"Wha- Grim?"
Immy looked at Grim, stunned by his actions.
"I'm- I'm sorry. Let's go home, yeah." Grim turned away and looked at the ground in shame. He began walking.
"Wrong way." Immy huffed.
"Right- erm-"
He took a step back and waited for Immy to start heading in a direction. She sighed and turned around.
"Come on."
Shit- why'd I do that? He wondered, following her. He had pushed her and swore at her. Grim was just as stunned as Immy when he'd done it. Not to mention he had already lied to her, even if it was for her own good.
I'm gonna lose her, and I act like that?
Guilt clawed at his chest.
Immy had stopped the cracking, but his panic attack hadn't blown over fully- all he could really do was internalize the emotions.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." He apologized under his breath.
"I'm fine. I'm more worried for you than mad." She whispered it back, as if the words were a secret held within her.
The rest of the walk back was in mutual silence. The cold, melancholy air of the void filled Grim with even more sorrow.
The warmth and light of his- their home made him sigh in relief.
He shut the door behind them both and locked it.
He hadn't considered his house a home since he was in reaping school. That changed when Immy filled it with her radiance and charm.
He wouldn't have that for long.
He fought back tears and sat on the couch. His face began to ache again.
Fuck, fuck- No!
Grim scratched at his eyes and grunted, his panic only worsening the cracking. He choked a sob.
The pain felt as though someone had taken a knife and carved the cracks into his skull. The wretched noise of it rang through his mind.
He felt Immy sit down next to him. She did nothing.
Out of fear. I scared her. She doesn't know how to comfort me now. He thought.
"Um- so I'm guessing it didn't go well?" Immy stammered.
"What?" He sniffed, looking over at her.
"The- uh- therapist appointment. Did something happen?"
God, only if you knew.
"I... I guess you could say that, yeah. Just- processed some things. I'll be fine."
"No you won't! Stop saying that when you know it's not true!" Immy blurted, tears welling up in her eyes. "...Those crack things- did they get bigger?"
"Y-yeah. My body sometimes takes mental stress and turns it physical. Y'know- magic. Happened to all of the skeletons in my family."
"Damn- so... when you screamed before, was that-"
"Yeah. It's hell."
"Oh god."
"God can't help me."
"Um- I don't know what to do. How- how do I-"
"-Help me? There's not much you can do. Distraction works. Just keep talking."
"...Okay. I tried to make your mom's sauce earlier today."
"How was it?"
"Pretty decent, actually. I probably didn't get it right, so I'll have to redo it sometime."
"Nice. How was your day?"
"Good. My day went well. I found a new book to read."
"What is it?"
"Night Watch."
"By Terry Pratchett?"
"Yeah! Um- I read Hogfather a long time ago, so I thought I'd continue the series."
"Huh, how ironic." Grim chuckled.
Immy smiled a bit and sighed.
"Are you a bit calmer?" She asked, concern still in her expression.
"Mhm."
"Good. Do you want to talk? I don't know exactly what you're going through, but-"
"No."
"...Okay. Do you want me to stay here?"
"Yes, please."
"Alright."
They sat there in silence for a bit.
Grim didn't want Immy to leave. He wished he could freeze time and remain in her presence forever. He wished the clock would stop. Maybe even reverse. He wished all his wishing would help something.
But the clock doesn't stop for anyone. The cruel march of time goes on infinitely.
Grim inhaled.
"Do you ever want to restart?" He asked. The question felt shameful, almost. He hated saying it. "Or just, like... freeze in time?"
"...I think you have attachment issues. But yeah, sometimes." Immy sighed. "I get what all this is about, y'know."
"I thought you said you didn't?"
"I don't know exactly."
"...What is it, then?"
"...You're afraid of death. And yourself, I guess. That kinda goes hand in hand- anyways, my point is that you're attached to me, and you hate that you're gonna lose me someday." She paused for a bit before continuing. "Did I read that right?"
"I- yeah."
"And, you're internalizing that mortality is scary and I could die at any point?"
Grim didn't speak. He pulled his legs to his chest.
"I'm scared too. Really, actually. I haven't slept very well." Immy sighed.
"Because of me?"
"Because you've made me realize my mortality." She took a shaky breath in. "I've had dreams- um- bad dreams. I've- I've had dreams of drowning, and falling, and freezing- I can't handle it. The worst, though, was one where I was running. I was running from something. I-I saw you and I ran to you, and you hugged me- and that was it."
Grim's phantom heart dropped.
"You mean-"
"Mhm. I will never, ever be scared of you, Grim. But, I am scared of the thought of being reaped. I mean, anyone would be." Immy's voice rang through Grim's body. "And, I'm scared of what you would do to yourself if that were to happen."
He sighed.
"I promise I'll be careful."
"I know you will. Care has nothing to do with it. Fate is unfair. You know this."
Grim winced.
"That's not your fate. If it was, I swear I'd fucking change it. Somehow." He promised.
"Okay, Grim." Immy nodded. "What would you want to be, if you weren't a reaper?"
"Uh- A composer. I've always loved writing sheet music. Or a musician, actually."
"Really? Can you sing too?"
"Mhm. Not super well, but I like to think I'm decent." He laughed nervously. "What do you want to do? Y'know, do you still intend to, like- pursue something?"
"I don't know. I wanted to be either a florist or run a bakery, before I got here. I don't know if the SC card will allow me to own property in the afterlife."
"It doesn't, sadly. You can still run a business, though."
"Oooo! That'd be cool. I used to babysit."
"I could imagine that. You seem like you'd be good with kids."
"You do too, honestly."
"Really? I babysat once when I was younger and I scared the poor kid."
"Oh my god." Immy laughed. "What did you say?"
"I mentioned something about a fire. The kid apparently died in a fire!"
Immy slapped her hand over her mouth.
"OH NOOOO!!!" She cackled.
"Yeah. Dad didn't let me babysit after that." Grim said.
"That's unfortunate-" Immy wheezed.
Grim let her catch her breath before continuing.
"Y'know, If you wanna start a business or something like that, start now. Why wait?" He suggested.
"Hm. I guess you're right." Immy considered. "I'll think about it. How was your day?"
"Not super bad until the last bit. The liquid IV helped."
"That's good. Did you see anything interesting?"
"Not much except a murder and Xen almost strangling Gabriel over a categorization issue."
"Categorization issue?"
"I take Gabriel the souls, he sorts them into categories by cause of death and age. Then he figures out where to move each one."
"Where do the people go while he does that?"
"He's supposed to do it quickly. He messed up today and the spirit had to stay with her family."
"Well, that shouldn't be too bad, right?"
"It shouldn't be. She hates her family."
"Ohhhh."
"Yep."
Immy sighed.
"Family problems suck, man." She said.
"Tell me about it."
"...I'm glad I could make your night a little better."
"You make everything better. I mean it." The words poured out of Grim's mouth. Immy went red for a moment. "I'm sorry for pushing you. And for swearing at you, and everything-"
"It's alright, Grim. Don't stress about it." She smiled genuinely. "Or- try not to, in your case."
Grim stared at her lips, curved into a soft smile. His managed to form the same expression. How he would miss this. He treasured her face as if it was pure gold. Every feature was... imperfectly perfect. He loved her more than death loves the living. More than misfortune loves fate. More than a sun loves the world it will someday burn to ash.
The bittersweet love he had found was doomed from the start. Isn't everything doomed from the start? He was unsure.
He was glad he had her, but he almost felt selfish for it. He was putting her in direct danger by being so close to her. If they had never met, Immy wouldn't be in the situation she was in. If she had stayed in her dimension, she might not die so early. Of course, it could be fate. Maybe the same thing would happen. Like Immy had said, mortality was scary. Anything could happen. Chances were complicated.
Grim hated the odds. He hated fate. He hated science. He hated time. But, even with all his hate, he loved her. He hated how much he loved her.
"I'm tired. I think I'm gonna go to bed." Grim sighed.
"Okay. I love you."
Grim's breath paused, her words stunning him.
"I love you too. Goodnight."
"G'night."
Immy smiled at him.
When he finally got to bed, he found himself restless.
How the hell am I gonna live with this? He thought.
He took a shaky breath and curled himself into a ball. Cold tears fell from his eyes.
I can't. I'll snap like a fucking twig. I'm helpless here. The realization broke him.
He sobbed.
~~~
AAAAAA OH MY GOD YOU GUYS
I ACTUALLY ALMOST CRIED SEVERAL TIMES WRITING THIS CHAPTER. I HOPE IT AFFECTS YOU JUST AS MUCH!!!
My first chapter back at home!! Thank you all for the support :)
I love you all!! Take care of yourselves, unlike a certain sad guy we know. Remember, crying is important and healthy, especially if you're grieving. However, feeling hopeless is definitely not healthy.
If you ever feel depressed or hopeless, please reach out for help.
If you ever have thoughts of suicide, please call the hotline.
SUICIDE HOTLINE: 988
CRISIS TEXT LINE: Text HOME to 741741
You're all people. You all deserve the best and to feel better.
-Alice/Craz <3