Jaemin
When I got home, I was surprised that Renjun was already at my doorstep. I pause on the sidewalk, my nerves taking hold of me. I clench and unclench my fists which are located at my sides. It's just Renjun, I remind myself. He still hasn't noticed that I'm here, he's too busy kicking rocks around while his hands were placed inside his pant pockets.
I take a deep breath and repeat the reassuring words again before approaching. By the time I took the first step, he had lifted his head up and looked at me with a small smile, as if he was assuring me that everything would be okay, that I could trust him.
"Hey," I greet in a quiet voice, my hands fidgety. "Um, do you want something to eat? Drink?" I question as I unlock the door.
"I'm okay," he responds. When I turn to look at him, his lips were pressed together and he was looking around my house. But he has every detail of it memorized, I knew. God, we have never been this awkward around each other.
"Let's go up to my room," I say and he gave me a smile in agreement.
"Is Jaehyun-Hyung not home?" He asks as we step inside the room.
"No, he's taking Saturdays and Sundays off now instead of Thursdays and Fridays," I reply.
He nods in understanding, taking a seat on my bed. I get my chair from my desk and set it close to where he sat. It was silent and in other words, awkward. I'm awkward like this with many people but being like this with my best friend is just unbearable.
"Take your time," he says. He was looking at me, scanning me, and I grinned knowing that he knew exactly how I was feeling at the moment.
"Just know that I'm not having a hard time opening up because I don't trust you or something but because of this situation..." I shrug, unable to find words for it. "It's different from other situations that I've shared with you." I take my bottom lip between my teeth. "I don't know how to explain it," I sigh with frustration, "I know that you'll accept me no matter what but I'm still apprehensive even if I repeat that over and over again in my head before there's still a one-percent possibility that I may be wrong and I... I can't lose you, Junnie. You're the one person I never want to lose."
I was probably being dramatic, I have to admit, but this situation brings a whirlwind of emotions to me that makes me feel panicked.
My eyes were teary now even though I had no idea why. I let out a breath and wipe my eyes with my right hand. I felt arms around me and I instantly melted. "You would have to murder someone for me to leave you, Jaem. You can tell me anything. You've told me everything since third grade," he laughs softly, "My reaction won't change this time. I'll advise you, support you, be by your side, and help you. Always and forever. It kinda came with the best friend contract."
We both laugh and I wrap my arms around him. "I want to have a relationship with more than one person," I say after a moment of silence, the tension thick and my nerves escalating. I phrased it the best I could but I wondered if he understood me. "I want to be in a polyamorous relationship."
He stays quiet for some time but his arms around me didn't shift. He was probably frozen in thought. My eyes welled with tears but I was proud that I had finally told him. He would either stand up and leave or tighten his arms around me.
I was glad when he did the latter. "That's okay," he utters. "You can love whoever you want as long as they treat you right. Thank you for telling me, for trusting me," he finishes off and we separate. My eyes were still glossy but a smile was tugged up on my lips while he grinned at me warmheartedly.
"I hope I'm not one of your crushes because I would have to let you down," he says playfully with a teasing smirk.
"Oh, darn, I guess I have to give you up now," I played along, pouting a little before we both burst out in laughter. "I'm happy I finally told you," I tell him sincerely, sighing in relief before moving to sit next to him on the bed.
"And I'm glad you told me. How long has it been?" He asks.
"Um," I think back to it. "I got my first crush two years ago, then a year ago, and the other when school started this year."
"So three people?" He questions and I nodded in affirmation. "And who are those lucky would if I may ask?" He grinned playfully.
I laugh nervously, turning my head to look at my lap. "Two from our grade, one from the senior class. Um..." I turn to look at him as he gave an expectant look. I look back down. "Lee Donghyuck, Lee Jeno, Lee Minhyung."
Renjun laughs and I snap my head up with widened eyes. "So- so if you got married you'd probably have to change your surname to Lee, huh?" He said between his loud laughs.
"I hadn't even noticed that," I joined in the laughter.
"Okay, wait," he suddenly looked serious though there was still a smile on his face. "Lee Donghyuck, the guy we ditched with a month ago, who is also the barista from the cafe near the school. Then, Lee Jeno, 'bad boy' Lee Jeno?" He inquires, both eyebrows up. I nodded. "And Lee Minhyung AKA Mark Lee, Canadian boy and your math class's TA?" I nod again, my cheeks becoming hot. "There are some things you have to fill me on."
"Sleepover?" I ask hopefully.
"You bet," he answered cheekily.
Relief went over me. Of course, I shouldn't have worried, it's Huang Renjun after all.
I laughed at the thought.