Apparently, Alison was called down here by an anonymous person. 'Anonymous' it was Julius for sure. He kept pressing me about my therapist. Then when I finally gave in.
Now we were sitting on Julius' coach while Rosen was napping and Julius was out with Ben. "Let's start where it all changed, Jules, can you tell me about the night your parents died?" I'm not sure that I'm ready to actually talk about that. I've burried that night deep down, I've worked so hard to ignore it and look over it, not to feel it.
"What is this going to help? Me reliving the night my parents died isn't going to help anything." Alison shrugged.
"I suppose, but burying it deep down isn't going to help either. It'll lead to relapse the day you remember it, the day you're reminded of what happened. Jules it's clear that night changed you forever. You've held in all this built up trauma, you know it's okay to let people in. It's okay to talk about it. We can talk about it when your ready."
I took a deep breath. This will help in the long run. In my dreams I've created different scenarios of what happened to block out what really happened
"It was late at night, at our vacation home" I close my eyes.
I open my eyes , Dad came in sight. I sat up on my bed I slid my headphones off my head "Did mom kick you out again?" I laugh as dad rolled his eyes sarcastically.
"She's cooking again" oh that explains it. It's typically what happens when mom cook, she cook. Dad criticize her cooking. Mom blows up on him. It's hilarious actually.
"Should I order the pizza?" I ask setting my phone aside. Dad shook his head "nah I already ordered when she started boiling the noodles."
Dads looking at me with 'the look'. He wants to know where Kayden is. "You have better luck asking the dog. Kayden doesn't tell me things anymore" I looked down hoping to mask the sad look on my face. Me and Kayden has grown apart recently. He hangs with the popular kids at school and leaves me in the dirt.
Dad runs a hand down his face "I don't know what's gotten into Kayden" me either.
"Kain!!" My mom screamed in agony. Dad shot up "stay here" He ran out of the room and sooner or later I heard his loud shouts.
I got up and ran toward the kitchen to discover the sight that will forever haunt me. I wish i would've stayed in my room. I wish I would've come out sooner to help. Hot tears fell from my eyes rapidly. I watched my dad on his knees holding my mother lifeless body. As she bled out in his arms. She's been shot.
Dad started yelling at me but I couldn't hear him as his mouth moved. I was soon threw back toward the wall. My head hit the picture of our family that cracked. A person dressed in all black, pointed the gun at my father. I screamed trying to rush to my feet as I felt paralyzed.
Dad eyes were on me the whole time as the man pointed the gun at him. "I love you so much. You and your brother are the best thing that happened to us-" a loud bang rang in my ears. Before dad dropped to the floor he weakly mumbled out "Run"
"Dad!!" I screamed rushing to his body before the person tore me away. I was next. I should've been next. But I couldn't leave Kayden alone, without anyone. I rushed to my feet running upstairs, I heard the person heavy foot steps steps after me. The person caught my leg and slid a knife down my thigh. I barely felt it, I couldn't feel it not right now. I kicked my hood leg back sending the person stumbling. I ran up to my parents emergency room and typed in the code. Once I got in I locked myself in there.
"I can't do this" I opened my eyes panting with tears falling. I couldn't relive this moment. I can't listen to my parents scream for help. I couldn't listen to my dad tell me he loved us for the last time. I can't bare to look at the scare on my thigh that will never go away.
The vacation home was sold last year because me and Kayden refuse to keep it. To this day Kayden blames me, for not trying hard enough, for not moving quick enough.. and I blame me too.
"Jules it wasn't your fault some sick bastard did this to your family. You did all you could've done. You made your parents proud just by making it out alive and being the woman you are today. You did what you were suppose to do." These words felt different know , it felt like a relief to me. It felt real, it felt true. "Have a tissue" she leaned foward with the box and I took one gracefully.
The person who did this was my dad brother Damon? Supposedly Damon's been jealous of dad his whole life and was broke and needed money so he did what he did, and I hate him so much for it. I hate the fact he's behind bars instead of being dead. I want to kill him with my own bare hands, I want him to plead and cry as I torture him for every last drip of blood. I want his head on a platter.
"Jules,you went through more than you can handle. Have you ever tried looking at your parents death differently?"
I shook my head "it's hard to see it any other way. " Alison nodded setting her notepad down.
"What if I told you there's a chance your parents are happy right now. That they are at peace with each other. That they are happy with each other right now. The only thing that's holding you back is you. That you're not ready to heal from this."
Alison took a sip of her coffee "Tell me Jules, when's the last time you visited their grave?" Never.
"I haven't been, I never visited. It's too hard"
Alison clasped her hands together. "How do you feel about, writing down the things you want to say to them, things you want to tell them. Such as rosen or friendships or relationships. Then when you're ready to visit, tell them everything."
"How will talking to a grave stone going to help?"
"It won't help if you look at it like that. Just try and tell me how it works out. I'll see you next Wednesday?"
"Yea sure" I wiped my sweaty palms on my sweatpants as Alison left. I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my chest, and for once I have hope that I will be okay.
I went in the bedroom to check on rosen and she was sound asleep. I crawled in bed next to her and silently watched her as a couple tears fell from my eyes. Mom would be so proud.
.
I rolled my eyes at mother as we sat in the doctor office "I'm not trying to become a grandma this early." She broke the silence as I rolled my eyes again.
"Just because I had my first kiss doesn't mean I have to go on birth control . Are you supplying kayden with condoms because he finally held hands with a girl?" Oh wait they did.
"Jules calm down. I went on the pill at your age. It's so that you're always prepared"
I waved my hands around "I'm fithteen !! What do I look like getting down and dirty"
"I know at your age, now and days girls and boys move faster than they did when I was a kid. I just want to make sure you're safe"
"I don't even want kids!"
"Girl- calm down" mom smacked my thigh playfully. "You'll change your mind when you get older. You'll be a wonderful mom. I can feel it"
Opening my eyes as I heard my phone going off. I answered it quickly not to wake rosen.
"What?" I asked groggily.
"It's Kayden. He needs you really badly"
A/n
We all need a little therapy in life.
What's your bad habit?
Mine is ignoring people and giving them the cold shoulder.