Maya held the pamphlet between her fingers as she stared out the window. No one saw this coming. The worst part was that it hadn't even happened on the job. Although she wished she could've said she was surprised, that would've been a lie.
"Hey, are you all right?" Jack asked as he slowly came into the office. "I know today has been tough." Never turning away from the window, Maya sighed softly.
"It's just hard to understand how we couldn't see it. Was he just really good at hiding or did we all just turn a blind eye to it?" Maya asked aloud as she sat the pamphlet on her desk.
"Maya, we can't blame ourselves. He made his own decision." Jack pointed out. Despite the sadness of the situation, he didn't think anyone was at fault.
"He had a disease." Maya snapped. "Yes, it might've been his decision, but he couldn't resist. We all should've paid more attention." There was a pause before she spoke again. "How's Andy doing?"
"Despite everything, she's holding on. She's not really talking to anyone, but I guess that's just how she is." Jack shrugged. Maya nodded, wishing this hadn't had to happen.
Flashback...
"Ready to go?" Maya asked as she stood in the doorway of the bedroom. Carina turned around as she pulled down the bottom of her dress. She wasn't looking forward to this. No one was.
"The last time I wore it, it fit perfectly." Carina sighed, frustrated as she struggled with her dress once more. "I'm ready." The two stared at each other for a moment before Maya nodded and turned away as she headed for the door. The drive was silent as nothing needed to be said.
Everyone was in a state of shock. The service seemed to be a blur. Station Nineteen served as pallbearers as everyone watched in deafening silence. Why did this have to happen? Didn't anyone see it coming? They all took the blame in their own ways.
Everyone was concerned after Sullivan didn't show up to work without even sending a text to let them know he wouldn't be coming in. It was unlike him, and that was the reason Vic went to check on him during her lunch break. She couldn't be prepared for what she would discover. She unlocked the front door and let herself in, calling his name but receiving no response. She checked rooms one by one, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. Eventually, she found him, still with a needle in his arm, in bed, indicating that he had overdosed. Even though she knew he had passed the point of no return, she attempted to administer life-saving measures. But it was too late.
As the news got back to the station, it left most of them in a state of shock. They had thought he had given that life up long ago. They all wondered if they had simply missed the signs.
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"Addiction is a disease, Jack, and he may have been an egotistical, hypocritical, hot headed asshole but it's our duty to check in with each other. I'm not sure if he was doing this on the job or not, but it doesn't matter. In every situation, we have each other's back no matter what, but we failed to have our brother's back." Maya whispered.
Jack was unsure of how to respond. He didn't think Maya should've been beating herself up over it. "Maya, we can't save everyone. Sullivan was just..." he trailed off. "He was too far gone."
Maya laughed softly as she nodded, then cleared her throat. "I just wish it hadn't been the case. Our team saves lives every day. We bring them back from the brink of death and witness miracles." There was a pause. "I just wish we had been able to save him. We could've seen how bad his pain must have been to return to that." She whispered, referring to the drugs.
Meanwhile, Carina was working out on the treadmill as Andy lifted weights next to her. "I was married to him at one time. A part of me is sad about his death, but a part of me is also relieved." Andy said.
"But it's finally a relief to be able to move on from him?" Carina guessed.
"Yeah, I mean although we couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other, it doesn't erase the good times we had and believe it or not, there were a lot of them. I just feel like I should be more devastated than I am." Andy sighed.
"Grieving doesn't have a right way. There are many ways to deal with grief, and no one can tell you what's right or wrong. Society likes to tell us how we should deal with certain situations when in actuality, no one can tell us how to feel or how to deal with it." Carina whispered as she shut the treadmill off, grabbing her water bottle out of the holder before stepping off. "Take my situation for example. I'm sure everyone has their opinion on how I've handled it, and I'm sure some may believe I've handled it incorrectly. But I'm doing my best with it, and if society doesn't like it, so be it. I'm not going to apologize when I don't have to." She smiled softly and took a sip from her water as her wife entered the room.
"Hey, all of us are going to the bar as a final send off for Sullivan. I was just wondering if you wanted to come with us, but I understand if you don't. It's gonna be crowded and chaotic for sure." Maya smiled softly. If Carina had wanted to stay behind, she would've understood. Although she didn't think a bar was the best place for her, she wanted to at least give her the option.
"I don't know, Maya." Carina whispered as they shared a look. Even though she didn't want to be at the station alone, she didn't think a bar was really a good idea either. "All right, I'll go." She whispered after a brief pause. "Hopefully this doesn't end badly."
"It shouldn't, everyone is gonna be there and you know you can stay by me or anyone from Nineteen." Maya smiled. "Stay away from Maddox, though. He's a jerk from Twenty-Three that nobody really likes." As Carina nodded at her wife's words, she smiled. They left the room to change clothes, then went on their way to the bar.
The bar was packed, just as Maya had predicted. Unspoken tradition dictated that the captain would buy the first round of drinks whenever a fellow firefighter had died. More and more people trickled in, leaving little room for standing.
"Car, I'm gonna go talk to Andy." Maya smiled as she turned to look at her wife. Carina nodded and smiled back, signaling that she was going to stay with the group. Although she really didn't want Maya to leave her, she knew she would be fine with the rest of the group.
"Here are the drinks." Vic announced as she brought several glasses over, acting like she had done waitressing before. Her ability to carry so many glasses was a mystery to all of them. Vic tried to offer Carina a glass, but the brunette shook her head. "Come on, Carina, drink with us!"
Carina hesitated, looking between Vic and the glass the firefighter was holding out to her. She didn't want to be under the influence of anything while she was in a crowded bar. Even so, she felt like she had to be careful of every move she made. However, she also needed to relax. She knew she was surrounded by friends who would go to any lengths to protect her, but she still had a hard time remaining calm.
"Okay, fine." After taking the glass from Vic, she walked over to an empty spot at the bar and sat down. As she took a drink from the glass, she noticed that it tasted strange. It made her stomach feel queasy as she took another drink, which she immediately regretted as she sat her glass on the counter. As Jack noticed Carina rushing into the bathroom, he set his drink down and followed her. "Are you all right, Carina?" He asked as he pushed the bathroom door open. Vic was already by her side as she vomited into the toilet.
"Jack! This is the ladies room, get out before I hit you!" Vic yelled as her eyes traveled from Jack back to Carina. Jack threw his hands up and backed up a bit.
"I just wanted to make sure she was all right." Jack responded. Vic shook her head as she crouched down next to Carina, reaching up to move some hair out of her face.
"You couldn't have waited until she came out?" Vic asked before shaking her head. "Never mind, go find Maya. I have her." Jack nodded as he shut the door and went in search of the blonde. He found her talking with some people by the dart boards.
"Maya, your wife is throwing up in the bathroom." Jack pointed to the bathroom behind him as he approached her. Maya looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Why didn't you go and check on her instead of coming to find me?" Maya questioned. Jack shook his head and laughed.
"Hey, Vic kicked me out when I tried. She threatened to hit me, and that girl can punch." Jack defended himself. He didn't want to be the recipient of whatever Vic had to offer him if he hadn't left the bathroom. Maya rolled her eyes.
"It's like you're children, I swear." She muttered as she handed her drink to him. "I'll be back soon." Maya sighed as she walked away. When she entered the bathroom, Vic turned around and stared at her from where she was standing in the stall's doorway. As she approached, she looked at Carina who was sitting on the toilet with her hand in one of Vic's hands and another dabbing at her mouth with toilet paper. After stepping around Vic, she knelt down in front of her. "Hey, babe. Are you feeling okay?" She asked in a whisper.
Carina nodded her head. "I think so." She whispered back. Gently blowing out a breath, she closed her eyes.
"No offense but you don't look like you feel okay." Maya whispered as she gave her a slight smile. "Do you wanna go home?" She asked, giving her the option. Carina quickly shook her head.
"No, I'll be fine, I promise." She smiled softly. "If it happens again, I'll let you drag me home, but for now, can we just stay here?" She didn't want to go home unless absolutely necessary. Carina wanted to relax with their friends outside the station.
A sigh escaped Maya's lips. Her opinion was that Carina shouldn't have come in the first place. It wasn't like Maya didn't want her there, but she was clearly affected by it. "All right, let's find a spot to sit." Because there weren't any other seats available, Maya got Carina seated back at the bar after they left the bathroom. Then she switched her drink to water and grabbed food for the both of them.
"You could've just gotten one sandwich, I'm not that hungry." Carina smiled softly as she took a bite of the sandwich now that her stomach was a little settled.
"The way you've been eating lately? I'll be surprised if you don't finish it." Maya chuckled lightheartedly. "If you don't finish it, you can always save it for later." She shrugged. The bar had begun to empty out as the afternoon turned into the evening. The majority of people were drunk, except Carina and Maya. Vic and Carina were sitting at the bar, waiting for Maya to be ready to leave. It had been a long day and Carina still didn't exactly feel good. She felt better overall than earlier in the day, but was still not feeling well.
"Hey, head's up." Vic whispered as she sipped from her drink's straw. Carina looked confused as a voice came from behind her.
"Hey, Carina! What's up?" She heard from behind her. Turning around, she groaned softly when she saw who it was. Maddox was standing there with a drink in his hand, clearly drunk. Carina said nothing. "I heard what happened, are you sure you didn't lead him on? I mean, your job is basically orgasms, maybe you wanted to see what it would be like to orgasm with a guy?" Then, before Vic could do anything, Carina had already gotten up from her chair and was stalking towards Maddox.
"Carina! Carina! Don't!" Vic jumped up, yelling as she tried grabbing the woman and pulling her back. Her arms encircled Carina's torso as she tried to escape.
"Let me go! I swear I'm gonna kill him. Si merita di essere preso a calci in culo!" Carina yelled as she still fought against Vic's hold.
"That's enough." Vic yelled. "What kind of ass are you, Maddox? Why on Earth would you say that?" There was a voice behind them before she could continue yelling at him.
"What in the world is going on?" Maya asked as she came up behind them.
"I'm gonna kick his ass, that's what's going on." Carina snapped. Maya couldn't understand why her wife seemed so enraged.
"Could someone please explain?" Maya asked once more. Vic sighed as her eyes darted to Maddox, who was just staring at them.
"Maddox just blamed your wife for what happened to her." Vic replied. Carina had stopped fighting her, just standing there, her eyes darting from one person to another. Maya shot Maddox a look.
"Are you serious?" Maya glanced at Carina briefly before stepping forward. "I know you did not just blame my wife for something she had absolutely no control over." She snapped.
"Well, this just got worse." Vic murmured. At this point, everyone was watching. Maya's eyes softened for a moment as Andy approached behind her.
"What's going on?" Andy asked, having been in the bathroom without being aware of anything. Maya cleared her throat before turning around for a moment.
"Andy, I need either you or Vic to get Carina out of here. This asshole needs to hear what I have to say, and I would rather she weren't here." Maya whispered. Andy nodded as she walked over to Carina.
"Please, Maya, don't do anything." Carina whispered as she followed Andy.
"No, I won't. We just need to have a nice chat." Maya smirked. As soon as Carina was out of earshot, the anger returned. "Okay, here's how it's gonna go. I'm gonna talk and you're gonna shut up for once in your life, got it?" Maddox nodded slightly, frightened by her. "I wanna know exactly what was said here, and don't even bother trying to lie to me because there are a lot of witnesses."
Maddox gulped, trying to find a way to escape the obviously upset blonde. "I, uh, all I said was maybe she wanted to see what it was like to orgasm with a guy considering that's basically her job."
For a moment, Maya stared at him in shock. "On what planet did you seriously think that it was okay to say that? You accused my wife of lying about being raped? Try spending a day with her, then tell me she's lying. You haven't seen what we've seen. The day it happened, you didn't see her so how can you accuse my wife when you don't know the whole story?" Maddox started to speak but Maya stopped him.
"I'm not finished yet. You need to take some sensitivity classes and be thankful that it was my wife that you said that to because if it had been someone else, I can guarantee you that you wouldn't like the consequences." She snapped. "Be also thankful that you aren't at Nineteen because I would make sure your life was a living hell. You owe Carina one hell of an apology." She turned around, knowing she needed to leave before things got physical. Just looking at him made her sick. "Oh and by the way," Maya turned around for a moment. "I've spent countless hours trying to convince my wife that what happened to her wasn't her fault. That she did nothing to deserve this and you might have destroyed that, so, thanks." She quickly left the bar, trying to calm herself down as she searched for Carina and Andy. They were sitting at a table, Andy trying to comfort Carina while she buried her head in her hands.
"Hey." Andy whispered as she saw Maya approaching. "Is he still alive?" She asked jokingly.
"Unfortunately." Maya sighed. "Are you okay?" She asked while crouching down in front of Carina, grabbing her hand in an attempt to get her to look at her. "Ignore what he says. He wasn't there. Carina, he doesn't know the whole story, and it doesn't matter. The most important thing is that we all know the truth."
"I know, but how can he say that? Like I wanted it to happen? I swear to God, I didn't want it to happen." Carina cried hysterically. She couldn't stop. Andy wanted to say something but knew she couldn't if she didn't want anyone to know about her past.
"Carina, I know you didn't." Maya whispered to her. "I know that, Andy knows that. Everyone at Nineteen knows that. Don't listen to what he said. He doesn't know the situation and he has no right to have any opinion on it." Maya whispered before pausing for a moment and looking at Andy. "I'm gonna take her home. Would you please let everyone know that we're okay if they ask? We're just going home." Andy nodded.
"Will do. Just look after her, okay?" Andy smiled sadly. Maya could see how this was affecting Carina. Maybe she didn't know exactly how much but it was clearly evident in her wife's demeanor. Her hope was that all the progress made wouldn't be undone. Although she didn't want to think that they were going back to square one, watching Carina, as they headed to their apartment when they arrived home, and seeing her sit on the couch as she stared at her emotionlessly, she was afraid that was exactly what had happened. As she let Aria out of her kennel, she watched her run towards Carina. In normal circumstances, she would've tried to convince Aria to use the bathroom, but right now she knew it wasn't the right time for that. She watched as Carina pulled Aria against her as she began to cry again and Maya wished that she wouldn't go to jail for assault if she did more than just talk to Maddox.
"What's going on?" Maya heard. Andrew stood in the hallway entry with a confused expression on his face as his eyes traveled between them.
As Maya sighed, she closed her eyes. Moving into the hallway, she motioned for Andrew to follow. She leaned against the wall to get her bearings before explaining. "It was a really bad night at the bar, to say the least. To make a really long story short, one of the guys from Twenty-Three who is known for his arrogance blamed your sister for her assault right to her face. You don't need to worry, I gave him a very stern lecture, but the damage has already been done. Clearly." She glanced at Carina who was still crying into the dog as she responded.
Andrew sighed. "Exactly what she needs." Maya snorted. Suddenly, from the living room, a tiny, tearful voice rang out.
"Babe, I'm going to take Aria out." Carina announced. She wiped her eyes as she went to grab her leash as they walked into the living room.
"Okay. If you don't come back in ten minutes, I'll come find you." Maya replied. At the moment, she didn't want Carina to leave her sight, but she also knew she needed a few minutes to herself.
As Carina rolled her eyes, she sighed. "I can't control how long it's gonna take her to poop, bambina, but I'll try my best." Maya rolled her eyes.
"Um, she's gonna be waiting for that dog to poop for a while...I just took her out." Andrew said nervously. Maya gave him a confused look, wondering what he meant.
"Why didn't you say anything and if you just took her out, why was she in her kennel?" Maya questioned.
"I didn't know when you would be home, and I'm planning to go to Sam's." Andrew explained.
"I should go and tell her." Maya sighed. "But I won't. I'm gonna give her some time to herself." She went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. "I'm glad that Carina sees her therapist tomorrow. I might need therapy for myself after tonight." She chuckled softly. She took a drink before setting the bottle down on the counter. "I mean, who on Earth tells a woman that maybe she wanted it because she wanted to experience a guy? As if being with a woman couldn't be as good, but that's besides the point."
"He's just lucky that I wasn't there. Had I been there, I wouldn't have been able to hold back my anger." Andrew admitted.
"I had trouble restraining myself and Vic had to physically hold Carina back." Maya responded, paused for a moment, before softly sighing. "Your sister has come a long way since it happened, and now I feel like everything has been thrown away. It's not that I don't believe in her, but even though she's come so far..." she paused. "The last thing I wanna see is her like she was right after it happened again."
"I know." Andrew whispered back. "And neither do I." Carina returned when she was supposed to, knowing her wife was serious. The woman sighed as she unhooked Aria's leash and placed it on the end table as Maya and Andrew came into the room.
"Well she didn't do anything." Carina said, shrugging. Andrew bit his lip, backing up a bit. He wasn't sure what she would think of what he would say.
"Yeah, about that..." he trailed off. Carina gave him a confused look.
"What?" She asked, wondering why her brother was acting weird.
"She may have already been taken out before you guys got home." Andrew admitted, looking like a puppy that was about to be scolded. This amused Carina.
"Why didn't you mention that when I said I was taking her out?" Carina laughed, slightly amused and slightly annoyed at the same time.
"I thought you could use the time alone." Andrew shrugged. Carina shook her head and smiled slightly in appreciation to show that she wasn't mad.
"I'm not mad. I may be a little annoyed, but you're right. I needed that." She smiled softly. Andrew smiled back as he grabbed his stuff to head to his girlfriend's house as Maya and Carina settled on the couch, Carina snuggling into her wife's side as Aria joined them.
"You okay?" Maya asked softly as she looked down at Carina.
Carina took a long moment before she responded. "I will be." She whispered back, resting her head on her wife's chest.
"Wanna watch a movie?" Maya suggested, running her fingers through her wife's hair.
"Sure." Carina replied. She smiled softly as she saw the movie Maya picked. "I thought you said this movie was cheesy."
"It's your favorite." Maya shrugged, smiling as Carina lifted her head to give her wife a soft kiss.
"I love you." Carina whispered, her voice laced with emotion.
"I love you, too." Maya whispered back, smiling softly. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the couch and spread it out over them as the movie started.
The movie was a welcome distraction so their minds wouldn't wander. They knew they just needed to stick together and everything would be okay. They hoped so, at least.
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Hey everyone, I am back with another chapter that I hope you all enjoyed! So, sorry about Sullivan but I promise it kinda plays into a couple chapters from now. Also I will say, I debated on having Maya get physical with Maddox but that would have ended very differently and we don't need Maya ending up in jail. But can we all agree, wife of the year here?
I am also curious as to if you guys have any theories about where this is headed? I wont confirm or deny but I am curious to hear your thoughts. :)
Translation - He deserves to be kicked in the ass!
Shout-out to @BenslerForever22 for the amazing editing job and the very cute ending :) thank you and love you girly! Until next time.....
PERSONAL NOTE: I am going to be moving June 1st, that Friday falls on June 2nd which is normally my upload day. I have consulted with my best friend but I want your guys input too. would you rather I did two uploads next week (different days) or would you guys want me to skip a week while I move and get settled? I think I already know the answer Haha!