"it's been nearly two months, paige. all i've been doing is try to help you! and then you fucking just threatened to leave this planet acting like no one cares." maya spat, "because we do. we care too much for you to leave so soon."
"i hate my life. i hate myself. i hate how i've burdened everyone. why can't i just die? why'd you have to tell my mom what i did?"
"i love you. and i told her because you were literally killing yourself right in front of me! those thoughts, the way you see yourself...it's not healthy!"
"you should've just left me there to die."
"you know what, we're done. until you can wake the fuck up and realise you need to get help...don't fucking look for me."
for a moment there, paige did snap out of that alternate reality that she got sucked into. that endless loop of flashbacks, self-hatred, self-harm, starving herself, staying in bed all day.
maya leaves, slamming the front door. smackle left too, running after maya.
paige runs into her room and just went manic. she shoved everything on her dresser, on her desk and her bed to the floor all while screaming and sobbing. then probably for the first time in her life, rosa froze and had no freaking clue what to do. farkle wanted to go into paige's room but hesitated. so, he just sat on the couch awkwardly while praying that this will pass. and after an agonising near ten minutes of paige wrecking havoc in her room, it became almost completely silent. apart from paige still crying and hyperventilating. "i'm sorry." she kept repeating over, and over and over again while her breathing was so fast. "mami, i'm s- i'm sorry. farkle, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to-"
"mami, i'm sorry. i'm-"
rosa heard paige call her mom and she snapped out of her daze, rushing to where paige was— she was squatting, her back against the wall by her room and had her face in her hands. "it's gonna be okay, mijita." rosa moved paige's hands away from her face.
"i'm sorry, i didn't mean-"
rosa shook her head, "it's okay, mi amor. can i get you to stand up? i'll help you, okay?" having not eaten anything in two days, she was starting to get a little shaky.
rosa helped her take a bath, and change. then, got her to drink a glass of water. well...about half a glass. and farkle? he'd quietly been tidying up paige's room. once rosa was done and brought paige to her room, farkle just quietly slipped out of the girl's bedroom.
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
"can i call dr. katz and get you an appointment?"
paige nodded and she snuggled under the thick blanket, eyes still teary.
"i'll be just a minute, alright?"
walking outside, rosa notices farkle. "you can go keep her company while i call her psychiatrist. if not you can go home, farkle. i'm sorry."
"of course- i'll keep her company." farkle treaded carefully, not wanting to startle or upset paige.
he laid beside paige, his hand finding its way to paige's and held it. "i'm right here with you. it'll be okay."
"i'm very sorry, i didn't mean to act like that."
"it's okay, paige." farkle promised, "it's okay."
and that was when paige officially took some time off school to focus on getting better. rosa also had to negotiate with her superior in order to make this whole recovery plan work. paige saw her psychiatrist first, who put her on medications for her depression, ptsd and anxiety disorder. then came her therapy sessions. at first, she dreaded going to them. and that stage lasted longer than she'd hoped. she was terrified of leaving the house, and part of it was due to being on medications- it made her more anxious initially, it made her have bad headaches, and worst of all? it had her feeling tired all day. rosa had to force her to get her out of bed.
"i'm so tired." her speech sounded slurred somewhat.
"i know, mija. i'm sorry, this won't last very long." rosa smiled apologetically, "ready?"
paige shook her head- she did not want to take this walk. "how 'bout we go to the grocery store on the way to get your favourite ice cream? how's that sound?"
"yes, please." paige smiled, just ever so slightly. rosa was so, so relieved. it seemed genuine- more genuine than what she'd seen in those weeks.
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
"i still can't believe you broke up with paige."
"i regret it!" maya snapped, "she clearly needed help and i just left because i reacted instead of responding. i made it sound as if it was all her fault."
"give her some time to work on herself and let nature take its own course."
"fuck, fuck, fuck. why did i have to speak without thinking it through?"
"maya, did you hear what i said?"
"yes, riles. i also told her to not look for me unless she was getting better. so i guess, until then i should just deal with the consequences of my own actions."
"from what i've heard she's not coming to school for awhile to work on getting better."
"good, good for her." maya nodded.
"and maybe its time for you to go back to school. it's been two days, i'm gonna run out of excuses for you."
"yeah, yeah...i'm going back tomorrow." maya sighs defeatedly.
"good. let's get your homework done now."
maya whined, "what?"
"you can't be falling behind."
"right."
"maya, seriously."riley glares at the blonde.
"okay, pushy." maya threw her hands up in mock surrender, "i was just kidding."
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
that evening, farkle came by with takeout. "farkle!" paige gasped when she saw him through the peephole. "why are you here?"
"just wanted to hang out with you." farkle answered, "may i come in?"
"yeah, of course- come in."
"how are you?"
"better. i feel different, but in a good way? i think the meds are beginning to take effect. it's been over two weeks now."
farkle nodded, "i'm glad to hear that."
"how've you been?"
"pretty good. school's getting boring without one of my best friends."
"school's boring, for you?"
"hey!" farkle feigned being offended, "i love spending time with you!" they ended up bursting into a fit of laughter. "but seriously, i'm so happy you're doing better." farkle told her, "can i give you a hug?"
paige nodded, accepting her friend's hug. "thank you."
"why?"
"for being here for me." paige explains, "i get that i hurt all of you. i was wrong to do that- you guys don't deserve that."
"neither do you."
"we don't care about what you said...because we know that's not you. you were going through a lot, feeling a lot. you said it, it did happen. but its history now- we pick ourselves back up, reflect and then choose the best step forward."
"damn." paige glances at the boy, eyes glistening with tears as a single tear drips down her cheek.
"i miss you guys." paige wipes the tear away, "i'm actually grateful that maya and i aren't together anymore. so i can focus on getting better."
"well..."
"you know she doesn't joke."
"she does, but my point is...you might be right, but you also not be. life works in mysterious ways."
"shouldn't you be with smackle?"
"she's hanging out with akela and maya."
"riley?"
"appointment. we're all doing okay, but...between the two of us, maya really regrets what she said."
"i needed it." paige said to him, "i'm starting to feel a little better, and believe me...i am going to work on myself till it gets better and better."
"i believe in you."
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
"paige is doing well." smackle told the two girls, "she just tweeted something."
"i'm glad she is." maya smiled, "she got help...i did too. and that was the best decision i've ever made- finally deciding to deal with all of my issues instead of simply disregarding them."
"hey, farkle. could you tutor me on those topics i've missed out on?"
"sure, but right now?"
"no," paige chuckles, "but soon. i'd hate to go through junior year all over again while my friends are all seniors."
"i got you. whenever you're ready, i'm there."
.·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙ ✩ *̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙ .
UNEDITED. published: friday, 29 july 2022