Friday: 12:30 P. M.
---------------------
"Watchya! A wah do yuh, Miss?" Deidre asks, flinching at the sudden movement.
I look up at her, as she says so, with my cheeks heating up. My eyes move past her to see Lucas staring at me pointedly with his lips drawn into a scowl.
Lawd God!
Instinctively, I drop the earbud in my hand onto the floor.
My heart is in my chest as I bring my attention back to Dee. "Mi earbuds drop. Scoot over make mi pick it up."
Make up yuh alibi yes, goodie. Mi nuh wrong yuh.
"So a that make yuh a dive off so, Lady? Mi swear yuh see duppy to rass!" she murmurs, with a chuckle, as she does so.
I don't want to laugh, but a small chuckle of my own still manages to leave my lips.
Think a laugh mi waan laugh...?
Yuh fuck.
My phone vibrates in my hand as I stoop to pick up the item from underneath the seat.
I look at it and my heart skips another beat.
Lucas ❤️: Yo, a wah that fa?
I can sense his tone through the text.
If him never see and say sum'n, sum'n wrong.
Jesus, if mi nuh dead inna this bus yah today!
Trying my best to play it cool, I hit reply to his text.
ME: Wah what fa? My earbuds fell. 😒
Stay deh...
Yuh think him ago buy that?
Look how him ago crick yuh fucking neck when yuh come off a this rass.
Lucas: Ah.👍No say a word.
Hear that?
Wah mi tell yuh say?
Like, seriously?
He doesn't even know the real reason why I reacted that way, and look how he's behaving already.
I don't respond. Instead, I lean back and roll my eyes, inhaling a few discreet puffs of air to calm my racing heartbeat.
My eyes find D'vante again, who sits beside Sanai at the front.
I close my eyelids tightly...then open them again, but he's still there.
This can't be happening.
I swear to God.
The universe couldn't be so wicked to me.
Because, what are the odds that D'vante of all people showed up here, today?
Karma?
It really makes me wonder. This is the second time I'm running into him when I least wanted to. First, at the apartment, now here. It's like he's everywhere. Literally. No, man! Jamaica couldn't so small.
For some strange reason, this feels like more than a mere coincidence.
I wonder if Deidre knows anything about this?
"Dee, nuh the realtor that?" I decide to play oblivious. I want to know if she knew him personally.
She looks at where my mouth is pointing. "Who? The guy beside Sanai?"
"D'vante. Yeah."
"Yeah. DJ. A wah?"
If I start talk today, mi nuh must stop.
"He's DJ? I thought he wasn't coming?"
Now, him just pop up outta the blues. Weird.
"Yeah, so them call him. And, same. He told me he was gonna be busy when I'd reached out to him. But, I guess your man convinced him to come after all. It's a good thing though because if he wasn't coming, chances are the villa would cancel our stay."
Oh...?
I can only focus on one thing out of all she said though.
Lucas convinced him to come?
How that sound so?
"Mi never know say yuh know him."
I'd thought he was just a link. Seems it's not. It's a good thing I hadn't bothered to tell her about what had happened between us.
As much as she's my friend, and I trust her with my life, I feel like if I had, it would've somehow reached back to Lucas. I'd hate to think that. But, I know it's true. After all, she tells her man everything.
She opens her Snapchat and makes a quick snap, before saying, "Well, not really. I've met him once or twice. A so comes mi find out say a him a the realtor."
"Oh. I thought that was just a link. Didn't know they were friends. Much less so close."
Interesting.
I knew Lucas mentioned being friends with DJ, before I knew who DJ even was, but I didn't know they were this close.
"Yeah. The whole a them a friends. I believe Lucas, Damien, and him have been friends from high school days, too. At least, that's what Damien says."
So they're probably best friends then.
My mouth goes dry. "Oh."
"Yup."
A wah kinda mess this mi find myself inna though God?
Jesus wept!
"Yuh have nuh sweetie?" I ask her after a while. My stomach feels bad.
She looks at me. "Yuh good?"
Nodding, I say, "Yeah. Mi just feel bad."
Mi head a hurt mi. Coldsweat a wash mi. And mi feel queasy.
And, I'm not even exaggerating.
"A goodly the KFC a ride yuh stomach." She opens the side of her handbag and pulls out a ziplock bag of mints and hands a handful to me. "It get real greasy, nowadays essi."
A pity yuh nuh know say not a KFC...
"Thanks," I tell her, taking the sweets and dropping them into my fanny pack. The paper wrapper crinkles as I unwrap the mint before sticking it into my mouth.
My eyes find the front of the bus again and land on D'vante who's talking animatedly to Dwayne, Sanai, and Meemi.
I still can't believe he's the DJ who Lucas has been going on and on about.
He's the bestfriend?
Who happens to be my realtor?
And look how mi did well want meet man wid mi nuff self.
No sah! Then look how the universe a write plot fi mi life story.
Lucas must flip when he finds out that we know each other.
Speaking of knowing each other...
Jesus, then a wonder if him tell him 'bout the apartment?
Ano that alone...
Lord have mercy, not to mention the kiss to kacka fart!
Father God...a wah this?
That mi waan know too.
I think about this for a while, before the realization really hits me, like a cement truck rolling down Spur Tree Hill.
Wait deh! So, if D'vante is DJ: that mean mi lock lips with Lucas bestfriend?
Fuck!
Just when I thought I was about to put this behind me.
Then one gyal can salt so!
Bomboclaat star...
Wah mi ago tell Such Man now?
That's if D'vante hasn't told him everything already.
So, that would mean that Lucas knows and is acting like he doesn't?
I don't think so though. Knowing Lucas, I would've heard about it already. Right?
Plus, I remember D'vante had looked surprised when I told him I had a boyfriend.
So, does that mean he doesn't know about me and Luke?
I hope so.
"Hey, yuh alright?"
It's at the sound of Deidre's voice that I realize I've been staring out in space.
I crack a small smile. "Yeah, man. Mi good."
My eyes find Lucas whose head his buried in his phone.
Beside him, Petrad is relaxed with his head lulled back and his eyes closed.
Everyone seem so relaxed, while my mind is practically drowning in thoughts.
Since the moment DJ has entered the bus, so many scenarios have ran across my mind; I'm surprised my head hasn't exploded.
And to think I was looking forward to this trip all week. Had I known he'd be here, I would've stayed the fuck home.
The good thing is that he hasn't seen me...yet.
But, I dread what will happen when he finally does.
Deidre chuckles. "Yuh look like yuh mind deh far, though!"
I look at Deidre again.
Yuh wouldn't even know wah mi a go through as simple as yuh see mi yah.
I sigh. "I'm just tired."
Exhausted at this point.
Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Not to mention worried as hell.
It's like I can just picture how everything will play out once we reach Montego Bay.
And, so far, none of the scenarios play out in my favour.
See why yuh should've told the man?
But, no! Yuh love keep secrets.
Watch how yuh ago get fuck now.
Deidre adjusts her neck brace. "Well, you do have over an hour left. So might as well get some sleep."
I wish it were that easy.
Ah boi.
A defeated sigh escapes my lips, and I lean back in my seat and press play on my music app.
The sound of Dexta Daps' sweet voice immediately fills my eardrums.
. . .
The next thing I know is that I'm opening my eyes to the bus pulling into the administrative compound of Aurora's.
I look at the time and sigh.
"We have arrived!" Sanai declares, springing to her feet and stretching as soon as the bus stops moving.
A chorus of groans fills the otherwise quiet bus.
It seems as if everyone's been sleeping.
Beside me, Deidre groans and wipes her face. "Thought we'd never reach. Thank God we're still on time for checking-in."
It's minutes to 3 o'clock.
Slumping in my seat, I sigh and close my eyes once again. They are burning like crazy, competing with the pounding in my head.
Mercy, it feel like mi pressure high.
"Yuh nawh come, Miss?" Deidre asks as she stands. "Yuh nuh realize say we reach?"
I smile. "Yeah. Mi soon come. Mi head a tear off."
A concerned expression passes over her features. "Eeeh? Migraine or just a slight headache?"
I shrug but it feels awkward because of the position I'm in. "I doesn't feel like migraine so I hope not."
As she's about to talk, Petrad stands and steps behind her, pulling her to him by the waist. He places a kiss on her cheek and steps around her.
She smiles and watches him go, before turning back to me. "Wait on you? Or what? 'Cause I have to go and check-in by 3."
I try to shake my head, but a dull pain stops me in my tracks. "No, man. Gwaan. Mi soon come."
After a few seconds' pause, she nods and walks away.
When her figure completely disappears through the bus's door, I sigh and close my eyes again.
Shortly afterwards, I feel a presence beside me. The cologne makes me know who it is before I open eyes.
"Wah do yuh?"
His voice is firm, but I can detect the concern in his tone.
And although my heart skips a beat, I still manage to smile. "Headache."
Silence.
Then I feel him wrap his arm around my neck and pull me to him. His cologne caresses my nose, instantly, and I bury my face in his shirt.
His lips are warm as they touch my forehead. I sigh and relax for the first time today.
We stay in that position for a few minutes more, with me basking in the comfort it brings.
"Yuh find it back?" he asks after a while, playing with my ear now.
Craning my neck, I look up at his face with knitted brows. "Wah?"
He smiles. "Yuh earbuds."
Oh. I smile. "Yeah. It never roll go far."
It never roll go nowhere as a matter-of-fact.
"Ah." He goes silent again, staring straight ahead. "Wah yuh ago take fi your headache?"
Inhaling a deep breath, I say, "I don't know. If I can find a bar, I'd get a ginger beer or sum'n."
He chuckles. "Wah that can do?"
I blush. "Better than nothing."
Gently, he eases my head from his lap and smiles. "Come, man. Come get that then."
Standing, he takes my hand and pulls me to my feet.
I giggle as I stand and sway a bit. My head doesn't hurt as bad now, but the dullness is still there.
Lucas turns and heads towards the door, with me following closely behind, as he leads me by the hand.
Since we are the only ones left in the bus, we have to let ourselves out.
I wait for Lucas to open the latch, with a smile on my face and a drumming in my chest.
The days is not going bad so far.
I just hope to God we don't run into D'vante outside.
. . .
I'm sitting by the bar, having my second glass of ginger beer, while we wait on the guide to lead us to the Villa.
They'd asked for us to give the maintenance team 15 minutes to have the place ready for our stay.
I didn't have a problem with that because it gave me enough time to free my mind and relax, by myself.
Lucas is somewhere with the other guys, while Deidre is inside the admin building dealing with everything.
My phone vibrates and beeps, showing me that my battery is almost dead.
Fifteen percent.
Rolling my eyes, I click out of IG and place the device on airplane mode.
I'm bored.
Just as I'm about to get up, the feel of someone poking my sides, makes me jump.
Swiveling around swiftly, I come face-to-face with the person I'm the least excited to see.
"D'vante?" I say, acting like I didn't know he was here. "Why yuh a frighten mi?"
His smile is flirtatious. "I was wondering if it was you I saw earlier."
No, a duppy.
"Oh. Yeah. Hi!"
That fake eeh!
My enthusiasm sounds forced even to me...because it is.
"What are you doing here?" I add, trying to cover it up.
"Mi come pon the bus, too!" he tells me as he comes up to the counter, beside me.
"Oh?"
"Yeah. A mi bredrin birthday thing."
That mi get fi realize.
I quirk a brow and take a sip of my drink.
His eyes follow my mouth and he smirks. "Beg yuh some a wah yawh drink nuh?"
I'd prefer if you leave. A that mi want.
Trying my best to be polite, I say instead, "It's finished, sorry."
Take the hint and leave, please.
He doesn't. Instead, he returns with a corny, "So, can I order one on your tab?"
Listen, Sir. Move.
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes I say, "I don't have a tab. Matter-of-fact, I'm broke. So no, I can't help you, Sir."
I don't know if it's my guilty conscience, or the fear of Lucas seeing us together that's getting to me, but his entire presence annoys me.
D'vante's smile, however, stretches into a grin. "A so yuh did mean?"
Jeez, why this man nuh gwaan 'bout him business and lowe mi?
For some reason I feel like I'm being watched.
Instinctively, I look around, but there's no sight of Lucas.
Or anyone else for that matter.
The only person I see is Sanai, who's distracted by a phone conversation she's having by the palm tree nearest to the bus.
"Why yuh nuh go fass with Sanai over deh so?" I point over my shoulder. "Nuh you and har mi see a chat up a storm all the way here?"
I don't like how that statement makes me sound, now that I've said it aloud.
DJ seems to find it amusing, however, since he laughs. "Mi? No sah. She tell mi straight say her man a gunman and will shoot mi. Mi nuh want dead, yuh mad! I'm a lover, not a fighter."
I laugh, but I don't find it funny.
I can't focus on anything but him being beside me, right now.
Especially with Lucas just a few feet away.
To say I'm nervous would be an understatement. Mi heart out fi buss through mi rawtid ribcage.
God know.
I think it's best I get up.
But, I don't want to be rude.
"Plus, a you a the one weh mi have eyes fa," he adds, pulling on a lock of my hair.
No, mi affi really a wonder if a salt mi salt, or a just bad lucky mi fucking bad lucky. Because...a wah this?
After mi nuh owe nuh obeah man, so why all a this choose fi come dung pon mi, today!
Leggo offa mi hair, Sir!
...before Lucas see yawh!
Before I get a chance to tell him to do just that, I hear Lucas's voice behind us and it instantly sends a shiver up my spine.
My head snaps to face the direction from where the voice came.
"Yo, DJ, watchya nuh. Make mi give yuh a one chat," he says, his voice firm.
His eyes find mine and the pointed look he gives me sends another shiver up my spine.
Same fucking thing!
Jesus Christ!
D'vante turns to face him, before he nods and walks behind him over to the gate a few feet away.
With bated breath, I watch them go until I can no longer see their backs anymore.
Hey, yuh know nervous?
I didn't even realize how long I'd been staring at the gate, until I see them coming back.
A frown decorates Lucas's lips, until he spots me and it instantly transforms into a boyish grin.
"A how yuh look so frightened?" he says, when he reaches where I'm sitting. He pulls at the hem of my shirt and chuckle.
I blush.
"Yuh look like yuh see duppy," he adds when I say nothing.
I chuckle nervously. "Sorry, was daydreaming."
He smirks. "Eeh? About what?"
"You."
A true yes. Did and think about you.
And how yuh ago snap mi neck.
"A wah yuh nawh say!" His tone is teasing.
My eyes fleet across to the sulking man standing beside him.
Lucas's eyes follow my stare, and he laughs. "Rassclaat, dawg, mi figot say yuh deh yah still eno. My bad, bro."
DJ gives a nervous chuckle. "That good man. A so the thing set."
"By the way, DJ, this is Amanda...my heartbeat," he declares, but laughs to play it off.
D'vante doesn't laugh though. He only shifts on his feet and nods. He doesn't even look at me when he says, "Word? Cool."
Where's all that confidence from before?
He's clearly uncomfortable. I can tell by his stance and his facial expression.
Lucas, what did you say to this man to have him cowering like this?
Trying to calm my nerves, I give him a small smile and quickly take a sip of my drink to conceal the awkwardness which engulfs me.
I feel exposed. And I don't like the feeling.
Lucas, however, seems all too spunky. Too calm for my liking, to be honest.
My mind races, trying to determine what they've said to each other.
Did D'vante say anything about the apartment?
Or worse: the kiss?
I don't know.
If he had though, I doubt Lucas would be this calm.
I can guarantee that.
Unless him a play fool fi catch wise.
"Don't go near her, unless affi protect her fi mi. Zeen?" I hear him continue to say, breaking me free from the shakles of my thoughts and bringing my attention back to the men before me.
His tone is more serious now.
So, I can't really tell if he's joking.
But, for some reason, I don't think he is.
I can't tell if it's my guilty conscience, but every time I hear him speak, my heart skips a beat.
Jesus, mi nervous!
Bad to bad.
"Amanda," he adds, directing his focus on me now. His voice causes the straw to fall from between my lips, "this is DJ. My brother from another mother."
O...K then.
The emphasis on the latter, is a clear warning. Not to mention the look in his eyes, which challenges me.
He knows something.
"Yuh finally get fi meet him," he says, his tone holding a hint of something I can't explain. "But it look like uno well acquainted already."
Yup, he definitely knows something. But what?
"Just business," D'vante pipes up, picking up his drink.
Sir, don't tell him that!
Lucas's stare is fixed on me, as if sending a threat when he rebuts with, "Eeh? Hope it stays that way still."
Not that I needed him to tell me that. From the moment I realized they were friends, I made that decision on my own.
I love my life.
And, I plan on keeping it.
"Anyways, mi ago help the dawg dem finish unpack," he says breaking the silence which had surrounded us. He then turns to me and gives me a draws-dropping smile. "Yuh good?"
If I hadn't been this on-edge, I know I'd be wet.
I nod. "Yeah. Just hiding from the sun."
He chuckles. "Ah. Soon come then."
"Uno want more help?" DJ asks as Lucas turns, finally seeming to find himself again.
I look at Lucas for his response. He looks at me then back at his friend. "Nah, man. Gwaan enjoy yuh drinks and wul a vibes."
He pinches my cheek and walks away, leaving DJ and I at the bar, sitting in the tension-filled silence.
"So, Luke is Mr. Complicated?"
My eyes snap to meet DJ's at his question.
The reference makes me uncomfortable though.
Mr. Complicated.
I hope to God he didn't say that to Luke.
I'd just said that, the day, in the heat of the moment, in an effort to make light of an already and extremely uncomfortable situation.
I nod.
"Fuck!"
He seems just a taken aback as I had when I realized he was the infamous best friend.
Can you imagine?
I still can't believe it.
If I wasn't glad that I didn't kiss him back, before today, I certainly am now.
I just hope Lucas feels the same way if he ever finds out.
"We're good now though," I felt the need to let him know.
He looks at me. "That's good. Glad fi know that."
Hmm...
I'm so tempted to ask him what they'd talked about a while ago.
But, I bite my tongue.
"I didn't know you knew each other," I say in all honesty, instead. Not that it made any difference.
But, I felt the need to put that information out there, too.
He nods. "Neither did I."
Well, thank God, I guess.
I wouldn't want to believe you knew I was your bestfriend's girl and still flirted with me. Not to mention come on to me in that manner.
That just wouldn't make any sense.
Yes, I know that sometimes men can be vicious, but that would've been unfair to Luke. Especially since he considers you a brother.
And, as much as I know nothing about DJ, I can't say he seems like the backstabbing type.
Although they say you can't judge a book by its cover.
"I truly meant what I'd said about being sorry. I hope you know that."
I just want to move past this now, to be frank.
Throwing some more drinks into the glass, I nod. "Yeah. Well, it done gone bad already so that's that, I guess."
Nothing he says will erase the fact that he kissed me.
So, it doesn't make sense to make a mountain out of it.
He was caught up in the moment and made a bad decision. I was wrong for not setting the boundaries with him to begin with.
We were both wrong. But, to keep dwelling on it does nothing to make the situation right.
And, quite frankly, constantly thinking about it is stressing me the fuck out.
"Hmm..." He pulls out his phone and looks at it.
We go silent again, but my mind is still reeling.
I can't help but wonder if he said anything to him about it.
"Um," I whisper looking back to make sure we aren't being watched, "You didn't tell him about what happened, though, did you?"
At my words, DJ looks up from his phone and directly at me. His eyes go wide and his nose crinkles. "Who? Luke?"
Trying hard not to blush, I tell him, "Yeah."
He chuckles deeply. "Yuh mad? Mi love my life eno, yute."
Shoulda know that when yawh buss big kiss.
Based on the way he says so, I can tell he isn't joking in the least.
Not that I was joking, either.
I sigh.
It feels like a load has been lifted off of my shoulders, hearing him say that, though. And, I finally release the breath I'd been holding since I got here.
I smile and use the straw to stir to ice cubes around in my glass, thinking about the bullet I just dodged.
D'vante claims he doesn't want to die...well, mi worse!
"Plus, Luke a mi brother, mi nuh want mash up that."
Neither do I.
Honestly.
Just as I'm about to tell him "Thanks", Deidre is by my side.
"Little redskin gyal, look how long mi a look fi yuh!" she exclaims, plopping down on the stool beside me, to my left.
She doesn't miss a beat when she grabs my glass and turns it to her head, belching loudly as a sign of her gratitude. "Yuh know thirsty?"
Smiling at her, I say, "Yuh just gluttonous. But, a wah yawh look fimi fa?"
Rolling her eyes, she reverts with an annoyed, "The rooms are finally ready."
Thank God.
The villa is approximately 5 minutes away from the admin building, but remains on the same compound--just separated by a wall for privacy reasons; so it's walking distance from here.
She springs to her feet, and I followsuit.
So does D'vante who'd been listening keenly to the exchange.
Deidre places the empty glass back onto the counter and pulls me forward with a demanding, "Come."
Giggling softly, I let her lead me to the others, with D'vante trailing behind.
Suddenly, I feel much, much better.
***
Friday: 11:15 P. M.
------------------
We are all sitting in the living room, playing a game of 'Never Have I Ever' to count down the time to 12 midnight.
We've decided to add a little razzle dazzle to the breaking in of Petrad's birthday. And this is what was generally agreed on.
Not that I minded. This was fun the last time we played it.
We all refill our glasses as we wait on Deidre, whose turn it is to think up a question.
"Never have I ever had a friend with benefits," Deidre finally says.
That nuh bad...
I watch as Dwayne, Meemi, Sanai, DJ, and Lucas all take a shot.
Lucas's eyes meet mine as he brings the shot glass down and bites into the lemon slice.
My mind immediately drifts to KeKe, and I briefly wonder if he's talking about her.
My thought is short-lived though, as the baton passes to me.
After thinking about it for a few seconds, I say, "Never have I ever had a threesome."
Lucas looks at me then smirks.
Of course, I blush.
Dwayne and Meemi are the only ones to drink.
"Sometimes, yuh affi spice up yuh bedroom with these little things," she admits, smiling at her boyfriend.
Eeh? Then no wonder yuh man a give yuh problems. I bet he thinks since you're OK with bringing other people into your bedroom, you won't mind him bringing other people into the relationship.
ME? Could never do it.
We wait on them to reload their glasses, before the baton is passed to Sanai, who looks like she's already as drunk as a bat.
"Never have I ever made out with someone of the same sex," Sanai says, and I'm admittedly surprised.
I don't know why.
Maybe it's because of the type of person she is. She's adventurous when it comes on to her sex life.
Gun inna mouth and the like.
At her question, my mind runs on Liv, and I giggle to myself.
Good gyal Liv.
A round of laughter draws me out of my head and back to the game. DJ is laughing and dabbing fists with Dwayne as Meemi brings the glass down from her lips.
A weh yuh nawh say?
Then again, if she a have threesome, she must interact with the other girl involved.
"Never have I ever watched porn."
"Who the rass say that?" Lucas asks, feigning offence.
The crowd erupts with laughter.
Everyone takes a sip, except Meemi of course since she's the one to raise the question.
"Yuh nuh watch porn?" I ask her, bringing the lemon slice to my lips. I can start to feel the difference in my body.
I'm getting tipsy.
I'm thankful for these questions though, not too outrageous but not too close to home either, else I would've been knocked out by now.
"No," she answers. "It's weird, to be honest."
Well...
"Sum'n wrong wid you!" Sanai chips in, and I laugh.
I still can't believe it. So she can have threesomes and kiss girls, but not watch porn?
Interesting.
"No eno. Everybody have them own likes and dislikes."
I nod. "Well, that's true."
The baton passes to Dwayne, for the third time, who smirks. "Never have I ever caught an STD."
BOMBAAT.
Admittedly, I was expecting something snarkier.
No one takes a shot, and I'm glad.
"My turn?" Petrad asks, taking the baton. "Hmm...never have I ever gotten a blowjob in public."
Sanai gasps. "But, Dee yuh a waste time, man!"
"Lowe mi out nuh bitch!" Deidre exclaims, leaning forward and swaying. She's drunk too.
Laughter fills the room once more.
"Inna car count?" Lucas asks, and my head snaps to him.
"No. Like outdoors outdoors," Petrad answers his doubts.
Wild.
He puts the glass back down and grins. "Zeen."
"Yuh fucka yuh!" Dwayne teases, grinning wickedly.
"Suck yuhself, dawg!" Lucas returns, his voice equally mocking. "Leggo mi shirt make mi strive."
Petrad should've asked, who has given? Then yuh coulda drink.
It's Lucas's turn again, and he makes use of it with, "Never have I ever had a child."
I splutter a laugh for some unexplained reason.
If only you knew how close you came.
As expected, no one takes a shot.
"No baby to the dolly!" Sanai gives out, laughing hard.
Her statement causes my grin to spread.
It's DJ's turn now, so everyone's eyes are drawn to him.
He fiddles with the baton before saying, with a smug expression on his lips, "Never have I ever backed my fist."
Watchya!
I watch to see who will drink.
Dwayne, and Petrad are the only ones to.
I look at Lucas who dons a coy smirk. "Big man nuh back fist."
His comment makes me roll my eyes. "So wah uno do when uno watch porn?"
I'm genuinely interested.
"Call one B," DJ supplies, at the same time that Lucas say, "Cold shower."
I hiss my teeth. "Not even once?"
DJ, I can see with because he seems like the player type, but Lucas?
Mi nuh believe that. Especially considering how high his sex drive is.
"Big woman ting."
I nod. OK, Mr. Self Control.
I see you.
"Well, moving on! Never have I ever slept with someone I wasn't attracted to," Deidre says.
All the boys, and Sanai take a shot.
Dogs.
As for me, on the other hand, I couldn't do it even if I tried. I must feel something; some kind of feelings to lay down with a guy.
My pussy too good fi give a wasteman none.
I skip my turn so the baton passes to San, again.
Sanai smirks. "Never have I ever flirted with someone when I was taken, though."
Jesus have mercy!
What happen to them people yah and them questions yah?
Very reluctantly, I take a sip, before quickly downing the entire shot.
The liquor stings my throats, and I close my eyes and smack my lips before opening them once more.
My eyes find Lucas's, again, who raises a brow, but also takes a shot.
He's looking at me like he's surprised.
Doesn't he remember that we did more than flirt while I was still with Odaine?
Not that I'm proud of it.
Speaking of Odaine...
"Guys, mi find one. Mi change mi mind, me want back mi turn."
"Listen to mi, Lady!" Deidre rebukes.
I laugh but take the baton from Sanai. "OK. Never have I ever faked an orgasm."
That's a blatant lie, but they don't have to know that.
I wanna see something.
All the girls laugh and take a shot.
"Oi! Who yuh fake orgasm with?" Dwayne shouts as his girlfriend finishes her shot.
Rawtid.
She rolls her eyes at his tone. "Obviously not you, duh!"
He smirks. "Oh! Awoah! Yuh better."
Men.
A chorus of chatter and bantering starts, and I roll my eyes.
When the boys finally decide to stop being annoying, the baton passes back to Meemi.
She better nuh come wid nuh fool fool question.
Her questions since night have all been laced with malice. It's as if she's trying to feel us out.
"Never have I ever had relations with anyone else in this group besides my partner," Meemi says, smiling sweetly at Dwayne who gives her an annoyed look.
Wah she mean?
"Wah yuh mean by 'relations'?" Sanai asks exactly what I'm thinking, looking at her with a weird facial expression.
Shrugging, Meemi answers her question with, "Anything intimate. A kiss, sex, or whatever. Anything you're only supposed to do with your partner. All the works."
Yuh serious gyal!?
My heart starts pounding immediately.
I think she's trying to figure something out. But, I don't rate that at all. It's like she's taking her personal insecurities with her relationship and projecting them on people.
What a bad fucking time to play the jealous girlfriend.
The question triggers me.
I'm instantly irritated.
My eyes scan the room, realizing that no one has taken a shot.
I then spot DJ, who looks just as uncomfortable as I feel. He's been drinking a lot, so he's obviously intoxicated. I give him a quick look, telling him not to fold, before my attention is drawn to my vibrating phone.
The caller ID makes my heart skip a beat, and I get up and hurry to the bathroom, away from the noise.
Thank you, Lord!
Who say yuh nuh deh pon mi side?
When I'm inside the security of the bathroom, I answer the call and place the phone at my ear. "Hello?"
There is static and shuffling on the line which makes me more nervous. "Mummy? Yuh OK?"
She nuh normally call mi at this hour!
"Hush, mi baby!" her voice finally comes. "The phone go off. A yuh father mi a try call and the piece a fool fool phone freeze up and go off pon your number."
I finally breathe. "Oh. Yuh frighten mi! Mi swear think a sum'n do yuh!"
"No, man! Mi alright. You OK? Wah yuh up to deh now?"
Looking at my reflection in the mirror, I say, "Yeah. My friends and I are just chilling. Counting down until 12."
Mummy laughs. "Alright, mi gyal. Gwaan back go enjoy yuhself. Mi nuh want disturb yuh."
Disturb? More like saved.
Her statement makes me smile though. "OK, Mummy. Call yuh tomorrow, hear?"
My throat feels dry, and my head light; the effects of the liquor obviously starting to take its toll on me.
"Ai. Later."
I contemplate staying a while longer. Just to make sure that question has passed. I don't trust my drunken mind to answer properly.
What a way that would be to blow my frigging cover.
"Hmm."
Just as I hang up the phone and bring it down to rest on the counter, a shadow passes by and I pick it up through my peripheral.
My head snaps towards the door only to see Lucas standing in the doorway, with his eyes narrowed and lips drawn to form a sinister expression.
"Jesus peez!" I shout, gripping my chest. My heart is beating so loud it echoes in my ears.
If mi nuh dead from cardiac arrest today, something wrong.
Lucas's face remains stoic as he closes the door behind him with a click. "What was that about?"
"Yuh frighten mi eno!"
Taking deep breaths, I try to steady my nerves.
"Ano that mi ask yuh."
I'm taken aback by his tone.
My cheeks heat up, and my heart speeds up again. "What?"
His response is a pointed glare. "Stop gwaan like yuh nuh know wah mi a talk 'bout. Why did you get up when that question was asked? And what was that look on your face?"
Mighty God.
Amanda, a wah this now?
So a so Lucas did a watch yuh hard fi see that?
Pretend like yuh nuh know wah him a chat 'bout...
Deciding to act as nonchalant as I possibly can, considering how nervous I am, I turn away from his death glare and turn on the tap to wash my hands. "That's because I don't know what you're talking about, Lucas. I got up and came here to answer my phone."
"Amanda, don't fuck with me!"
Watchya!
His tone is seething.
I pull back and lean against the wall near the sink. "Why are you shouting at me?"
He steps closer, and I take a few steps back.
Jesus, see it ya! Mi dead now...
My eyes find the closed door, before quickly returning their attention to his face.
"Because yuh a gwaan like yuh want take man fi idiot. Why the fuck yuh get up when tha question deh ask? A that's all mi want know. Yuh think mi nuh see the look yuh give DJ? A waah gwaan desso?"
Baxide ole.
No, man, this serious!
I try to laugh it off, but change my mind when I see the look on his face.
Aye! Him vex eno.
And the fact that he's been drinking doesn't make things better.
Pussjuck. Better yuh just tell him yawh, muma!
My arms are shaking, and so is my voice when I mutter a meek, "Lucas, I can explain..."
I can feel the ball forming in my throat and the tears already pricking my eyes.
Don't tell me I'm about to cry now.
Lucas quirks a brow. "Gwaan den nuh. The floor is yours."
Talk fass, gyal!
Inhaling a deep breath, I start with, "OK, so I bought an apartment..."
I stop to gauge his reaction to that, but his facial expression remains unchanged.
So, I hesitantly continue with, "And the realtor was DJ. At the time I didn't know he was DJ or who DJ even was. I'd gotten the link from Dee who said that he was a link Petrad had, so I didn't question it. Turns out he was D'vante. I'd met D'vante some months before, before we started dating, and so I was OK that he was the realtor.
"I, um, he showed me some listings that I couldn't afford, so I told him I wasn't interested. He told me he had some other more affordable ones, and I agreed to check them out. We...we got to the last apartment and we were there looking around and thing, and I liked it and decided to buy it. And--"
I feel like I'm rambling.
"So you bought an apartment? In Kingston?" Lucas asks, cutting me off midsentence.
I swallow hard on my saliva. "Yes."
Lucas quirks a brow. "I thought you said you weren't looking to move to Kingston."
I wasn't.
"I know, I didn't. But we got together and I wanted to be close to you, so I thought it'd make sense to rent a place nearer to you."
He shrugs and folds his arms across his chest. "And you didn't tell me this because...?"
"I was planning to!"
I was. I was just waiting on D'vante to confirm that everything was set and I'd get my keys. Which he did. Eventually.
"When?"
Jesus, why mi so nervous?
"As soon as everything was confirmed. I wanted to surprise you."
"OK." He clicks his tongue. "You succeeded with that. But, wah that affi do with the question Meemi asked?"
I sigh. My cheeks are burning, and I feel like I'm coming down with the fever.
Mi just hope to God mi nuh shit up miself.
"I'm getting to that."
If you'd let me.
"So, we were there, as I said, and he was helping me pick up some things which had fallen from me, and...and...he kissed me."
See it yah now.
"And you kissed him back?"
My eyes widen. "Of course not!"
"Just a check."
I offer him a pointed stare. "I didn't."
"OK. You didn't. But why didn't I know this, Amanda?"
Because I was scared of this exact reaction. "I was gonna tell you, but I couldn't..."
He clenches his jaws. "Mi fi really even ask why?" He pinches the bridge of his nose then adds, "Better yet, were you ever gonna tell me?"
No.
In a suffocated whisper, I lie saying, "Yes."
His brows furrowed. "Then why didn't you?"
Because mi did fraid.
"I was scared," I voice my thoughts.
He steps closer and I flinch. He sighs, but I can see the irritation in his eyes. "Of what, Amanda?"
Yuh really a ask mi that?
Trying my best to keep my composure intact, I tell him the truth, saying, "Of how you'd react."
Now, I wished I'd just told him and gotten it over with.
"Mi look like mi nyam people?" he snaps, making me jump. "The only thing pon people mi nyam a pussy...and mi know fi a fact say yuh nuh 'fraid a that!"
Seriously?
I know he's upset, as expected, but...seriously?
Doesn't he think he's overreacting a bit?
It's not my fault his friend kissed me.
Yet, I'm the one being blamed.
My anger flares. "You're mad at me and I didn't even do anything. He kissed me! Yet you're blaming me! You're so unfair!"
"Who kiss yuh, Amanda? Tell mi!"
"Your friend!"
"Oh. Hear that? Mi friend! You are what? Who more obligated to tell me sum'n like this? Mi friend or the woman weh mi a fuck?"
I swallow my words.
Sulking at the way he says that.
"No, but wha yuh do? Hide it and a act like everything good when yuh know say yuh have a next man a kiss yuh up! Bet say if a did mi it wouldn't stop yasso? Look how yuh gwaan when yuh find out 'bout Ashley..."
"I didn't mean to..."
"So that's why yuh a laugh up with the man, inna mi face, and a exchange looks like yuh take mi fi some bloodclaat idiot!"
"Aye! Bomboclaat star!" He pinches the bridge of his nose and grinds his teeth. "Yuh see woman? Yuh see bombobloodclaat woman?"
He turns to face me and I flinch because of the look in his eyes. His usual mischievous glint is replaced with a cold, solemn glare.
With tears burning my eyes, I say, "Lucas, please. This is why I didn't want to say anything!"
His nostrils flare. "Yuh sure a that's why?"
"What are you implying?"
His shoulders rise and fall in a nonchalant shrug. "You and DJ deh?"
What the fuck?
"Seriously?" I asks, gawking at him. "How could you even ask me that? What kinda girl yuh take mi fa?"
His lips twitch. "Mi honestly not even know, right now."
The anger from before returns tenfold. "Don't get fucking bright, Lucas!"
Say all you want about me not telling you about the kiss, but don't you dare call me a whore!
He chuckles but it's a forced as they come. "Make mi ask yuh sum'n, do you know what you want, Amanda?"
His tone is different now. Much, much calmer. The type of calm that has me worried.
I think about his question. The answer is simple:
Yes.
You.
I want you.
The tears start flowing like waterworks. "I know what I don't want."
Lucas sighs. "See, that's the problem with you. Your mind is focused on the wrong things. Instead of focusing on what you don't want, why not try focusing on what you want and see what that brings?"
My voice is shaky as I ask, "Who says I don't?"
He fixes me with a pointed stare. "Do you?"
I don't answer. The ball in my throat hurts too much for me to speak.
"You keep running; what the hell from?" He continues to look at me, his eyes blazing. "You claim you love me. And you seem to thrive on people saying they love you. Since you're so passionate about love, why not give your fucking self some?"
His words hit me like a blow to my stomach.
And, I start crying harder.
He doesn't even budge.
I've never seen him so upset before.
Ever.
"I told you not to hurt me, Amanda. I begged you. Yet you did. But, guess what? It's all good."
I try to reach out to him, but he sidesteps me.
Please don't leave.
Please.
I feel weak in the knees, and the headache from earlier is back.
"Lucas, I'm sorry!"
My eyes are blurry with tears.
His tone is bitter when he says, "Yuh good, man. Gwaan do yuh thing."
Before I can say anything else, he turns and opens the door, and storms out.
I try to move but I'm crippled with fear.
The scream I let out is guttural, as I slide to the floor, not caring whether it messes up my clothes or not.
My throat feels tight and it feels like every air is being squeezed out of my lungs.
But, I let the feeling consume me.
The look on Lucas's face a while ago replays in my head like a video stuck on rewind.
His eyes dark, cold, and listless.
His lips upturned in a scornful sneer.
His jaws ticking and his nostrils flared.
Matching his tone which was laced with venomous defeat.
I cry harder.
With my mouth wide open, yet producing no sound.
He hates me.
And it's all my fault.
It's over.
I can tell.
I've ruined everything.