The next scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick riding to a nearby gas station in the Patty Wagon
SpongeBob and Patrick: ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
They stop at a gas station right before the county line. Past the county line, Bikini Bottom's beautiful landscape is replaced by barren locations. SpongeBob is wearing an aviator's outfit at the wheel and honks his horn to wake up the two hick gas station attendants, Floyd and Lloyd.
SpongeBob: Fill 'er up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard... er ketchup?!
Floyd and Lloyd slap their knees and crack up, rocking in their chairs.
Patrick: Are they laughing at us?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick. They're laughing next to us.
Floyd and Lloyd continue to laugh as they advance towards the Patty Wagon. Then, Lloyd bends down and Floyd uses him for support.
Floyd: Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick: Kids?!
SpongeBob: Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids. We are men. And we're off to get Leviathans chest in Shell City.
Floyd and Lloyd: Shell City?
Lloyd: Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
SpongeBob: That's right.
Floyd: your crazy kid! Didn't ya hear the stories?
Patrick: what stories?
Lloyd: it's not JUST the cyclops ya have to deal with, but
The two look to one another with chills up their spines
Both: aliens
SpongeBob and Patrick: aliens?
Floyd: the ones that live above the surface. Only a few ever saw them, and live to tell the tale
Lloyd: their said to be like big ugly penguins with fat flabby faces with frontway eyes, no feathers, or beaks, and appendages
Floyd: their said to cook, kill and eat fish to their pleasure or worse! Sell them in gift shops
Lloyd; I'm scared just thinking of it
Floyd: if I were you I'd get while the gettings good cause you ain't gonna last at least ten seconds over the county line
SpongeBob: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.
He and Patrick get back into the Patty Wagon and pass the county line. A boat jacker stops them
Boat jacker: Out of the car, fellas.
SpongeBob and Patrick obey and the boat jacker drives off in the Patty Wagon
SpongeBob: How many seconds was that?
Lloyd: [checks his watch] Twelve.
SpongeBob and Patrick: In your face!
SpongeBob and Patrick slap their knees and laugh like Lloyd and Floyd, who don't seem to care. Patrick makes a loud noise with an airhorn.
SpongeBob: That's what I'm talking about. Yeah!
Patrick: Who's the kid now?
SpongeBob runs around Patrick and flaps his arms like chicken wings as Patrick continues to honk the airhorn.
Floyd: They're fucked.
SpongeBob and Patrick continue their laughing as they walk down the road. They give each other a high-five, and Patrick honks his airhorn once more.
The scene changes to a crowd entering the Chum Bucket back in Bikini Bottom. Perch Perkins is in front, once again reporting on TV
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash. Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possible? Let's find out. [He goes inside]
Inside, Plankton is watching his new customers
Plankton: Step right up. Plenty for everybody.
Perch Perkins: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. Can I get a minute?
Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch Perkins: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by leviathan... [voice breaking] I'm sorry... he confided in me a secret wish... "Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said... "Don't let the flame die out." [sobs]
Plankton: By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch.
He plants a bucket helmet on his head
Perch Perkins: Thanks.
Plankton: Bucket helmets for everyone!
Man: [happily] My helmet!
Plankton enters his lab, where Karen is
Plankton: Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife.
Karen: I never agreed.
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is working perfectly. Nothing can stop me now.
Karen: Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. [Displays SpongeBob and Patrick on the road on her computer screen] My sensors indicate that they're going after the chest. If they make it back, leviathan might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints.
Plankton looks at his hands
Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator!
Miles away, we see a hitman wearing sunglasses traveling on his motorcycle down the road. First, we see the front, then his license plate, which reads "I Kill U", and then his boot, which reads "Your Head Here"
Dennis: [takes off sunglasses in another one] Sesame seed....
Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take ten gallons?
The gas station attendants smack their knees and laugh more. Dennis, very annoyed, stomps up to them and tears their lips off. The hillbillies looks at each other as Dennis drives away
The next scene shows Katie current with Oscar
Katie: Katie current here reporting with Oscar the renowned shark slayer with his input on how he is now dubbed a superhero to all the fish in bikini bottom
The camera turns to Oscar
Katie: Oscar, all of bikini bottom is falling you the "shark slayer" how does that make you feel?
Oscar: honestly, I don't mind. I may not have actually killed the shark in the wastelands, but if everyone wants to look up to me and say I'm a hero, then I don't mind the title a bit
Katie: how bold. And about the shark everyone believes that you slew, are you the least concerned that his father don Lino and his enforcers may believe you to be the killer and seek revenge?
At that moment, the entire ocean stopped as Oscar just stays motionless at that remark with terror on his face
Oscar: l-l-Lino? DON Lino? The most powerful great white shark in all of the ocean?! Uh...I'll uh...get back to you on that
He then speeds off with Katie turning to the camera
Katie: you heard it here first folks, it seems this realization may put some huge weight on Oscar. Let's hope he finds a solution to this shock and does something about it
Back with Oscar he was deep within a coral bed thinking about what he had just learned
Oscar: I can't believe it! That was don lino's son?! Now every shark and marine predator is gonna be after me! I gotta find a way to lay low until- aaahh!
He then sees a large liopluerodon swimming above him
Before the marine reptile even glimpses at Oscar he hides within a kelp forest. The carnivore sniffs the area a bit before growling in frustration and swims off. Oscar peeks around the corner and sighs to himself
Oscar: phew. That was close
???: super close
Oscar freezes when he hears the voice. He slowly looks up and sees a shark above him
Lenny: don't panic
Oscar looks to the fourth wall and is about to scream before Lenny grabs him and deepens into the forest
Lenny; quiet! Bub bub bub! We're safe
Oscar: oh no not you again!
Lenny: yeah I know but did you see that big guy back there?
Oscar: I know, what are you even doing here?
Lenny: what does it look like? I'm hiding!
Oscar: join the club, we got jackets. Uh. I'm Oscar by the way
Lenny: I'm Lenny
They look to the opening in the bed and see a huge megalodon shark and hide in the kelp. They watch as the mindless beast looks to the bed not suspecting them and swims off
Oscar: what was way too close!
Lenny; with my dad no doubt
Oscar: wait, your dad is don Lino?
Lenny: yeah and that's probably one of his goons. I can't go back now. I'm the only shark in the ocean that doesn't want to eat fish and now thanks to me I got Frankie killed
Oscar: you think you got problems? Everyone in bikini bottom thinks I killed your brother! And now they expect me to fight every shark in the sea! Heck, they started calling me a shark slayer! God! Times like this I wish I knew how to actually kill a shark
Lenny; yeah well I wish I could just disappear
At that moment, the two give shocked expressions and slowly look to one another
Oscar: wait...are you thinking...
Lenny:...what I'm thinking?
Meanwhile, an exhausted SpongeBob and Patrick crawl down the road, sweaty and tired, but still cheering. Patrick's airhorn stops working and he tosses it behind him.
Patrick: Going on...
SpongeBob: Yeah... Moving on... Just keep going...
Patrick: Yup...
SpongeBob: Gonna get that chest...
Patrick: Oh, yeah....All right....
SpongeBob: Yeah....Victory....
Patrick: Are we there yet?
SpongeBob: We must be close by now. Patrick, look. [He points to a billboard and reads it.] We're doing great! Shell City's only five days away!
A leaf blocking part of the sign comes off, revealing 2 more words
Patrick: By car.
SpongeBob: I wish we still had our car.
Patrick: SpongeBob, look! Our car!
We see the Patty Wagon in front of a beat-up bar. SpongeBob and Patrick are about ready to get in the Patty Wagon, but SpongeBob notices that the key is missing
SpongeBob: The key!
Patrick: Where do you think it is?
A fish is kicked through one of the Thug Tug windows and lands next to SpongeBob and Patrick, with many broken bones.
His leg twitches. The two look through the broken window, and see thugs fighting, becoming drunk, and playing pool. The inside is a disaster. Everything is cracked or splintered, and the dim lights make everything look red. "R.I.P." is written in spray paint on a wall with a dead or knocked out fish below it. They see the boat jacker playing pool with the key hooked onto his belt.
SpongeBob: There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it?
Patrick: I know. Walk in and ask him for it.
Thug: [From inside.] What are you looking at?!
SpongeBob hears the punching sounds and pained cries inside
SpongeBob: Patrick, that's a terrible idea.
Patrick: [Downcast and realizing SpongeBob's point] Sorry.
SpongeBob: I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Patrick: [Becomes enthusiastic] Ooh! Ooh! Wait, I wanna do the distraction!
SpongeBob: Okay... I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.
Patrick puffs out his chest as he bursts through the swinging doors, while SpongeBob crawls underneath them. Patrick clears his throat.
Thug in background: You see me walkin' back?!
Patrick: Ahem! Can I have everybody's attention?
Everyone clusters around Patrick with angry expressions, ready for a fight.
Patrick: I have to use the bathroom.
Boat jacker: [confusingly] It's, uh... right over there.
He points behind him and notices SpongeBob reaching for his key. SpongeBob looks up at him for a second before scuffing around on the ground, searching for something.
SpongeBob: Stupid contacts. [He holds up an imaginary contact.] Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. [Runs away]
Inside the restroom, Patrick is going to the bathroom. He finishes as SpongeBob comes in
SpongeBob: [Angry] Patrick! You call that a distraction?
Patrick: [Jolts up. He flushes the toilet. Turns to SpongeBob after realizing his error] Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
SpongeBob: Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing. [He pumps the soap dispenser, and the top is pushed off by pressure from bubbles forming inside of it.] Patrick, check it out! [He pumps more.]
Patrick: Wow!
Both: Hooray! Bubble party!
Bubbles float all around the bathroom and ragtime music plays as SpongeBob and Patrick dance with bubbles. Patrick juggles them, as SpongeBob gives him more to juggle. Then, SpongeBob lays on his side and balances one on his foot. Patrick balances one on his head. But one bubble drifts out the door and into the pub. Victor, the bartender, sees it.
Victor: Hey! Who blew this bubble?! [Victor punches it, and it pops.] You all know the rules!
Everybody in the main area of the Thug Tug: [In unison] All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
One Patron: [falling behind] ...bar.
Victor: That's right! So who blew it?!
SpongeBob and Patrick frantically pop all of the bubbles
Victor: So... nobody knows?
Tough Guy #1: Maybe it was...
Victor: Shut up! [Throws a chair at him] Somebody in here ain't a real man. [SpongeBob and Patrick attempt to sneak out, but Victor sees them.] You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed 'em out. Now, everybody line up! DJ! Time for the test. [The DJ gives a thumbs-up to Victor and plays a CD.] No baby can resist singing along to this. [The Goofy Goober theme song plays]
Patrick: [Nervously] SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
SpongeBob: [In a raspy voice] I know!
SpongeBob and Patrick try to resist to sing along
Goofy Goober: [On record] ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪
As the song goes on, Victor walks down the line to see the patron's responses to the songs.
Tough Guy #2: [coughs]
Victor: [Points at Tough guy angrily] It was you! You're the baby!
Tough Guy #2: No, no! I only coughed, I swear!
Victor points with two fingers from his eyes to the thug's to show that he's watching him. Then, he walks on. Tough Guy #2 sighs in relief.
Victor: DJ! Turn it up louder!
SpongeBob: [trying not to sing] Don't sing along, Patrick!
Patrick: I'm trying. Trying so hard.
Victor notices his and SpongeBob's struggle and starts singing mockingly
Victor: ♪I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah! You're a Goofy Goober, yeah! We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah!♪
Victor watches as SpongeBob and Patrick can't take it anymore and open their mouths to sing when...
Siamese Twins: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪
disc scratch and the song stops
Victor: [laughs.] Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?!
Siamese Twins: [Nervously; look at and point at the other] It was him! Uh, he did it. I've never even eaten at... ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah!♪
They cover each other's mouths after realizing their words.
Victor: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby!
The thugs surround the twins, crack their knuckles, and lunge at them in unison. SpongeBob and Patrick escape the Thug Tug.
SpongeBob: Man, that was a close call.
Patrick: Guess what I got? [Pulls out the key]
SpongeBob: The key! Shh...
Cut to the Patty Wagon rolling down the street as it becomes night