The world feels so cold and everything around me is just grey...no color, just this dull clouded Earth. Twigs kept breaking beneath my feet, the crunching echoing into my ear. Slowly we emerged out of the dark forest and I looked over watching Hagrid carry Harry helplessly in his arms. Harry limp as a jellyfish however not pale like a ghost, such a faker.
As we entered the Hogwarts main entrance I watched as students, professors and even old friends of mine file out and onto the steps, standing across from us. Voldemort dramatically waved his arms out and smiled like a foolish idiot, "HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!" At that moment I watched Ginny Weasley run forward screaming in agony, however unable to do anything. I want to feel again. I felt no sympathy for her as I watched her father drag her back into the crowd.
My hearing completely ignored my stupid creators speech as it focused on the whispers of those looking over at me, "Why didn't Y/n just heal Harry?" "No...Somethings wrong with them." I looked at them with my dead eyes then held up my wrists. They were burnt to a cripse auburn crimson red with black veins embedded, trailing up my arms. Why can't I feel the pain that comes with this...my arms feel fine yet I feel like I shouldn't be.
"Hermione look!" Ron pointed at me horrified, they wouldn't know the enchantment, it's long lost in the books. Hermione squinted then slightly shook, "I- Whatever he's done to them, it's hard to tell whether they can be saved..."
At that moment Neville pulled the sword of Gryffindor out of the sorting hat and stood there hiding his shaking with sheer bravery. Voldemort chuckled at him finding it hilarious however his heart dropped as Harry leaped out of Hagrid's arms. Quickly Harry fled to the nearest wall and everyone cheered at the sight of his living body but quickly Voldemort screamed and started to attack anywhere near Potter.
Deatheaters began to flee left and right turning into black clouds as Bellatrix went around calling each one a coward. Why is everything so gray? My head started to pound knowing something should be happening. I should be feeling something...
Before going after Harry, Voldemort looked and pointed over at me ballistically angry, "Y/n take care of everyone else!" I shrugged then slowly started to walk towards the crowd of wizards dueling one another. Anyone who wasn't dueling but just trying to keep themselves and their loved ones safe noticed me and immediately panicked. Their hands shook as they tried to keep their wands pointed at me.
"Just pledge yourselves to the dark lord! Then I won't have to slaughter each one of you. Slowly and painful-"
Hermione and Ron jumped in front of me with tears in their eyes, "THIS ISN'T YOU Y/N!"
I looked at them, "Rehearse that?" They shook unsure what to do, "I assure you this is me." I raised my hand just so close to using the cruciotious curse on the two of them in order to get them out of my way but then he appeared behind them.
"Go get that snake you two." His deep cold dragging voice echoed in my ears, Severus help... I just looked at him with a dead stare.
"Severus." I sent a stunning charm at him and he deflected it, pain flooded into his eyes. "Don't look so upset, father finally fixed me." I kept sending spells stepping closer to him each time as he stayed in one spot deflecting my every spell.
"Fixed you?" I nodded and that's when he sent a spell that I wasn't prepared for. I stood there frozen out of confusion, "No, he broke you. I can hardly even recognize your actions!"
"I can't feel pain. So I can act without thinking of the consequences. Also how did you manage to slightly hit me."
"What's the world like now? Can you even see beauty or death! Are you even human now?!"
I looked around as I bloomed a Lily into the palm of my hand, "The world is cold and gray...I suppose I'm no longer human, just an immortal hybrid." The Lily then brightly caught flames during into ashes.
Kingsley noticed the situation and came over holding his wand out steadily, "Severus it's no use, Y/n is gone. Standing there is just an empty shell of what they used to be."
I looked at Kingsley and tilted my head, almost snapping my neck, "I have all my memories still. How am I no longer Y/n?"
Kingsley stayed put not moving an inch and just got angrier, "Y/n was full of joy and hope! All I see is a bloody ghost of them! Nothing but dull darkness! Nothing but a thing standing there with no sympathy!"
Severus lowered his wand and nodded down at my left hand, "If you really can't feel a thing then why is our wedding ring still sitting on your finger." I looked down at the ring and a rush of joy? No, sadness? What is this feeling! Severus noticed that just looking at the ring caused me to start to feel. For the ring was the only color I could see in this gray world. Quickly I grabbed hold of it ready to rip it off and toss it at Snapes feet however I couldn't move.
Feelings washed up to the shore of my thoughts. His smile, his loving touch, his immediate reaction to only care about me while leaving others in the dust. The warm tingling he brought to me whenever he entered a room or even just spoke.
Memories caused me to stumble and hold onto my hair, pulling it. "I- I DON'T-"
Age 12: He worried about my mental health after my parents death while others figured I'd become a monster...The frustration and guilt I felt when snapping at him.
"You alright y/n? I passed those stupid Gryffindor's and they said you were going to join you know who. Look I know you might feel like you've lost everything but-"
"Sev! I'm not going to do anything stupid like that. Now please, can we not bring up anything that's happened in the last year..."
Age 15: God he was so oblivious it still angers me how he didn't realize. WHY DID IT TAKE HIM SO LONG TO KNOW! My blood boiled and my heart cracked each time he couldn't even notice it was him whom I loved.
"Haha, oh my god I thought Lucius was gay for you, Sev! I was way off." I looked up and Severus quirked an eyebrow.
"Really? I guess when you like someone you automatically think they love someone else. I know you love Lucius back, that's why I was confused when I saw you run from him out the door."
Age 16 maybe 17 everything is starting to merge together...Excitement filled and passion burned through my body, as it finally happened. He finally loved me back.
"I know, just trying to look out for you, Y/n. I signed up to stay this week, rather you not be alone during the holidays." He lifted his scarf up hiding his smile and I smiled just by thinking he was.
"That's very sweet of you Sev, what'd you get me for Christmas?" He rolled his eyes and leaned towards me, softly kissing me on the cheek.
"You recently have been flirting with me and I was wondering what it meant?"
Severus then smirked, "I'm just starting to show others," He leaned down to my ear and whispered sending chills down my spine, "That you are mine and only mine."
I escaped out from my memories and noticed Severus was now only a foot away from me wanting so badly to get closer. I screamed and looked down at my wrist as the black veins started to crawl up again, angered and trying to keep me trapped in a state of no emotions.
"STOP IT! STOP IT! T-this isn't natural! What are these feelings!" I looked at him as tears started to slip down my eyes, "IT BURNS!"
Everything went by even faster as I was sucked back into my own life and the pain increased just as fast as the memories went. The pain of watching his face as I was taken away by Lucius. Then finally reuniting with him, that warm comfort he brought to me. It didn't matter what happened in the past once I was in his arms. But I went through that freedom just to get sucked back into Voldemort and Dumbledore's grasp...
I looked around me once again and felt two arms wrap around me holding me tightly as I kept screaming and pushing him away. "STOP! I- IT'S CLAWING INTO MY EYES!" Severus looked down at me and watched in horror as the black veins devoured my eyes. I could sense Kingsley rush over and the two of them both took hold of one of my wrists.
Memories then flashed once again. The day he sweetly asked to be my boyfriend. Him saying he loved Lily still...BUT he came back saying he loves me so much more. Then he proposed, he was so nervous I thought he was gonna chicken out completely. Our wedding, our gorgeous warming wedding were all my issues vanished.
I felt them struggle with the hair ties as I continued to scream and squirm, "Y/n please hold still!"
"IT FUCKING HURTS! I- I'm starting to...feel...weak." I felt the relief of pressure as they tore the bands off my wrists. The both of them tossing them into the air and igniting them to ashes. I collapsed onto the floor and clawed at my eyes, unable to get the blackness out.
"Y/n I'm here, let me help!"
"Severus I- I don't want to hurt you!" I pushed him back as a jet of black light ejected itself out of my eyes and through the ceiling. If anyone was too close it would've killed them, no normal human could survive without emotions. The whole room reeked of death and sweet. Finally being able to feel again I lifted myself and looked outside as I watched Voldemort get hit by his own rebounded killing curse. As Voldemort fell to the floor I slowly turned to Severus, he was frozen and shaking violently as tears streamed down his face.
I quickly walked over to him and held his face wiping his tears away, "Hey Sev, it's okay, see I'm still here! I'm fine. I must not be connected to Voldemort like Dumbledore said." He looked down at me and held me close, smothering me as his tears glazed my head.
"Oh thank heavens. I love you so much darling."
I smiled and looked up at him, "I lo-" My legs gave out and I gripped his cloak tightly.
"Y/n..." My eyes widened as I looked down, slowly my body was flaking away turning into black feathers and floating off into the distance. "No no no NO!" He fell to his knees and held me close.
"Sev I-" I felt no pain, it just felt like I was lighter than ever. Quickly while I still had my arms I pulled him down and locked our warm lips together kissing him passionately one last time, our tongues and tears merging into one. It took only seconds for me to completely vanish into the darkness, there's no afterlife for me...