PEYTON
"So, what happened last night?" Amanda finally asked when we were about an hour outside of Charlotte. She turned down the volume to the stereo, so I knew we were about to have the first real conversation of the day. I'd known the question would be coming sooner or later, and hoped for later.
We'd pretty much been quiet up till that point. Me, lost in my head, thinking about what happened with Beau, and going back to school, while she just drove on in silence.
Damn, I was a terrible friend. She might have had an awful night, and I hadn't even bothered to ask. I'd been so caught up in my own gloom that I didn't even know how her night ended, or how she got back to the hotel.
"Are you okay?" I asked instead of answering her question. Maybe I was deflecting a bit too.
"Yeah, why?" She shot me a sideway glance. "You're the one who disappeared. I'm assuming it was with Beau?"
I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes. "Yeah."
When she didn't say anything else I asked, "how did you know?"
"Your text said you were leaving and for me not to worry. The only other people that had left when I saw that, was Dane and Beau. I didn't think you'd go for Dane. And I would worry if you left with Dane or a stranger, so I assumed it was Beau."
"Yes," I agreed, impressed with her reasoning.
"So," she started again, her voice soft and genuine. "How are you?"
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"I don't know." And that was the gods' honest truth. My feelings alternated between exhilaration and despair.
She glanced my way again. I couldn't see her eyes behind the large tortoise colored sunglasses she wore, but I pictured her studying me.
"He didn't hurt you, right?" She asked carefully.
"God no."
And in a weird way, I wondered if that would have been easier to deal with? Because if he'd hurt me, I'd know that was it. That things were over before they started. That there was never going to be an us. But being as it was, everything was up in the air.
It got quiet again, and I fought to keep myself from crying. It had been such an amazing time, and so completely overwhelming. I was glad that Beau was my first, and that I'd waited to sleep with someone that meant something to me. I just wanted it to have meant something to him, too.
Amanda reached her hand out and grabbed a hold of mine. She gave it a quick squeeze before she returned hers to the steering wheel. "I'm here for you, P. You know that, right?"
"Yeah..." I knew that. She was my best friend. The keeper of most of my secrets. I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. They streamed down my cheeks as I ugly cried in the car.
Amanda waited patiently until I got myself somewhat together, then she asked, "You really do like him, don't you?"
I nodded as I used an old napkin I found in my bag to wipe my tears.
"I can tell that this was more than just fun hook up for you."
Maybe that was all it should have been, a hook up. But it hadn't felt that way. At least not to me.
"I just don't know how to feel about it. He's so amazing, but now, knowing he will be gone for months..." I choked and started to cry again.
It got quiet for a minute. I continued to wipe my face with the napkin until it fell apart.
"You slept with him," Amanda stated. It wasn't a question. She knew me better than that.
"Yeah," I confirmed.
"Oh, P." She sighed. "He's not Dane. I don't think he'll ghost you."
"But, they're all players..." She'd said that to me the evening before, and even if Beau wasn't, he'd be away on tour for the next year.
"Um, yeah..."
I wiped at the tears with my hand because those little traitors just kept coming. "I feel bad talking to you about it, because I know Dane hurt you, but I went with Beau, anyway."
"Peyton," she said softly. "I can't promise you that Beau won't hurt you, but he's not the same manhore that Dane is. And I'm okay, P. I swear."
"Okay." I cleared my throat and after giving up on the worn out napkin, I used my sweatshirt to wipe my face. "How did you get back to the hotel?"
"With Justin and Lucas."
"What?" My mouth fell open, and I looked over at her. "They went back to the hotel by themselves?"
She snorted out a laugh. "Yeah. I guess even players need a break."
That made me cough out some sort of giggle.
"No, seriously," she continued, "I know how they come off, and how the media makes it seem, but I don't think they are quite that bad. It's not like they hook up every night. You know Justin never used to be like that. I get the whole fame thing and that it can change you and stuff, but they still seem pretty normal to me. At least Justin is. "
That made sense, and I hoped she was right. But they didn't necessarily need to leave with someone to hook up. It was possible that they just did that backstage. But then, what did I really know?
"Did Dane leave with someone?"
Amanda's hands tightened around the steering wheel. "Yeah."
"I'm sorry."
She shrugged her shoulders. "It is what it is. I'm over it."
"Did Justin say anything?"
She chuckled. "You know Justin, Peyton. He caught on to what was happening before I did. I'm sure he's ripping Beau a new one today, threatening him with all kinds of nasty things if he hurts you."
I gasped. "He did."
Everyone had seemed to be so caught up in celebrating the new year that it had been easy to sneak out. Nobody had paid any particular attention to us, but if Justin noticed, who else had?
"Mhm."
"Damn."
She giggled. "I'm just telling you that both Justin and Lucas know, or at least suspect, that you spent the night with Beau."
"Okay." There wasn't really anything else to say. They were correct, even though I'd hoped they wouldn't figure it out. "Did you go back to our room by yourself?"
"Yeah." She gave me a weird look.
"What about Blaine?"
"What about Blaine?" She repeated.
"Um, where did he go?"
"He went home." Her tone got a bit sharper as she said, "I don't usually hook up after just one night, P."
"I know that. I just wondered what happened to him. That's all. You seemed to get along."
Her tone was back to normal as she said, "Yeah, he was nice. Wait..." she turned her head and looked right at me. "You know him?"
"No. I recognized him. I think he knows Max."
"Oh, shit," Amanda groaned. "Max! What the hell are you gonna do about him now?"
"We're just friends, Mandi. It's not like I cheated on him."
She shot me another sideway glance.
"That's it. I promise." I could easily clarify why to Amanda, but I didn't think that was fair to Max, especially since I hadn't even asked him straight out if he was gay yet. And he sure as hell hadn't volunteered that kind of information. At that point, I didn't even know what was the right thing to do?
"Okay, okay," she said, more to appease me than to actually believing in me.
"I'm serious. He's very attractive, and I like him, but only as a friend. We're just friends."
"Okay."
It got quiet in the car again. Amanda leaned her hair back against the headrest and skipped through a couple of songs on her playlist until she found one she liked. She turned the volume up and started to sing along.
I took out my phone and went through my Instagram and checked my friends' stories when my phone buzzed with an incoming message. It was from Becca. My heart rate increased when I read what she wrote. "Bitch, you didn't tell me you partied with Trudge Lite last night?
That made me smile until I realized what that meant, and my smile disappeared as fast as it came on.
No, I didn't tell her. So how did she know?
And then I remembered Amanda posted pictures of us when we were sitting at the bar, and of the stage behind us. That must have been what she saw and figured out the rest.
I started to respond when another text came through, and that one wasn't a question, but a picture.
"Ah, shit!" I exclaimed after it loaded.
"What's wrong?" Amanda asked, with a new urgency in her voice.
I brought up the internet and typed in Beau and Trudge Lite to the search engine to see if there were other pictures.
"Peyton!" Amanda urged. She turned the music off completely. "What's wrong?"
"Becca sent me a picture from last night of me and Beau."
"From where? The club?"
"Yeah..."
"Oh." Her forehead scrunched up. "Is it bad?"
"Depends on what you mean by bad."
She giggled. "Are you naked?"
That made me snort out a "no."
"Are you sitting on top of him making out?"
"No, and that was awfully specific."
She laughed again. "Then it's not that bad, Peyton."
She was probably right. The picture was just of me and Beau next to each other on the couch. We appeared to be in the middle of a conversation, which could be considered friendly, if you didn't take into account the smiles on our faces as we looked at each other. They seemed to show more than just friendship.
And I wanted that. At the same time, that scared the hell out of me for this exact reason.
"Are there anymore?" Amanda asked.
"Oh god, I hope not."
I continued to scroll through the different sites.
My phone buzzed with more incoming messages. I chose not to read them but didn't miss one from Becca that asked, "What about Max?"
I realized that was definitely going to be a problem, and I'd need to have a real conversation with him.
I found a few more pictures of the other group members, but there were no more pictures of just me and Beau. That, at least, was good news.
********
Thanks for reading!
Here is a heads up... The next chapter will be from Beau's point of view...