Rayan's voice came out low, intense, passionate as he caressed her cheek. She looked into his eyes and her breath caught in her throat at the intensity in them.
She was always told to follow his orders, always support him, that he was her life for as long as she could remember. She listened to the other girls complain about their betrothed being cruel to them, outright disrespecting them and she always feared the power Rayan held over her. But the passion in his eyes, the intensity with which he watched her, it made her feel as if she was his oxygen. His reason to survive.
She adjusted the little boy and her hand went to rest on his bicep and he winced. She started removing her hand when he shook his head.
"Don't" he breathed. "Just stay, for a few seconds." he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. She smiled in response.
The wiggling of the little boy broke them apart, and they smiled at him. Ira reached out and patted his brother's cheek with his chubby hand.
"S'ok, Rayn . S'ok." he assured him sadly as he stretched his arms towards him. He laid his head on his chest after Rayan held him.
"That's one of my favorite memories I have of them both. They are the reason why I know what love is." Junaid's voice was a mere whisper as he reminisced old memories.
"They got married a few days after she turned 18. They had an argument a few weeks before, about trusting each other, Azil doesn't know that I heard them, that I heard every word of it. The next few weeks after the argument, he was miserable, they barely glanced at each other. It all started over her 18th birthday celebrations and I don't remember how it escalated but it broke them both.
In the end, she told him that he owned her, told him that he could do whatever he wanted and she wouldn't complain because that was what she was supposed to do. Comply to all his wishes. I've never seen my brother so horrified and heartbroken in all my 11 years of existence. Those words brought him to his knees. And he's never faltered before, not when he was shot, not when he was told he had to choose between painting and the Throne and not when Ashraf went off grid and he had to become the crown prince overnight. The fact that he made her feel that way, like her opinion didn't matter, it broke something in him.
I watched when he fell to his knees, pulled her close and buried his face into her stomach and cried. That was the first time I saw him cry and I never wanted to see my brother that vulnerable again, it was terrifying. But, despite all their arguments, they never neglected me. Every night, they were there, tucking me in. In the morning, they had breakfast with me like there wasn't anything wrong with them, like they weren't crumpling to bits, in the evenings they helped me with my homework. Not once did they hold out on me.
The palace staff and the soldiers adored them, Rayan and Fayruz, they were the ultimate couple. They were soulmates. For six months after the wedding, they were happy. Their wedding, it was epic. The palace celebrated, the kingdom celebrated them." Junaid's voice broke as sadness warped itself around him. Sterling turned towards him, one of his hands curled around him and the other wiping his tears away.
"Then life happened, it threw cancer into the mix and laughed at them as if they haven't been through enough. For one and half year, I watched Fayruz suffer, none of the treatments worked, and everyday a little more of her life drained out and Rayan suffered right alongside her. After an year of treatment, she said she had enough, that it was okay, and she asked him to take her on her bucket list trip."
" What are you thinking about?" Rayan asked as he wrapped his arms around her frail body. An year of treatment took a toll on her. She leaned back into his chest and he rested his head on top of hers, careful not to add more weight.
"Shahzad." she whispered as she continued gazing at the moon. He hummed in response.
"Do something for me?" she asked. He laughed. It was a rare sound these days and she savored every second of it.
"Ask away, حياتي" he replied.
"Take me on a trip." she said quietly. "I have a bucket list."
Silence followed her request.
"Only if you want to." she added hastily. His grip on her tightened though it remained gentle.
"Okay." he whispered. "Okay. We'll go." He pressed his lips to the top of her head and let them linger.
"Anywhere?" she asked.
"Anywhere." his reply came out muffled against her head.
"You'd follow me anywhere?"
"I wouldn't know what else to do, wife." Rayan replied, turning her around and pressing his forehead to hers.
"Fayruz." he breathed out.
"Shahzad."
"I don't want to let go." his voice cracked.
"I know, Shahzad. I know." she whispered back.
"Don't make me let go, please." he begged. "I can't survive it."
"Okay." she replied, a bittersweet smile in place.
"It hurts." he whispered shakily. "It hurts so bad, Fayruz. It's not enough time."
"I know."
"The last year of her life, six months she spent in the hospitals, four months she spent with Rayan, not the crown prince, no palace and no responsibilities, just them. Two months she spent living her life, enjoying it despite the pain.
The night she died, the entire kingdom mourned. The palace staff, the soldiers, the civilians, every single person mourned for weeks. Azil, he didn't cry, didn't talk, he became a robot, just going through the motions to stay alive because that was her last wish. For him to stay alive.
That night, we didn't just mourn Fayruz. The palace staff, the soldiers, the civilians, us, we mourned Rayan, she died and Rayan died along with her. Because what her death left behind, it wasn't human. Just a living, breathing corpse. She took his soul with her.
Three weeks later, proposals arrived for him, and two moths later, his marriage was set by the King. That was the last straw. He disappeared the next day. A search was ordered. The soldiers did a mock sweep and reported to the King. That was the end."
A comfortable silence lingered around the room. They lost track of time, just seeking comfort in each other.
"What now?" Sterling asked.
"We find Ashraf." Junaid replied.
"Revan" he whispered after a while. Sterling hummed.
"Don't let go."
"Never" Sterling vowed.