~ We've all been told when we were little
We could grow up and live a fairy tale
But no one ever bothered telling us that
The storybook ending never started out well
Why's there always gotta be a hero?
What if Cinderella had to save herself? ~
Nora hums a fitting melody.
"Am I dead?" This may or may not be a rather stupid question but in all seriousness, I don't know. My mind is like a fuzzy cloud drifting from one end of meaninglessness to the other. There is nothing. No colors to be seen, no body to be felt. No pain. No joy. Nothing, except for Nora, humming a song, a familiar one, I think.
I ask her what happened, but she doesn't care to answer, or maybe she can't?
The humming continues though. Wait, do I know this song?
She simply chuckles before saying "You made me listen to it a million times, so it's safe to assume you do."
I complete the next lines of the lyrics without even thinking of them "It's not like we don't need a little help. But maybe it's a good thing to go through a little hell" So, I try to remember other things, things from before this. Whatever this is.
"Not to sound like a wannabe poet but I'd call it a hollow void," my wolf suggests.
I roll my eyes at her. Well, not really because at this state I am not entirely sure if I even have eyes anymore.
"Void," I repeat, rolling the word off my presumably non-existing tongue. It leaves a bitter taste of helplessness, fear, and uncertainty. Being lost in my thoughts and supposedly my head isn't something new to me, or it doesn't feel like something new. The other emotions tugging on my soul... I am less acquainted with, so I accept for now that I am just existing for an unknown period of time.
Nora continues to hum while I add the words.
~ Now I'm laying in bed tonight
With my best friend sleeping on my couch
She got kicked out of her house 'cause she finally came out
And all the riches in the kingdom won't fix that ~
All the riches in the kingdom won't fix that. Why does this sentence cause me so much pain?
Little by little, the sensations begin to reach me but as soon as I try to grasp them, they seem to slip away again. Through the dense mist that has settled in my head, everything is far far away, simply out of range. But there's a beeping, rhythmic, and unbelievably noisy.
"It's annoying."
I have to agree with Nora. The sound is almost unbearably loud, and my head slowly begins to hurt. The throbbing increases after every blissful second of silence that is disturbed by that horrible noise again. By now, it's the concise roar of an airplane turbine taking off, but I am still managing, somehow.
The sterile smell burns my nostrils and reminds me of metal and caustic detergents, iodine, and there is... a distinct salty odor, is that sweat? Am I sweating or is there someone else here?
„Are we home?" I ask.
"Maybe... I guess, or else we'd be dead."
I try to listen for heartbeats or footsteps, but I can't find anything, can't hear a thing aside from this beeping and I accept yet another failure, for now. I struggle to channel my thoughts, with this tingling sensation running up and down my arm, I can't quite focus. It starts on my hand, my knuckles, I think.
"Nora?"
"Hm?"
"How come we are still alive?"
"I don't know..."
"And... what is this feeling?"
"I don't know."
I groan before I mutter "Useless dog."
"You're not being much help yourself, so shut it. The only thing you're doing is floating around, wallowing in self-pity and asking questions that nobody knows the answer to."
We stay silent for a while, not caring about the other, to save ourselves another pointless argument. From time to time I notice things, little things, and I try to put them together in my mind without any help.
That warm squishy feeling in my hand? I suspect that's where Kate is touching me, holding my hand? That constant beeping? Some hospital equipment, a monitor maybe. I did recall that I got hurt at some point, so it makes sense that I'm still being taken care of.
I can hear the door open and close and the moment I recognize the clicking noise of my mother's court shoes on the floor, the tingling in my body vanishes.
The queen's voice is sharp and demanding, even I have rarely heard it like this. "What is this obnoxious ruckus?"
"Ru- Ruckus, my Queen?" her lovely voice is hesitant, intimidated and my heart sinks a little.
The scoff my mother gives Kate makes me want to scream at her, can't she behave like a decent human being for once? I don't care that she may be stressed out a little right now.
"It's one of her favorites," I hear Kate stammer, "studies showed that music can help stimulate the brain of coma patients. Bring- Bring them back."
Nora's voice is more a shriek in the back of my head now than anything else "Coma?"
I want to answer her and tell her that I am as shocked as she is, but that it makes perfect sense, but I am far too preoccupied with eavesdropping.
"Is that so?", the unnecessarily long pause that my mother squeezes in makes me want to roll my eyes again. How come that only family can annoy you that much? "And my daughter likes... this?"
"Y- Yes, Your Majesty, I only played their favorite songs. From the classics to the newer songs. But... But only the quieter pieces. I didn't want to stress her out with the fast ones, so..." Kate babbles on, and I can literally see her nervously fidgeting with her fingers as she talks, averting her gaze from my mother.
"You may leave now Child." Her words make the temperature of the room drop a few degrees in a matter of seconds.
"Leave?" She sounds as startled as I am feeling.
"I heard you've spent most of your time in this room since your rescue, and that's what, six days?"
Kate's first response is to giggle nervously. "Oh, I don't mind, being alone in my room is boring anyways."
"Nonsense, go get some rest and fresh air. Maybe you can come back tomorrow."
"Maybe? Tomorrow?!" Nora's indignant tone pretty much mirrors my own feelings.
And then comes the pain. At first shallow, subliminal, seething with pleasure in the depths of my entrails. The words of the conversation at my bedside fade as a memory before I can work them out. A slight burning turns into a blazing fire, a brief pinch into a sting until it feels as if thousands and thousands of shards are running through my veins.
"What is happening?" But Nora just wails, hunched over in pain, tail tucked, unable to answer.
Getting shot is a piece of cake compared to that.
I jolt up, my eyes wide with terror, cold sweat forming on my forehead as I gasp for air like a fish out of water. I try to escape the pain, to roll on my side, to row my arms, to kick my legs, but half my body doesn't seem to belong to me, doesn't seem to respond.
With a startled cry, my mother steps back from the bed, one step at first, then a second but my instinct makes me fumble in the other direction anyway, reaching out helplessly into the void until I find what I've been looking for.
My fist buries itself in her shirt while she clutches my face with both hands, but the little sparks of endearing tingling are not enough to dispel my agony. She leans over and looks me right in the eyes, "Breathe Ann, slow and steady."
I vigorously shake my head. There is no way I can do it; it's too much.
"Can't you give her something?" She snaps at the nurse. The tone of her voice is foreign, harsh. She never talks like this. Never.
"I'm- I'm sorry. It's the silver. We already gave her everything we can, everything we've got. We... we just have to wait."
"That's unacceptable, I'll go get a doctor!" It seems my mother and Kate are on the same page for once and I flinch as the door slams shut.
My voice doesn't work, all I seem to get out is a guttural croak as I try to cry for her to help me.
Her head snaps back to me, her thumbs caressing my cheeks. "What did you say?"
"I'm scared," I whisper, "it hurts." I can feel burning tears hitting the scorching skin on my face. Are they mine, or hers?
"Sedate her!" She barks, never breaking eye contact.
The poor nurse is helplessly looking between me and the door. "I- I can't decide that", she squeals.
"For the love of the Goddess. Do it, or I'll do it myself!"
"I don't want to be alone again," I whimper, "but please make it stop."
"It's gonna be okay, you hear me? You are just gonna take a short nap and I will be here when you wake up, I promise."
I try to smile, but I end up taking a convulsive breath instead before I start sobbing.
She gently starts to sing to the music still playing on her phone, while she places her forehead against mine, closing her eyes.
~ We'll walk through fire and ice
Come out the other side with diamonds in our eyes ~
The irony makes her snicker, not in a funny way, but in a sad way full of distress and despair.
~ So, princess, hold your head high ~
I try to take a deep breath.
~ Even if you have to cry
Don't let your crown fall
Don't let your crown fall ~
I start to feel heavy, so infinitely heavy.
~ Your script is in the making
You can hold the aching but ~
I whisper along, my voice is hoarse, like sandpaper.
~ Don't let your crown fall
Don't let your crown fall down. ~
And then... everything and everyone is gone again. Everyone except Nora. And this time, I am grateful for my useless dog.