OH MY GOD HERE WE FUCKIN GO
IM WARNING YOU RN. IF YOU ARE UNDER 13, 1) STOP HERE. 2) GET OFF THIS APP WTF ARE YOU DOING HERE?
(template not mine. found it on tumblr somewhere)
this made me very - not uncomfortable..but like..unsettled (?) to write cause I'm asexual so it felt kinda awkward. I will never experience something like this so its just like- OSJDIOFSM
not getting into heaven for this one
I guess i gotta throw shit at the wall to see what sticks.
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A = Aftercare (what they're like after sex)
somehow is soft but at the same time a massive prick. like..he'll hug you but at the same time say 'you could have done that part better'
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner's)
hes probably an ass dude. sorry ass-less people.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
does this question make me very uncomfortable? yes. am I a prude? yes.
D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
THIS BITCH PROBABLY LIKES PRAISE. also, old men kink. though that one isn't much of a secret.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)
probably has slept around a lot. he knows what hes doin.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
UHHHHHHHH *laughs nervously in 'idk wtf I'm doing'*
dare i say it?
doggy style
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
well..hes pretty serious for the most part..but like...how do i put it..? like he complains about cookies around the kingdom MID-SESSION. so its not really serious but its a casual conversation.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
erm..
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
sure. its as intimate as it can be while hes complaining about how annoying everyone is.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
another question i do not have the guts to answer.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
PRAISE. OLD MEN. THIS SLY MF PROBABLY LIKES BONDAGE AND AHEAGOU FACES.
UGH GOD AFFOGATO UR A PRICK GIVE ME YO COOCHIE 😡
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
he is not a fan of public sex. bedroom. only bedroom.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
oh..
N = No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)
hes up for anything but draws the line at certain masochistic tactics. like sure, he'll slap you, pinch, etc.. but knifes are a no no.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
THIS SLY MOTHERFUCKER.
okay he probably is really skilled with his tongue..
(marry me affogato.)
and enjoys..receiving it..uhm...
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
fast.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
sure he doesn't gaf. ur honry when ur horny.
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
yeah. as said before, public and knifeplay is a no but otherwise hes up for anything and everything.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
THIS MF COULD DO AT LEAST 4
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
we don't talk about that.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
degrading is his strongest skill. he even sugar coats it too.
'You're doing great, but do better.'
'This is great and all, but a little more mutual effort would be better.'
(degrading does something to me I CANNOT and WILL NOT describe.)
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
UHHHHH.
not that loud
unless your giving him head he isn't very vocal.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
has tons of lingerie.
he says he 'needs to look good at all times'
slay
X = X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)
i will not be describing his girth or exactly how many veins he has bc wtf is that. no.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
sure. yeah. once a week maybe.
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
AS SOON AS ITS OVER
'i need my beauty sleep. your lucky i even stayed up this late to be intimate with you'
FUCK YOU AFFOGATO. (marry me <3)
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A/n
i love how every life decision i have ever made in all my years of living has led up to this point where I'm writing nsfw about a cookie.
dignity? oh that? used to have that but now i dont.
watch this get like double the reads of a normal chapter. :sobbing uncontrollably:
I might unpublish this later oifjodfjsoidf